Greetings @Zaynlove! I have just completed reading your story 'Visiting Hours' and I have to say, this was the most emotional fanfiction I've ever read..........and I read a LOT of fanfiction. For about 6 months ago, my favorite book always has and always will be 'The Fault In Our Stars', just because it is just so well written, the love connection is unbelievable, and the sadness gets you right in your heart.
I'm gonna tell you this now, this fanfic was just as sad if not sadder then TFIOS. It was truly amazing. But, of course, in every fanfic, book, or movie I ever read/see, I always have this I would do differently.

1. Making Readers Uncomfortable, AKA, Harry's and Tom's "relationship"- this actually was the thing that stuck out the most to me. I personally don't have a problem with gay people, but this relationship actually made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I mean, the story was going really well, I actually did cry when I found out that Zayn lost his hair- it really hit me in the wrong place (sort of like whenever I listen to Amnesia by 5sos;) but I just feel like that doesn't exactly fit with the story. When I started reading the story and found out that you weren't planning on putting a love interest in the story, I was really mad 'cause most of the stories I read are about love interests. Then, every chapter I started not caring about it- it actually was really good without that it. Then when you announced you were putting one in I was sort of excited, like I though it was great, but if you wanted you probably could've gotten along without it. But, then it just got kind of uncomfortable when you found out about Tom- but I do have to admit it was SUPER, SUPER, SUPER emotional when Tom talked about his previous relationship (I forget the guy's name). I HIGHLY recommend taking Tom out of the 'boyfriend' category, and putting in a women instead- it really just gets readers interested........this is coming from FORMER and personal experience.
2. Happy ending- You probably haven't really thought about the actual ending to this story, (Don't worry I still have to write the ending to my Trilogy;) but really don't be afraid to give it a happy one, unless you actually want it to be a sad but good one like TFIOS. PS: If you need any help with figuring out an ending, please let me know! I would be beyond happy to help you come up with one!
3. Writing Styles- I absolutely LOVE your writing style, it's BEYOND what I expected, and I really love how it felt like you were in the hospital with them and you could feel all the emotions.

I really couldn't find practically anything at ALL with your story, because it was just so fabulous!

Now like always, I like to give people stories, to really see what other writing styles are like, to really get a feel of it.
Beautiful Monster - this is my FAVORITE fanfic on here!
Notorious - WARNING! Very, VERY, brutal. Do NOT read this if you don't like fanfics that are too intense, but I still do HIGHLY recommend it, because it is very, VERY good!
Young Minds, Young Love - STRONG LANGUAGE

Oh and I just wanted to ask you if it would be okay if I promoted your story (the one that I'm reviewing;) because I really REALLY want people to see it and it to get ont he popular pages because its just magnificent!

WONDERFUL job writing it! I hope to hear back from you soon!

Have a beautiful day lovely!

X, Chels

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