Fanfiction Help

(2)Okay so I'll start here, I read your bio and it says that there's two of you?! I've seen stories written by two people, but an entire account? Interesting. First of all, "Best Day of Our Lives!!", you managed to get the capitalization correct but you shouldn't end a title with an exclamation point. And you definitely shouldn't have two. The summary says "Elena and Claire go to a One Direction concert they think it's going to be the the best day ever. But will it turn into something more?" I haven't even read your story yet, mind you. I'm going to guess that yes! It does turn into something more!

I was correct.

Too many "!!!!"'s and "?!?!?!!?" it looks overdone and is dramatizing something that you don't want dramatized. One "!" or "?!" suffices 99.9% of the time. Use it sparingly and save it for when something really really dramatic is happening.

First major spelling mistake:

"Yes, now will you remind me please." I said about to fall back asleep.

(^that dialogue is incorrect by the way, please revert back to my first chapter which will explain on how to do it properly)

"I guess sense you said please. Today is the One Direction concert also known as the BEST day ever!!" She screamed.

Sense: Think of this as your senses. Sight, smell, touch, hearing, taste. Or me knocking some SENSE into you for getting this wrong! (just kidding hehe)

Since: in the intervening period between (the time mentioned) and the time under consideration, typically the present.

I'm sorry, but even throughout all of the Haylor drama, I sincerely doubt that a girl REFUSED a One Direction concert. Even I do not have the self discipline to skip a concert because the 1/5th of them isn't single. I don't think it's really believable.

My next issue, Harry is dreaming of a girl he doesn't know but he's POSITIVE that not only she exists, but that she'll be at that exact concert? Unlikely. Then Zayn acts like a total twelve year old girl and says "Well what if you see that girl tonight what will you do?" Now Harry is saying he's going to follow his heart with this imaginary lover that he isn't sure exists.

I'm about to start chapter three, I'm going to guess what happens next… Elena is the imaginary lover Harry can't stop thinking about. But Elena is mad at the poor little pop star because he's dating Taylor.

I WAS RIGHT!! And then Harry asked her friend for her number and completely told her that Liam and Danielle weren't going to be together much longer? Before Danielle had even found out?! What a little prick!

WAIT WAIT WAIT. Elena knows about Harry and Taylor yet SELENA missed that memo?! Worse, Harry is SURPRISED. He's FAMOUS! That doesn't make any sense, at all.

Let me cut to the point, the grammar and spelling isn't that bad. Things that could easily be picked up by a beta/Microsoft word. You clearly know some things about writing, but that doesn't transfer throughout your story. It's all very basic and unbelievable. I think you should try and sit back and think "Would I believe this story if someone was telling it to me?" or "Would this really happen?" I understand AU stories not being 'believable' but this isn't an AU. So try and keep that in mind when writing.

Don't be discouraged, just think it all through a little more and make sure you PROOFREAD! :)

Notes