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My Best Friend's Sister

A Carnival

Luke's POV
We were still on the road and by now Vanessa was sleep. God, did she look beautiful when she sleep. Her heavenly curls fell perfectly and her lips looked divine.

I pulled up in a parking space and turned off the car. I undid my seatbelt and took hold of Vanessa's hand. I gently went over the back of her and with my thumb. I took in every detail. From the honey glow of her skin to her perfectly painted black nails.

Her eyes began to flutter. "Luke?" She asked sleepily.

"Yeah, its me princess," I said.

"Mmm, where are we?" she asked as she sat up and stretched upwards.

"Why don't we get out the car and see?" I asked back as I pulled a piece of hair out her face.

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" She questioned as she got out the car. I laughed and got out the car also. Across the car I saw a smile come across her face. "Its a carnival."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if you'd like it or not but it was worth trying," I said coming to her from the driver's side.

"I love it," she said still with a broad smile.

It felt like I should kiss her but it would be too soon. "Shall we?"

"We shall," and she took my hand as I led her inside the carnival.

I paid for our way in and the strapped a neon green bracelet to our wrist. "So where do you wanna go?"

"Let's get on the bumper cars," She said with excitement as she basically dragged me over there.

Ashton's POV
I rushed home to check on Vanessa during lunch, the time I'd usually be with Heather. "Vanessa!" I called out. No response. I ran upstairs, "Vanessa Marie?" I pushed open her bedroom door and nothing. She wasn't there.

I took out my phone to call her. Just when it was about to go to voicemail, she picked up. "Hello," she giggled into the phone.

"Hey, where are you?" I asked her calmly. I didn't want to freak out on her again.

"Oh hey. I'm with Luke," she said her giggling stopping. On her side of the call I heard music and other people. Well, at least she's somewhere public.

"Where?" I asked, wondering where they could possibly be.

"I don't know exactly but its a carnival," Oh.

"Well, have fun, okay?" I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to forget about Ryan and feel good about herself. She needs it.

"Okay... I love you, Ash," She said.

"I love you too, Vanessa Marie," she sighed.

"You know that's not my middle name," I smiled because I knew that aggravates her. "I gotta go."

"Okay, bye," She said.

"Bye," then we hung up.

Notes

Comments

@Calum Netflix and Pizza
Aww, thanks love. I hope I do too. Love you name by the way.

So I just spent 2 and a half hours reading this story. And I love it. Great job ;) I hope you get out of ur writer funk.

@Lucy Hemmings
I really want you to continue your story but you could use a little tweaking. Me personally, I prefer if you space out your paragraphs and dialogue because it just makes it easier to read and it flows better.

Put more details! The more details the better. Try to connect with not only your readers but with your character because you character's are their own people with minds of their owns. Let the words flow through you and on to the keyboard. Details also makes your chapters longer.

Just look over simple punctuation and grammar errors. Also be sure to note who's POV it is at the top of the page if you want to continue switching POV's.

Other than that, you're pretty solid. I'm sorry if I come out mean. I don't mean to be! I promise. But you have so much potential to be a great writer!

Hakuna Matata,
Vannessa

Hi I love this story its really cool, also I have just written my very first fanfic called Why now? Why today? its a Luke Hemmings fanfic and I would love for u to check it out.