Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Mid January is freezing still; like that bone deep cold where nothing seems to be warm enough. Snow flurries swirl around in the air and Rae wonders, not for the first time, how's she's going to make through a winter wedding without her fingers falling off. She brings up this concern to Kari, over steaming mugs of hot chocolate as she comes up with plans to successfully photograph while wearing an Eskimo coat.

"Are you bringing Louis as your date?" Kari asks casually, interrupting Rae mid Eskimo rant.
Rae knows she hesitates for a half second, then says, "Photographers don't have dates."

Then she takes a big gulp of hot chocolate, nearly burning her tongue. Ignores Kari when she just fixes her with a knowing look.

That turns out to be a lie; for when Harry gets wind of that, he offers to be her date. Rae agrees only if Harry will reattach her fingers when they're eventually to snap off. Harry laughs, reminds her that the majority of the wedding is inside a nice warm church. So, she's got a casual, friendly date, because despite what every media outlet says about Harry Styles, he can in fact have a friend of the opposite sex who is just that. A friend. And if Louis is pretending to study his fingernails and not bite the inside of his cheek, then, okay. He doesn't go unnoticed to Rae.

She spends the rest of their lunch sitting close to Louis, arms pressed against each other's while she asks his opinion on the latest issue of the Hospice newsletter. She ends up with Louis' wool-lined jean jacket over her shoulders when she shivers a little. Ignores Zayn's knowingly raised eyebrows when he nudges her foot beneath the table. If Liam and Niall notice how Louis' touch lingers over her hand when he -accidentally- brushes his fingers against her knuckles to point at a picture, they don't say anything about it.

***

On the day of the wedding, Rae shows up on Louis and Harry's flat doorstep, quite annoyed, and a little earlier than planned. She just came from the Hospice, bag of her wedding outfit in hand. Harry opens the door, with a confused pout on his face.

"You ruined the illusion of the date, Rae." He starts, stepping aside when Rae politely pushes pass him. "I'm suppose to pick you up."

Rae shrugs offhandedly, pulling off her boots. "I'll let you open doors for me, lovely Harold."

There's a mumbled, "hanging out with Louis too much," from Harry.

She continues talking, already making her way down the hall towards their rooms. "That one guard was at the gate and refused to let me in, even after I showed him my ID and my name on the list. Refused to call so I was sat there until he typed in all my info. Like he was doing a background check or something. As if I didn't just come from a children's hospital, with said sticker on the back of m-oof!"

Rae literally runs into Louis mid sentence, as he comes out from his room. The unexpected impact knocks both of them back a few steps. Louis falls back into his door frame, and Rae knocks against Harry who had been following her.

She blinks. Louis is shirtless. Shirtless and rubbing his right shoulder which knocked into the wooden paneling. Her eyes focus on his chest tattoo, on the 78 on his left shoulder, and blinks again. His skin is slightly tan (which how is that possible), and smooth and her eyes follow the lean cut of his stomach. She swallows the dry lump in her throat, and realizes Louis has been talking for a solid ten seconds.

"-told him it was fine." He's saying. "You're about as harmless as a fluffy bunny."
Mentally shaking her thoughts away, she asks, "Are you not freezing then?" Choosing to ignore the fluffy bunny comment; she can be more threatening than that.

Louis smirks. "Someone stole me jacket the other day."

"Borrowed."

"Stole."

"I clearly just forgot to return it to you, Mr 'I just had to mess with Paul and end up being thrown over his shoulder and shoved into the car.'"

Louis opens his mouth to retaliate, when Harry decides to make his presence known again. Rae nearly forgot he was there.

"As lovely as it is to watch you two flirt," Harry begins, dodging Rae's foot when she subtly tries to stomp on his, "we've got a wedding to get ready for. And as Raelyn here is the photographer-"

That snaps Rae back into action, quickly slipping past Louis to commandeer his room. She readies herself, cursing her lack of warm winter dresses in the process. Though praises the coat her mum bought her for her birthday two years ago.

Once she's dressed, applied some makeup, and fiddles with her hair until she just leaves it down, she inhales deeply. She's nervous, is the thing. She just hopes her photos come out the way the bride wants then too; will hopefully love them. When Rae finally unlocks Louis' door and steps out into the living room, Harry's waiting patiently.

He's dressed in a nice white button down, topped with a dark blue blazer and dark blue dress pants. Next to him, Louis lounges on the sofa, now wearing a soft maroon jumper. He sits up straight when Rae walks further into the room.

"We did not plan this colour coordination." Rae states teasingly, pointing a finger at Harry, who laughs heartily.

The color of her dress matches Harry's blazer. It's the only long sleeved dress she owns, if barely. The sleeves are made of lace, stopping at the crook of her elbows. The material is fitted at her waist, then flares out a little at her hips, the hem falling mid thigh, and if it weren't for the cotton knit black legging underneath, she'd be walking on icicles. The back cuts open a bit, exposing her upper back and wings of her shoulder blades. Surely, she's going to freeze if she spends three minutes outside.

"I may have convinced Gems to show me your dress. Proper date and all." Harry winks; though Rae isn't sure if it's directed at her or Louis.

She bites her lip for a moment, suddenly concerned with her choice outfit. "It is- I mean, do I look alright? It's not too...I don't know."

"Beautiful." Louis speaks up firmly. "You look beautiful, Raelyn. Completely wedding photographer worthy."

Rae can only fiddle with her loose hair, twirling a finger around a strand and subconsciously pressing her hand to her chest. It doesn't clench painfully like it normally does, she just felt her heart skip a beat. It skips again when she sees Louis stand up, and slowly make his way over to her.

When he's close enough for her to look up, she can only hold his gaze for a few moments before dropping her eyes to her shoes. She feels Louis's fingers unwind the strand of hair around her index finger, carefully pushing it back in place behind her ear. He doesn't stop there; he continues to run his fingers through her hair, almost like he's trying to style it.

"Don't be nervous, Rae." Louis encourages quietly. Rae locks her eyes with his again.

"You're an amazing photographer and every picture you take they're going to love. You've been so stressed lately. This something fun you get to do. Enjoy that. Have fun. Don't forget to breathe, and don't dance with Harry. He has two left feet."

Rae can't help but smile at that, lightly holding onto Louis's wrist when he rests his hand on her shoulder. "Noted. Thank you."

Her genuine smile is returned in full. Harry clearing his throat snaps them both from their little bubble. They bid each other goodbye, Louis complimenting Rae one more time and she swears it's so he can see her blush. As she pulls on her peacoat, she can hear Louis whisper something to Harry, but can't make out the words. When they're in Harry's car, after he opened her door for her, she made good on her promise, Harry tells her what Louis said. He chuckles warmly while Rae attempts to hide the smile creeping on her face.

Harry keeps his promise to Louis. Although several guys try to ask Rae, he doesn't let anyone dance with her, other than himself. She allows Harry to twirl her under his arm, laughing when he accidentally trips her and stumbles into his chest. She loses Harry for a good half hour while she's snapping candid photos; secretly captures the moments when the bride and groom stare at each other, soft smiles and love in their eyes, when they think no one is watching.

She sneaks away on her small break, slipping into the main hall of the church, finger clicking away on her camera as she takes photos of the church. She noticed the winter light streaming through some of the stained glass windows, hoping the photos would come out almost artistic. Harry finds her five minutes later, dragging her back into the wedding party, not before he steals her camera and takes a picture of themselves.

Rae feels light, like the weight of what goes on in her life decided to lift off her shoulder for a few hours. She has fun, in her element of losing herself to photography. Of dancing with Harry and laughing when the brides ten year old nephew asks her to dance. Harry feigns jealously, and gives Rae's hand to the boy.

***

They get back from the wedding in the evening. Louis sat between Zayn and Liam while playing video games. Niall having gone home to Ireland for a few days to visit family. Rae pouts mockingly at that, says she misses Niall already; even brought him back some cake.
Rae is buzzing. She's confident with how the photos will turn out and has a bigger spout of confidence when she corners Louis in the kitchen, blue dress and heels still on. He's making tea, just pouring the steaming water into five cups.

"I take it your fingers didn't fall off then?" Louis smiles, handing her a cup of tea; apple spice because she wanted something warm.

"Not once." Rae smiles back, letting the mug warm up her hands. "It was a lovely wedding, Louis. The church was stunning, so beautiful. Had these stain glass windows, I took some photos. They were blue and green and just so gorgeous like-"

"Like your eyes." Louis blurts out. Word vomit. Rae was holding the mug half way to her mouth when he spoke. She lowers it carefully until it hits the counter.

"What?" She questions breathlessly.

"I mean- I. Your eyes sometimes remind me of those windows. Because some days they're so blue, and those little specks of gold and green- well it's almost turquoise- so yeah. Stained glass eyes."

Rae can feel the confused expression on her face. That made sense, right? It sounds like it did; does. Sounds like Louis just compared her eyes to beautiful glass stained windows.

"Yeah?" She can't help but wonder.

"Yep." Louis pops the P, stirring his tea with a spoon, avoiding her eyes. Watches the tea swirl around the spoon.

"Louis." Rae taps his hand lightly so he looks at her. "Would you like to come to my dark room? See how I develop photos?"

Louis fixes her with an unreadable gaze. It's a little unnerving the way his blue eyes read into hers. Her heart is beating faster than normal; it's a step for her. She never brings anyone to her dark room. It's the one place where she doesn't really have to think, just let it happen. But she wants to show Louis.

"Absolutely." Louis finally answers. "I'd love too."

Rae picks up her mug and smiles brightly into her tea.

**********************************************************************************************

Notes

Thank you always for reading.
During this chapter and the last, this fictional story turned out to be not so fictional anymore. At the time, in 2014 when this chapter was written, I live with my best friend and her family. Her nephew had gotten sick with what we thought was a cold. It wasn't, and he was rushed to the ER at 6am on a Friday. He'd been having seizures and totally spaced out. He was transferred to a Children's Hospital in St. Peterburgs, FL.
He had been there for a month, and when we thought he was going to come home May 4th, he took a turn for what seemed like the worst. When he had been doing so well and smiling and being himself. His name is Connor, and he had been suffering from a Herpes Simplex One Encephalitis - an inflammation of his brain. The herpes virus in babies from 6 months and under is fatal. Connor was just turning 7 months old when it hit him.
When he took the turn for the worst, we found out that his own antibodies starting to attack him. He developed a rare auto immune disorder and the antibodies attacked his brain. He didn't recognize anything or anyone. His eyes were contastly moving, as was his body. He had to have little arm weights to hold him down. He would have "neruo-storms" which made is fever shoot up to 105, and his heart rate even higher. Finally, there was a decision made and they put him into an induce 10 day coma for Plasmapheresis. Which is removing blood plasma from the body by withdrawing blood, separating it into plasma and cells, and transfusing the cells back into the bloodstream.
After that he came back to us. He got an MRI and it was "devestating" as the doctor put it. His brain looked like swiss cheese. Almost the whole side of his brain was gone and a part of his left.
I slept in that hospital with him every other night. Watching this happen, fearing he wouldn't make it. I have a stained bracelet from a night I won't forget. I have memories of this place and that room and that boy that will haunt me.
Today, two years later, by some amazing miracle, Connor is walking. He's in pre school, and he's still working on alot of things. He's basically a year behind in development. So as a three year old, his brain is two. There was one doctor that didn't think he'd make it or if he did, he wouldn't walk or talk. HA!
At the point of this story, I had stopped writing. Rae's life became mine, and I just couldn't continue writing until I knew what would happen to Connor.
He's a beautiful little boy and the love of my life and everyday he fights without even realizing it. Everyday he inspire me.
So that's that story. Sorry if it was too long of a end note. I just had to explain. There's an upcoming chapter that's more real and fictional.