Fanfiction Help

(4)Mystery stories I don't normally enjoy, but your first chapter was intriguing. I like how all of the drama had already happened and we're hearing her story after the fact. Almost like one big flashback? I'm not in love with your writing style, although there's nothing wrong with it. Like I said in my last review, add some more dialogue and description.

It's nice to have some mystery in characters, especially in a mystery story. Niall flat out told a random girl about his past and family life when all that she said was 'tell me about yourself.' I mean, he could have easily been deflective saying 'i'd rather know more about you.' It's unlikely for someone to flat out throw their problems in someone's face like that. Even if it's all a façade, as the recipient I would be confused by it. And I don't understand how they choose these victims? People that fuck with other people like that with NO motive are known as psychopaths. And I'm not sure that's what you're trying to convey?

All together, I'm just a little confused. I think the storyline is alright, mysteries and badboy (REAL badboy) 1D stories are always nice, but maybe make sure the relationships between each are different enough that if I didn't know which pair was talking, I could tell based on dialogue/personality alone.

I think you should plan out the story on a board? Like so you know what you want to have in it and add fillers in between. Basing characters off of real people you know can sometimes help. Your friends in real life all have different things they say/do and different mannerisms so treat your characters the same way! It's nice to fall in love with a story, but falling in love with a character can be even more powerful!

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