Ronan: To the Moon and Back

There are times when Rae just seems completely confused. As if she literally has to stop and stand still, trying to figure out someone's thought process. Three days after the baking fest is one of those times. Rae just stands there in her doorway silently, staring in disbelief at the little white, black, gold and brown fluffy creature in Louis' hands. He's holding it out as if it was a smaller version is Simba; if he was a calico. She blinks once, finally breaking her gaze from the furball to Louis' eyes.

"What, the bloody hell is that?" Rae asks slowly.

"It's a platypus." Louis deadpans, then tilts his head. "It's a kitten, what's does it look like?"

"I know it's a kitten, Sassy McSasserson. Why on earth did you bring it here?"

Louis shrugs. "I found him. All alone under a bus bench. Alone, crying and small. Alone." If Louis' point of the cat being alone is dawning on Raelyn, he can't tell.

"Okay...so?"

"So, I thought you'd love to take her in because I can't, especially not after I told Harry we don't have the means to take care of any living creature. We can hardly take care of ourselves and she was hiding from the rain and she's hungry and-"

"Louis." Rae stops him firmly. "I don't want a cat."

"But she's so cute." Louis brings the kitten to his chest, nuzzling his nose against the cats ear. "See, she's purring. Here." He quickly hands the kitten over to Rae who fumbles around for a good grip. There's a moment where the cat and her are staring at each other, intense and quite. Suddenly she looks away and holds the cat away from her body like its a bomb.

"I don't want it."

"Raelyn." Louis changes his tone, abruptly concerned about the standoffish way Rae's coming about.

"No!" Rae snaps, gently shoving the kitten back into Louis' arms. She meows in distress. "I said I don't want it. Now if you'll excuse me, I just need to get me camera, then leaving for the park." Rae turns around without bothering to close the door behind her.

Confused, and a little downtrodden, Louis shuts the door for her and sets off to find the kitten a home. Who cares if he ends up driving back to his flat, and plopping the kitten right down on Harry's stomach while he's reading. He tells Harry they're fostering the cat until he can find her a home. Harry holds in his excitement and instead asks if everything's alright.

"Something's off with Raelyn today." He answers, grabbing his football and heading back out. "I'm going to the park."

***
Louis spots her on the bench beneath a huge tree, providing shade while she rearranges the contains of her camera bag. It looks as if several things had fallen out again from the hole, and she aggressively shoves every item back in. Louis hangs back, opting to watch her for a few moments. He's never seen her this way before; all frazzled and agitated, it kind of scares him.

Though as he watches, he actually notices what she's doing physically, subconsciously. Her right foot is anxiously bouncing up and down, her hands are jumpy, and it takes her three tries to get the film in correctly. Her jaw is clenching and unclenching, and every ten seconds her hand presses down on her chest, rubs once in a circle, then continues to fiddle with her camera.

Louis finally chalks it up to a bad day at the Hospice. That maybe something happened to Ronan; chemo went wrong, he's losing more strength, he isn't responding to treatment. Fear sears through Louis, and he realizes, like the idiot he is, that he shouldn't just be standing there. His feet move forward before he can register it.

Suddenly, Rae stops all movement, takes a deep breath, shakes her head then exhales. All her emotions and anxiousness are gone, vanished. Almost like she put on a mask, hiding away her expression and feelings. Though that still doesn't halt Louis in his tracks. He reaches the bench and sits without permission. It's a public park after all.

"Is Ronan alright?" He questions softly, kindly because yeah, she can be angry, but he doesn't have any reason to be.

"Yep." Rae says shortly. "Yeah, he's good. He's fine. He has cancer, ya know, but he's good."

Louis reaches out, attempting to give some comfort via his hands, but Rae just pulls her hand away before Louis can even touch it. Alright then. "Raelyn..."

Rae flashes him a smile that nearly fools him. Nearly. If it wasn't for her eyes; they aren't brightening the way they usually do when she smiles. Instead, they remain the same blueish-gray. He notices her eyes change colour with her mood, like her irises are little moods rings they sell in shops at the checkout counters.

"Honestly, Lou." She reassures. "He's fine. He has chemo today, but the doctor kicked me out because apparently I need rest and look like a raccoon. Do I look a raccoon to you?" She points her finger at the dark circles under her eyes.

Louis frowns. The colour under her eyes are a deep purple, smudged with a faint dusting of kohl like she rubbed her eyes at one point. He tries to reach out again, and this time places his hand on her cheek, thumb on the delicate purple skin. Her eyes flutter, eyelashes brushing against his thumb. "Not a raccoon. Though you do look exhausted." He tells her honestly. It make sense now, her mood.

"M'sorry."

"Don't be. All you need is a good nights sleep."

"No. I meant earlier. With the cat."

Louis drops his hand away. "Oh."

"I'm not sure where it came from," Rae starts, looking out to observe the kids playing in the park. "I guess the kitten just reminded me of something."

"Yeah?"

"A memory. It's silly." Louis stays silent, realizing she's allowing him another look behind that mask. Rae chuckles, shaking her head. "I had this boyfriend a while ago. We dated for a year, and he gave me this little black kitten for our sixth month, right? She was the most adorable thing. I named her Tea. Like black tea? It's stupid, I know, but she was cute. Then like, he just left? He took Tea with him and left because he liked someone else.

"Actually, he told me he'd been dating her the same time. Sleeping with her, more like, because I wouldn't. Never told me, since him and I talked about us being exclusive one month in. But she loved cats, so he took Tea and broke up with me. Said he couldn't juggle two relationships." Rae ends by shrugging.

Shrugging. She shrugged like it was no big deal. Louis realizes his mouth had been hanging open for a bit, so he closes it before he can embarrass himself by drooling all over his jeans.

"What the fuck?" Rae finally give her full attention to Louis after his outburst. Which was loud enough for the kids in the sandpit to point and tell their parents that the man with the football between his ankles said a bad word.

"Excuse me?" Rae questions indignantly.

"Sorry, sorry, but..no. What?"

"It isn't a big deal."

"Not-not a big- how can you say that?" Louis is astonished.

Rae simply shrugs again. "What? Is it not normal for your boyfriend of a year to leave without a word for a month, comes back only to tell me he's breaking it off because he's in love with some other girl he's been sleeping with and dating for a year as well? Takes me cat with him too."

Louis can not tell if she's serious or not. All of Rae's puzzle pieces are starting to come together, fitting seamlessly into each other and finally creating the whole picture. A heart with several holes.

"No!" Louis insists strongly, pulling himself together. "It's anything but normal."

"It's fine, Lou. Doesn't matter." She sighs.

"What? Why? I mean-" He takes a breath, exhaling slowly, trying to calm himself. "How is it fine?"

"Hmm?" Rae is suddenly distracted by a young girl with a purple balloon, quickly bringing her camera up to snap a picture.

"How is it fine for you? What he did to you. Leave you for someone else. Cheat on you for a whole bloody year." Louis elaborates, watching as she twists the lens to zoom in. He waits several long moments, wondering how anyone could just simply brush off a year long relationship that ended with being left behind for another woman.

Rae lowers her camera, and slings the strap around her neck. "People are always leaving me, Louis. I'm use to it by now." She stands up, motioning towards the swing set. "I'm going to ask her mum if I could take some close ups."

With that, Rae sets off towards the little girl. Louis just sits there, staring after her, absolutely gobsmacked at her response. At her complete 180 mood spin. Raelyn brushed it off so easily, like lint on her clothes chased away with the swipe of a hand. Louis thinks back to a week prior. Liam's suspicions were correct; coinciding with Kari's hints when they finally met her. Rae has some, for lack of better word, abandonment issues. Louis gathers all of the information he had stored in his brain, all coming together and making perfect sense.

He recalls the time in Ronan's hospital room, watching the small TV play reruns of Full House, when Ronan suddenly blurted out he was like Michelle Tanner because she didn't have a mum just like he didn't have a dad. After an aloof and quick explanation from Rae about her parents divorce, Louis filed it away for later use.

He remembers just the other day, after the little argument he had with his girlfriend, when Rae finally informed them about Vinny. Also, the spat didn't last very long because Rae came bounding into the kitchen in the middle of "Why don't you just date her instead" claiming she just found a recipe for pumpkin spice cookies. She avoided Louis the rest of the time she was there, gravitating towards Zayn more than anyone else this time. Probably because they bonded over deeper meanings of their tattoos, and future designs for others. Artist soul boding.

Louis can suddenly hear the casual conversation with her and Kari about an ex-best friend who had stole a guy Rae was dating, then decided to move out to Manchester with him. (Personally, Louis think Rae needs to pick better men to date.) Along with the joking manner of Rae teasing Kari for leaving her for Uni, and barely having time to visit now that she's busy with her own boyfriend.

Then there's the topic of the matter now. Rae's last ex boyfriend, whom, from what Louis gathered, suddenly up and left her for a month without a word, only coming back to explain where he ran off to. Meeting with his supposed other girlfriend before getting together with her while still in a relationship with Rae. Who said he had only come back to break it off and take back the kitten he had gotten her for her birthday. Which now left the little fluffball Louis found with Harry.

Louis absolutely despises the twat. He doesn't know him, doesn't even know his name, but he loathes him. Yet here's Raelyn now. Snapping pictures of the cute little girl and her balloon, putting on probably one of the greatest and skilled masks of happiness Louis has ever seen. He understands now.

The reason for Rae's almost subconscious way of abruptly reaching out to anyone near her. The reason for the quick as a flash moments of panic whenever she thought one of the boys had left without saying goodbye, or went a week without any contact. Why when she asked for him to stay just a bit longer so she wasn't sitting alone in her empty house.

It was all those little moments that passed so quickly, that betrayed Raelyn. It does bother her, more than she would ever let on. The mask she hides behind may have been pretty beforehand, but now all Louis can see are cracks beneath the eyes running along the cheeks where tears should be. He sees the withering color of pale blue turned into dark gray, exactly like her irises. The little chips around the edges and the sad, sad eyes peering out through the eye holes.

Louis sees straight through her crumbling mask; beautiful broken.

***

"Maybe she just didn't have strong feelings for him? Like a causal thing?"

"They were together for a year. He stole her fucking cat, Harry!" Louis snips, throwing the spoon he used to stir his tea into the sink in anger. He'd been besides himself since he got back.

"Fucking cunt." Niall cruses, directed towards the ex, with arms crossed and face red.

"Right. Sorry." Harry mutters dropping his head on the table. "Stole her cat. Cheated."

Louis sighs, reaching over to card his fingers through Harry's curls in apology. The kitten Louis brought back earlier nudges her head against Louis' ankle.

"It's just really sad, if you think about it. Heartbreaking, really." Zayn muses.

When did Louis allow them all of come over? Certainly not when he was gone for an hour. So who invited Zayn over with his insightful words, as he likes to call it, and stating the fucking obvious. However, all of Louis' thoughts fade because he does love his boys, he just doesn't want to be reminded of how messed up the situation is.

"Thank you, Sherlock, be sure to let Dr. Watson in on your intuitive observations of the obvious." Louis snaps.

Zayn frowns, but due to deeper thoughts and ignores Louis like a crack in the sidewalk. Harry however, pushes lightly at Louis' thigh, his way of scolding, then pats the top of Louis' leg in understanding. Liam shoots him a look and Niall chuckles once.

"Listen," Zayn continues, staring at nothing. "The past what, three, four years? That girl has been alone, lonely, abandoned, whatever you call it. She works more hours in a day than most people I know, besides our teams, but even they get time off. She works herself into the night, she doesn't sleep or can't sleep according to your stories, Louis. Her mother is rarely around because she works her arse off to pay for bills and her son's treatment. Her best friend is a good three hours away at Uni.

"People she thought she could trust betray her and leave her for some reasons other than being selfish, heartless twats. I've heard nothing of her father, like he doesn't even exist. Her cousin, Jesus Christ, her cousin..." Zayn trails off shaking his head. "My point is, I now see how she is the way she is. I understand it figuratively, to an extant. She's been reluctant to let anyone new in because- we have a break now but by next summer- you'll be gone."

Louis doesn't miss the way Zayn singled him out of the group. He hates that, because they are a band together, not separate, they don't, can't, work that way. They hold each other gazes until it becomes too much for Louis and he has to look away. He rubs his hand down his fave, sighing loudly.

"So," Louis begins softly, "what do I do?"

Liam answers. "What you've been doing along. Whatever it is, Louis, it's been working. Just don't let her close those walls again."

Louis nods, it's all he can do. The little kitten knocks her head against his ankle again. He bends to pick her up, cradling her to his chest, and kisses her furry little head.

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Notes

When I wrote this chapter I had two cats with my bff/roommate...now we have three. Loki (from the Avengers because, duh. aka god of chaos) Blue, (from Jurassic World) and now Sweeney (from Sweeney Todd). I want another one and want to name it Pepper Potts.