Knowing that she named our daughter a name that I thought about naming her was unbelievable. Knowing that Hayden was out there gave me the greatest feeling in the world. And to know that her name was Hayden was something spectacular. Judith and I were on the same page. I always knew we had the same taste in names. It made me love Judith even more if it was even possible to love someone so much that it heart to see them leave and be gone. My love for her grows fonder every day that passes and not having her here makes me find that love so much quicker.

After talking to the doctor a little more about where Hayden might be we only left with the names of the parents well that’s even if they were their real names. I mean I can hire a private investigator to find Hayden. But I don’t know if I want them digging. I mean it could help me find Hayden faster but they might find something about the family that doesn’t belong out in the air. Hayden would be disappointed in me if she ever found out. But I deserve to know if she is okay right? I have a right to know. She is my daughter after all but Bridgette reminded me that since Judith and I weren’t legally married I had no rights to anything.

NO RIGHTS!! My genes are a part of that human being more than those adoptive parents. I deserve to know if she is in the right hands. She deserves the best family ever and if they aren’t suitable parents I will fight for her because I could do a whole hell of a lot better than them. Then again I don’t know where she is or how to find her. And it angers me. Like a whole lot.

After spending time at the doctors we went to where our tour bus was leaving from. We had dropped our bags off previously because we knew that we were going to be short on time. Bridgette, Harry, and I loaded onto the bus getting stared at by the other boys. They looked worried as we sat on the bus. We were all excited about going on tour but the thought of my daughter being out there lingered in their minds.

“So what happened?” Liam asked

“We got the names of the parents and her name,” I looked at my friends.

“So what are you going to do?” Zayn asked

“I don’t know to be honest,” I replied.

“You have to find her,” Louis commented, “Judith would’ve wanted that.”

“I know,” I spoke, “But what if these names are fake and they were lying. What if they just did that so they could smuggle her out of the hospital and keep her captive? Then they will keep feeding her massive amounts of food as she grows up to fatten her up. And they end up becoming cannibals and eating her. Leaving me wondering what ever happened to my daughter.”

“Niall, that won’t happen,” Liam put his hand on my shoulder.

“How are you so sure?” I asked

“Because there are people out there who check up on these things,” Liam responded.

“I hope you’re right,” I told him.

“Well, let’s find her and see,” Liam smiled.

“But how?” I asked

“Let’s check Facebook for the parents and see if they are real,” Louis suggested.

“Not everyone has Facebook,” Bridgette commented.

Louis threw his hands up in the air, “Well, that ends that idea!”

We all sat there pondering what we could do. Concocting ways to find these adoptive parents. I needed to find out about my daughter. It was a do or die situation. I promised the love of my life that I would find her. I keep my promises. I don’t give up.

Time seemed to pass on tour. I mean we focused on our upcoming shows and greeting our wonderful fans. They are all so supportive. But every time I would see a little girl so happy to see us my mind would wander to what Hayden was doing. Wondering if she was growing any bigger. If she slept the night before or they had to sing her to sleep. If they were taking good care of her. If they were making her happy. If she smiled at them when they made those cute baby noises. If she was their world because she would be my world if I had her.

The boys tried to take my mind off of Hayden and finding her but I couldn’t shake the idea that she needed me. My heart ached as each day passed and I haven’t gotten any closer to finding her. I needed to find her. I made it my mission and to tell you the truth my mind wasn’t on performing and I couldn’t let the fans down though. It was that if I gave up on them then they would give up on me.

But I remember something Judith had told me, “Niall, people can’t be mad at your for following your heart. Your heart is the best decision maker out of your whole body. The heart speaks the truth like a really drunk person does. The heart is the organ where all your emotions lay so why deny them. Why deny your body of the truth? The truth sets you free. Truth is your heart knows more than your mind does. Your heart can react faster than the mind. The mind has so many different chambers but your heart is where you feel all your emotions. Your heart holds pain, happiness, sadness, empathy, confusion, passion, and all other emotions we experience. There is that saying that my heart aches because your heart really does ache. When it aches that means the truth is set free and it hurts because we know it’s true. If people really love you then they will accept your truths and support you. They do it because their heart tells them to and because they love you.”

She was one with words now wasn’t she? She knew how to make you feel special. That’s why I was grateful for everything she had done. Everything she continues to do. I love you Judith and I won’t ever stop. Being with you was the best thing in the whole entire world. It felt like the world stop. And those that weren’t happy with us, didn’t get to us. You were my world. Those around us were just noise*.

Every second I waste just sitting here doing nothing I just hate myself more. But why am I telling you how I feel about myself. People can care less about what I do. I mean I do have a job to do and I can’t just drop everything and expect to find her. I just can’t leave right now but I need to find her. Do you get why I am so stressed out? Do you see what this is doing to me? Do ya?

To relieve stress, Liam suggested that I just rest on our day off. We had about two days until our next concert and I really wasn’t up for going exploring. I mean I want to spend time with my boys but they told me I had to spend time indoors. And I understood them. They had every right to make me stay indoors. I wasn’t myself. But when was I really myself nowadays?

When Judith was alive.

She was my source of energy. She was my everything. But she isn’t here. She will never be here again. She is gone forever. The only thing I have left from her are the pictures she took with me and these letters I have received in the past few months regarding Hayden. I haven’t received one recently which scared me. I thought she was supposed to help me. She was tour guide through all this. I needed her now. I had no idea where to go. What was I looking for next?

I knew what was next…I needed to relax. I got to do something that will take my mind off Hayden and finding her. I know I shouldn’t forget about my daughter but it has consumed me like the death of Judith did. It is becoming who I am. It’s all I can think about. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night. But today was going to be different. I was going to try to eliminate finding her just for a day so that I could just relax and be less stressed. I have never felt like this. I needed to relax not only my body but my mind.

I sat on the couch watching the television screen trying to find something to watch. There was never anything on the TV during the week in the mornings. It was kind of depressing. I got up and went into my suitcase and pulled out a movie I had bought just before we left for tour. I knew that there wasn’t going to be any good shows on TV so I decided to improvise and take matters into my own hands. I grabbed a drink from the fridge and popped in the DVD and sat on the couch waiting for the menu screen to pop up. Once it did I hit play and the movie started.

I felt kind of lonely halfway through the movie. I mean the boys wanted me to relax and I was. I mean I am sitting on the couch watching a movie. How can someone get more relaxed then this? I plopped my feet up on the coffee table and enjoyed my movie. It was probably the most relaxing thing I have ever done in my life.

After the movie was done, I turned off the DVD player and got up off the couch and made my way to the kitchen for a snack. I had turned off all the lights but some sunlight peered through the curtains of the hotel room windows. I opened the fridge being blinded by the florescent light that was just bright enough to blind me a little bit. The light wasn’t too bright but it was bright enough for me. I squinted my eyes and I spotted nothing in the fridge. I decided on ordering a pizza because that was probably one of the easiest things to do in this situation.

I walked over to the hotel room phone and dialed room service. Room service was always good in this situation. They make spectacular food and it just wets my whistle. I ordered my plain pizza and they told me that they would be here soon. I plopped back down on the couch and pop in another movie. This one was a comedy. I could use a good laugh. The menu screen rolled up and I hit play.

Twenty minutes after the movie started I heard a knock on the door. It was probably the room service guy. I paused the movie and walked over to the door. Turning the lock button to unlock, I opened the door and was face to face with the room service guy. He handed me the pizza and gave me a smile. I returned it to him and tipped him. He thanked me and walked away. I shut the door and locked it back up. I brought the pizza over to the couch and unpaused my movie.

About an hour later Liam, who is my roommate for hotels, walked into our room and he greeted me with a smile. He left the room to go to where his bed was and he came back a few minutes later. He sat down next to me and watched the ending to the movie with me. After the movie was done he turned the lights back on as I cleaned up my mess and put the DVD in its respective case. After I was done cleaning up I noticed that Liam was staring at me.

“What?” I asked

“How was your day?” he asked

“It was fine,” I responded.

“I got to tell you something,” he looked down at his hands.

“What is it?” I asked getting scared for what he is about to say

“I found something of yours,” he answered.

All that popped into my mind was Hayden. He found her! How did he find her? Did he hire someone? What is this? I mean how did he find her. How?

“Hayden?” I whispered

“I wish,” he answered, “Sorry.”

“So what did you find mate?” I asked

“A letter addressed to you,” he answered, “But I received a letter of my own. It told me not to give it to you until you told us about your mission. What is this about?”

“Judith,” I smirked.

“What?” he asked

“Judith has written me letters to help me find Hayden,” I answered, “She must have you guys involved so that when the time is right you guys can bring me closer to her. She probably has hidden those letters so good that you won’t see them until the time is right. She is sneaky.”

“She sure is,” Liam responded.

“Or Bridgette is helping her,” I suggested.

“Could be,” Liam replied.

“So where is the letter?” I asked politely

“Right here,” he handed me an envelope.

I opened up the envelope and it started with ‘My Dearest Niall’. She always said that to me when she wanted to sound sweet and cute. The first line of the letter scared me a bit. I read:

So you know her name is Hayden.

++++++++
So you know her name is Hayden lmao. Judith is so sneaky. I just love her though. She always finds a way to surprise Niall. He needs some surprises in his life. Just so you know the next chapter will be the letter. So trust me you will find out all Judith has to say in the next chapter. Who needs a private investigator when you got your deceased love of your life telling you where to go? It’s the beauty of the story I guess! Well RATE, COMMENT, and SHARE! And stay beautiful!!

Love ya Cupcakes xx