Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Rae feels bitter when she wakes up a week before Christmas, too early for the sun to be up yet. Thankfully she thinks, as she slowly pushes herself out of bed, she only has one shift at the diner today and can spend it serving people in the midst of finishing up their shopping. Handing coffee to impatient people while they tap their toes with their designer shoes and thinks that's the most important thing about Christmas. She some times hates the holidays. Rae wishes for good health to Ronan...and maybe a new coffee maker.

By the time Rae gets to the diner, she's shivering in her coat, little snow flurries stuck in her braid and sprinkled atop her beanie. Another co-worker of hers hands her a mug of steaming coffee, which she takes gratefully after pulling off her gloves and warming her fingers on the mug itself.

"You know just how to treat a lady, Max." Rae sighs, inhaling the strong aroma.

Max waves his hand in the air. "Yeah, yeah. Go warm up those cinnamon buns, why don't ya."

"Love of my life, you are." Rae teases.

She runs into Jasper, the owner of the self named diner himself, and immediately knows it's going to be a busy morning. He tells her he's baked a fresh batch of festive pastries and asks if her mother would like some. Rae tells him he should drop them off at her work himself, and if Jasper blushes a little at that, she just smiles kindly.

It's full on snowing by the end of Rae's shift. It's almost peaceful looking. The freshly fallen powder, white and glittering, makes the city sparkle under the streams of sunlight poking through the snow clouds. Until a car speeds past and almost splashes Rae with half melted, dirty slush. She steps back and unlocks her car, sighing as she get in.

There was a time when Christmas was Raelyn's favorite time of year; filled with joy, laughter, baking and the smell of balsam. Filled with beautiful songs and the brightest of smiles from unwrapped toys. Times spent with family and friends, enjoying the meaning of the day while with each other company. At least, it was like that three years ago.

Now, however, it's filled with hospital visits, carefully monitored excitement, tight budgeting, and sacrificed trips to out of town family homes. Filled with somber faces, and fakes smiles, and the smell of antiseptic. Sounds of beeping machines and the haunting cries at night. It's not as if Rae hates it now, no. This time of year has just lost most of it's magic, most of it's hope. Rae takes out her camera from her new bag and snaps a few photos of the city, frowning when she puts it back. She just wishes that this years Christmas will be better than the previous.

The drive over to the Hospice is a little slower than normal, people driving a bit more cautiously. She finally parks, and swallows the bitterness she felt since she woke up. An unexpected (like they're ever expected) spasm clenches at her chest momentarily. Rae winces, then gets her self control back and ignores how her chest feels. Tightening her petticoat around herself for extra warm, she steps out of her car and right into a puddle of the same kind of slush she was nearly hit with earlier.

"Honestly." Rae groans, shaking out her foot and thoroughly soaked shoe. "Fuck the snow."

***

"He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it came! Somehow or other, it came just the same! And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling; 'How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!' And he puzzled three hours, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. 'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. "Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more.'"

As it turns out, one of Ronan's favorite Christmas stories is the Grinch. He begged his sister to read it to him once more, and as Rae turns the page during her third reading, Dr. Ramsy taps on the open door.

"Good afternoon, Raelyn." He greets kindly, then smiles at Ronan. "What are you doing today, Ronan?"

Ronan looks up from the pictures in the book at the sound of his name, smiling back brightly. "Ra-Ra is reading to me. See!" He points a small finger to the pictures. "Mr. Grinch!"

"Isn't that just lovely! That's my favorite book. Are we feeling any better today?" Doctor Ramsey asks cheerfully, checking the heart monitor next to the bed.

"Uh-huh! My head hasn't hurted all day." Ronan giggles then pats the book. "But the Grinch was bad. He pretended to be Sandy Claws!"

Rae can't help but to stifle a laugh; because she's pretty sure Sandy Claws gets kidnapped in The Nightmare Before Christmas and Ronan just can't fully pronounce the name. She drops a fond kiss on his beanie clad head. Ronan simply twists his head puckering his small lips and stretches to reach her cheek. Rae leans down and get a sloppy kiss to her face.

"Well, that silly ol' Grinch will be on the naughty list, won't he?" Ramsey states. He turns his attention to the nurse, Annie who just came in with a tray of food. "How about you help Annie eat your lunch, while I talk to your sister. Is that alright?"

Ronan nods, climbing off his sister's lap and stealing the book from her hands, as he settles back against his pillows. Doctor Ramsey motions for Rae to follow him out of the room, bidding Ronan a goodbye.

An uneasy knot begins forming in the pit of Rae's stomach as it always does when any doctor has to talk to her. There's this split second of pure terror fear, like her brain just can't help but think the worse. That this could be it, the last moments with her baby brother. Before she can fully give herself another panic attack, the doctor smiles brightly.

"I was looking over Ronan's vitals and decided to give him clearance." He tells her, looking over the clipboard in his hand.

"Clearance?" Rae questions, a little confused. "For what?"

"To go home for the Holidays. Ronan can go home for Christmas."

Rae can feels her mouth fall open. There's got to be some sort of miracle left in the Spirit of Christmas then, because Ronan allowed home for Christmas has never happened in the past three years. Her heart flutters with excitement.

"Really!?" She all but squeals in delight. "This isn't a joke? How long can he stay?"

"Honestly. Only the two days though, I'm afraid, the 24th and 25th. However, if it isn't too much to ask, I would feel more comfortable if he were back by Christmas evening. He still has to be monitored closely, and Jackie and Greg will be on standby should anything happen. According to the recent tests, Ronan's been steady enough to be allowed a trip home."

"I just- yeah. Yeah. That's fine, I understand. If anything happens I'll call. We'll be back that evening. Thank you so much!"

"I'll give this to you and make sure you pass it to your mother." Ramsy hands Rae thin packet of paper. "I'll give her more details when she visits later."

"Alright. Thank you again!"

"My pleasure, Rae. Now go down to the cafe and eat something. You've been here since seven."

With that, they parts ways, an ecstatic smile on Rae's lips. She quickly checks back on Ronan, who is trying to force a grape into Annie's mouth. "Ro, bud. I'll be right back soon okay? Enjoy your play time with Olivia, yeah?"

Ronan nods and throws a grape at Rae, who catches it with her hand, and pops it into her mouth. He giggles as Annie scolds playfully. "Bring back mummy!"

"I'll try, lovely." Rae blows a kiss.

"To the cheese!" Ronan shouts, then coughs into his little fist, but smiles brightly.

"And back."

***

Rae doesn't know why she decided to make the call outside in the snow, with her foot still wet and completely numb. The wind is blowing a little harder and the sky has fully blocked out the sun and the cold just bites at her cheeks. She mentally cruses herself for not just going into the car and turning up the heat. She listens to the ringing through her phone several times before it goes to voicemail. She hangs up.

Some times, most of the time, Rae forgets that Louis is an actual pop star in an incredibly, famous band. Even though said band is on a long break, they still have other work related things to attend to. Like radio interviews, promo videos, writing session, hanging out with other beautifully famous people. So being sent to voicemail shouldn't disappoint her as much as it does. She guesses she's just so used to Louis always answering, like he just knows when she needs him.

That thought hits her. She needs him. Rae needs Louis like the sky needs the sun, and when it's not there, all she sees are the shadows that haunt her dreams. The shades of gray that make her life lonely and depressing as it some times can be. She doesn't know when exactly it happened. When she suddenly needed him to anchor her, to calm her, and she just sighs in frustration because, damnit. Harry is right. Zayn is right. Niall, who laughs because he claims their flirting is obvious, is right. Liam, who just raises his eyebrows and giving her a knowing look, is right. Kari and Liz and she needs new friends who don't point out her feelings before she can herself.

Rae opens a new text to her mum, detailing in short about the good news, when her phone vibrates in her hand. She bites back a smile and composes herself; all from excitement at the news of her brother. That's it. That's all. Not about who just returned her call two minutes after he missed it. Not at all.

"Hello!" Rae greets, trying but failing at keeping the giddiness out of her voice.

"So Liam decided to steal me phone as payback for swapping out his sugar for salt, that he so generously poured into his tea. Which was absolutely hilarious at the time, and that is why I missed your call." Louis rambles off quickly. He sounds out of breath.

"Louis, it's alright. Least he won't keel over from pure sweetness."

"I only put seven packets of sugar into your coffee once, darling." He chuckles.

"Only seven." Rae rolls her eyes. "Anyway, I just called to tell you something because I'm quite happy about it.

"What? Fucking Diner ass hat bloke finally stopped hitting on you?" Louis guesses.

Rae thinks he's only half joking. "You wish." She mutters. "But no. Doctor Ramsey cleared Ronan for the holiday. He can spend Christmas at home, with us!"

There's a moments silence before "Rae, that's amazing!" Louis sounds genuinely happy. "Exciting!"

"I know! I mean, it won't be much, just a simple night at home, but that's so much more than we could ask for, really."

Another pause. "When was the last time you traveled for Christmas? Or rather, truly celebrated Christmas?" Louis asks carefully.

"Four years ago. We'd usually go visit family up North in Sheffield. But we just haven't been able too since...well..."

"Right, yeah."

Rae can almost hear the frown in Louis' voice. "How about you, then?"

"We normally get a good solid two weeks off and just go home to our families. But since we're on break anyway."

"That's sounds nice." Rae smiles. "When do you leave? Because I've got some photos printed for all of you from the Hospice."

There's loud shuffling and static through the receiver before Louis' voice drifts through distantly. "Harry, would you kindly get off me, you absolute twat. I'm talking to Raelyn." A noise that suspiciously sounds likes kissing echos in the background on the other end, to which Louis responds with a kind "Shove off, wanker."

Harry's laugh carries through the phone, followed by a thud. "Sorry, love, you were saying before Harry became a royal pain in my arse. "

"When do you leave?" Rae laughs.

"Not sure yet. Why? Will you miss me terribly?" Louis teases.

"I think I'll manage. Though I'm not sure how I'll survive without the other boys."

"Ha. Ha." They fall silent for several moments, listening to the sounds of life around them. Then Louis is asking, "What's wrong, Raelyn?"

"Nothing. I just- it's nothing. Will I-" Rae pauses, nibbles her bottom lips for a moment, and throws it all to the wind. She doesn't know why she's suddenly nervous. "Will I see you before you leave? To go back home?"

"Of course, Rae. Wouldn't leave without saying goodbye." Louis voice is soft and gentle. "Well, expect for last time."

"Lou, honestly. You know you don't have to tell me when you want to see your family. I'm not your bodyguard. Can't bench press Liam like Preston does."

He chuckles. "No one can do that." There's another pause, muffled voices barely transmitting through the phone, as if Louis placed his hand over the speaker. "Hey, have you've eaten yet?

"Actually, I was just about to grab lunch, then go home for a nap." Rae answers, tugging her beanie down further over her ears as another wind blows through. "Thaw me foot too."

"What happened to your foot?"

"Stepped in a puddle of slush."

"You would. Go on home and warm that up. Don't want you hobbling around with a frost bitten foot. I'll come pick you up in about...thirty?"

"For what?"

"Lunch, darling. You've already told me you haven't eaten yet, and I bet my skateboard you haven't had a bite since you got off work. Because you just tend to focus and go without remembering to eat. Food is good. Food is friend."

"You're so strange, I swear." Rae laughs again.

"That's not a no. I haven't seen you in a three days and that's three days too long. So lunch is happening. Now go on home, and do try not to get distracted by little ducklings and wonder off."

"One time, Louis. That happened one time."

"Yeah...and then we couldn't find you for half an hour. Taking pictures of a duck family."

"I'll see you soon, Lou."

So maybe Christmas this year won't be anywhere as close to all the previous ones. Especially not when Louis picks Rae up, equipped with new dry socks and shoes, and asks if it's alright if he and the boys invited their families over to Raelyn's house for Christmas.

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Notes