Reviews with the Reader

I thought this was a pretty good fan fiction; this was one of the first zombie fan fictions I have read. Usually I don't read supernatural stories, but I thought it was good. There were just a few things that had made it a little hard to read, but they are easy fixes.

First I'm going to start with the largest thing, spacing, a lot of times your chapters had zero spacing in it. By chapter 11 you started to put spacing in between paragraphs and all, but rember you have to put it between dialogue too. Also when you did your spacing you stopped spacing in chapters then started to do paragraphs again in a different chapter. Many times when a chapter is one really long paragraph it makes it harder for the reader to read, and they can quickly disinterested in your story. Your story although was very action packed and dramatic so it keeps the reader tied in.

Next thing, I feel like you may be rushing the end of the story a little bit. When you describe something make sure you incorporate details that help the reader understand what's going on. (Spoiler alert!!!!) So when the main character, Lexi, magically appeared to meet up with Harry at the plane I was a little confused with the whole zombie chasing part a little bit. I don't know if I just didn't read it right, or probably something like that. Just add some more details that might help the reader understand what is happening a little bit better.

Last but not least, there were quite a few grammar mistakes that I caught. I think since your chapters are long and don't have a lot of spacing, mistaks are hard to catch. If you go back and re-read your chapter before you post it a few times, you can almost be positive you will catch a mistake every time. Although every one makes mistakes, hell I probably made like ten in the last two paragraphs. Also you don't have to always put 'flashback' when the character is thinking back to a time, for example;

I was hurt when he said that, it brought me back to the time when I was crushing on my first love. I felt like a child again, and I couldn't stand that.
-Flashback-
.......
-End of flashback-

It kind of interrupts your writing a little bit so maybe you could try something along the lines of;

I can't believe he just said that, It hurt so much I can't bear it any more. My mind kept flashing back to my terrible childhood, I sat there thinking harder about it, and tried not to cry in front of him.

.....(Put flashback here with bolded font or italicizes font)...

That was just some random scene I thought of, but I think you get the idea.

Overall I think this fan fiction is really good, and I feel like you left room for a verry good sequel! That is, if you decided to make one of course. I liked the conflict in it a lot, it was a great original twist to a basic plot. I can't wait untill you come out with more chapters, I look forward to reading more!

Overall rating: 7.5

Notes

If you do not like your review I will take it down ASAP, please tell me though. I hoped I helped with making your fan fiction better! Comment, rate, and subscribe!

❤This_Crazy_Girl

Thanks for waiting! :)