Crossroads

"You're taking prenatal vitamins, right? You should probably be working on your maternity wardrobe as well, you'll be showing in no time,"

I press my mobile close against my ear hardly listening to my mother's ramblings as I peep into the pot of simmering meat and vegetables. The house had that eerie silence that I absolutely couldn't stand and a light shower of rain had pelted against the roof all morning. It was a quaint and quiet Saturday morning and as much as I usually enjoyed them I wasn't in the best mood.

Harry had left in the wee hours of the morning without waking me to say goodbye and needless to say I was completely disappointed to wake up to an empty bed. We were once again on our silent treatment basis after my suggestion to attend couples therapy. I'd voiced a simple and valid concern somehow managed to piss him off and I couldn't figure out why. Our constant fighting was obvious and it drove me insane how he kept insisting otherwise. It was already bad enough when we weren't on speaking terms but it always felt a million times worse when he took the angst with him. The thought of something happening and my last memory of him being a bitter one never failed to haunt me.

"We can go shopping today if you want," Mom continues.

Ever since I'd revealed my pregnancy it was hard to get my mother to talk about anything else. She was hands down the most excited person regarding the baby. Her enthusiasm was unmatched.

I sigh. As much as I really needed new bras I really wanted to be alone today.

" I would," I reply slowly. "but I've got chili and cornbread to bring over to a repass at noon."
I eye the kitchen clock. It was just past ten-thirty.

"How depressing," she replies. "maybe later?"

I feel bad wanting to avoid her. I just knew her mother's intuition would kick in and see through my facade.

"I should be around the coast this afternoon." comes my vague reply.

On second thought it did sound nice to escape this miserable and drafty house for a while.

"Great," Mom practically squeals. "we can catch lunch or dinner when you come around. You are eating enough, right?"

I can't help but chuckle at how protective she's become in the past few days whilst staring down at the small bump under my shirt.

While it was still quite hard to tell I was pregnant, I was certainly starting to feel more like it. My hips were slowly beginning to widen, making me resort to wearing skirts, dresses and yoga pants as most of my jeans were becoming too small. My back had already begun to ache as the baby's arms and legs grew longer and I was beginning to feel winded. Physically I was feeling great if only my emotional health was up to par.

"Yes, Mom." I reply "I'm eating plenty. Baby Styles is well fed."
*****
I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel, letting out a deep breath as I stared at the quaint little house in front of me. A few cars were parked in the driveway, the crowd goers of the repass having yet to arrive, and a black ribbon hanging ominously on the front door.

Most people around town requested my services for happy occasions: retirement parties, bridal and baby showers and birthdays. It was very rare that someone wanted my food for sad occasions. I hardly knew how to act. While I'd managed to witness Ryan lose his mother, I could never imagine the pain of grieving someone first hand. I'd never lost anyone close to me. My matching mauve top and skirt seemed far too cheery for the occasion and what would I say? "Sorry for your lost but enjoy the food"?

With a deep sigh I unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed the Tupperware containers, careful not to spill anything as I sauntered up the sidewalk. Ringing the doorbell with my manicured finger, I nervously waited, cursing myself for suddenly feeling the urge to run to the bathroom at a time like this. Just as soon as I pushed the thought out of my head, the door swung open.

"Hello there," a red-headed woman dressed in a black tweed dress greets me with a tight-lipped, polite grin. Her face looks aged with grief and the dark circles under her eyes that have been masked with concealer still manage to smile through. "Are you here for Jim?"

I plaster on a smile hoping my confusion doesn't show.

"I'm sorry?"

"James Anderson? The deceased."

"Oh, I'm sorry, no." I stammer. "I'm from Groovy Goods. My name's River, I spoke to someone named Rose about an order of chili for the repass?"

Her brown eyes light up.

"Oh yes, the chili. Dad loved chili. Mom would have made it herself but she hasn't got the energy, you know? Daddy really loved Mom's chili. I'm Michelle by the way, Jim's daughter."
I flash a small smile fearing that a full-out smile will be inappropriate.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

Michelle leans against the door frame with a sigh.

" You know, Mom and Dad were together for forty-five years. Isn't that amazing? They were a soul mates, you could really tell, " she grins at the memory. " one night they go to bed and the next morning he just doesn't wake up. Daddy always said when he went he wanted to be by Mom's side- and he was. I just don't know what Mom is going to do now that he's not here. They were never apart for long and this-this is permanent."

While listening to her heartfelt story my mind immediately goes to Harry. We were a young couple just as Michelle's parents had once been but instead of cherishing each other we spent most our time bickering or not even talking at all. Were we even soul mates? Would we ever grow old together? Did we even feel the same way about each other as these two had?
Before I could even process my emotions I had burst into hysterical tears.

"Oh, dear. I hadn't meant to make you cry. My father just died and you're crying harder than I have."

I could only blink back my tears as I was still holding the Tupperware.

"I'm sorry, " I hiccup. "I just- I'm just thinking about my own husband right now. He's away for a few days and I've been a bit worried."

It was a perfectly generic explanation for speaking with a perfect stranger. Plus I felt it was a bit too early to pull the hormonal-pregnant-woman card.

" As corny as it sounds, maybe you should call him-tell him you love him. What Mom would give to tell Daddy that once more,"

She reaches into the pocket of her dress retrieving a few dollar bills.

"That should about cover it, " she declares holding the money out to me.

I shake my head.

"I couldn't- it doesn't feel right. You're family's had enough expenses already. This one's on the house."

The corner of her lips turn up into the slightest smile.

"Would you like to come inside for maybe a slice of coffee cake? I know you didn't know my father but you're one of the nicest people that's passed by the house in the past few days. And you've worked so hard on the chili I have to repay you somehow."

I smile, shaking my head once more as I hand over the Tupperware.

"No thank you. I should be going now. Feel free to keep the containers and please give your mother my condolences." I reply.

"I will. Thank you so much, River. I wish you and your husband the best."

"Thank you and no problem."

With a final wave I make my way back down the driveway. I sit in my car for a few minutes, soaking in my conversation Michelle. The chiming of my cell phone soon breaks my thoughts and I realize I have a few texts from Mom and a missed call from Ryan but absolutely nothing from Harry. I wonder how he could do it, being miles and miles away from me and not once think to call me. Even if we weren't on speaking terms it only felt right. Why wouldn't he call?

Before driving off I decided to call Ryan back, placing the phone on speaker in order to multitask. I waited a bit for the dial tone until his deep voice could be heard on the other line.

"Hey, Angel," he greets me.

"Hey," comes my simple and flat reply.

"Why do you sound so glum?"

I draw in a deep breath no wanting to go into a spill about the emotional tidal wave I'd be riding since I'd opened my eyes this morning.

"I'm driving and I just left a repass."

The line is silent for a bit before he speaks.

" Who died?"

"No one I know. Just a family in need of chili Anyways, what's up?"

"Let's meet up for lunch," he speaks. "And I'm not taking no for an answer, Audley."

It was funny. As much as I didn't want to be bothered today, I was just a magnet for human interaction. I thought about the quick breakfast of yogurt and granola I'd managed to burn off and eating sounded like a good outlet to relieve my angst.

"Pushy. You're lucky I'm hungry."
****
"Anyways, the first time turned out better than the last,"

I'd hardly been paying attention to anything Ryan said since we'd been sat at our table. I was far too engrossed in my food. As I was getting into the groove of the second trimester my appetite had come back with a full force. It was safe to say I was back to enjoying food as I had before. Okay, maybe a lot more than I had before.

"Are you going to come up for air anytime soon, Angel?" he stares at me under the New York Giants ball cap that covers his messy chestnut-colored hair with wide blue eyes and an eyebrow arched in amusement.

I can feel my face burn red with embarrassment. Ryan had hardly finished his meal and I was already on dessert, having already inhaled more than half a slice of carrot cake.

"I'm sorry," I giggle. "my appetite's been very ferocious lately."

I still haven't told Ryan about my pregnancy. He was probably the last to know and while I had every intention to tell him, it didn't feel right breaking the news whilst stuffing my face.

Ryan grins.

"Hungry enough to eat for two?"

"Maybe."

He stares down at his plate briefly before meeting my gaze.

"So it's true then," he speaks.

I trap my lip between my teeth, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"What's true?" I question, folding my arms on top of the table.

"That you're knocked up," Ryan replies simply.

I blink slightly taken aback by his crass response.

"How do you know that?"

He shrugs, a small smirk settling on his lips.

"People talk in this town, Audley. I mean, it's all your mother will talk about,"

There was certainly no lie there. This wasn't the way I'd intended on telling him.

I stare down at my half-eaten slice of cake with a sigh. Ryan was my best friend. I didn't understand why it felt so nervous and awkward about breaking the news to him.

"Well then hear it from the horse's mouth. Yes, it's true. I'm having a baby."

He takes a sip of coffee, chuckling to himself.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment once more.

"It's just, yesterday we were kids," he sighs wistfully. "and today you're going to be a mother."

A small grin settles on my lips as I place my hand on top of his.

" Ry. We haven't been kids for so long. This was bound to happen anyway, right?"

It was something I'd been telling myself to get through the first few weeks of being aware of the baby growing inside me but there was always something deep down inside that kept telling me this wasn't the right timing.

"Maybe for you. I don't think I'm cut out for the whole marriage and babies bit."

I pick up my fork.

"There's someone out there for you, Ryan. You're unmarried and attractive. That's an automatic catch." I quip.

Ryan grins.

"Where can I find a woman in this town that's over eighteen and under forty that's isn't already married and hasn't been divorced?"

I chortle.

"Try to be positive. You'll never get a woman with that attitude. Besides, what happened to that girl you brought to the wedding? She was really pretty."

He chuckles once more.

"That was almost four years ago and one night. I just didn't want to go alone. "

"You men are so ungrateful"

We eat in silence for a bit until Ryan speaks again.

"So, are you happy?"

The question completely catches me off guard and I drop my fork onto the plate with a clatter, my breath hitching in my throat.

"Happy? About what?"

I know the answer but maybe playing dumb will make the truth a bit easier to swallow.
"The baby," he answers simply.

I tuck a fallen strand of hair behind my ear, taking in a deep breath.

"There's so many emotions I've felt in the past few weeks it's really hard to put them all together. I just want this baby to have the very best. Everything I didn't have. "

"That wasn't a trick questions, Angel. Just a simple yes or no."

He stares at me with his deep blue eyes as if he already knows the answer.

"It wasn't really the right time," I admit. " but I'm excited. And scared as hell."

I stare down at the table top, hoping to avoid his gaze. It's the first time I've been completely honest about my feelings about my pregnancy and I feel so ashamed to let the words leave my mouth.

"I figured," he replies. " It's Harry, isn' t it?"

Hearing his name pass through Ryan's lips makes my stomach twist into knots and I push my plate away from me, having lost my appetite.

"No," I reply, biting my lip to keep it from trembling.

He sighs.

"You always walk around like you've got it all figured out but I know you better than that, Audley. Behind that Wonder Woman exterior is a different kind of girl. You don't have to pretend for me."

I don't know if his words are more offensive because they're true or because he's the last person I want to hear them from.

"Pretend?" I scoff, choking back the lump in my throat. "I'm not pretending. My feelings have nothing to do with Harry. "

I say the words with bravado but I know I have zero confidence in them. I could just be honest and admit that I was having a horrible time in my marriage but it somehow felt like forbidden territory. Ryan couldn't understand how complicated marriage could be and I was too prideful to admit that my own marriage was destined for failure.

"River," Ryan sighs. I know he's absolutely serious, he never calls me River. "stop vouching for him. You can just be honest with me. He's the reason you're not happy about this."

I snatch up my purse whilst pushing myself up from the table completely outraged by his bold accusation.

"You know what? I don't need you to be a therapist right now, Ryan. What I need you to be is my best fucking friend who's happy for me."

He strokes his beard in frustration. It's obvious he knows he's crossed the line.

"Audley, you know I support everything you do. Just, please sit down."

In my constant state of erratic emotions his words do little to appease me.

" I spent all my childhood wondering who my father was and longing to have a normal family like you. And now I'm having a baby of my own. A baby who will know who their father is and have a mom and a dad. Whether I'm happy is completely irrelevant."

"Shit. I'm sorry,"

I blink back the tears that have already made their way down my cheeks.

" Just- Don't. I really need to leave. I wasn't in the mood for this anyway."

I didn't even stay to listen to his half-ass apologies or see the look of remorse on his face. None of that could fix the damage that had already been done.
***
"This looks really good, Adele."

I eye the bowl of pesto pasta and fresh salad in the wooden bowls, mouth watering in anticipation. After my horrible lunch with Ryan, I'd stuck to my promise of spending the rest of the day with Mom managing to forget about all my woes for a time being. There was usually nothing being with my mom and a little pasta couldn't fix.

"Don't thank me," she smiles, pulling out her chair to take a seat. "I didn't make any of it."
While the couples staying at the B&B were having dinner in the dining hall, Mom and Adele had suggested to eat on the terrace overlooking the beach. The sun has set, the moon dancing over the gentle waves that crash along the shore and a jazzy rendition of "My Silent Love" carries from the dining hall. It's the most beautiful and perfect of moments, the kind you'd search through your lexicon of memories for on a rainy day.

"Well, I'm eternally grateful to whoever is responsible," she speaks, going to pick up her silverware.

"The other option was fish but I figured it wouldn't be a good choice for our little mother,"
Adele flashes a smile at which I return although I'd rather not get into anymore baby talk.

"You know, I was thinking," Mom dumps a pile of pasta on my plate before continuing. " we can have your baby shower here. All the expenses will be paid for. All you have to do is bring yourself. And anyone else you might want to invite."

"Mom," I chide whilst reaching for a croissant. "I'm not due till November. Isn't it a bit too early to be planning a shower?"

She chuckles.

"River, babies grow fast. You can blink and the next thing you know you've got a squealing infant in your arms. You've got to plan these things ahead of time, otherwise you won't be prepared,"

I knew my mom was right but I couldn't help but feel as if I was being scolded. While most parents had names and nursery ideas by now, I'd thought no further than the next day.

"Your mom's right, River." Adele chimes.

My only response is to stuff my mouth with food, hoping that the topic of conversation can be moved on to something else.

"Do you even have a birthing plan?"

She stares at me, eyebrow raised and awaiting a response.

"I'm still thinking about it." I lie.

Mom shoots me a look that warns me of her super-mom powers that can see through my lies and I go back to eating, avoiding her gaze. A wave of relief washes over me when I feel my mobile vibrating in my pocket.

Glancing at the caller i.d, my stomach flutters with excitement at the sight of Harry's name. This was the call I'd been waiting for all day.

"Excuse me, I have to take this." I speak, gingerly rising from my chair. I walk closer to the water where its a bit more quiet and press the receiver to my ear.

"Hello? Babe?" his deep voice drawls.

I bite my lip, trying to contain my grin.

"Harry. I'm so happy to hear your voice," I greet, steadying my breath. "how'd the flight go, did you land safely?"

"Yeah, yeah," It was fine." he replies before pausing for a while. "is that music I hear? I didn't interrupt anything did I?"

"Oh, no! I'm just having dinner at Mom's. The ocean's really pretty tonight. I wish you were here."

I wait for him to say he misses me too but he says nothing.

"Listen, darling, I was wondering if you could pick up my dry-cleaning slip? I meant to do it before I left but it slipped my mind and I won't be back until Tuesday. Don't want anyone else snatching up my clothes."

I suddenly feel as if I've taken a swift blow to the gut and I draw in a deep breath, trying to contain my anger. He wouldn't even wake me up to say goodbye but he can call about a stupid dry-cleaning slip.

"Your dry-cleaning." I laugh, although nothing is funny. "Yeah, sure. I'll take care of it."
I can already feel the tears of frustration stinging my eyes.

"Thanks, babe."

"Well, you probably have more important things to do than talk to me so I'll go now."

My voice comes out wobbly and I wish I would stop getting so goddamned emotional about everything.

"Alright. Thanks again. Love ya."

"I love you too, Harry." I reply, brushing away a fallen tear.

I give no chance for a final goodbye quickly pushing my mobile back into my pocket. I glance at the sea, a deep sadness brewing in my chest as the melody from inside drifts on the wind.

You'll go along, never dreaming I care
Loving somebody,somewhere
Leaving me my silent love.

Notes

Hiya!

I'm back with a bit of a filler chapter but a chapter loaded with two of my favorite things: angst and drama! There's so much to talk about! Is River being emotionally overloaded by the people around her? Is she under too much stress? Why has her mother become so overbearing all of a sudden? Do you think she should cool her jets? River's lunch with Ryan? Is he right or is he over stepping his boundaries? Was it appropriate for him to bring up Harry? How do you think he feels about his best friend's pregnancy? And finally our boy Harry? Why is he acting like a jerk again? Was his phone call suspicious? Sorry for all the questions I just love to hear what you all think!

I just want to take a short moment to thank everyone whose been reading, commenting and voting. I've been really insecure about this story. I really want to make it my best. I've been doing plenty of research and trying to gather inspiration from various sources which is why updating takes so long most of the time. Feedback really helps. I want to make this story my best so I'm always open for any constructive criticism or pointers to improve. Feel free to tell me if I'm boring you or if you feel you can do something different. Your voice matters.

Well, that's all for now! Until next time! Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a little review!

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