If the next day after the dark room incident was like any normal -or Rae's version of normal- day, maybe it would have all been fine. Maybe she'd have time to actually process that Louis kissed her. Kissed her soft and sweet, held her like he's been holding her since they met; delicate yet firm. Except Ronan falls ill the day after.

Raelyn gets a phone call later that night, her heart stopping for a few moments when she sees it's the Hospice calling. They inform her how sick Ronan is, suddenly coming down with pneumonia. When she arrives at the hospital around three in the morning, Ronan's already running a dangerously high fever, settling in around 40• Celsius.

The universe likes to throw her family a curve ball, catching them abruptly off guard and striking out. It happens early Monday morning, when the sun itself is still sleeping. Rae spends the rest of the night at the Hospice, singing Ronan to sleep and lightly stroking her fingers along his warm forehead. She woke with a start from her usual nightmare, immediately noticing something wasn't quite right. Ronan stared at his sister, unblinking, immobile, and Rae felt her heart drop to her feet.

"Ronan?" Rae called out cautiously, fearing the worst, getting up and leaning over her brother.

He was still breathing, she could see the raise and fall of his chest, but his eyes. His eyes were blank; like somebody just came and wiped them clean. Vacant. She calls his name again, waving her hand in front of his face with no response, not even a flutter of his eyelashes. It was then, did she notice his right arm and leg twitching, as if invisible strings were only attached to that one side. This took all of five seconds before Rae hurriedly slams her palm against the red button on the wall, requesting for a nurse, a doctor, anyone to come to the room.

***

That was Ronan's first of many seizures. It happened again in the afternoon, that Monday night and sporadically throughout the next few days. The Doctor and nurses hook him up to an EEG, a fancy alien looking neurology device. Many small metal arms attached to small wires and wrapped securely around her brothers head. It was to monitor his brainwave activity, to find the cause of the sudden seizures; if they're just due to his sickness or something new developed.

"Itchy. It's itchy." Ronan complains when he's in between new medication IVs.

Rae gently grabs his hands to prevent him from rubbing them against the cap. "I know, bud. But it's helping the doctors."

Ronan just pouts, then falls asleep ten minutes later. Raelyn stays up hours after, and when she finally falls into a light sleep, she's startled awake, paranoid of missing another seizure and calling the nurses. MaryAnn shows up in the evening and tries to convince her daughter to go home and rest. Rae stays put and helps her mother when she can. She doesn't notice her scratched up, red, welting chest until her mum points it out.

It's then does MaryAnn force Rae to go home, with the threat of stealing and hiding her camera. Rae only naps for three hours, ignores her mothers advice to rest and instead, takes the night shift at work with Liz. Kari shows up, explaining she had gotten a call from MaryAnn expressing her concerns for her daughter.

"You need to go home and sleep." Kari tries, grabbing a tray of food from Rae and handing it off to Liz, who looked about ready to fight Rae for it.

"I'm fine. I've still got to work and function." Rae replies, turning away to grab the coffee pot. She refills cups of coffee around the diner.

"Can't function on three hours, babe." Liz chides, after Rae returns the pot. "Jasper's 'bout ready to kick you out. Gonna force you to take vacation and withhold your checks."

That freezes Rae on the spot. "He can't do that...can he?"

From the back she hears her boss yell, "I can if you don't go home now!"

He means well, Rae knows that. Knows that whatever starting spark of the "secret" relationship he has with his mother makes him just as concerned. So Rae had grumbled and allowed Kari to drive her home, where she sneaks some NyQuil into Rae's tea. It knocks her out for five hours, until Rae's phone rang and she was up again.

***

It's Friday morning when a panic attack finally hits her; it has to be her worst one yet. Rae can't breathe, she literally can't catch her breath. One hand is clutching to her chest, the other squeezing at her ribs like she's trying to forcefully pump air into her own lungs. Lungs that feel like they're burning; flames engulfing each one. The spasms in her chest just add fuel to the raging fire and all she wants to do is just breathe.

When Ronan's breathing cut short, it's like he took hers with him. Like all the air in her lungs are supplying the oxygen mask he's currently got on. The green rubber band wrapped around the back of his head to hold it in place, the new heart monitors stuck to his bare chest, new IVs embedded in his arms.

Doctor Ramsy informed her that Ronan's regular chemotherapy was no longer working for him; that his body began to build up a tolerance for it. Instead, they're switching him to another form of chemo treatment. It's all well, Rae tries telling herself as she's gasping for air. Those wires and IVS and lines are for precaution only, so why can't she breathe properly.

A passing nurse notices her, makes her sit and bend over her legs, helps to open up her chest a bit. She works Rae down into a calm that's not anywhere near what a certain person can bring her to when he's there. But Rae will take what she can get at the moment. The aftermath leaves her a bit shaky, and she thanks the nurse for helping her.

***

Louis finds out that Friday. All week his texts to Rae have been ignored, except for that vague one informing him something new happened to Ronan. He can't seem to get away from meetings and early rehearsals for TV appearances and the threat of their new tour just around the corner. He was worried about her reaction to his kiss, but this is different. Something isn't right on her side, and all he wants to do is leave this boring, redundant, pointless meeting and get to the Hospice.

When the meeting finally ends, (how many times do they have to be told not go out with security during the tour) he expresses his concerns to Harry once back at their flat. Harry is playing with the kitten Louis picked up that one day a while back, wonders if maybe Rae will warm up to the cat now that he's not offering it to her. A soft hiss brings him out of his thoughts, raising a curious eyebrow at Harry, who's sucking on the back of his hand.

"Claws of death." Harry mumbles as an explanation. Then gently swats at the cat's nose, who pounces on the free hand.

"I think something's wrong with Raelyn." Louis voices, prying the kitten from Harry's wrist.

"Besides you kissing her?" He questions teasingly.

Louis shakes his head seriously. "S'more than that. It's different. I don't think Ronan is doing well."

That catches Harry's full attention, brows furrowing, and goes to sit next to Louis from his position on the floor. "Lou?" He prompts.

"Come with me, please?" Louis asks, "I know she's there. She's possibly alone too."

Harry nods. "Want me to ring the others?"

After a moments thought, Louis declines that offer. It's a good thing he does, because once they both get on the main road they notice a car that seems to be following them. The paranoia Louis feels fades away when he has to focus on the road in front of him, and Harry gets distracted texting Rae that they're coming. So the suspicious car gets put on the back burner of their minds.

They reach the hospital in time to find Rae bent over her thighs, on a chair in one of the sitting areas, just three doors down from Ronan's room. Before Louis can take another step, he's yanked back half a step. He can feel tugging at the backpack he's wearing, feel Harry plunge his hand in the small pocket. Then Harry is passing by him, rushing over to Rae. Louis watches as he rubs a gentle hand up and down her back, whispering into her. When Rae picks her head up, Harry hands her his inhaler, which prompts a bark of laughter out of her; something she probably desperately needs. She pulls Harry into an awkward looking side arm hug, squeezing as tight as she can with an arm hooked over his shoulders.

Louis just looks on fondly, smiling to himself when Harry pulls her up for a proper hug. He's still mumbling things into her, Rae nodding into his chest, Louis is stood just far enough away that he can't hear. When they finally release their hold after Harry gives a kiss on her temple, he nudges Raelyn towards Louis, to which she shoots him her mini-candle flame glare.
Louis shrugs off his backpack, dropping it on the floor and opening his arms for her.

Tentatively, Rae smiles at him, then fits herself quite nicely against his chest. She looks calm, but Louis can feel how her chest stutters slightly with her breathing when he wraps his arms around her. Her fingertips dig into his shoulder blades, her face hidden against his neck, feels her exhale in warm puffs of air. He trails one hand up her spine, grazing his fingers over the back of her neck, and resting them deep in her hair.

They stand like that for a while, so long that Louis sees Harry sneak pass them, but he doesn't mind. He'll hold her as long as she needs it. He doesn't know the extent of what's happening, but he'll do anything for her, even if it means to stand to the point of feeling his legs grow numb.

Rae slowly breaks their hug, pulling back, but just far enough so there's only a small amount of space between their chest, arms still wrapped around each other. Louis looks down at her, reads her eyes, those eyes so much like a kaleidoscope with only shades of blues and greens, with a glitter of gold. He sees worry, anxiousness, fear. He wants to kiss those all away, replace them with hope and faith and love and anything else that defines happiness. Wants to lean down just a few inches to press his lips against hers, a little chapped at the bottom like she's been nibbling it from worry. Wants to promise her things he isn't sure he can make, isn't sure he can actually keep; doesn't want to break her heart with unkempt promises. He does however, lean down until his forehead rests against hers, moves his fingers from her hair to caress her face and feels the corner of her lip pull up into a ghostly smile.

"Hi." Rae whispers, staring up at him despite how its beginning to strain their eyes.

Louis chuckles in his throat, swiping his thumb across her lips. "Hello."

He's about to just go for it, just close those three inches and kiss her, when he hears a shutter sound. At first, he thinks nothing of it, so used to now being around Rae with her camera, snapping photos of things at random things. However, Rae's arms are currently wrapped around his waist, and she's giving him a confused frown. Harry's been missing for the past few minutes, and no one else is around, at least he thinks. Reluctantly, he pulls away from her, scanning the hallway around them, and only finding a nurse at the station on the phone.

"Curious." Rae muses.

Louis nods, suddenly remembering that car following them. His suspicions can't be correct; it's hard to just sneak pass any of the front desks at the Hospice. Instead, Louis turns back to Raelyn.

"What's been going on, Rae?" He inquires, finally giving his legs a break and plopping down onto one of the yellow chairs.

Rae follows, but drops her face in her hands and sighs deeply. She explains Ronan's sudden sickness, the seizures that were caused by his high fever from pneumonia. How his already weakened immune system is continuing to grow weaker, and she just isn't sure anymore. Says it's hard to watch her mum begin to fall apart all over again, and Rae confesses she feels trapped in a corner.

"He's got this horrible cough, Louis." She explains grimly, "It's cackling and deep, and he isn't eating because it makes his stomach hurt. I don't know, Lou. I feel so tense, like everything is building up inside. Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop." She shrugs.

She seems frustrated, annoyed, tired. Louis sees how tightly buttoned up her shirt is, hiding away her chest. He doesn't need to ask to know, he just wants to know how bad it looks.

"He's a strong little boy, Rae. Has been for years," He begins. "He's going to be fine."

"I'm not so sure if I believe that anymore." Rae admits, twisting her hands together furiously, until Louis grabs hold of them, tangling their fingers together.

"None of that, love." Louis reprimands firmly. "It's not the time for anyone to give up on him, especially you."

Raelyn is quiet for moment before she suddenly becomes agitated. "I'm not!" She states fiercely, like she's angry at herself, or him, for even thinking it. "I'm not the one who gave up on him. I have never given up on him and I never will. I'm not like him. Ever."

Louis is shocked; no idea where her anger abruptly came from. "Erm...like who?" Because that seems like a perfectly safe question to ask during this time. His sarcasm in his mind should be shared only at the proper time.

"My father." She spits out, like a bad taste in her mouth.

Louis has never heard such venom in Rae's voice than he does at the moment. It's the first time she's actually mentioned anything about her father, and his thoughts go back to that time he nearly opened that plain black box. How angry Rae had gotten, a black fire in her eyes, misplaced at him, like now. Before Louis can say anything, maybe try to calm her again, bring down her anger and sizzle out that fire that seems to never touch her mock glares she sends to people, there's a loud shout from one of the rooms to their left.

Both Louis and Rae look over, Rae's grip tightening around his hand when she realizes it came from Ronan's room. It happens quickly; the door swings open, bouncing off the wall once. Then a man with dark hair and beard is being shoved out, an angry Harry following him, and MaryAnn after. She looks livid, absolutely furious and if it weren't for Harry hissing words at the man, Louis is sure Rae's mother would tear him one. Louis sees the bulky, professional camera, and before he can do anything, the man points at Louis.

"Well, he so kindly tipped me off." The paparazzo accuses. "Allowed me to follow him here, quite easy really. Thought he wanted to me too."

If Rae wasn't already so ticked off, maybe she would have realized what utter bullshit that is. But Rae rips her hand out of Louis' and stands up, shoots Louis a look that he's pretty sure just stole his soul, and makes a beeline towards the man. The nurse at the station has been on the phone since the door slammed opened, calling for backup, but there won't be any need if Rae gets to the man first.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" She all but screams, trying to reach for the man.

Harry grabs her by the waist and pulls her back a bit, while MaryAnn quickly closes Ronan's door. Louis gets the feeling back in his legs and springs up to help Harry. Rae notices and moves away from him, more towards the pap and into Harry's restraint. He ignores the sting of that, because really, she would rather believe this sleezey man than him? He wants to scream at the man, tell him off, maybe smash his camera to the ground, however Rae and her mother seem to doing a fine job on their own.

At one point, Rae makes a grab for the expensive camera, barely getting her fingers on the strap and yanks. The camera stumbles out of the man's hands, there's a split moment where time freezes when it looks like it's going to hit the tile floor, the lens of the camera halts an inch away, swinging dangerously close to the ground. The strap is clutched tightly in Rae's fist, Louis realizes, and thanks whatever stopped her from smashing it. They don't need a lawsuit, given that the paparazzo would spin it that way.

"This is a lovely camera. Always wanted one for meself, think I should keep it, yeah?" Rae taunts, pulling the camera back when he tries to grab it. Finally, at least four security men show up, forcing their way in between Rae and the man.

"I could sue you." He threatens her, narrowing his dark eyes. He allows one of the policemen to pull him back further.

Rae laughs, a heartless, humorless chuckle that doesn't fit anything about her. "You broke in to a Children's hospital, violated several rules, I'm sure, invaded the privacy of a child, and put him at a health risk! But, please sir, be my guest."

Pappo snarls at her, opens his mouth to respond when Rae cuts him off.

"Oh, and get a proper job, you piece of shit!" Rae scolds, acid dripping from her voice, and Louis has to hide his smile behind his hand at those familiar words. "They're humans. People with lives and feelings and just because they're more known than others doesn't give you the right to follow them around like an animal at a zoo!"

Harry has to pull Rae back again when she goes to step closer to the man. Tightens his arms around her waist, but he looks like he's just wants to release her on him. It seems to be over, the verbal shouts and cruses, and Louis is about to test if he can even touch Rae right now. Then the Pap open his mouth once more, halfway down the hallway.

"Had to see if the kid was really dying. Never know with all these fake celebrities. Lying about good deeds just for more sales. Shitty charity work and all. He lead me straight to you, doll." He says with a saccharine smile.

Louis finally cracks at that, can't stand the insults and insane accusations this guy is coming up with. So he marches right up to him, and gets in his face. He ignores Harry's warning of his name.

"Fuck off." Louis snarls at him, "If I ever see you, or your shitty friends around here or her family again, I will personally make you wish you've never been born in this country. Come near them again, and I will make your life a living hell."

After the man is escorted out by three policemen, Louis turns to the family behind him. MaryAnn is telling off the nurse at the desk, the poor woman only being the messenger for the front desk instead. Harry takes the camera still clutched in Rae's hand away from her as she's yelling at one of the Hospice Guards, looking like he just wants to smash it too. Instead, because he's Harry, and Louis swears to this day his mate doesn't have a single mean bone in his body, he hands it off to the other guard. From there it just seems to get worse.

Despite having moved back into Ronan's room after the guards leave, Doctor Ramsey shows up with an RN, both being informed of the situation. The RN, Lisa, checks on Ronan's vitals, then Ramsey makes the decision to cut Ronan's visiting hours short, only allowing one visitor at a time. Tensions settles over the room, and as MaryAnn says goodbye to Ronan for the night, not something taken lightly, Ronan is confused. With his wide confused eyes, cries for his mummy and sissy because he was scared and don't know what had happened. At the moment, all four of them are being pushed out of the room, so the RN and Ramsey can continue to take his vitals.

MaryAnn goes off to the already skiddish nurse and demands to speak with the Hospital Manager. Meanwhile, Louis had been carefully watching Rae the whole time. Watching her seethe silently; hasn't spoken a word since she stopped yelling at the guards. Harry is cautiously trying to pull her out of her tense stance, gently rubbing at her shoulder, when she snaps.

"You." Rae grits through her teeth, pointing at Louis. "Out."

"I'm sorry?" Louis asks confused, his chest starting to constrict. Harry looks between them, biting his lip in anticipation.

"Out. Leave. I don't want you here anymore."

"Raelyn-" Harry starts, but Louis cuts him off.

"You can't honestly believe what he said, Rae!" Louis is suddenly angry as well. Because of course the pap wanted to twist this around on him. "Harry was with me the whole time. We were followed here, we didn't know!"

"Bullshit! It's happened before. What's stopping them from coming again?" Rae questions angrily. "Ronan cannot, can not, have this right now, Louis. He can't- the stress will make it worse."

Louis sees it again, a flicker of fear behind the icy fire. He inhales, closing his eyes and counting to five. He knows now, knows that as angry as she seems to be towards him, it's not actually at him.

"Rae, love." Harry tries again, sincerity in his voice. "We would honestly never want that to happen again. We want Ronan to get better, but you have to believe us. Louis didn't intentionally lead him here. Everything he said was a lie. I know you know that."

Louis opens his eyes to see Rae's arms crossed around her stomach drop. Like Harry's just making her fury melt away, he's good at that. But Rae is still tense, and her eyes are just beginning to soften around the corners. Though she continues to visibly relax as Harry goes on.

"We understand if you don't want us here anymore-"

"I never said you, Harry." Rae mumbles.

Harry tries not to smile, while Louis tries not to bite the inside of his cheek. "We completely understand if you want us to stop coming. You're right. We don't know if it'll happen again, but if taking a step back is what you need, Ronan needs, what this whole place needs, then we'll gladly do it. The only important thing are the children here."

Rae nods, eyes Louis when he takes a step closer, but not out of spite. He'll take his soul back now if he can. Harry is so good at disputing people's anger, and while he coaches Rae out of hers, a hand lands on Louis' shoulder. He turns and sees MaryAnn smiling apologetically at him, then motions for him to follow her.

She leads the way down the hall, through the double doors and out to the sitting area right next to the ward. She asks if him and Harry could take Rae home, if not home, at least out of the Hospice for a while. Just to give her daughter an actual break, and not have her go into work. Louis agrees. It takes a few minute of coaxing on Harry's part to convince Rae to leave with then, but she does.

***

After what seems like a longer drive than usual, Rae "accidentally" tossing her bag into the back that lands a little too precisely on Louis' gut, Harry pulls into their complex. Rae gets settled on the floor of the living room, finding a fake toy mouse on the ground, while Harry starts preparing lunch. The kitten trots up to Rae on the floor, spotting her playing with the toy, and tries to swat at it with her paw. The more the cat attempts to catch the toy, pouncing and flicking her tail, the more a smile beings to spread across Rae's lips.

"Y'know," Louis muses after a minute. "For someone who seems to hate cats, you sure don't mind this one."

Rae's hand stops moving the toy, allowing the cat to catch it. She narrows her eyes at him, dropping her eyes to the kitten chewing on the toy. She gently pulls it free from her paws, then leads the mouse up Louis' shin to his knee. The cat follows, using her claws to climb up his leg, successfully digging her claws in his skin as well. Louis hisses from the sharp pain, grabbing the kitten around her stomach and holding her to his chest. That was deliberate, and Rae is still mad at him for something he didn't do and had no control over.

"That wasn't very nice of her was it, Banana?" Louis says to the kitten.

Rae snorts. She tosses the mouse at Louis' head. "What kind of name is Banana for a cat, anyway? She's not even the proper colour."

"Only joking. Her name's Pepper."

"Like Pepper Potts?"

Louis smiles brightly at Rae, and finally, she returns his smile. He sets Pepper down on his knee, who sits there for a moment, before hopping down to curl up in Rae's lap. "Exactly like Pepper Potts."

Rae scratches behind Pepper's ear, the kitten purring contently. "M'sorry Louis."

He slips off the couch to sit next to her, pressing his knee against hers. She doesn't pull away. "Oh, come off it, love. Why are you apologizing? It's my fault-" Louis starts.

"No it's not. I should know that. I'm so sorry I believed him for a second. It was just...I'm just..." She waves her hand in the air for lack of better explanation.

Louis gently places his finger under her chin, lifting her head to make eye contact with him. Her eyes say it all, even the colour is off, a dark grey instead of the usual blue. Like the ever ominous thundercloud lingering over her is getting closer. Much closer than anyone would like it too. The fear is still there, the uncertainty, the frustration, the lack of hope. The last one more prominent than any other emotion he can see.

"Ronan will be fine." Louis tells her. "You have to believe that. No, Raelyn. You have too. You can't give up on him."

Raelyn started to shake her head while he talked. Her hand coming up to press against her chest. Louis captures her wrist with his free hand. Twists their fingers together until they're entwined and holds tight. Grips her knuckles; anchors her as best he can.

"I don't want too." She murmurs, returning his hard grip with her own. "Louis."

"I know. It's alright." He reassures.

Despite him trying to make her believe, there's always to be that fear in her heart. So he leans forward until his lips are grazing hers. Rae's breath hitches a little, caught in her throat, and Louis just hopes she won't react like she did in the dark room. Rae's eyes slip shut, and presses her lips against his instead. Louis makes a startled little sound, wasn't expecting her to make that move. He retaliates, pressing more firmly against her, slipping her hand around to cup her jaw, carefully moves his lips with hers. He can't help his smile though, and can feel Rae smile too.

He moves to pull away, possibly to just let out the chuckle that's sitting in his chest, but Rae's other hand comes up and grips his shirt. Keeps him there, and suddenly, the smiles are gone and the light mood shifts to much heavier. Like Rae suddenly released all she's been feeling the past week; like this is the only way to assure that at least something will be good, will turn out fine. The kiss feels like tears, tears she can't cry, and Louis lets her hand go to wrap his arm around her waist to hold her. Pulls her closer to give her any kind of comfort she needs right now...and forgets the cat in her lap.

Pepper startles, meowing in disdain about her spot having been shifted. Louis and Rae break apart when Pepper swats at his arm, both laughing breathlessly. Rae picks her up and places her on the couch behind him, the same time Harry waltzes in the room. Three plates of food balanced on his arms, carefully setting them down on the coffee table. He puts his hands on his hips and stares down at them.

"About time." Harry starts, playfully scolding them. "Kissing over the food table is just unsanitary. I am so disappointment." He shakes his finger in the air.

"Shove off!" Louis laughs, attempting to kick him in the shin.

"Be nice, Lou. You're in the presence of a lovely lady." Harry winks at Rae.

"I swear." Rae mutters. She throws the toy mouse at Harry's chest, who laughs, and doesn't stop laughing all through lunch.

**********************************************************************************************************

Notes