Ronan: To the Moon and Back

On a few occasions, Louis has felt blessed to see the bright, and possibly rarest smile to ever grace Raelyn's lips. This smile tends to light up her face, with crinkles collecting at the corner of her eyes. It makes said eyes sparkle like ocean waters when the sun reflects off it, glittering and blinding Louis to the core. She looks so bubbly that she's practically floating away on her smile and Louis swears she has a slight bounce in her step as her flat boot-clad feet pad down the hallway. Her teeth flash white, with her pink tongue peeking through them, and Louis' heart flutters for a moment at how beautiful she is. She's the happiest he's ever seen her at Hummingbird.

Rae basically skips right up to him and Niall, never minding personal space at the exact moment. She grins with the grace of the Cheshire cat and Louis finds himself wishing he could see this happiness in her every day.

"Hi!" Rae greets brightly, her eyes lingering on Louis'.

Louis chuckles. "Hello. What's got you so uppity?"

"You're happier than me on St. Patrick's day." Niall points out, his smile almost matching Rae's.

"As in surrounded by food and booze and joyous mates, not to mention several pots of gold?" Rae teases.

Niall laughs heartily, pulling Rae into a rather tight hug, that Louis hopes is nothing but platonic. But he doesn't even feel a twinge of misplaced jealously, because this is Niall, who's embracing an ecstatic Rae and who could ever be jealous of such a jubilant sight. (So much different from that stupid stalker diner guy, who decided to give Rae an early birthday present, a little single rose and chocolate covered espresso beans. Rae thanked him kindly with a hug and Louis, who went to visit late at night again, nearly embedded his fork into the bloke's head, before Liz quickly yanked the utensil from his raised throwing arm.)

When Niall finally releases her, she sets her eyes back on Louis. "Ronan is allowed to come back home for a week!" She informs them happily. "A week! He'll be home for my birthday!"

"That's amazing, Rae!" Louis exclaims, now throwing his arms around her, and if his stomach sets free several butterflies, he pays no mind.

"This rarely happens! Like ever. Last time he came home was over a year ago." Rae says into Louis' shoulder, hand gripping his shoulder blades briefly. Anchor. He is her anchor caught on a solid rock.

"Raelyn, that's wonderful!" Niall states brightly. "Is he going home today?"

Rae nods, if a little awkwardly as she is still pressed against a shoulder. She steps out of Louis' hug. "I'm taking him home now. I clocked out early at work. Max covered for me." She then points to a tan stain on her uniform top. "Got a bit excited and spilled coffee down me front..." She bites her lip sheepishly, looking up through her eyelashes.

Her action causes a weird disturbance within Louis and if Rae didn't release her bottom lip, Louis was going to have several problems. One of them having to go ask nurse Jackie to use the defibrillator on him because he's pretty sure his heart just stopped beating for a second. He can't let her be affecting him like this; it's not good for his confused heart. However, her lip is still caught between her teeth, pulling slightly at the wine colored skin of her bottom lip. They're red today, due to the cold.

"Where're the others?" She finally questions, pulling Louis back from his slightly inappropriate thoughts. He is in a children's hospital for Gods sake.

"Harry's been in Olivia's room." Niall informs. "Liam and Zayn are at the cafeteria...which reminds me." Niall leans in and gives a quick peck on Rae's cheek as a farewell. Then jogs off towards the lift.

"Oi! No invite?" Louis calls to him.

The last thing they see before the doors slide shut is Niall cackling. Louis wonders about the amount of reoccurring coincidences in which the other boys tend to leave him alone with Rae. Which Louis didn't mind at all, but then again he sort of does, mainly because they all seem set on him having feelings for her. Which, they aren't completely wrong. He's just not acting on them.

"He's my favourite." Rae sighs admiringly.

"I thought Harry is your favourite, and wasn't Liam your favourite last week?" Louis muses.

"It changes." She shrugs casually, a hint of mirth in her eyes.

"Am I ever your favourite?" Louis knows what he's doing, and maybe he should stop before his full flirting ability rises up.

"That-" Starts Rae slowly, "is an excellent question, my friend." She pretends to be contemplating, rubbing her chin in slow motion. Suddenly, her gaze fix on Louis, tilting her head apprising him. "I seem to remember a certain Louis Tomlinson spilling my coffee just last week."

"Alright now, that was purely a misfortune of my clumsiness."

Raelyn shakes her head, eyes wide and smile now gone, replaced by a mock serious expression. "Anyone who spills coffee is my enemy. My greatest foe."

"You spilled coffee today." He gestures to her top.

"Touché." Rae abruptly pivots on her toes, heading towards the locked double doors, pressing the little white button and waiting to be buzzed in.

Louis follows her, stands right behind her, leaning down slightly to whisper in her ear and okay. Now he is definitely flirting with her. "You didn't answer my question."

Either Louis' eyes play a trick on him when he thinks he sees her squirm lightly, or his breath tickling her ear has no affect at all. Rae turns her head to his, both forgetting the definition of personal space (was that ever a thing with them) now extremely close to each other. Rae's eyes flutter along Louis' jawline and just above his upper lip, admiring the light coating of stubble. She's got the lightest sprinkling of freckles scatter on her nose. Before she can answer, the doors buzz, snapping them from their gazes and Rae pulls the doors openly so quickly, Louis thinks she pulled a muscle.

"Want to pick up Ronan with me?" She asks him after their bubble of personal space comes back.

"I'd love too." Louis smiles.

***

"-and then can we go-go to the park? I miss the wings...win winging-" "(Swings." ) "I can fly like Peter Pan on the wings!" ("Swings, bud.") Ronan has been chattering away joyously (while Rae corrects his version of swings), clutching both her sister's and Louis' hands.

"Sure thing, Ro." Rae agrees, smiling down at her brother. His bag packed with his clothes, beanies and medicine nestled on her shoulder.

"Could Zaynie draw me anwother picture?" Ronan whispers loudly, in what he thinks can't be heard by Zayn himself in front of them.

"Why don't you ask him silly?"

Ronan shies behind Rae's leg as Zayn turns around smiling kindly. He looks at Rae for permission before gently picking up the small boy, his hands falling from his sister's and Louis'. They are all distracted as they exit the front lobby, Rae carrying causal conversation with Liam and Harry, while Zayn and Niall are animatedly talking with Ronan. None of them see the small crowd of paparazzi waiting, just to the left of the drive up beneath the overhang.

Louis sees them first, before he's suddenly blinded by the flashing cameras and deaf by the mixture of loud questions. This kind of blind is what he despises and wish he could go back just ten minutes earlier to that of Rae's blinding smile, because at least that was nice on his retinas.

Before Louis can warn anyone, the grown men with the camera advanced towards them, and Louis hears the unmistakable gasp that only belongs to one person who deals with panic attacks on a consistent basis. A group of invasive paps is the last thing Raelyn needs. It's what he gets for coming to the Hospice without security.

"Shit." Louis curses, automatically stepping in front of Rae.

"RaRa!?" Ronan cries out from Zayns arm, distressed and reaching for the comfort he only feels with his sister.

*

Rae's heart rate picks up, pounding against her chest and a wave of nerves swarms throughout her body. She turn around, accepting her brother and cradling him against her chest, hiding his face in her neck with a protective hand over the back of his head. His small legs wrapping tightly around her waist.

"Louis." Rae says apprehensively. She steps back, right into Liam, trying to retract from the cameras, attempting to retreat back into the lobby.

"Keep your head down, love." Liam murmurs in her ear, gripping her elbow for support.

Louis makes a split decision, throwing a look to the four other boys. Immediately, they form a tight circle around the siblings, protecting them from flashes. Louis knows it's too late; the sleazy men had already taken several good shots of the siblings, but all he can think about now is just getting Rae to her car safely. They begin shuffling towards the car park, doing their best to ignore the shouting questions.

Rae had placed her headphones in Ronan's ear, playing music from her iPod, hoping it'll drown out anything Ronan would hear. However, that doesn't stop Rae herself from hearing the questions fired rapidly at them.

"Harry! What's going on with you and that leggy model!?"
"Zayn is it true your having drug issues?"
"Niall are you and hot blonde dating? Is it true you went to visit her in the states?"
"Liam! Liam! Are you checking up on your kidneys?"
"Louis are you cheating on Eleanor? Who's the girl? Is that her kid? Why are they leaving the hospital? Is his your kid!?"

Rae hates it. She hates their shouts, their accusations, their lack of the meaning of private information. Who cares who they are or aren't dating? She hates the way she can feel Harry's hand tighten on the back of her shirt as he listens to the horrible questions that keep coming. She hates how Louis snaps at the nearest pap, who got just a little too close for his liking, trying to snap close ups of hers and Ronan's faces.

"Fuck off before I take your shitty camera and shove it so far up your arse you'll be taking pictures when you blink. Learn to get a proper fucking job, you dick!"

She hates the way Niall is trembling besides her, hearing him gasping for air. How Zayn is muttering an unending string of cruses. How Liam sighs in frustration before he attempts to take control of the situation. Most of all, she hates how Ronan's weak hand crawls up and grips tightly at her shirt, pinching skin and letting out little whimpers. Stress like this is not what Ronan needs, otherwise he'll become overwhelmed and have to stay back in his hospital room. This was what these boys deal with on a daily basis and it terrifies her.
Help comes in the form of four policemen and three hospital security guards. They fended off the paps long enough for Rae and the six boys to round the corner, spotting Rae's beat up old car immediately. Charlie a sight for sore, blinded eyes.

***

"I'm so, so sorry Raelyn." Louis apologizes for what feels like the 100th time. "I didn't know they'd be there and I didn't think they could come that close and now your pictures will be everywhere and-"

"Louis, it's alright." Rae holds up a hand, halting his rambling. "Really. Just spooked us a bit."

"But Ronan and, fuck. That one got so close to him!"

"Louis!" Rae snaps in a firm, sharp voice that had not only Louis, but the other boys as well, sitting up straighter and fighting the urge to salute her.

"Ronan's just fine. He just needs rest but he can't do that knowing you're all still here."

"Right." Liam answers for Louis, who is stood motionless by the sofa. "We'll leave him to rest then."

Louis hangs his head so shamefully low that his chin tucks into his chest, hands shoved deep into his pockets.

"C'mon, Lou." Niall nudges him, attempting to move his older band mate. He doesn't budge.
Rae gives and receives apologetic looks, as each member of the band exit the house, waiting patiently for the fifth. Rae sighs heavily.

"Louis." She places her hand on his arm, using her hold to bend over, trying to see his face. Hair falling over her shoulder as she finds his eyes. A slightly concerned expression on her face, eyebrows furrowed together, attempting to pull one hand out of his pocket, tugging on his forearm.

"Lou, I promise it's alright. I don't like that look on your face. Like you just kicked a puppy...and that kitten you tried giving me...and a baby kola."

Louis can't help the guilt he had been feeling since the second they stepped out of the hospital. It was because of him the paps were there. Because of him Ronan is now worked up and he wouldn't know what he'd do. Or how to live with himself if because of that and his lack of logical thinking, put Ronan straight back into the hospital for the week, instead of living at home. Rae had been so ecstatic, with that smile that lit the skies and eyes that had sparkles like the stars, the dominate color of blue taking over what little gray and brown within them. If Louis, as indirect as it was, is the reason for that happiness to once again be replace by a sense of hopelessness, then it is all his fault.

Maybe he shouldn't be spending as much time with the small family as he is. He shouldn't be casually asking her out for lunch and tea and paying unnecessary visits to the hospital. Some times he truly forgets he is famous; that it comes with an ugly price. Paparazzo and media attention, nasty comments, rumors, and the ridiculous amount of hate. It's all the ugly parts he wanted to protect the family from. Louis' heart drops to his stomach, straight into an ocean of guilt. He had done a horrible job of that.

Rae huffs in frustration. Abandons her efforts and instead decides to just gently grab Louis' face between her hands, holding his head up. They properly met each others gaze, a tiny smile forming on Rae's lips.

"I don't want to scare you away." Louis confesses quietly, eyes locked on hers.

"Oh." Her little smile now gone.

"I didn't mean for it to happen. I wasn't thinking an-"

"Louis, please. Don't think it's your fault just because some grown men with cameras took our picture. It's fine. Ronan's fine. I'm fine." She pauses. Her fingers twitching like she has the urge to stoke his stubble filled jawline. "It'll take more than that to scare me away."

Louis almost lets himself believe that, almost. If he didn't see the way her eyes flicker and tighten subtly, he would have. He knows it's coming before she even voices it, and the realization of her unspoken words hit him like an anvil dropping on his already sinking heart.

"I just...I think I just- with Ronan. We just need some time to relax. Yeah, relax is all. Just much needed family time."

This is her way of telling him she needs to back away from them. Much needed family time is really code for "I was scared, I need space, back off." At least. that's what he tells himself. Louis finally takes one hand out of his jeans, carefully wrapping his fingers around her wrist, squeezing lightly. He nods, because as much as he hates putting those feelings in Raelyn, he understands. He steps around her, breaking all contact as he heads toward the open door.

"I'm sorry." Louis apologizes once more, quietly shutting the door before Rae can utter another word.

They don't talk for a nearly two weeks.

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Notes