There's something about watching Raelyn work. Not her actual job though, where she's bustling around like a busy honey bee, serving hot coffee to customers in the early morning hours. That's when her brain seems to be only on one set mode; serve, smile, be friendly. That's when she makes small talk with regular customers, accepts generous tips with a gracious smile, and deals with rude people who think working in a diner is below them. She's different running around the diner for more than half the hours in a single day. But here, in the dark room she calls her own, she's almost a completely new person.

Louis is sitting on a unoccupied workbench pushed against the far opposite wall, silently observing her. When Rae drove to his flat in the late morning, she tentatively asked him to join her in the dark room. He agreed, despite his messy bed head and crumpled joggers he slept in, and let her in. Both he and Harry, who came to greet her at the door, were shirtless at the time, every tattoo inked on their bodies on displayed. However, all Rae did was gently press her thumb onto the cross etched on Harry's hand asking if some day she could photograph each of their tattoos, including Zayn's.

Harry offered to make her a quick breakfast, and when he left the two of them alone, Rae turned to Louis. He tried catching her eyes, tried reading what was wrong since she seemed off to him. But her eyes were glued to his chest, and just as she did to Harry, she had lifted her hand to Louis' chest, carefully tracing over the elegant letters beneath his collar bone.

Rae's been abnormally quite ever since. Never speaking louder than necessary, in fact, only speaking when Louis prompted her to. Now he's watching her move about with his eyebrows perturbed in a furrow. The concentration she has while developing photos seems serene.

Her shoulders are relaxed in this moment, her movement graceful and easy. It's a routine for her she's got down to a tee, so easy and simple and Louis thinks she's this clam because it's her escape. It's the only place Rae feels like she can go to, to shut off her mind, her thoughts, the voices that scream doubts into her eardrums. Where she can turn it all off and move on autopilot.

He doesn't like it. Louis hates this strange tension in the air, like Rae's just on the verge of breaking if not approached carefully. She hasn't mentioned it yet, but Louis suspects the dark circles and the dimness of her eyes are due to another long, sleepless night at the Hospice. Louis can't help but watch her though. He can't move from his spot just yet; wants to give her just a little more time for her to calm herself mentally before he says anything. He watches her hang up another picture, making sure it's secure in the clothes pin before moving on.

It's a breathtaking photo; taken just a few days ago at the park. The way Rae had captured the setting sun between the tree trunks is incredible. Streaks of light and dark fill the photo like stripes on a tiger, makes it look hauntingly beautiful. When Louis squints, he can make out a silhouette just at the far right corner. He thinks it's Zayn, judging by the barely visible swirl of smoke rising into the air.

The next one she hangs up is of Niall, squeezed in one of the tree trunks crevasse. He's almost hidden away if not for the sun shinning on half of his face. Rae seemed to have played with the lighting of that day, using it to her advantage. Louis sees it in the next several photos she develops and hangs to dry; and they're all amazing. Louis actually thinks of using some of them in their album booklet, if their management allows it.

He wonders if that's something Rae would allow herself; to have her beautiful photographs out there for anyone to see. Louis sees her pause for a moment, as if she's zoning out and thinks, not yet. He watches her pick up the tongs, noticing how it trembles in her hand slightly.

"Rae-" Louis finally decides to speak, but she cuts him off.

"Lou. Would you like to try?" Rae questions, a small smile ghosting her lips.

Sighing internally, Louis hops off the table, taking the tongs from her shaking hand. They ignore it. Instead he focuses on the photo in the tray, does everything Raelyn showed him last time, and carefully hangs it. She lets him do the next five photos, instructs him to carefully place them in the drying rack when they run out of room on the strings. There's one photo that makes Louis stop what he's doing, holding the top of the rack up in one hand, the photo in the other. He hasn't paid too close attention to it while it was developing, but now, it's beautiful.

"Oh," Rae comes up from behind him, voice soft as she hooks her chin over his shoulder.

"Harry took that one. S'good, innit?"

Louis nods. He always knew Harry had a thing for photography as well, just with their job it's hard to actually dabble in other passions. The photo isn't just good, it's sort of breathtaking; or maybe Louis is a bit biased since the person in the picture is Rae. Maybe Harry asked for instructions on how to get the angle right, or lighting, or whatever thought process goes into photo taking.

Harry caught the same light Rae played with in different pictures, catching her eyes in a streak of sunlight. She's slightly hidden by two branches, decorating her skin in detailed shadowed patterns, few strands of her hair swooping over her forehead to the side of her face. She's beautiful, every bit of her, to the light freckles dusting her nose, to the deep pink bow of her lip. Her eyes are what captured Louis attention in the first place, standing out against the rest of the photo. That small drop of gold in her right eye is highlighted by the sun, glitters like pixie dust scattered over ocean waters. It enhances the rest of colours, the subtle greens, almost turquoises, and different shades of blues stand out, surrounded by a ring of sapphire. Bright and memorizing like looking through a kaleidoscope pointed at the sun.

Louis notices a major difference from the Rae standing behind him, to the one in the picture. The Rae frozen in time held in his hand, looks happier than she is now. He can see it in her eyes, can always see it when it comes to her. Her eyes are bright, having nothing to do with the sun, but all natural internal light. There's passion there, there's a quiet fondness while she posed for Harry; Louis can almost see her smile through her eyes. Now though, her eyes are dimmed, discoloured by recent events all surrounding her brother. Louis swallows, finally placing the photo on the rack, then closes the top.

Slowly, Louis turns to face her. Unexpectedly, Rae isn't meeting his eyes, in fact she's staring at what she can see of the rack just over his shoulder. He's having none of that today, not hours before he leaves for two weeks. He lifts his hands, gently holding Rae's face in his palms, moving her head slightly so she's focused on him.

"It's amazing." Louis tells her quietly. "Absolutely stunning."

"I'll let him know then." Rae says, not a drop of sarcasm in her voice.

"I meant you, Raelyn." Louis refrains from rolling his eyes.

Instead, he just gently strokes his thumb beneath her eye, along her cheekbone, tracing over her lips. Rae presses her lips into his palm, then grabs his wrists with her hands, squeezing; anchor.

"Ronan didn't get much sleep last night." She sighs against his skin, then pulls his hand away. "Could hardly get out of bed, really. Didn't want to eat anything because his stomach hurt too much. They only got halfway through his new chemotherapy session, but couldn't continue because his heart rate dropped."

Louis feels Rae's grip getting tighter and tighter. Can feel her shaking down to his own bones, and realises her grip is the alternative to her tearing at her chest.

"It dropped so low that the nurses were just about ready to use those electric paddle things. It came back up a minute later, but he couldn't sleep for some reason. Do you think he's scared?"

Louis kisses her forehead before responding. "I think," He begins slowly, "he's just confused. He's got no reason to be scared. Not with his amazing sister as his rock."

"Dirt rock, you mean." Rae belittles. "I feel like I'm about to fall apart. Maybe I just need sleep. Yeah, that's all."

"Raelyn-" Louis frowns.

Rae pulls away from his touch all together. "Louis, honestly. I'm exhausted, but it'll be fine." She actually gives him a genuine smile. "I shouldn't give you anything to worry about before you leave. Besides, talking it out with you makes me feel better."

Louis mulls her words over in his head for a few moments, narrowing his eyes at her. While he's doing this, Rae takes down a dry photo from another strand on the left wall. He studies her, decides she's at least telling half truths, then accepts the photo when she hands it to him.

"That's for you." She smiles sweetly at him. "I showed Ronan, but he wants you to have it. I've got an extra anyway. I always make copies of every photo."

Louis' throat tightens on tears when he sees the photo. He's holding Ronan in his arms, both laughing while he tickles the young boy. "I love him, you know. We all do."

"I know, Lou. He's hard not to love." Rae takes the photo back and puts it in a black folder.

"Me mum and I love him most though. So don't get any ideas, sir."

"Wouldn't dare."

Rae takes down several other photos, some of each boy with Ronan. Others are a group photo, some with other children they've visited and a few while singing to her brother. She places them all in the folder, then hands it back to Louis. Abruptly, Rae grabs his face, pulls him down the two inches he has on her, and kisses him. It's quick, but soft, and when Rae pulls back she's laughing. Louis will take anything that makes the look in her eyes from earlier disappear.

They don't mean to take as long as they do in the dark room. Rae said she was only planning on being there for as long as developing her recent photos would take. Neither are to be blamed if they got sidetracked right when she finished. Louis was the one to take her camera out of her bag, expecting it to be her expensive one, and instead pulls out the Polaroid. The first picture he takes comes out dark, much to his disappointment, but it makes Rae laugh. She explains that they're no more photos being develop, that it's now alright to turn on the light.

However, he likes how she looks in the soft red lighting, places the camera back in her bag, and grabs her hand before she can switch on the light. Louis pulls her back a bit too hard, so his suave, smooth kiss he was attempting ends a little painfully. Their lips bump together, teeth clicking, and Rae tripping over his foot.

She's laughing again, bright and loud in the small room while Louis steadies her. It's such a contrast to how she was just two hours earlier. She's still laughing when he tugs her in again, attempting to kiss her but her giggles are tickling his lips, so he groans. Then bends to hoist her up by her thighs, twisting around and supporting her back against the wall.

It's a quick movement, Louis gaining some of that swag he was trying to achieve earlier, earning a surprised gasp from Rae. She looks levelly at him, intrigue eyebrow raised, seemingly impressed by the move. He's smirking, all proud of himself until Rae speaks.

"Someone's been working out, ey?" She teases, tapping his straining bicep. Her touch lingers.

"It'd be sad if I couldn't lift you, love. You're not heavy at all." Louis tells her, trying to kiss her again.

Rae kind of, falls forward, dead weight and all. Louis rolls his eyes this time, stumbling backwards. He tries to regain his balance, but slips, and suddenly he's on the ground with Rae cackling above him, her thighs straddled over his hips.

"Oh my God!" Rae laughs, her hand checking over his head with her fingers in his hair. "I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?"

"Bloody menace." Louis groans glaring at her. "I was trying to be romantic!"

Rae snorts. "Alright, alright. Apologies. Romanticize away, darling."

Louis silences her with a kiss, pulling himself up in a half crunch to grab the back of her neck and pull her down to his lips. It's softer this time, not an accidental lip bruising smack he did earlier. He won't get this for the next two weeks, won't feel how soft and warm her lips are against his. Won't taste the hazelnut coffee lingering on her tongue, or have her long, dark hair tangle between his fingers. Won't be able to have his nose fill with subtle hints of coconut and roses and the chemicals of the dark room. It's ridiculous, he knows this; it's just a two week trip. Though what's been happening with Ronan and how quiet Rae's been, Louis can't help but feel a little worried.

There's too much space between their bodies, despite Rae hunched over him, and he just wants to hold her. Hold her close, let her know that he has her no matter what happens. Louis snakes his other arm around her waist, brings her down until she's pressed against him. Her shirt's ridden up a little, a sliver of exposed skin pressed warmly against his inner forearm, and when Louis walks his fingers over to her hips, Rae squirms and squeaks against his lips. Intrigued, Louis smiles against her lips, filing away how ticklish she can be. He's distracted though, when he feels the sporadic rhythm of her heart against his chest.

He wishes it could beat like that all the time; not the quicken heart rate (because that could lead to some health problems) but not slamming against her chest in pain. Wishes her heart never clenches like it does when she's terrified, when she feels the need to cry but just can't. If she falls apart, Louis wants her to know, to believe, to trust that he'll be there for her. Be there to pick up any pieces she rips out, holding any piece that cuts into her internally in his hands until it bleeds.

He holds her tighter, squeezing around her lower back and gently clenching her hair in his fist. Louis is kissing her with everything he has, everything he feels. He moves her lips with his, molding together like lock and key, tongue licking into her mouth and suddenly the room feels so heated. He kisses her passionately, tenderly, holds her even closer like he's trying to glue himself to her, until Rae's hands are taking hold of his face and pulls backs.

"Louis," Rae pants breathless, eyes shinning, lips slightly swollen. Whatever she wanted to say can obviously wait, for she leans down, gives him one, two, three more quick kisses.

Louis gently traces over her bottom lip with his thumb when she pulls back again. He feels like he's absolutely buzzing, fire seeping throughout his bones, settles around his heart and Rae shifts. The hard floor can't be too comfortable on her knees, so she moves just far enough to slip her leg between his. She kisses his jaw, actually nibbles and sucks at the spot just under it, then sighs.

"Your phone's vibrating." She whispers against his neck. Well, that explains the source of that buzzing.

"For fuck sakes." Louis mumbles, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He notes the time with a frown, just an hour before he has to go. "I hope you know you've interrupted something extremely important, Liam."

Louis listens to Liam as Rae chuckles into her hand. He's too distracted by Liam informing him that they have to leave soon to notice Rae is slowly inching away from him. Louis knows their flight isn't until much later, but there's preparations before they go; last minute packing, a quick meeting on what can and can not be said, etc. He has to leave Rae sooner than he thought. Liam offers to swing by the loft to pick him up, instead of making Rae drive all the way back. Louis thinks she wouldn't mind either way. He hangs up the phone and pouts when he realises Rae is half way out of his hold.

"Raelyn, I was not done kissing you." He broods. He can almost hear her eye roll.

"You'll live, Lou." She grunts. "Got it!"

Rae crawls backwards, or she more like wiggles back, then rolls right back into place in his arms. She's got her Polaroid in her hands, turn the flash on, and holds it above them aiming the lens towards them. Louis quickly pulls a face before she takes a picture. It prints, slowly develops, then Rae snorts.

"Lovely." She deadpans. She allows Louis to take the camera from her though.

He takes a few more pictures, the last one he gets distracted by her, looking at him with this softness around her eyes, small smile teasing her lips. Louis returns her smile, then presses the shutter button. The picture prints, fluttering down on his chest. He sets the camera down, then surges to kiss Rae again. Kisses her lips. Kisses her nose, her eyelids, corners of her mouth, cheeks, neck, collarbones, then back to her lips by this time she's full on laughing.

"You have to leave now?" Rae questions, some of that sadness from earlier coming back.
Louis sighs heavily. "Unfortunately. They're picking me up soon."

Rae nods sitting up and collecting the polaroids . "Well come on then. Don't forget your folder."

Louis stands up, taking Rae's hand to pull her up as well. He grabs the folder before they leave the room, turning off the lights as he follows Rae who's pocketing the pictures. She leads them to the door, and out onto the stoop of Angelique's loft. Louis can't stop looking at her, but her hair is covering her face now and the mood she was in earlier is settling around them again.

"I hate that you're leaving now." Rae admits, crossing her arms.

Louis doesn't miss the way she subtly presses her hand to her chest for a moment. "I know, love. You can call me for anything though, yeah?"

Rae nods, turning to look at him. They just stare at each other for several moments. For those long moments the look in Rae's eyes flashes glints of anxiousness, fear, but they go as quick as they came. Then Rae breaks the tension by crossing her eyes; a distraction from what's brewing beneath the surface. Louis can't help it, he laughs, hooks his arm over her shoulders and pulls her in. He kisses her temple and it just slips out.

"I love you."

The words just tumble off his tongue like it's the most simplest thing he could have ever done. Which he thinks is unfair, given how much he's thought about it, how much his feelings for Rae has built up. She deserves better than just a simple slip of a lip. Deserves way better than having him drop the L bomb literally minutes before he jets off to another country. Rae tenses under his arm, inhales sharply, and slowly, so slow, that it kind of scares Louis, steps back from him.

"What?" She breathes out, nearly inaudible.

Louis takes in her shocked, rather baffled expression. Her eyes are wide, blue locked on his and the drop of gold looks a littler dark than it did in the room. Her lips are parted slightly from his confession, and her hand is back at her chest, not digging, just pressing. Louis figures, since he just accidentally threw everything to the wind, a full on confession won't hurt now that he's already started. Cautiously, Louis takes hold of the hand on her chest. Rae doesn't budge, her feet rooted to the spot she's on, so Louis steps closer.

"I-"

"You're going to Paris." Rae states quietly. Louis nods. "You're going to France, different countries, for two weeks...and you just..."

"I know, I know, I didn't mean to say it." Louis literally smacks himself on the forehead. "Not that! I didn't mean that! I meant, I do mean it I just- Rae, please stop looking at me like that."

Rae takes step back, but halts when her spine makes contact with one of the beams holding up the small overhang. Louis sees this as his chance, it's sort of a dick move to drop those words then basically corner her like this. She's right though, he just told her he loves her and here he is jetting off to France.

"Rae, please listen." Louis begins softly, coming close enough to feel her breath against his lips.

She's shaking her head, whether the motion is meant for him or herself, Louis doesn't know. He cups his hands around her jaw, stopping the movement, keeps his touch gentle and just looks at her; really looks at her. He doesn't have any reason to hold it back anymore. He can feel his face soften, muscles relaxing and a slow smile spreading across his lips. If any of the boys were witnessing this, they'd probably point out his expression as 'The Rae Look', which, obviously.

Louis' been silent for too long, and he doesn't have time for that right now. "You are absolutely beautiful, stunning, in every way I know possible. From the moment I met you to now. I see who you really are hiding behind that mask you put on. You are beautiful in the way you love Ronan, your mother. Beautiful when you have to be strong and when you fall apart. You're so passionate, caring, feisty because lets be honest, when you're angry it's fucking terrifying."

That gets a tug of a smile at Rae's lips. Louis tracks the movement with his eyes, lingers on her lips for just a moment before continuing.

"You're beautiful in your photography, your passion and how you push everything you're feeling away just to be strong for others. To help them before you even think of yourself. How you don't want anyone to worry over you, to help you and as frustrating as that is some times, I love it. I love you. I have been in love with you for months now. Been in love with every single, beautiful and infuriating thing you do. With everything you are and you need to know that. I'm sorry I'm just telling you now. I'm quite the prick for ambushing you, but- I love you, Raelyn."

Louis inhales shakily, getting some of his breath back and waits, searching Rae's eyes for a sign of anything. Anything that's not the frozen stunned expression. Her pulse is rabbiting like a jackhammer under his fingers tips, both of her hands pressed firmly to her chest. Not digging, not circling, just a consistent pressure and Louis wonders for a wild second if she's trying to calm her racing heart down. Rae opens her mouth wider just as a honk sounds, startling both of them.

"Louis! Get your arse in the car, we're running late!" Niall is yelling from the open car window.

Louis' response is to move Rae behind the beam and out of sight. This wasn't in the plan of confession, having to rush. Having to wait for the girl he's absolutely in love with to say something; anything. He can hear Zayn arguing with Niall, something about being rude and not saying goodbye to Raelyn at all. Louis hopes they don't get out of the car. Rae still has yet to speak, and with another honk and the sound of a door opening, he knows their time is winding down.

"Raelyn, say something, please. Anything." Louis begs quietly, searching her eyes for any sort of response.

She's speechless. Rae tries opening her mouth, small stuttering sound escaping in lieu of actual words. She shakes her head, seeming to collect herself.

"I-I...Louis."

Louis holds his breath, just waiting, giving her time he knows he doesn't have. She doesn't have to say it back, doesn't want her too if she doesn't mean, but anything is better than this astonished silence. He doesn't get another millisecond though, since Niall comes running up to them.

Louis releases her just before Niall can get a good look, and steps back while Niall ensnares her in a bone crushing hug. Rae's still peering at him over Niall's shoulder, her response to the hug delayed. Finally, she tears her eyes away from Louis and hides her face in Niall's shoulder.

"Couldn't leave without having a proper goodbye." Zayn informs from behind Louis. Louis turns, and Zayn frowns. "Alright, Lou?"

Louis tracks Harry and Liam running up as well, all taking their turns at goodbye hugs. It looks like Rae's frozen shock wore off a little, giving a warm smile to each boy as they bid farewell for two weeks. Louis shakes his head as his answer. He doesn't know. He honestly doesn't know anything right now. He can feel Zayn's hand squeeze his shoulder, a comforting gesture despite Zayn not knowing anything yet. Instead, Louis turns, hops down the one step from the stoop and makes his way to the car.

His heart is absolutely pounding, like he just ran a five-K marathon. There's a nasty knot that's formed in his stomach, and suddenly Louis is terrified he just ruined something that just started. He's such an idiot, telling Rae he loves her like that, in the midst of everything she's going through. He hides behind the car, the side not facing the stoop, banging his head back against the window. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you continue that."

Louis' the one to seize up this time. Hearing Rae's timid voice sets everything inside of him on haywire. He doesn't want to look over at her, but she's like the moon and he's the sea, being pulled towards her weather he wants to or not. He braces himself for nothing short of a denial, even anger, but when he finally turns his head to look at her, Rae's suddenly so close.

Then there are lips pushing against his, hands on either side of his neck, his arms full of Rae. She's kissing him so fiercely, so responsive, it gives him whiplash from how she was just a three minutes earlier. He tries to pull her closer, but Rae pulls back, breathless with her eyes shining.

"Louis, get your slow arse in the car!" Harry's calling, head popping out of the rolled down window Louis was banging against before. "Bye, Rae!" He beams.

"See ya, Harry." Rae says softly.

She waves, spares one last glance at Louis, offering him a smile he can't quite decipher. Then she's turning away and Harry's attempting to pull him through the car window. Once Louis gets in, the proper way, he turns to look back at the loft, but Rae's no longer in sight. He's not too worried anymore; her kiss was just enough for a short goodbye and a reassuring hope.

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Notes