Reviews! :D

Hey @Telichia xxx! I have just finished reading your story, (sorry it took so long, my school had a field trip to Washington DC, and we stayed there for a few days, and I wasn't allowed to use my phone like at ALL) and I just wanted to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Critiques:
1. More detail- really just take some time to just put some real detail, it really gives readers a sense of what's going on. Example- when Cam went to go see Ed at Dunkin' Donuts, you said she 'put some makeup on', this is what I'd do - 'I went up to my bedroom (or wherever she was) took my makeup kit, and lightly (or heavy) put some makeup on'
2. Outfits- I would highly, highly recommend that you explain what they look like (well, more then you already are;). I actually have a little trick I use, to give your readers a sense of the characters outfits, without having to explain a single thing. I have the whole procedure on my first chapter, and the link is right here -it really, really, really, is AWESOME to use, and it's SUPER easy ;)
3. Take more time writing- you don't have to always jump into things right away. Like for example, if someone is taking a ride in their car to go somewhere, don't say 'she grabbed her keys, sped off, and arrived at her destination'. Give some more information, like maybe what the person is thinking? Are they happy? Are they dreading it? Is their head in some other place? Are they excited? You really have to ask yourself these kinds of questions to make what your writing make sense. For example, 'I grabbed my keys from my dresser and excited my house as I went to my car. I opened my car door and got in, put the keys in my ignition as the engine roared to life. I pulled out of the driveway, as anticipation slowly crept into me. My mind swarmed with atleast a billion questions. Will he remember me? What does he look like now? Is he married? Does he have a child? What will he do when he sees me? I mean, it has been 12 years. 12 years can change a person. Gosh, why couldn't it as easy as it was when we were best friends- scratch that, siblings. God, the things this boy does to me even when I'm not around him.' I know that was really long, but readers LOVE to read more, so don't be afraid to really lengthen your chapters.

So, now for some REALLY big critiquing: (A/N: I'm SO sorry if I offend you in ANY way whatsoever, I really don't mean to!)
1. Cover pictures- Just a BTW this from personal experience ;) I highly, HIGHLY recommend to use a picture that suits your story. Idk why, but some readers don't like when you have just your characters faces on your cover picture. Idek why. Personally, I have no problem with it, I'm just telling you from very personal experience. Suggestion: I suggest that you like put the name of your story, put a filter on it, and a border.
2. Don't change your story- If realize you don't like something that you've written but you wrote it like 3 weeks ago, DON'T CHANGE IT. Again, from personal experience, I was writing a chapter, I was SO proud of it, it was well written, I'd gotten some advice how to do it, and everyone LOVED it when I published it. Except, of course, I accidentally wrote something in that was completely irrelevant (like it nothing to do with what was going on) and I had SO many many ppl asking questions about it. Of course, I went to change the story, took it out, it was perfect..........The fricking thing deleted itself, I was so P.O. ed, so for me, please do NOT change it even if it totally doesn't make ANY sense.

Okay, well , I just got really carried with this review, I am so sorry.

I like to do this with everyone, so I'm going to do it with you as well.
I highly recommend that you read these stories:
The Bet
Beautiful Monster -this is my favorite fanfic I've EVER read (I've read it 6 1/2 times;)
Opposites Attract - deff my second favorite.
I choose these stories based on the review I gave you, just to give you sense of what I gave you advice on ;)
BTW: All of these stories are R or NC-17 so if your uncomfortable reading these just tell me, I have some other lower-rated stories, but these are DEFINITELY the best! ;)

I hope this advice helps, and I wish you the BEST of luck on you story, I'll make sure to subscribe because I REALLY like this story!

Have a marvelous day lovely!

X, Chels

Notes