Life, Cars and Zayn Malik... Wait What?!

(Sequel to 'Life, Cars & One Direction.)
So, my name is Jamie. You may have heard of my best friend, her name being Codie Badress. We (including my other friends) race cars for a living, and we all have to help Codie when it comes to the new guests at her house. Well, let's say that she has celebrities over every now and again. And she gets paid for it. Now, let's also say that One Direction (a band that is utterly disgusting) decide that staying at her house would be okay. Alright, now let's also say that this Zayn guy in the band has a great idea where he thinks he can talk to me. All the time. It's like he has a fascination with me. I don't like it. He should really stop. Let's see what happens though.
If he will stop. Or if I change my mind about him.

1. Chapter 1: Hello Lovelies

   “Can we know who’s at your house?” I asked next. “Jamie, my dearest love, you don’t want to know.”

2. Chapter 2: Wow, I need to get a life...

   Oh god no. Not those five boys. No wonder Codie wants to kill them.

3. Chapter 3: Babes

   Those annoying five boys. Those damned annoying five boys. The damned annoying five boys I wish to stab in the eyes with multiple knives.

4. Chapter 4: What?

   “What are we shitting?”

5. Chapter 5: This doesn't change anything

   I saw Jamie shiver out the corner of my eye. My first reaction was to take off my suit’s jacket and put it around her shoulders.

6. Chapter 6: Veronica

   Right now I was on my break from work. They sprung a shift on me, the little bitches.

7. Chapter 7: To the movie drawers!

   “What are you doing?” I shouted at Codie who had been violently shaking my shoulders. “Waking you from your drooling and gawking at the waiter.”

8. Chapter 8: Cuddle-buddy

   He leant forward to move his face closer to mine, his eyes closing. I did the same, feeling the warmth of his face moving closer to mine. We were just about to touch…

9. Chapter 9: Well that's... not on the menu

   “Hello and welcome to-” I actually looked at their faces. “Oh it’s you guys.”

10. Chapter 10: Please don't shoot me

    He sighed, as he sat back on his knees. He was definitely straddling me now.

11. Chapter 11: Well, that happened

    “Hey lil sis. You know how you love me?” he asked. “That was a lie I was forced to tell for many years, but continue…”

12. Chapter 12: Uh, the weather's nice today

    Does it look like I'm kidding?

13. Chapter 13: I hope you aren't wearing that

    I hummed in happiness. This was working well for me. Then I thought about it, why were four guys shirtless?

14. Chapter 14: Lasagne and Brownies

    Jamie doesn’t like it when people smoke. So for some reason, I doubt she’ll like it when she smells cigarettes on you.

15. Chapter 15: 1 does not simply ss

    ‘Whatever my princess wants’ he sent back. ‘Princess wants chocolate’ I replied.

16. Chapter 16: I'm Sorry

    No. I called you a ‘chicken wing’

17. Chapter 17: What Way Do We Go?

    “Imayormaynothavehithimintheheadwithahairdryerandknockedhimunconcious.”

18. Chapter 18: All I Wanna Be

    “What have you found?” I asked. “Only the holy grail of nutella.”

19. Chapter 19: Bless You

    'Zayn ass in my face! Oh my god Zayn ass in my face!'

20. Chapter 20: Shake It Off

    “What? Am I that ugly?”

21. Chapter 21: Stop (Part 1)

    “Oh! Would it be the fact that I apparently cheated on Zayn with Anthony?!”

22. Chapter 22: Stop (Part 2)

    'Just let it go like Elsa had let it go'

23. Chapter 23: Please Don't Say You Love Me

    “Oh my god have you started on drugs? Because if you have I may just have to kill you, you little mother-”

24. Chapter 24: I don't wanna go to school

    “Zayn it’s way too early in the morning for this.”

25. Chapter 25: Since when do I keep to a healthy 'balanced' diet?

    “Jamie, you’re being ridiculous. We haven’t been kidnapped, you’ve just gone crazy.”

26. Chapter 26: The poor Jellyfishes feelings

    “I want a butt like Nicki Minaj, but only like half of her butt because I don't want that big of a butt because think about it if you got that big of a butt you would have to get clothes like, specially made and it would get in the way. Oh! I would like that tattoo she has, I don't know what it mean

27. Chapter 27: Breakfast Pizza

    “I would kiss you right now but you would probably taste like vomit.”

28. Chapter 28: Cliché as shit

    “Codie! We have to be back before Harry and Amelie actually end up having children that aren’t planned!”

29. Chapter 29: Zain Javaad Malik

    “Codie don't look! Close your eyes! Close your damn eyes!”

30. Chapter 30: Well shit

    “You have indelibly etched the pain of that line into my one inaccessible heart that you have gained entry to through your doting. You have turned our once happy story into a tragic comedy due to your extreme ultracrepidarian behaviour.”

31. Chapter 31: She's not mine anymore

    “She was the best thing that had happened to you since Perrie and now you just throw her away like she means nothing to you!”