Fanfiction Help

(7)Okay so when I saw that you wanted me to review this, I read the entire story in an hour and a half. I was SO engrossed, I forgot I was supposed to be reviewing! I've been reading your updates since then and I really do like the story.

So I've come to the conclusion there are two types of writers: tab A to tab B writers (one plot, follows the same basic storyline [I DON'T MEAN BASIC IN A BAD WAY!] and uses lots of filler chapters to develop the relationships). You're this one, for sure.

Then there's the more ADD writers (like me) where you think you know what you want to do with the story then you end up adding in so many twists and turns (because I can't write filler chapters to save my life) you have to take at least five chapters to get yourself back to the original storyline.

I can totally appreciate someone who's the first type of writer because I can't do it at all. But you have to remember that you're writing a human being. Someone with just as many thoughts and emotions as your own. If you're going to have filler (I include arguments between the main couple), make sure your dialogue and description are intriguing and can help your readers to relate to the characters. If it isn't going to make their jaw drop, make their heart ache/make them smile. Readers enjoy literally feeling for the characters their reading about.

I've noticed this a lot with all of your stories that I've read (Remember Me/Stay With Me/The Bad Boy Affect), even though I enjoy the storyline and I can follow it easily, I sometimes find myself accidentally skimming. This is not good! You want your reader to be hooked on what their saying and feeling and sometimes it comes off as if I'm reading someone's writing, not reading someone's thoughts and feelings. You don't want Ali to come off as a character in a book, you want her to come off as a human being with real life problems! I'm not sure if it just seems generic or if the description is bland, but something that may help is further description.

You're really good at adding the right about of description, but I'm not sure if it's strong enough. Try making a list of descriptive words and organizing them from faint-->extreme. For example, if a character is feeling sadness because Harry said something rude to her, you could say she was hurt/upset. But if Harry was sick in the hospital within an inch of his life she was 'devastated' or 'inconsolable.' Putting yourself in your characters positions and really feeling for them is what can make an amazing story. Your characters and stories should be like your children and if you can really put yourself into that emotion, it can change everything.

But you have a clear talent for writing, it's just that sometimes I'm not totally hooked. I really enjoy them (and I'm subscribed to them) but they could definitely hook the readers more.



^I feel like that was a general tangent based off of all of your stories, not just Stay With Me, so I'll add my thoughts on that story alone.

'Harry's Fake Girlfriend' is an extremely overused plotline. I normally wont even read them, but yours wasn't bad. I don't really like how they went from hating eachother to dating so quickly (you could've done a lot more with that before throwing them together), but I guess it's kind of believable.

I like that Ali is a somewhat trainwreck, it's intriguing and entertaining. But she seems very strong willed at the beginning and all of the sudden she's wrapped around Harry's finger and she starts to remind me a lot of Ansley and Ada. It's the most common mistake in the book for authors writing multiple stories at a time, the characters start to come off similar. I think the red flag I saw in it was that her DREAM was to be an actress and she clearly says 'now that I'm known as harry style's girlfriend, i'll never get a job' and she's only upset about it for like, one chapter! If I were her, I'd be PISSED.

But I think if you push her towards the more outgoing, crazy girl, that I think you're trying to make her, and add more intriguing description and dialogue, you have the basis for an amazing story.

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