Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Just four days after the wedding, things begin to take a turn that Rae hopes won't be a pattern. Rae finally, finally, flops down onto her bed, groaning from exhaustion. She doesn't understand how her days have become progressively worse. Double shifts that hug the line into a triple shift at the Diner because a new coworker likes to bugger off and drink into the morning light. She doesn't know why Jasper hired him in the first place.

She pulls out her phone from her pocket, which takes a great amount of effort, checking any updates from her mother who's actually staying the night at the hospital. Nothing. Rae sighs, then plugs her phone into the charger.

Ronan began to spike a temperature on Monday, slowly crawling up with each passing day. The nurses said it could possibly be from the chemotherapy since they upped the dosage of it. To which, Rae doesn't fully understand why. She was informed of some new, suspicious activity in Ronan's brainwaves. Doctor Ramsey decided to call for a new type of medicine just recently discovered to help. That doesn't sit right in Raelyn's stomach, but her mum give the consent for it.

The new dosage and medication calls to be at the hospice more often than not, and she is just tired. Rae knows though, no matter how tired she is, it will always be harder on her brother. She reminds herself of that when she thinks is a bad day, is absolutely nothing compared to living in a hospital and sitting through a grueling eight hour chemo session.
For today however, she allows herself just five minutes of wallowing. A wallowing that she only does in her mind, reflecting on the day and accepting that it did, in fact, suck bollocks. The new co-worker who burnt the coffee at the Diner, the dent in the back bummer of her car because someone decided to backup into Charlie while Raelyn was at the hospital before her shift and not bother leaving a note. The hospital, the hospital was the worst. It seemed like every beautiful child had a horrible day. Cries of pain, cries for mummies and daddies, cries of exhaustion and cries that didn't come from a child, but the parents of one.

Rae doesn't want to go there because it'll just make her chest clench up like it did earlier. Because Rae has become a bit of an unwilling masochist. In which she just attempts to make herself cry, force out the tears that haven't shed for three years by watching the parents of the children who are called upward. All it truly does though, is set off her panic attacks and her chest spasms so painfully it literally takes the breath out of her lungs.
However, she is the healthy, she thinks now, because her wallowing is over. She lives at home, with no tubes or needles or beeping machines. No linger of death's spirit every day, no pain in walking, breathing, living. Rae sits up, rubbing her hands over her face and listening to the silence of her house. It's quiet, as always, an empty silence that's anything but peaceful. She much prefers the sounds of the Hospice, no matter how depressing they can be, but it's better than being alone in a dark house; alone with her thoughts.

She hates the quiet, hates how she can hear her heart beating, her blood flowing through her veins, the air in her lungs as she breathes in and out. She hates being alone. She hates the darkness of it; shades of gray like those of a black and white photos. Grays and blacks that surround her and swallow her up and she can't help but think if they do that to Ronan. If the dark colors his organs, courses through his blood only to attack his heart.

A sharp pain breaks Rae's thoughts and its only then she realizes she's been digging her nails into her chest, scratching as if she's trying to rid the pain there. She shoves her hand under her thigh, and inhales deeply. Before anymore thoughts can invade her mind, a faint rapping from downstairs sounds.

Confused - it's one in the morning, who the hell is knocking at the door- she gets up slowly. She grabs that same threatening umbrella on the way out of her room, and quietly descends down the stairs. She peeks through the peep hole, then drops her menacing weapon in the corner, because of course.

"What are you doing here?" Rae asks as she opens the door, slightly guilty. She hasn't talked to Louis in four days time.

But here he is, standing there in all his glory, looking absolutely handsome and too put together for this time of night. Wearing dark jeans, a gray jumper, blue beanie and that wool lined jean jacket he finally got back from her. She blames the moon's lighting; casting shadows on his cheekbones.

Louis just smiles, holding out his hand. "Come with me, Wendy Darling."

"You're serious?" Rae deadpans after a moments pause, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. "Are you saying you're Peter Pan?"

"For the night." Is Louis' answer, smile growing bigger and mischievous. "All you need is faith and trust." He shakes his hand a bit, offering for her to take it.

Rae opens her mouth for a sarcastic response, but stops herself, and considers. "Am I going to regret this?"

Louis' eyebrows quirk upward. "You'll only know when it's over."

For several long moments, Rae hesitates, shooting Louis a questionable look. She's exhausted and on edge from working and just her life in general. Maybe she should just politely decline, take a nice hot shower and curl up in bed. But...she assets Louis once more; blue eyes twinkling like the stars in the sky, mirthful smirk quirking up the corners of his lips. Maybe, just maybe, Peter Pan's spirit really lives within him, and she could probably use an escape from reality. Rae notices the softness around his eyes as he continues to stare at her, waiting. Finally, she slowly places her hand in his, fingers grasping tightly over hers, then pulls her along.

***

"You ruined my moment!" Louis pouts, walking along a short stone wall as Rae decides to play it safe and walk on the ground.

"I had to leave a note for my mum so she wouldn't come home at two AM and find her daughter has gone missing." Rae defends lightly. "Plus I had to change."

"Wendy went to Neverland and didn't leave a note for her parents. In her nightgown too." Mumbles Louis.

Rae stops in her tracks. "You're not going to let this Peter Pan thing go tonight, are you?"
At her words, Louis spins gracefully to face her, and if she tried that she'd fall flat in her face.

"You are correct, Wendy!" He holds his hand out again, dropping his childish antics for a moment. "Now, will you fly with me, or stay grounded on something you know causes you pain?"

For the second time, Rae takes his hand, without any hesitation.

***

"Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars and let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words hold my hold, in other words baby kiss me, fill my heart my song-"

"Are you singing Frank Sinatra?" Rae laughs lightly.

Louis ended up leading her to the park, where he hopped onto a swing, standing on the seat and singing to the sky. The sight was rather endearing, causing these little flutters in her stomach. When Louis looks back at her, blue eyes bright like the moon shinning behind him, the flutters skip up to her heart and she swallows the breath caught in her throat when he smiles at her.

"I wish I had a camera right now." She says softly, mostly to herself.

Louis brightens up, hops off the swing and runs over to the tree just at the edge of the sand. He comes back with a vintage looking Polaroid, giving to Rae and returning to the sing.

"What...are you?" Rae asks somewhat breathless. "Where'd you get this?"

Louis's laugh echoes through the night. "Take your pictures, Darling. And before you go on about how expensive Polariods are, trust me when I say this one was free."

"Thief." Rae smiles fondly.

Louis shrugs, not elaborating on how he got the camera. Rae tries to bite back the smile continuing to grow on her lips, knowing that stashing a Polaroid behind a tree in the park was nothing but planned. She snaps a picture of Louis, who makes a funny face, before facing the moon again, picking up where he left off on Frank.

The picture exits the camera and develops slowly. Rae carefully sticks it in her back pocket once its fully dry and developed. She takes several more pictures of Louis with the moon as his spotlight, then takes pictures of the empty swings, of the tree in the distance. The tree picture is daunting, hardly able to make it out in the picture but its beautiful and she pockets it just the same.

"Wendy Darling."

"Yes, Peter?"

"C'mere!" Louis jerks his head, motioning for her to come towards him.

She carefully puts down the camera, and stands next to the swings. Louis hops down once more, places his hands on Rae's waist and helps her stand on the swing. She wobbles some, but Louis holds her steady, has been holding her steady since she's met him and she thinks she never wants him to stop. She looks down at him when she feels his hand gently squeeze her waist; anchor.

***

Louis settles Rae on the swing, checks to make sure her feet are planted on the curve of it. He keeps his hands on her for moments longer than he has the right too, before stepping back a little. Reluctantly, he lets her go, then begins to push the swing forward.

"You'll catch me right? If I fall?" Rae questions softly, once she starts moving through the air.

"Of course!" Louis scoffs, like its the most absurd thing he's ever been question. Barely a minute later though, Louis being himself, shakes the swing a little, causing Rae to nearly fall off. She holds tight to the chains and glares at Louis.

"My hatred for you grows, Lou." She states firmly.

"If that's the furthest from the truth!" He laughs, patting her calf in apology. "I won't do it again."

"I'm trusting you, you know."

There's a short pause before Louis answers her with a soft, "I know."

It sounds heavy. He knows exactly what that means even if Raelyn doesn't realize what she said. Louis steps back further, allowing her to swing freely on her own, watching her. The moonlight breaking through the clouds catches in her hair, fluttering from the wind of her swinging. It outlines her body, making her glow with something that's more than just light. He walks around, now standing in front of her, a safe three feet back so he won't get hit. Her eyes are closed, chin tilted towards the stars and a hint of a smile on her lips.

It's that moment, the moment Louis realizes just how much trust she has in him, how much she's opened up to him in the past several months. How much she has confessed, confided in him, how much she needed him in those moments when her mind took over. She always called him, always sought of for him, always wanted his hold on her. Her anchor when she floats towards the darkness of reality, her comfort when she does float away. Louis sees it now.

It's in the pictures she shows him, in the way she lets him hold her camera, lets him hold Ronan. Lets him hold the most important things in her life in his hands, and she doesn't even realize it. He's seen her at her worse, seen her at her best and all the moments in between. He sees it in the moments Louis allows himself to take her away, to be her shoulder, her friend, her entertainment, her escape. Sees it in the moment he knows he'll drop everything to be there for her. He sees her. Clear and bright like the moonlight that still shines down on her.

Louis' heartbeat abruptly kicks up five notches, hammering rapidly in his chest. His stomach tightens and he feels warmth spread through his body and up to his cheeks. Louis sees, in that moment Rae standing on the swing cutting back and forth through the air, that he has fallen for her. He's realized this before, but now, in this moment, he knows just hard and deep he fell down that rabbit hole. That he can fully, undoubtedly, admit it to himself now; he loves her like he has never loved anyone else before in his life.

Swallowing, and trying to ignore how his heart is pounding, Louis bends over to pick up the camera, snapping a quick picture of her. Apparently Raelyn hears the shutter that breaks into her serene moment. It startles her, leaning forward a little too much. She wobbles on the swing trying to keep her balance, and in the end opts to just hop off. Her foot catches the rubber seat, tripping her up and sending her toppling into Louis, camera still in hand. They both hit the sand with a breathless grunt. Rae lands halfway on Louis, rolling off and smacking his chest with the back of her hand.

"You said you'd catch me!" She cackles, grabbing the camera making sure it wasn't harmed.

"How am I suppose to know you'd be a klutz and fall?"

"It's like you don't know me at all, Peter." Rae quips, sticking out her tongue.

"Now she wants to play along." He says with the fondest of eye rolls.


"Peter'd never let Wendy fall."

At that, with the playfulness in her voice, Louis rolls over onto his stomach gazing down at Rae. He tries to ignore how incredibly blue the moon makes her eyes look, almost sliver, and switches back to his original plan.

"Bet cha can't catch me with the camera, Trippy McTripper." He dares mirthfully, grabbing the camera back. With that, he springs up, running away from her as fast as he can.

"Hey!" Rae whines, pushing herself up and chasing the boy who honestly probably is the person he's pretending to be.

***

Rae stops just short of the tree, panting slightly and pushing back her hair from her face. She scans the park, only lit by the blue hue of the moon and that one street lamp and see absolutely no one. Lovely. She brushes off most of the sand stuck to her clothes, then pulls her coat a little more tighter around herself. The temperature seems to be dropping the later it gets, and finding Louis needs to be quick so she won't freeze.

"Louis!" Rae calls. No response. "Lou-is!" She walks around the tree, with still no sign of him. It's an open park with only two places to hide; the tunnel slide and the tree. Sighing, Rae gives in again.

"Alright, Peter. You've had your fun, now stop hiding. S'bloody cold out here." She says. Rae halts walking, and looks up at the dark tree branches, squinting her eyes. She can't make any shapes out, just the thick leaves of the branches. "Did you up and fly away without me?"

Rae feels something grab her shoulder the same time as a loud shout. Her heart jumps to her throat, spinning around and glare, no doubt, at Louis...who's laughing joyously. Rae shoves him back with no force behind it.

"You, sir," Rae begins "are but a child. You scared me."

"I'm- okay, I'm sorry." Louis apologies.

He's still laughing though, the sound of it skipping towards Rae and settling into her bones. She listens to the tinkling of it, the giddiness that shouldn't come out of a grown man, yet it just fits Louis perfectly. Smiling suspiciously, Rae slips around the trunk of the tree out of sight while Louis regains himself. She waits for him to realize she's the one hiding now.

"I swear if you jump out at me..." Louis threatens playfully.

Rae shakes her like as if he can see her, and slowly, carefully peeks her head around to see Louis' back towards her, walking the opposite way around the tree. She follows behind him, careful to avoid stepping on any fallen leaves and sticks. Louis suddenly turns around, Rae hiding from sight in the nick of time. She looks up, coming up with her own little disappearing act. She quickly jumps up, catching the lowest branch of the tree and swings her legs up. Once she steadies herself on the branch, she climbs two thick branches higher, just as the top of Louis' head appears.

"Now who's the kid?" He teases. "And to think I brought those little coffee beans you like so much."

Rae scoffs quietly, because of course he would play dirty and use chocolate covered espresso beans to his advantage. Nor did he tell her he had them stashed away somewhere.

"Think, Peter Pan." Rae calls down. She shifts over onto another branch just left of Louis' sight once he looks up. "Now where would I be hiding?"

"Certainly not up in a big, obvious tree." He answers, smile laced with his voice.

"Certainly not!"

"Up in the sky I presume. In that case, you stole pixie dust and therefore are a thief of the fairies!"

"I did no such thing, t'was Captain Hook!"

"T'was Wendy Darling...and she's right there." Louis finally spots her when the moons light streak through the leaves.

Rae laughs, genuinely laughs at him, at their pretend characters, at what was a horrible night now forgotten.

"Come down and I'll give you your gift." Louis bargains, smiling up at her.

Rae slips down onto the lowest branch. "Will you catch me this time?"

Louis' smile fades into a soft tilt, holding up his arms. "Always."

"That's what you said last time and I got a face full of sand." Rae reminds him.

"Shh, that one doesn't count!"

The laughter that escapes her lips echoes throughout the park. Unknowingly echoing in Louis' ears straight to his heart. "Promise me!" She points down to him.

Louis steps closer, placing his hands on her dangling ankles. "For to have faith, is to have wings."

"Did you just...did you just quote The Little White Bird?"

A smile slowly spread across Louis' lips. "To trust is an awfully big adventure." He tells her softly.

The words cause Raelyn's heart to skip a beat. She nods, and hops off the branch with Louis' help, straight into his arms. There's that same moment that keeps accruing to them. Where they simply just lock eyes. It happened at Christmas, at the hospital, and several times before. Rae leans up on her toes the same time Louis lowers his head, noses grazing each others and foreheads connected. The next words spoken are gentle, soft like the breeze in the night.

"Neverland," She starts, "made me forget. Thank you, Louis." She softly presses her lips to the corner of his mouth once again -maybe she'll have the courage to moved them just a bit to the right some day soon- then steps back. "I'd like my espresso beans now, please."
Raelyn doesn't see Louis trace the spot where the feel of her lips linger with his fingers, nor does she know his thoughts; he would always take her to Neverland.

***

It's quiet on the walk back to Rae's house, comfortable and nice. They don't need to fill the space with words, for they can perfectly accept just being in each other companies. Louis walks Raelyn's inside, and offers to make her tea before she goes to bed. They sit on the couch, sipping cups of Yorkshire while watching late night throwback cartoons.

Soon, Rae's eyes are too heavy to keep open, the exhaustion of her days finally catching up to her, so she closes them for the night. Her head falls onto Louis' shoulder, so he adjusts the blanket they were sharing to cover her up more, tucking her away into her dreams. He doesn't dare move, not until he's woken up from his own slumber by a gentle tap on his arm.
MaryAnn is standing over him, smiling fondly and offers to drive him home if he's too tired to drive himself. He politely declines, tells her to get some well deserved rest. He carefully slips out from under Rae's sleeping form, having shifted during the night horizontal the couch, gently lying her down. She mumbles in her sleep, indistinguishable words, and holds onto Louis' hand tightly, before her fingers loosen.

Louis waits for her mother to climb the stairs bidding each other a good night, well, morning. Once she's gone, Louis bends and softly kisses Rae's forehead, then leaves, quietly shutting the door behind him. Knowing full well what happened during the night could be considered a date. he ignores what that thought does to his heart.

When he gets home, Harry is awake, probably for his late night cuppa. Harry raises his eyebrows for details, sipping at his tea. Louis looks dead straight at his mate, and confesses:

"I am completely in love with her."

Harry slowly puts down his mug. "Well...yeah. Took you long enough."

Louis throws the nearest thing at Harry, an oven mitt, then goes to bed smiling.

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Notes