Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Raes finger is turning a deep shade of red, twirled tightly inside a strand of her hair she's been curling around it for a while. She's bouncing her foot anxiously, and so fast the movement makes the small kitchen table wobble. It's a big deal, is the thing, asking - or more so, telling - Angelique she would like to bring Louis by the dark room.

"Lovey." Angelique breaks Rae from her nerves, gently halting her bouncing leg with a hand on her knee. "Why are you so nervous about this?"

Finally uncurling her finger from her hair, Rae simply just shrugs.

"D'you think I'll say no? Or is it just because it's Louis?"

"It's just," Rae begins quietly. "He's just...I've never brought anyone to it. It's my safe haven, y'know? It's a part of me. Personal, almost sacred to me, and bringing Louis is-"

"Allowing him into your heart?" Angelique inputs with a small smile.

Rae fixes her with an unimpressed stare. "I'm ignoring that comment."

Her friend laughs, and pats Rae's knee with the hand still on it. "You know you don't have to ask to bring anyone to the room, Raelyn. It's been yours for years now."

"Maybe, but it's still in your home."

Angelique stands to get the kettle that's been brewing their tea since before Rae showed up. Rae watches her go about the kitchen, making the tea to their own liking and pulling out the homemade pastries she brought over. She gets settled again, serving Rae the tea and pastry before speaking again.

"I'm leaving for Thailand tomorrow, anyway." She reminds Rae, "I'll be gone for three weeks as you know. You're welcomed to invite whoever you'd like. Just as long as they don't steal my clown mask."

"Babe," Rae says seriously, "no one wants to steal that."

A crumpled up napkin hits Rae square on the forehead and lands in her mug. She mumbles inappropriate things as she carefully fishes it out.

"Listen, Rae. You've got to stop over thinking, yeah? Just let him in. You've been doing it since you've met him. This isn't any different."

Rae remains silent, just sipping her tea cautiously, thinking. Despite her friend's advice.

***

It's a Saturday afternoon when Rae pushes open the heavy doors of a small loft after unlocking them. She looks back at Louis, jerking her head for him to follow her.

"Angelique lives here," Rae explains quietly, "I check up on it once in a while when she travels, just to make sure everything's good and nobody's broken in. Plus, she lets me use her Dark Room. Well, it started out as hers, ended up as mine basically."

Louis nods in wonder, slowly taking in the loft. The walls are covered in paintings and photographs, ranging from abstract and cute to haunting and dark. Small sculptures line tables and the dark wooden bookshelf in the corner. Fairy lights wrap around the railing above of what Louis assumes would be her friends room- or rather open place to sleep. The loft faintly smells of cinnamon and something else Louis can't quite put his finger on; oil paint probably.

Rae eyes him for a moment before stating, "She's, erm, quite the artist." Louis chuckles, gently dragging his fingers over a handmade ceramic flower. "I'm going to set up the room, so just like...don't break anything? Or steal that creepy clown mask."

Louis shoots her a look that has her shrugging and hiding her smile behind her hand. Rolling his eyes as she turns away, something on the wall catches his sight. Abandoning the smooth purple flower, he walks over to the wall next to the window. There's a series of photos, about fifteen, all hung up in a zigzaging motion. It takes a few seconds for Louis to realises that this photo set is not like the ones he saw by the flower.

Instead, it's darker, much darker for its clearly portraying death. It's rather disturbing to Louis, when he studies the one picture of a sand mountain and realising those rocks are not actually rock, but hands and feet and- he steps back, shakes his head and collects himself. If he's honest with himself, the shots are actually really good, and when he reads the little letter taped next to another picture, he understands.

The shoot was for a Uni project, to which several of the photos had won first place in an art show. He's about to turn away when he recognises the model in the last picture. His heart stutters fearfully for a moment, when he sees that the model is Raelyen. Lying in what looks like a tank of water, wrapped in flowly purple sheets. Her dark hair is spread out around her, stringy and clinging to the wall above the edge of the tank. Her skin is pale, almost with a grey tint to it, her eyes closed and smeared with dark eyeshadow and lips a daunting blue.
She's lying in a tank full of tropical fish, looking extremely dead.

Louis inhales sharply, finally stepping back. It's a fantastic photo, despite how his heart is pumping a little faster than normal. Probably due to meaning of the picture. Or just the fact that he's actually seeing what she would look like if she were-

"That photo won first place in a show." Comes Rae's voice from behind him.

Louis jumps about a foot in the air, earning an amused eyebrow raise from Rae. "Oh, y-yeah?" He manages to get out.

"Yup. Some guy bought it and she won like fifty pounds for it. Not much, but she was really proud of herself and me. Gave me this little handmade journal she got along with it. Now some guy has a picture of dead me hanging in his sitting room. Quite disturbing, honestly."
Louis can only nod.

"Y'alright, Louis?"

"Fine. Just...fine. Wasn't expecting it, is all."

"Right. Well, come on then. The room's ready." Rae smiles, gently grabbing his wrist to lead him down the hallway.

***

Louis sits back and watches intently as Rae works. The dim glow of the red light bulb outlines every movement she makes, and when she turns to hang yet another developed picture, the light casts dark shadows across her face. Shadows of her eyelashes spider out across her cheekbones, lips dark and painted red with the light. When she looks up at Louis, he can't see the blue of her eyes anymore, somehow though, they still seem to sparkle with something that has nothing to do with the light.

"You're not bored, are you? Because I can just do one more, then we can go get lunch or-" Rae starts.

Louis interrupts her. "Far from bored, Rae. I like watching you work."

He watches Rae's tongue flick out across her bottom lip before she bites away her smile. She's just so adorable at times, that Louis can't help that funny feeling that abruptly invades his stomach whenever he's around her. It's fine, it's okay.

"Do you want to try?" Rae asks softly, picking up another blank sheet. "I've just finished the wedding photos, but I've got others for you."

"Yes!" Louis pushes himself up from the counter he was leaning against to grab the tongs Rae offers him.

While she gives him careful instructions, he notices how close she's standing to him, heat radiating off her like she's a personal space heater. Or maybe that's just because they're enclosed in a tiny dark room; he thinks it's the first. He carefully pushes the sheet into the clear liquid, heart jumping again when Rae gently wraps her fingers around his wrist and shows him how to straighten it out.

They wait patiently for a minute, watching the photo develop into life; a picture of Ronan laughing at someone in the corner of the picture, with the neck of a guitar spanning the bottom of the photo. Rae then, disappointingly, let's her fingers drop from his wrist, telling him to carefully pick up the picture. He hangs it gently like he saw her do it earlier, staring up at the photo while it drips the excess liquid down into the small little gutter.

"That's Niall he's laughing at." Rae explains fondly. "When he was making up that silly little song, d'you remember?"

"Of course." Louis smiles, "that was the day your camera ran out of film."

"Oi, that's was horrible for me." She laughs softly, a breathy little sound that hits against Louis' neck from how close they're still stood together.

"Your photos are beautiful, Raelyn." He states honestly, placing the tongs down and studies the pictures already dry.

Pictures of Zayn leaning against a wall smoking a fag. Of Liam smiling down at several child sat on his lap. Of Harry with flowers in his hair as Olivia places them in his curls. Of all other children playing and sleeping, of nurses working hard or smiling at the camera. Of her mother and Ronan hugging, of Rae herself kissing Ronan's nose. Some photos aren't Hospice related; varies from beautiful scenery pictures to abstract, artistic images. They're all just beautiful, shot perfectly. Makes him wonder how Rae got some of the angles in the shots.

Louis notices however, in these mess of pictures, his own absence in them; besides the group one of him and the boys. He frowns, wondering why there aren't any of him. He clears
his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?" Rae blinks, looking like she was just pulled from her thoughts. "Yeah."

"Why- I mean, how come there aren't any pictures of-of-?

"Of you?" Rae finishes softly for him, eyes downcast and teeth working her bottom lip.
She inhales in a gasp, like she's preparing herself for a confession. Her fingers dance along her exposed collarbones, a habit of hers when she's nervous; Louis picked it up the second week of knowing her.

"Umm...I do." She begins slowly, eyes locked on a picture of Ronan. "It's just...I have- I-" Rae braces herself, hands suddenly clenching into fists at her sides. "I sort of get into these strange like mindset when I take pictures, right? I come up with different projects and ideas and usually within those projects and ideas I kind of just like develop this like...I kind of just begin to favor a certain object, subject, I'm photographing because it just photographs so beautifully that I can't help but take several pictures of said subject and before I know it I have an impressive amount of film all dedicated to that one object...or person..." Rae trails off her rambling with a hand in the air like its help her explain. She's still not looking at Louis.

It dawned on Louis halfway through her explanation, and he's trying- really he is- trying not to smiling as bright as the sun. "Are you saying, that I'm your favourite object to shoot?"

Rae scoffs. "Not object, you loon."

And oh, does he have her now because that was anything but a denial. "Person then. I'm your favourite person to photograph." He can't help the pure giddiness in his voice, which makes Rae rolls her eyes, still looking anywhere but Louis.

"It's okay, you don't have to sound so pleased." She deadpans.

Louis is quite sure he's never seen her so flustered before. If he was a photographer, he's sure Rae would be his favourite too. And despite that sappy mental thought, he tries to spin her around.

"Rae," Louis pleads, reaching for her arm, "it's alright. It's cute."

"It is not cute. It's a mistake because now you're going to get a big head and it just won't fit into anymore pictures." Rae shakes her head vehemently, pulling her arm away from where Louis is trying to catch it.

Louis laughs. "I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"I'm your favouriiite, I'm your favouriiiite." Louis sings teasingly. "And you told me it was
Niall."

"That's not...I didn't say that. I said subject to photograph like...It's completely-" Rae steps back and bumps into the free standing rack, almost knocking over the the developed pictures.

Louis clasps his hand over his mouth, attempting to not laugh. He's not seriously mocking her, far from it, it's just that that feeling in his stomach came back after her confession. Louis leans forward, helping to steady her and keeps his fingers locked around her wrist.

"Raelyn," He says softly. "It's alright." He places his free hand on her shoulder, thumb brushing along neck and catching her pulse, thumping fast beneath his thumb.

She finally looks up at him, cheeks much darker than before. If it weren't for the red light, he knows he would see the blush on her face. Her eyes flash in embarrassment for a moment, before settling back into that mask of hers. Louis' breath hitches quietly, because in the glow of the room, she is absolutely stunning.

Dark hair and pale red, glowing skin so soft under his fingers. Her lips are parted ever so slightly, taking in little shaky breaths, like she is actually scared about her confession. Louis just smiles down at her. It's a soft, warm smile where he can just feel his eyes grow fond, can feel his heart start to kick up and his blood begin to pump faster.

"I'm only teasing you, love." He tells her, enjoying the way she rolls her eyes at him. "It's hard not to take pictures of my beauty."

Rae literally scoffs, turning to pull her arm from his hand, steps away from him completely. "Conceded."

However, she's smiling as she carefully picks up another blank photograph. Louis notices her hand trembling slightly, frowning in confusion. He reaches out again, lightly placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Raelyn? Y'alright?" Louis questions, concerned.

Rae drops the picture just shy of the developer tray. She hums what sounds like a 'yes' response, picking the photo up once more, and carefully placing it in the liquid chemical. Louis moves his hand down to hers, when the tongs she now has in her hold shake as well; clatter against the tray. He helps her move the print around the tray for a moment, then turns her around to face him.

"Hey, Raelyn. It's alright, it's fine." He carefully sets two fingers on her chin, turning her head so he can see her.

She offers a tentative smile in return. "M'sorry. Just...thinking is all."

"Hmm. Thinking can be quite dangerous with you." Louis muses, bopping her on the nose. It a thing he does now.

Scrunching up her nose, Rae replies, "It's why I come here. To think, helps clear me head a bit."

"Alone?" Louis frowns again. He knows her thought process when she's left to herself.

Instead of answering, she twists half her body to take the now developed photo out of the tray, then waits for a moment to place it in the stop tray. "Yep." Is her delayed answer, turning back around. "It's alright if I'm alone some times, you know I'm use to it."

"I don't want you to be."

Okay. Louis can do this. He can do this. Rae is so open, so trusting and so at home here, doing what she loves the most. He sees her concentration when developing the film. Sees the joy on her face when she watches the pictures burst into life in the tray, sees the passion in her eyes when it's finished and hung.

"I'm not when you're here." Rae smirks up at him.

"Spotted."

He brushes back some stray hairs that have fallen loose from her braid, resting his palm on the base of her jaw, his fingertips against her neck. Rae's pulse jumps again underneath his fingers, can feel her cheeks begin to heat up. Her breath catches in her throat when Louis leans in a little, his heart thundering loudly in his chest. He feels his stomach twist when his nose brushes hers.

"Louis..." Rae breathes out, placing one hand on his wrist caressing her neck.

With his free hand, Louis carefully traces her bottom lip with his thumb, feeling her pulse pump sporadically and pick up more speed. Rae's breathing is already ragged, and he hasn't even done anything yet.

Louis makes eye contact with her, blue eyes locked together, and murmurs, "Shh, love. You're okay."

Because he just knows what's brewing in her head with the way her breath begins to shorten. He's about to cross a line she probably had already thought about; the way he saw the glint of fear flash in her eyes Christmas Eve, at the Hospice. But he wants her to know it's perfectly alright, that she's not alone in what she may be feeling. Louis feels it too. He feels for her, feels the need to be her comfort and right now, the only way he can think of to calm her, is this. Louis simply holds onto her for a few moments, anchoring her like she always needs him to.

One more swipe with his thumb, Louis' eyes slide shut to mentally prepare himself, then slowly, he closes the two inch distance between them. The graze of his lips against Rae's is soft, tender. The contact sends goosebumps throughout his body, and by the way Rae seems to shiver, she has them too. He carefully cradles the back of her head, fingers slipping between the loosened knots of her braid, and presses his lips a little more firmly against hers. He's tentative, slow, not wanting to make any sudden moves to startle her. Just a simple kiss for now, lips connected to lips.

He feels warm. Like a bonfire lit in the middle of winter, during a snowstorm. Feels the flames curl their way throughout his body, hopes that warmth transfers from him to her. Hopes she feels some of that bonfire too. He hears, feels, Rae sigh, her hand on his wrist traces up to fit her fingers in between his own. It's when he moves his lips for a better angle, moves her lips with his, pulls her a little closer, does Rae react fully. He's only just synced their lips together. Shyly poking his tongue out to swipe against hers, lasting a long moment or two, when Rae abruptly pulls away.

She steps back quickly, bumping against the table hard enough to knock over the photo trays with her arm she threw behind her to catch herself. Louis watches shocked, as Rae spins around quickly.

"Shit, fuck. Shit!" She cruses, the words hissing through her teeth as she scrambles to save the photo. "Louis!"

"Right!" Louis jumps into attraction, straightening the trays and saving the blank prints from the seeping liquids.

"Fuck! The chemicals aren't suppose to touch- oh god. Shit. She's gonna kill me." Rae sputters, grabbing a small towel hanging over the photo rack.

Louis runs out of the room to find more towels. When he comes back, they quickly clean the mess up, focusing on the chemicals not staining the table than what just happened a minute ago.

***

"Sorry," Rae apologizes for the umpteenth, dabbing a damp cloth at the bottom of Louis' shirt.

It was only after they successfully cleaned up the chemicals and saved undeveloped photos, did Louis notice stains on his Marvel Avenger's shirt. Rae had dragged him out of the dark room, and into the small laundry room of Angelique's flat, to quickly grab a stain remover pen.

"It's fine, Rae, honest." Louis assures her once again. However, he is enjoying the way she keeps biting at her lips, like she committed some horrible crime against Captain America's foot.

"But it's not coming out! I ruined your shirt! I'll buy you another one, I will." Rae sulks, now vigorously rubbing at the stain. It doesn't lessen.

Louis tries to hold back his laugh; she's just a little comical this way. Her eyebrows are furrowed, her lips now pouting out with the corner of her mouth pull down in an actual frown. She's murmuring little curses under her breath every five seconds. The soft snort of laughter bubbles up his throat and slips past his lips. Louis slaps his hand over his mouth, but Rae has already snapped her head up.

She glares at him and halts her attempts. "You're finding this amusing, aren't you?"

Louis shakes his head, but his eyes are probably crinkling at the corners.

"You know what? You ask Captain America how his foot feels, and when he tells you its burning and falls off, we'll see how amusing it is then." Rae tosses the small towel on the floor. "The Avengers downfall; Louis Tomlinson the master of photo chemical spills. Loki's got nothing on you. Evil wins and it's all your fault."

Louis openly laughs at that, finally moving his hand. "Says the one who originally spilled it all. Steve's foot is all mangled because of you, m'dear."

Rae pokes her tongue out at him in retaliation. "I only knocked it over by accident because you-" Rae cuts herself short.

Louis sobers up his amusement rather quickly when he sees something change in her eyes. She seems to lose herself for a second, as if shes replaying his kiss over and over in her head. She comes back to herself, and looks at him, really truly looks at him. Louis's stomach twists uncomfortably, because this can't be good. Or maybe it might, he doesn't know yet.

Before Rae can say anything though, Louis speaks. "Rae listen. Please, just... I just wanted to-"

"Kiss me?" Rae interrupts quietly. "You kissed me, Louis."

"Yes. I did."

"I-"

She's cut off by a loud commotion towards the front door. They exchange confused looks before hurriedly making their way out of the washing room. The source of the noise turns out to be Angelique herself, coming home way too early than she's suppose to be. It's a good sort of distraction for both Louis and Rae, offering her friend to settle in while Louis goes to carry the last bag Angelique left in the boot of the cab.

It's something Louis was expecting though. For Rae to be a little freaked out by his abrupt kiss. He tires not to let himself feel rejected, that's not what she was going to say, (or hopefully it wasn't). Instead, Louis allows the two girls to catch up on why she's back so early, and politely excuses himself and declines Angelique's offer to make him lunch.
He says he got a text from Zayn, that needed him to be at a mandatory band meeting for upcoming events in the next two months. He counts it as a win when Rae still stands and hugs him goodbye. As he leaves, he pulls out his phone and calls for one of the boys to pick him up, gives them the address complex and waits.

He licks his lips, dry from the still harsh cold air, and realizes he can taste the strawberry chap-stick Rae had on hers.

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Notes