Troubles (Kissing The Devil)
“If this is your doing Niall, I swear to God, no matter who is protecting you I will find you, torture you, gut you and then feed you to pigs so no one finds out I’m guilty of your murder!” I hysterically say on the phone, pacing on my front lawn that’s bursting with cops, blue and red lights flashing everywhere. My parents were both involved in blankets, talking to the cops as my dad’s arm was swung across my mom’s shoulder to pull her close. I was managing, for a few seconds now, to keep the waterworks under control, but I feel like I’m gonna burst any second now.
“I thought you wanted me to stay away!” He said
“Answer me!” I demanded “Is it your doing?”
“What is my doing?” He asked, sounding innocent
“Don’t play dumb Niall or I swear…”
“Stop the fucking threatening Thea, we both know I’m way scarier than you!” He growls
“After I tell you…” I gulp “After I fucking tell you what my biggest fear is, it happens!” I whisper the last part, sinking on the back of an oak tree planted in our front yard.
“What?!” He asks
“He’s gone!” I cry, almost soundless “He’s gone! Vanished!” I cry harder and louder on the phone, my tears spilling from my eyes and freely running down my cheeks as I feel a severe panic attack starting to form in the back of my throat
“I’m coming!” He said.
I could hear noise from the other side of the phone, like shuffling and running. I could hear a faint but worried What’s happening Trouble?, to wich he responded with a sharp and snippy Her fucking brother is missing!. Then I heard a loud thump, like a door closing.
He’s in my front lawn in ten minutes, his arms wrapping around my waist to pull me up from the dark corner I was at, trying to control the panic attack I was under at the moment. I swallow once he’s standing there, and he’s so fucking beautiful. And I hate him because it’s his fault entirely.
He tried to wrap his arms around my waist, but I pushed him back, attracting the attention of more than one cop when I yelled
“It’s your fault! It’s all your fault!”
And even after he letted go, I kept pushing at his chest, and he took steps back, one, two, four and six as I yelled the same things over and over again until his back hit the frontal wall of my new house. I noticed by the corner of my weeping eyes, that a pair of cops were walking towards us, hands in their belt to pull out a gun if needed.
But I was so distracted by them that I didn’t notice Niall’s mouth coming close to mine until out lips were involved in a passionate kiss, his knees giving in and we’re both sitting, me on top of him, and the cops decide to leave us alone.
He bites on my shoulder when we disconnect our lips, only to hurt me. The warning in his eyes were clear! Cops! Be fucking careful what you say! And I was attracting attention before, attention that could fuck him up.
“If he’s hurt Niall, I swear I don’t fucking care what you do to me afterwards, I will chop off your lower parts!” I say “Where is he?” I demand
“I… I don’t know Thea! Seriously!” He says after I give him the mad eyes
“Then who has him?” I yell at him
“Has you’re pretty little brown head stopped to think that maybe Jordan has him?” Niall snippily says
“What would he want with my brother?” I ask
“He … thinks you mean something to me!” He says, the flash of red I saw before, crossed his eyes again and I gulp “And the fastest way of getting to me, is you!”
“So, this means you’re going to dump me in a corner and forget about my existence?” I ask
I was unsure of my feelings if he says Yes, I’m gonna disappear and never talk to you again! So just forget I exist!
I was scared, because now I think I’m the smallest bit addicted on what he represents. I don’t think I can take this gut wrenching feelings for much longer without saying something I don’t mean and I end up dead in the curb. I feel like killing him, pull his flesh apart from his bones, because he’s the reason of all of this madness going on in my life.
But Fuck I’m guilty too.
I lost control of myself and ended up having sex with him when I should have been pushing him away, protecting myself and the one’s I love. I was naïve, and I let him close, so close that now, thanks to what someone thinks he feels for me, his problems have become my own.
I was scared if he said ‘No’ too, because it would mean I was stuck with him and his self-centered, arrogant ego that only stops inflating when he’s drunk or laughing!
I look up at him, his frowning appearing again and my palms hitch to massage the deep V line that’s forming between his eyebrows. As I do just that, he relaxes, and his eyes meet mine, and for a long time we stand there, looking at each other, green eyes trying to search for the smallest bit of hope in the blue eyes of someone who previously provoked the irritating little amount of fear the first one despised.
He’s showing nothing, and I’m fragile so the first thing I do is grab a handful of his shirt and rest my head against his chest, crying.
I’m still wearing his shirt and it served me well as its seven in the morning and I don’t feel cold at all. I’m startled when his arms surround my waist and pull me close, his lips planting a chaste kiss on the top of my head as he rest his chin in my shoulder.
It’s like he knows what is like, to lose someone who meant the world to you. Someone who used to depend on you. Someone who had the same DNA as you. He was condescending and supportive, and I felt so bad for calling him self-centered and arrogant and everything I have called him before.
He’s here, no one else is. He’s probably ruining his denim jeans by pressing them across the grass but he isn’t complaining. I appreciate that. And I can’t stop noticing that he isn’t talking, he isn’t lying, he isn’t trying to convey that everything is gonna be okay when I know it’s not. At least not for a while. A lot of people wouldn’t be quiet, they would run their hands down my back, hug me and promise things would get better, because after the storm comes the sun. Like they would know!
But Niall’s here, and he isn’t lying to me, he’s just being supportive, and letting me know he knows the feeling. I press my eyelids shut as I have been focused on his shirt gripped around my hands, and two more tears run down my cheeks.
“I want in!” I whisper
I gulp and pull back from his grip, facing him with a pained expression.
“I want in!” I say louder
It takes him time to understand what I’m talking about but his eyes widen after a few moments.
“No!” He sternly says
I frown. What’s this sudden concern about me and the direction my life takes.
“Why not?” I ask
“Because you don’t know what’s like to live in this life, you don’t know the costs it takes! Your family would be in danger!” He says
“More than it is now?” I raise an eyebrow at him disbelief stamped on my face “They’re already in danger Trouble!” I spat “Plus I’m pretty sure you didn’t ask this to anyone in your gang, so why start it with me?”
Niall seemed baffled, like he noticed something different in my tone of voice, or the way I parted my hair, or maybe the way I faced problems. And I felt different, I felt determined, I felt ready to fight for the security of the one’s I love, and Niall isn’t going to stay in the way of it!
“Because no one thinks I’m in love with them!” He growls “You can be such so stubborn sometimes Thea! Fuck!” He curses “Jordan isn’t my only enemy, nor is his gang the only one in London, if they know I have a weakness, well, if they so much think I have a weakness they’re gonna attack me where it hurts, and I don’t mean my eyes!” He shots me a glance and I gulp “It’s for your own good!” He explains
“Fine!” I grumble, getting up and pushing my black skirt down in my thighs so I was presentable again. I run my hands under my eyes to clear the wetness remaining on them and Trouble is looking at me this entire time.
“What?” I snap
“You wanna come back to my place?” He asks, completely changing subjects.
I frown. Why would I want to go to his place?
“Because it’s safer there, your parents are with the cops, and I’m pretty sure Jordan is going to contact me or you, not the cops or your parents!” He says and I look at my parents, both still in the same position as before and my eyes soften “They’ll be fine! I’ll have someone keeping an eye on them!” He assure,s one of his arms landing on my shoulder and I sigh, closing my eyes and letting my head tilt towards the ground as I ponder “Come with me!” He insists and I gulp, turn around to face him and nod
It only took an amount of five minutes to convince my parents that it was better for me to stay at a friends’. They agreed immediately, because the last thing they needed was me to get traumatized or something. So I went upstairs, grabbed my bag from under the bed and stuffed a pair of jeans, plus two t-shirts just in case.
Niall stood downstairs, waiting for me, he didn’t follow me nor did he try to talk to me more than necessary. It was like he knew I needed to think, I needed to be alone for a little while, before I desperately needed to be around friendly people, before it was unbearable to be alone.
“Ready?” He asks, keys in hand once I reach the front door.
“Yeah.” I answer, my voice coming muffled
I think I never saw him so vulnerable, like he felt what I feel and feels hell of bad because of it. I don’t even know him for that long, but I can tell what he’s feeling already. He grabs my bag for me and extends a hand for me to grab when notices I’m swaying and weak.
My arms suddenly stings and I feel the two wholes previously made in my arm call my attention. I saved him. He’s just returning the favor in a different way.
I say goodbye to mom and dad and follow Niall to the car, getting inside and turning to the other side, focusing, or kind of, in the landscape outside.
I can’t belive I’m on a car with the person who cause the kidnap of my brother. I can’t believe I’ trusting on him to protect me when he did nothing but threat me since the day we met. He says nothing but I can hear the gears in his mind turning, searching, digging for a place where we could find him, or what Jordan could possibly want from him. Yeah, because the whole point of this was to reach him, not me. And Jordan didn’t care who got hurt if in the end he got Niall in his palm.
I wandered what could have happened in the lives of these two people to make them so bitter. Of course It’s two types of bitter, one is Bruce Wayne kind of bitter, the my-parents-were-killed way, and the other is the Joker. The crazy bitter, the completely psycho way to be bitter and hurt everyone without a significant reason.
I think everyone can understand who is who!
I gulp and turn my head around to face him for a few seconds. He turns to meet my gaze and holds it for a second before he has to turn around again to focus on the road.
I wander why I feel like he knows what I’m going through to, like he’s been through this before and knows how you’re supposed to feel. I gulp again when he asks.
“Just wandering how you know!” I whisper, and rest my head against the glass
“Maybe you’ll know someday!” He whispers back
The house is half asleep when we get back. I have tried my best to contain my anger, tears and desperation bottled up so don’t seem crazier than I need to be.
He seems … troubled! No pun intended, but seriously. There’s a sadness in his eyes that I can quite match to my own. I must have made him remember something unpleasant.
It wasn’t my intention.
And once again I’m repelling people. Always been like this, and I guess I’ll always be. But this isn’t about that right now. This is about how we’ll get Jesse back, and I desperately need to be involved.
Trouble frowned suddenly, looking at something on the coffee table. I followed his gazes’ direction and found a tiny paper. Niall grabbed it and was quick to squeeze it between his fingers, demising the paper between his big, capable hands.
I sigh and shiver. The weather is getting to me now, and I have nothing but jeans and a skirt and two t-shirts.
“I have sweats, and a hoodie upstairs… if you want!” He stated, signaling to the stairs with his chin.
I nodded, my eyes fluttering for an unknown reason and I soon followed him to the familiar room.
The mark of my body is still around the sheets, and it still smells quite musky, but I don’t mind. My hands are trembling, I notice when I reach to grab what he is kindly offering. As I look to my hands, a pair of grey sweats and a black hoodie are on my hands now, and my bangs fall forward, current obstacles to my non-so-focused eye sight.
Trouble makes noise as he is searching here and there for something in on of his bedside tables. He returns to me with a hair band as he carefully pulls my medium sized hair in a pony tail, his fingers brushing my neck, though he didn’t quite get all of the strands of my bangs, and a few dark hairs hang loosely over my forehead.
He hands me a pill after he went back for his drawer, and took out a whole pack of these. I don’t quite know what they are, and I don’t think I can swallow them without knowing.
“Tranquilizer!” He says, handing me a cup of water that was resting close enough
I nod and swallow the thing without water, only drinking after.
“Go change!” He says and I nod, walking into the bathroom of his room.
My clothes are folded and placed on the closed toilet seat and I grab his sweats, which are long enough to create pools of fabric around my ankles. His shirt hits the middle of my thigh perfectly and only then I pull the hoodie over my head. I have to make a ponytail again because strands got loose.
There’s a mirror, and I look awful. Determined, but God damn awful! My eyes are caving on my skull and red like raspberries, my cheeks are still wet and swollen and my lips have a downwards camber that I do not like to see in myself.
My clothes are placed over a chair he has on his room when I’m out of the bathroom. His back are turned at me, and he quickly takes his shirt off, letting me see the way his muscles tense under my gaze, and how small marks of nails scratches are scattered all around his back, probably my doing.
Although I cannot stop noticing the dark, perfectly round scar that is on the right side of his back, right above his kidney. A bullet maybe?! I’m tracing the outlines with my eyes, wandering, asking, but not expecting an answer to something I did not voice.
He pulls on a random shirt, and then turns around to face me. His eyes, the eyes that I turned to believe were cold, icy, hazard-like are full of compassion and understandment as he sinks into bed and raises the covers next to him so I can lie next to him.
I do, and sigh once I fell the warmth of not only my body, but another one close enough to touch. I turn to the side, and the tears come.
I’m desperate! I am alone!
I’m a pathetic little girl!
I’m trying to be silent, but he wraps his arms around me, one around my waist, one around my chest to pull me closer as his legs intertwine with mine.
And again, he doesn’t lie, he doesn’t say anything he just hugs me, mildly kisses the top of my head sometimes and keeps hugging me. The hand close to my exposed wrist, wich belonging hand is hooked around my chest, makes circles against the soft skin and dark veins seeable through pale skin. And yes, I do feel better, but not enough to stop silently crying with my back turned at him.
And I do not say a word, but he says:
“I’m gonna take you out of this mess little Rocket!”
And let’s leave it at that!
I hoep you enjoy this chapter! Big Kiss :3