I am Erin Elizabeth Cox and this is why I was shy...Well, here I begin.

Shy Girl in the Background
Keeping quiet is sometimes the wrong thing to do.

Rules of a shy girl:

1. Don't talk to anyone except: Family, friends-including boyfriends-and when you absolutely HAVE to, classmates-only when you HAVE too.
2. Stay in the background.
3. Don't stand out.

These are the rules I've followed since, well, FOREVER. Its kept me out of trouble. Okay, MOST trouble-LONG story. What people label me as: “The AVOID AT ALL COST, weird, shy girl that never talks.” hmm...somewhat correct-SOMEWHAT. Popularity status: none. Spot on the school “Food Chain,”: Hahaha, the bottom. You're probably wondering how I survived. Easy. Focus on school and stick with my circle of friends. Which-in fifth grade- was pretty much Mackinsey. We've been friends since first grade. We're like sisters. But, back on track. Why was I shy? Ever since I could talk normally, I've had speech problems. I couldn't pronounce s, x, g, sh, ch, th, d, c, ck, k and SEVERAL others-take too long saying them all. People made fun of me. I mean, who wants to talk to someone you can't understand? I couldn't face people mocking my voice. It hurt. So, I just didn't talk-except at home, of course. The only people I trusted were-as of fifth grade: Tori, Mackinsey, My sisters-Brianna(oldest) Kristin, and Kaitlin(the last two are twins) and the rest of my family. Not many? Trust me. Life is hard if you only trust a few people. Back to fifth grade NIGHTMARE. What? It WASN'T a dreamland ya know. ANY way. Singing is practically my life. God first, family and friends second, singing third. Right under the REALLY important stuff.
“Our class is having our class fun day. It'll be a talent show. So, get ready.”Mrs. Todd-the second COOLEST music teacher EVER(to me, at least), said. We always have a talent show. Once a year. Just in our class, though. I've been preparing a song since Christmas. LITERALLY. For Christmas, my grandma and grandpa got us a karaoke machine for Christmas-still use it- and a Taylor Swift karaoke CD-Used to be such a fan, weird, right? I wanted to prove to people that I wasn't just some verbal punch bag. Well, I practiced, and practiced, and PRACTICED. Then, the day CAME. THE DAY I'D BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE CHRISTMAS. I was so EXCITED. It came. I signed up. Sat in my seat-anxiously. And whisper-chatted with Tori-my other SISTER/BFF. Since the first day of fifth grade. She invited me to sit by her. Been friends ever since. I found out, she's doing the exact same thing as me! Uh-oh. What was worse, she's gonna DANCE AND sing! I sighed. Better do good. I thought to myself.
“Erin. Its your turn.” Mrs. Todd said. I started shaking. I managed to get up, hand the CD to Mrs. Todd, say track 11, and not faint from nerves. The music started. No turning back now. I thought. Then came the worst part, the anger/envious eyes glaring at me. Did that stop me? Hehe, ya-nope You thought I was gonna say yes? Didn't ya?-I sang “Our Song”- now one of the most boring songs I know(Other than “Baby” by Justin Beiber) by singer Taylor Swift-USED to be my favorite country singer(Hint the USED). I saw no mouths open. No happy smiles. Just envious eyes glaring at my every move. I just kept smiling and singing. Mrs. Todd stopped the song after the first refrain-(if you brought a CD of your own, it gets cut early because of time) I got a little clap. I sat down.
“You did awesome,” Tori said.
“Okay, class. Bow your heads and close your eyes. Its time to vote. Remember, I average out the score.” I did as she asked. Bowed my head, closed my eyes. Raised my hand when she said nine.
“Open your eyes.” I lifted my eyes up. Guess what I got? Not a ten, not a nine, not an eight. A seven point five? HUH?! All that work for NOTHING?
I was mad, humiliated, embarrassed, and downright ANGRY. Tori sang the SAME song. But with a dance. She got an eight. I wanted to kick every person in that classroom. But, I kept that to myself.
“Its a popularity vote.” Mackinsey later told me as we ate lunch, “Always has been,”
“I know. Its dumb. I get it, EVERYBODY HATES me.”
“Not EVERYBODY hates you. I like you. Tori likes you.” I glared at her.
“Fine. The MAJORITY of our class hates me.” I said. She sighed. And finished her chicken patty, the best days to have lunch, Chicken Patty Wednesdays. Now, you're probably wondering WHAT the point of that story was. Well, let me go on. After that day, I hardly spoke to anyone outside my circle of trusted people. Friends-not Mackinsey- turned away from me. Hated me. Bullying: Increased. Trusted People: Hardly any. What's worse: I wasn't just bullied by students. People I knew, a family member. My self-esteem dropped. I built walls around myself. I was TIRED of being hurt. TIRED of being dragged down. TIRED of life itself. I grew-as my sisters call it- an ATTITUDE. I wasn't that happy, smiley girl anymore. Eventually, my life hit rock bottom. And I felt alone. Alone and tired. Pieces of me scattered everywhere. I was fighting a battle alone, with no armor to protect me. I wasn't Christian then, and God was the LAST person I wanted to go to. I blamed Him for everything. My features, my personality, my messed up life. EVERYTHING. I hated Him. I wasn't necessary DEPRESSED, maybe a little. I was alone. Even with my friends clinging to my arms, I felt more alone than I had ever been. I never cried- I'd gotten used to not crying. I couldn't see(mentally). So even the tiniest piece of my heart put back in its right spot was a HUGE victory for me. I silently screamed inside. But, I kept it in. On the outside, a (fake) happy girl. What healed me, you ask? Just a small amount of advice, from a person I scarcely talk to. I was at Tori's sleepover. I wasn’t the only person there. Devon, Kierston, Sydnie, Kristin, Kaitlin, and I were all there. It was probably like, five in the morning. Sydnie, Kierston, and I were still awake. Which, I'm usually the first one asleep. We were hanging out. Just talking. That's when my life CHANGED forever.
“I think you should talk more.” Sydnie said. Kierston agreed. We started talking about it. Sixth grade came around, I was talking in the locker room to a lot of people. It was fun. People weren't mean. Of course, I didn't make any new friends that day. But, my shell was cracking. Sixth grade came and went. Summer came by FAST. Seventh grade came. My shell was in two pieces. Of course, I was still standing in it. I'm now in eighth grade, and that shell is LONG gone. Of course, I'm not necessarily a Chatty Cathy at SCHOOL, but I'm definitely not shy. My friends now include: Mackinsey, Tori, Jesikah, her sister Jamie, Lexus, Sydnie, Moriah- she lives in Louisiana now, Kylee, Logan, Delaney ,and several other great friends. Yes, I asked for forgiveness and accepted Jesus into my heart. I was baptized on February 5, 2011. And I no longer have speech problems. Yeah, I mess up from time to time-I get caught up talking too much. And I finally got in trouble in class for talking. Which I was very proud about. I never thanked Sydnie. But I wish I did. She changed my life. So did God. I should thank her somehow. I am so thankful for everything. Thanks to her, I looked inside myself and discovered who I am. I am Erin, friend for many. People see me and think, “There's that Christian girl,” I am no longer sitting in the background. I am on the front lines. Fighting against bullying. I discovered who I am. Now, ask yourself. Who are YOU?

Notes

Uhhhhh.....I'm great to talk to. Not into drama. And I have met the greatest people on here. Yep. Thanks again! So, I was reading this, and, well, I want to share this story with all the girls out there. I want to thank you. For making this. You didn't have to, but you did anyway. So, thanks. - Erin

Thank you for sharing. I know everyone has felt like they couldn't talk to anyone at some point in their lives, I know I sure have.

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