To Help Thy Directioners (Reviews and More)
Tongue Tied
Your story should totally say a lot of sexual content, instead of some sexual content (laughs)
I do have to say I was quite disappointed, not anything to do with the story, but I saw how you love Larry and all, so I totally thought it was a Larry story. Got my hopes up :(
You should write a Larry story though, because you were so very thoroughly descriptive in tongue tied, painting vivid pictures in my mind and lots of other readers minds. You had great grammar except for small things here and there, great spacing of your paragraphs making it an easy flow for us readers. Also I liked the fact that your chapters weren't short and boring.
The only thing that bugged me was the nonrealistic fact that a women wouldn't go out of her way to message someone on Facebook to "Hang" out after a few minutes of talking, or let alone find him, Facebook is extremely hard to find people on.
Other than that, your story was well made, and little mistakes, I would only recommend this story though to older people, not kids, it was like I was reading 50 shades of Grey again, very very very sexual.
Hey, I would like my story to get reviewed, so I can see where I might have any flaws in my writing, or just an overall "how good is this story", ya know? My readers aren't leaving me a lot of comments, and I really want an outside opinion on my story. It is called "The Job That Changed It All". Harry fanfic. Thank you!
-CharlieRose
5/29/14