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Fanfiction Help

Love At First Type: ThatRebelGirl/ThatRandomUnicorn

(10)Ahhh okay quite an exciting day when I get to review a story written by my favorite reviewer!!! (Hope that makes sense?) I really honestly wish that I could have given you less than a ten. Your reviewing skills are so strong I wish I had something super witty and true to critique you on. But it's honestly just so good. I can't really complain...

First things first, PROPER GRAMMAR! FINALLY, PROPER. FUCKING. GRAMMAR. This may honestly be one of the five stories I've read who know how to properly write dialogue. Only a couple slight mistakes, not really anything that wouldn't have been nipped up by a beta.


JACKSJAP JACKSGAP JACKSGAP. Youtuber stories normally annoy me but since she's not a youtuber and her brothers are Jack and Finn Harries, how could I possibly hate?

So your detail is great. It's not too much, not dragging on, but it perfectly puts off what you're trying to convey. I like how it takes place in the future and Harry is already broken. It's refreshing to see a sad popstar who needs to be fixed by the girl rather than the broken girl who needs Harry fucking Styles to fix her. That is sexist and unfair of me to say but whatever, distressed fanfic Harry is my favorite Harry. Speed dating as the means of "fixing him", genius. I've never seen it before. I've seen twitter/omegle/tumblr/whatever. But an actual dating website, that I haven't seen. So points for originality! Even though I'm alittle fuzzy on the computer crash thing, whatever. I think the thing that I like best is how realistic it is. It isn't sugar coated, doesn't over dramatize the situations, but still doesn't make everything seem perfect when clearly it isn't

A few things are just a little fuzzy. I'm not sure if the Zayn/Harry/Leanna thing will be further explained, but it kind of left me feeling like I had missed something, even after I had reread it three times. Maybe it's supposed to be foreshadowing for something you'll talk about later, but it didn't come off that way.

I do really love Darren so far, she seems sweet and cute and fun and weird and someone who I want to be BFF's with. She doesn't seem like the normal 'perfect' characters everyone makes up who can do no wrong and everyone has wronged them, blah, blah, blah.

All in all, I love it. A ton. You have a new subscriber.
Keep on, keepin' on my love! You're amazing and so is your story! I'll be patiently waiting for the next update! <3


Read her story, 'Love At First Type' here!






Favorite lines that made me laugh/my heart melt:
Louis is the next to wake up, not too soon after Liam’s wake. The energetic ball of sunshine has devious plans on ruining the other boys’ slumber as he scuttles off to his room to change quickly.




Zayn merely turned his body over and dug his face further into the pillow. On the other hand, Harry was gasping for air as Louis accidently stepped on his chest.

“Louis, c’mon mate, really?” Liam scolded as he went over to Harry and refreshed his memory on how to breathe.




Harry nodded, turning to leave. He smiled slightly to himself. Brothers. He hadn’t heard that in a while. The boys had always been brothers, but lately they seemed more like distant relatives. It made Harry feel more secure, and ‘Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.’ That’s just how much the boys have changed him in one day. These boys were Harry’s superheroes. They were the people he looked up to, being the youngest, and at the same time, they looked up to him.




“I know, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I’m more of a Liam girl.” She whispered the last part so that the rest of the now swarming coffee shop couldn’t hear. “I don’t want to be the one to break your heart and fall for your band mate if we ever go out.”
(because that would literally happen to me.)



“Harold Edward Styles, did I just hear you swear?!?!” Louis burst into the room with a fully awoken smile erupted across his face.

“Shit, no! I mean, yes but… it was an accident!”

“You just did it again. Welcome to the dark side Mr. Styles. We’ve been expecting you.”




Management decided to have the boys’ hometown tour take place at the beginning of March. This only gave the boys two months to complete the album in progress, release the album, and plan a whole concert. The idea might as well be number one on the list of ‘things they can’t’.

Notes

Comments

Name of story: Take My Heart
Number of chapters: Only two but third might be uploaded but the time you see this.
Complete/Incomplete: Incomplete
Would you like the review private or public? Private please (I'm nervous!)
Thank you so much! x
Name of story: Gone http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/39122/Gone/
Number of chapters: Currently working on chapter thirty-two but if my story sucks you can stop reading/reviewing when you get bored because I update regularly and by the time you see this I might be up to chapter forty or something :)
If you have a coauthor, are they okay with my reviewing? I have a co-author listed but she is my best friend who edits my chapters sometimes/wants easy access because she's the reader and I'm the writer.
Complete/Incomplete: Incomplete
Would you like the review private or public? Public #yolo
Thank you :) x
ishipbullsh_t ishipbullsh_t
4/22/14

Can you please review Misfit for me?

Kay_Baby Kay_Baby
2/20/14

Can you pweease review I Will Kill? I had recently made it, and there is only one chapter.

Love_Life3 Love_Life3
2/20/14

@pippalove
awe I'm glad it helped you a bit! Thanks so much! - elle x