I guess I should start from the start; my name's Audrey but most people here would know me as Pippa. It was a nickname I got from my grandfather for being the shortest and youngest of all the children in the family. It's the one and only fond memory I have of him - but I'll explain that later. My story is that of overcoming strength. It probably means little too you all but in my so many years of being on earth and only really wandering around and never living - it makes me feel as if I've accomplished so much more than what I could have imagined.

I was orphaned growing up; yet happily adopted by a gorgeous couple by the names of Lily and David who set me up with a family - I couldn't ask any better for. y older brothers took me in as if I was one of the clan from day dot. They never said anything to make me feel uncomfortable, never taunted me or teased me in regards to being given up on - we had all the same inevitable fate; and like some weird and wonderful story, were all given a second chance.

According to Lily; my mother had decided to go for adoption due to an abusive relationship she couldn't get herself away from; I've always wondered deep down on a mental and spiritual level If it’s from my mother that I get my fear of commitment and brutality from. According to the people who I've spoken to and who knew her quite well; she was a gentle soul with a love for art and eagerness of travel. Sadly, she got caught up in the wrong crowed and then... bang - down the balloon goes.

Either way, getting back on track. During school! I was bullied badly. Always picked last for sports and assignments even though I'd end up doing majority of the work myself and constantly tried to fit in. I remember this one time at school; it would have been either 5th or 6th grade a girl who shall remain nameless found out about my family secret and told me that no one would ever love me and that I should go home and drink bleach. Being a softy and push over! I did just that writing a suicide note to Lily and David the night before - tucking it under my pillow and woke up the next morning in a hospital room - enough plugs and cords strapped into me I would have put a hardware store to shame.

Lily and David began constantly fighting over me; what they were going to do with me - if I was the right choice - If they should even continue to bother. Although she keeps telling me that I'm not the reason for it; I know, deep down my play ups and behavior were the reason behind their divorce. This only sent me spiraling downwards even more. By now mother was left in a small, run down house with 5 children under the age of 12 and no support to go to. I remember her crying, throwing things about in sheer frustration but never at us. She'd always be outside or locked in the bedroom - making sure we were out of harm’s way.

I was a trouble maker at school; only because it gave me a chance to be an attention seeker. The more the teacher yelled the more I knew I was winning whatever sick game it was that I was playing. Chalk smeared into the carpet, kids lunches flushed down the toilets, dancing on the tables and kicking books onto the floor from shelves. Looking back; everything seems a little hard to believe when then… it was all normal.

Eventually Lily had had enough, and honestly I didn't blame her. I was sent into foster care where eventually developed depression and was severely traumatized by care people who thought they were doing the right thing for me. The punches, the hits, the slaps, the strange young boy who told me we should play 'doctors'. I felt ridiculed and abused and threw up daily as an excuse to go to the nurse’s office and get out of school. Eventually the Principle worked out what was going on; saw the bruises and then vooom... day in and day out - court trials, new homes, more court trials, therapy. It was like a never ending cycle. Sometimes, triggers still get me, but you'll hear about them another day.

I was 15 when I first tried to make contact with my biological mother again. It worked, even though everyone was against the idea and suggestion. 0e met in an agreed area for lunch. I had a therapist with me and the moment I looked into her eyes for the first time; I felt a connection I hadn't yet felt in life. She agreed to continue seeing me in more of a big-sister/little sister style program. The meetings went on for about 6 months before soon enough, she just stopped turning up; Left me for good once again. My friends from school did some stalking over the internet and we eventually found her on my space (remember that old thing?) drugs and alcohol in almost every picture she'd uploaded. I wasn't sure what to think.

Perhaps! I should try the life style for myself and see what it was all about. My mother craved it so.

Pot was the first drug, and then came the cigarettes and whiskey we'd steal from liquor stores. I cross my heart in the sense that I never got caught and really now, wish that I had of to kick some sense into me. Soon enough, I'd taken ecstasy tablets on a beach trip with camp, attempted to inject myself with a half filled needle I found on the bus and once again, took a cocktail of bleach and sleeping pills hoping for just everything to go away.

Lily found out of what I was up to and going through and insisted on having me back. She was determined to make my life as straight as she could; knocking out the ideas from my head that I'd ever have to please anyone other than myself.

She enrolled me into a new school where I met the amazing friends and fiancé I now have today. She pushed that book smarts were more important than street smarts and if i wanted to achieve anything in life - I could. She got me from A to 0 quicker than anyone else or I ever could -but made it clear that reaching X, Y, & Z would be my own journey.

Now… 4 years clear off of drugs and cigarettes and occasionally having a sip of wine or Midori when out with friends! I can say – proudly, that everything that has happened to me as changed me into being a better person. Yes, the occasional bullying I get from time to time gets me down, and after being diagnosed with Bi-polar I find myself at times finding me hard to live with! But overall, I'm thankful for the second and third chances that I got…

I am yet to throw out the suicide letter I wrote Lily years ago; and keep it as a constant reminder that to someone! I mean the world to. Every breath, every I love you, ever smile... I don't take for I granted, because at one stage! i could possibly of never had them again.
Thank you for sharing. I know everyone has felt like they couldn't talk to anyone at some point in their lives, I know I sure have. You were so strong to be able to fight all of these things, and not as many people as a lucky to have people that want to see them succeed. I am really glad you are doing better now. GOOD LUCK WITH THE FUTURE!!


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::DISCUSSION TOPIC OF THE DAY::Was there ever a time where you felt like you couldn't talk to anyone? tell us about it.Thank you for sharing. I know everyone has felt like they couldn't talk to anyone at some point in their lives, I know I sure have. You were so strong to be able to fight all of these things, and not as many people as a lucky to have people that want to see them succeed. I am really glad you are doing better now. GOOD LUCK WITH THE FUTURE!!


-----If you want to share your story with us, write it all out, and then message me and I will post it. ------

---

::Info needed::
Full name ( or anonymous if you want):
Your Story (what is going on in your life?):
note:

---

We will have discussions, support groups, daily discussion topics anything you need. I just really wanted to have something to give back to everyone.

Please join and share YOUR story...
Please don't be shy this I will make this a safe place for people to talk about life...

::DISCUSSION TOPIC OF THE DAY::
Was there ever a time where you felt like you couldn't talk to anyone? tell us about it.

Notes

Thank you for sharing. I know everyone has felt like they couldn't talk to anyone at some point in their lives, I know I sure have. You were so strong to be able to fight all of these things, and not as many people as a lucky to have people that want to see them succeed. I am really glad you are doing better now. GOOD LUCK WITH THE FUTURE!!


-----If you want to share your story with us, write it all out, and then message me and I will post it. ------

---

::Info needed::
Full name ( or anonymous if you want):
Your Story (what is going on in your life?):
note:

---

We will have discussions, support groups, daily discussion topics anything you need. I just really wanted to have something to give back to everyone.

Please join and share YOUR story...
Please don't be shy this I will make this a safe place for people to talk about life...

::DISCUSSION TOPIC OF THE DAY::
Was there ever a time where you felt like you couldn't talk to anyone? tell us about it.