Reviews with the Reader

Ok first off I want to say, I'm extremely sorry for not going in order and skipping a few fan fictions. I feel really bad about it, I will personally get to them ASAP! Again I'm so sorry!

Ok back to the review! Ok wow you, so far, have done an amazing job with your story. I absolutely love that the main girl isn't a needy bitch and crazy. I also live the conflict that Harry is dealing with, of course I'm not going to give any thing away! There were only a few things that I caught that may need some looking at, but other than that I really loved it!

So I'm going to start with the biggest thing, as a reader I want to feel connections with the characters. What I mean by this is that I want you to slow down just a little bit, because I feel a minimal connection with the characters, and if you can add just a little bit about them and let the reader really get to know them better. Then at that point, if you are writing about a terrible event or a super happy one the reader feels the effect of the situation. For example; let's say that the characters dog just died. And the character just says,

'My dog died about a week ago'

You're probably sitting in your chair thinking, What.
But let's say the character gives you more information about it; giving you back stories and letting the reader feel the same pain the main character is going through.

' I still haven't gotten over him. My pet husky, he was one of my best friends; his name was Rocky. I loved him so much, and I could tell he loved me back, because if it weren't for him right now I would be dead. That day he had jumped out in front of the fast moving automobile knocking me out of the way, just to save me. It hit him with a full on contact; I couldn't believe it, I was shaking,tears started to well up behind my eyes, and looking at him I knew he was barley holding on...'

I would hope I got a little more reaction with that second one, sorry for kind of a depressing plot line. So when I was reading your story I felt that lump in my thought the one you get before crying. Props to you, but I feel like you could have added a little more emotion to those dramatic chapters.

Then there were little grammar errors, and you didn't use your enter key a lot. But things like this are easy fixes! Just read your chapter over again or maybe another time so you catch any mistake you may have made.

Over all I thought this story is super original, and I liked it a lot! I really admire the conflict in it too, and to any one reading this review I recommend you checking out this story! I really hope to read more in the future you are a brilliant writer!

Overall rating: 8.5

Notes

If you are not satisfied with your review let me know, and I will take it down ASAP! I appreciate all of you subscribers for being so patient, it really means a lot!

Again sorry for getting all out of order for the past few chapters I plan in getting back on track ASAP!

❤This_crazy_girl

Please comment and tell me what you think! Also why not rate and subscribe too!

Thanks all you lovely people! Xx