Clarity

I wasn't really all that mad at Louis.
I mean yes I was still very upset with him, but I wasn't as mad as I had been last night. After what happened last night I could tell he did truely love me or at most care deeply by how he reacted. Yet I still was angry about the deal with Gemma.
Everytime I thought about it my chest would start to ache, and stomach start to hurt as my hands curled into fists.
I would've never thought my sweet Louis of all people would do such a dreadful thing. In a way I almost wished I had found out before he moved in so we could've solved he issue before he became a resident at my mansion.
Then again maybe it was best I found out now.
Like I had said to Louis and many others before there's a time for everything, when it happens it happens. That was what had been on my mind when Louis had walked out of the classroom.
Once he had shut the door behind him I then began to feel an emotion I hadn't felt in three month's, lonesome. I didn't want to loose Louis, he was the best thing in my life, but I was scared I already had. I was scared he would do what the other's did, run.
When I had found out that my other boyfriends cheated on me with Gemma they made no effort to appoligize, instead they took the closest ride out there with the lamest of excuse's. Louis may still be here now, but he could be planning on it.
Another person on my mind was Carson. It had taken everything fiber in my stressed body to contain myself from hitting the lad as hard as I could. When I had seen him smack Louis over the head I wanted to smack his head into the brick wall outside.
I was always wary of Carson, and a bit paranoid of the fact that he might try to harm Louis for rejecting him or that he might rat us out to the school.
Though in all honesty there wasn't really much they could do considering Louis was of age, and our relationship outside of class hadn't been effecting the way I treat him when I rise to my task of being the best teacher I could.
Yes I confess there were a couple of times I had considered giving him a good grade on uncompleted assignments so I could reduce his stress, but I knew it'd be unfair to the other students who wasted hours upon hours on their school work so I hesitated on using my power in such a way.
Sighing deeply I forced myself to get moving, because I had a few things to do before I could go home, and I was nearly positive Louis was going to try to explain the situation or make an effort to appoligize prior to hiding out in the guest room with Ireland.
Chewing my tattered bottom lip harshly I flipped opened my laptop and booted it up so I could finish tomorrow's lesson plan, and send in my attendence sheet to the front office through email. As I booted up my laptop though I couldn't help but feel strange.
I had become so accustomed to going straight home with Louis after class, or talking with him after class that the silence unsettled me. A few times when I was with him, I had tried to force myself to do my grading and such but Louis was a destraction with out trying.
The instant I heard his voice or laid eyes on him all I wanted to do was grab my bundle of joy and hold him tightly. Begining to hum to myself to fill the silence I pulled up my documents, and started working on the lesson plan.
A task I managed to stay on for only a moment though, because the silence in my classroom became distorted when I heard commotion outside. Outside I could hear people laughing and shouting.
During the length of time inbetween classes that was normal, but usually after I let out my class for the day everyone was eager to get home, which left the hallways completely empty in the time scale of ten minutes.
Sighing once more, and pushing my laptop aside, I stood up and stretched before heading outside the classroom to see what all the commotion was about.
By the sounds of it, it seemed as if a fight was going on or something.
"Hey what's all the commo-"
I had began to shout when I stepped outside into the crowded hallway, but was instantly stunned to silence when I came face to face with a flyer next to my classroom door, and on it was a picture of me and Louis from the time I had screwed him in the car.
At that I felt sick.
I felt like someone had punched me in the gut and altered my breathing.
That's when I noticed they were everywhere. All over the walls, each one containing a different picture. I then looked over into the crowd and saw Louis with a look on his face that made my heart shattered.
He looked like he was going to have a break down.
"Louis?" I mouthed, my eyes wide, but instead of running over to me or mouthing something back, he turned on his heel and ran, pushing through the crowd as if they were non-existent.
"Look! It's fag number two!" I heard a kid shout. "I wouldn't be surpised if Louis called him daddy, because he's so old." Another chimed in. At those insults I felt my stomach twist. I was glad I hadn't eaten anything today, or it would be all over the hallway floors right now.
I couldn't even process the fact that those picture were there. That meant that someone had followed us behind our backs with a camera, took pictures, then took the time to paste them onto flyer, and post the flyers over the school.
I was almost afraid to imagine how many people had seen these. Some kids were even taking them down and passing them around.
I didn't even know what to do, all I could do was stand there in shock as fingers pointed in my direction, and kids whispered before laughing. I could feel my body boiling in heated rage, in warm fear, and hot offense.
"Hey Mr. Styles! If I pay you a nickle will you show me a good time in your car to?"
"I heard a rumor he picks up teenage boys in bar to, Louis is just his toy for practice."
"Their disgusting for having sex, their boys!"
"They probably only hooked up, because they can't pick up girls."
With each insult the crowd grew larger, and body body burned even more so to the point where my face was turning a light shade of red.
Each cruel word they had said hit me in the gut hard even though I knew it wasn't true.
Even though I knew more about me and Louis then they ever could. I knew though that one look at these would picture would indeed give a person the wrong idea.
I was beyond ashamed, and beyond embarassed these photo's had been taken, but overall I was worried about Louis.
"When are you going to release the sex tape curly?" I then heard some kid shout, everyone occasionally looking at me, and others not tearing their eyes away as I gripped the door knob of my classroom door tighter; feeling hot tears prick the back of my eyes like needles.
"I bet he's training Louis for a career as a porn star." A girl snickered as her and her friends studied the picture of me and Louis walking into the kinky store. At that I couldn't take it anymore, I was probably going to get in trouble for this anyways, so why hold back my tongue?
Even if I wanted to hold back my defense I couldn't because the heat inside of me had exploaded into a forest fire.
"Shut. The. Hell. Up!" I screamed at the crowd, slamming the door of my classroom just after stepping out. Instantly then everyone became very quiet as an unwilling tear slipped down my cheek, and I felt my fingertips trembling along with my legs.
"I love him okay?! I can't help it, he's everything to me! I rather die then be with out him. He pulled out my depression, made me stop cutting, stop smoking, but that doesn't matter to you does it?! The only thing that matters is if two guys love one another." I spat, my voice full of venom as my eyes become shiny from unshed tears.
For a moment I had actually expected someone to insult me again, but instead everyone remained quiet as they shared quizzical looks, all of them seeming nearly afraid to say something.
Then exhaling a long breath, I decided to make myself disappear, and go find Louis because I was extremely worried about him right. I could tell by his face he wasn't taking it well.
Standing up to my full height silently, I then began to push past the silent crowd of young adults as I walked away from the haunting sight of the posters, down the remainder of the hall which was empty, then outside into the cool air.
Instantly upon walking outside I saw Louis. He was leaning against his car obviously crying as he gripped his reirview mirror, and I saw Shailene walking back into the other entrance of the school, clutching a paper in her hand which I had no doubt was a flyer.
Feeling my heart drop at the sight of my Louis crying though, a sight that broke my heart everytime, I quickly ran across the length of the parking lot and over to my little love.
"Louis baby, I'm sorry. I should've been more careful, I'm sorry.'' I appoligized grabbing his arm so I could pull him into my arms, but he pushed me away as he looked up at me with tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Just leave me alone!" He shouted bitterly, then bit his lip. "Please. There's people." He whispered, and I felt my throat close up the way it did before I cried. "Louis, sweetheart.." I said, reaching for him again, but he pushed my hand away as he opened his car door and got in.
With in a moment he was pulling away, out of the parking lot, and onto the road. At that my legs gave out, for they were shaking so badly, and I landed on my knee's in the hard concrete of the parking lot.
I felt like someone had just shot me right now, right in the heart. He had pushed me away, he had drove off, Louis didn't let me comfort him, Louis was mad.
Louis was upset.
Taking a shakey breath I then buried my face in my hands and started crying because I felt like I had officially lost my only hope.
It wasn't fair.
Me and Louis had been so happy just the other day, both of us didn't have a thing in the world to worry about except each other, then Gemma had to ruined that, and now whoever put up those posters had to damage it even more.
I wasn't ready to loose Louis, I won't ever be ready to loose Louis. Yet now I was scared I just did. I mean, there was a pretty good chance he was going to come back, a good chance I would be holding him tonight, but I felt inside like I didn't deserve that.
Louis always told me how he didn't deserve me, but quite frankly I felt the opposite way, I felt like I didn't deserve him. Yes Louis made a terrible mistake with Gemma, but in a way I could see why.
He didn't do it because he wanted to be unloyal, and cheat but because he thought he could protect me. I knew it was wrong to forgive him so soon, but I was willing to because I couldn't take this whole me ignoring him, and him getting upset thing.
Last night was our first fight, and hopefully our last. But right now we were in the mist of facing our first challenge, a challenge that would indefinately test my love and his.
Sniffling, as I wiped my eyes and nose on my sleeve I then first forced myself up, and adjusted my attire before walking back inside to face the music once more. As I walked in I began to think about who might've done the whole flyer deal.
It was definately someone that knew. Which pretty much lowered my suspect list. The first person who came to mind was Gemma. Gemma could've done it, she could've taken the pictures and then snuck into the school so she could put them up.
Yet, Gemma didn't own the type of camera those pictures were taken with. Those pictures were obviously taken by a cannon, they were really good quality.
She could've borrowed it from a friend, but that didn't add up because there were a couple of pictures of me and Louis before we went to visit Gemma. Suddenly my mind made the connection, and I stopped dead in the hall where I had just stepped in.
When I had checked Carson's list of classes to see if he had moved classes, I had noticed he was in a photography class. Meaning it was Carson. It had to be, he was the only one that made sense. Carson hated the thought of us together.
He hated the fact that Louis had no interest in him. He could've easily found out from Marcus or Shailene that me and him went to Cheschire. It added up. At the now obvious fact that Carson evidently did it, I felt my fist clench.
This was it.
This was my breaking point with him.
Taking a deep breath I stormed down the hall, in persuit of one of his druggie friends. I don't care if I get sent to jail today, I was going to hit him as hard as physically possible.
After stomping around the halls like an angry giant, I finally found one of the scum's I had seen him hanging around with in the back of the class. The guy was just walking out of the bathroom, meaning he had probably stayed behind for one of the clubs.
"Where's Carson Dale?!" I shouted, grabbing him by the back of the shirt roughly, taking no precious time to be careful. "I don't know!" The guy protested, struggling in my grip, but I only tightened it as I felt the color in my eyes become darker in arising frustration.
"I'm going to ask you one more time, where the hell is Carson Dale?" I growled, shaking the guy a bit to show him I was serious.
For a long moment he was silent, fear settling in his features as he pointed down the hall. "Behind the school, he always smokes and drinks with his groupies in the back." He informed, speaking fast.
Giving him a sharp nod I then let him go as I stormed in that direction with rage, planning all the things I was going to do to Carson. I knew it was him, no one could tell me otherwise.
When I had thrown open the doors that led to the back of the school, I felt a sense of relief to see Carson meaning I wouldn't have to hunt him down at home. Carson had been gathered with a few guys, all of them drinking bottles of beer from a case that they had stashed in a cooler.
I was going to need to remember to report them for that.
As I had flung the doors open Carson and his friends immediately looked over at me with a jump of surprise, one Carson had recovered from quickly. "Well Mr-" He had started, but my hands were twitching to hurt him so bad I didn't let him finish the sentence.
"You sick, screwball bastard! Why would you do this to us? You know I love him, and he loves me!" I shouted, grabbing the arse by the shirt and slamming him against the wall which caused his drink to go flying and smash on the ground as he gave a yelp of pain.
Music to my ears.
"What are you bloody talking about?" He asked, sneering at me while I trapped him against the wall, ready to hit him at any given moment.
"Those flyers! You dirty arse! Get it through your head, he will never love you back!" At my cruel words Carson cringed in the moment of anger crossing his face. I had obviously hit a sensitive spot on the poor baby.
"Oh? You mean that proof of you laying your dirty, disgusting hands on him?" He said calmly, narrowing his eyes at me as he licked his lips.
"Why can't you see we're in love! I want to marry him. I want my life with him. You sick piece of shit!" I screamed in his face, flecks of my spit hitting his spin prior to me clenching my fist and hitting him as hard as I could in the jaw, my blow so hard it sent him stumbling with a gasp of painful shock, and I stepped back to let him fall over his own feet.
One of his friends then stepped forward, fiddling with an empty beer bottle in his hands.
"Man, I think you need to leave before we have a problem." He said cooly, the other two guys gathering behind him, but I merely flipped them the birdy as I shouted, "No! You need to leave before we, as in you and me have a problem!"
As I said this Carson begin to scramble to his feet, clutching his jaw, but I punched him again in the crook of his neck, which made him stumble once more while I turned to him.
"Get it through your head Carson! He doesn't love you the way he loves me, and he never will! So I'm going to give you one more bloody chance to get out of our lives!" I then struck him again in the side with my foot.
"Touch him or hurt him again I swear!" I then kicked him again only harder, and he spat up a little bit of blood.
"You don't know what we have, you don't know the words we've said! We don't fuck one another every night, we love one another! I'm sorry he doesn't love you the way you wanted him to!" I shouted, and spat on him, not caring how his friends were gawking at the display.
Taking a deep breath I then walked back inside, shaking now in anger, and from welling up emotion. Now I had to find Shailene and re-adjust her thinking to ease the emotional pain Louis must be in right now.
I was so worried about him just driving off I couldn't allow myself to think about it or I might call the whole police force.
Trying to calm my trembling hands with steady breath's I began to search for Shailene. I knew she was in one of the after school clubs because when I had asked Louis about her he said she was interested in joining one, and she had walked back inside into the hall where the clubs were.
So I just needed to figure out where to look for her. As I walked by them, I also began to rip down the flyers and throw them out, hoping none of the official's had seen them.
I knew word was going to eventually get back to the board what had happened, and thanks to Carson I was probably going to loose my job and the respect of my students who didn't understand mine and Louis' story.
After I had ripped down every bloody picture I found, and threw them out, I picked back up my search for Shailene, hoping it wasn't to late to put in a word in mine and Louis' defense. As I had done before, I began to search the clubs.
I knew they were all held in the same hallway to make it easier for students to find them, so I just needed to linger around that area until Shailene made an appearance and if she didn't I would get her number from Louis and track her down.
When I had entered the hall with all the clubs I sat down on the floor, and checked my watch. The clubs would let out in five minutes, for they were all only fourty five minutes each, meaning I had speant a ridiculious amount of time with all this.
I had contemplated on calling Louis, but I didn't see the point. I should just leave him for now to calm down, because we were obviously going to have alot to talk about when we got home. For the next five minutes I just sat there trying to calm myself, trying to keep it together.
I was really nervous to talk to Shailene. From what I saw when she hung out with Louis at the party, she didn't seem like the approachable type for alot of guys had tried to hook up with her, but she didn't allow it.
Finally the clubs let out, and I shot up to my feet in the moment of the doors opening and students filing out of the rooms. I made sure I held my position right near the end of the hall so there would be no way I could miss Shailene.
I had to find her.
Then, just when I had lost hope I felt someone tap me on the shoulder, and I turned around to see Shailene herself in the flesh and blood.
"I saw and heard what you did to Carson, and I saw the flyers." She said instantly, upon me turning around, and I sighed at her appearance. Her face was pale and pinched while her eyes swam with unshed emotion, and she kept shifting uncomfortably.
She looked no better then I probably did right now.
"I thought you were in the clubs?" I asked, and she bit her lip as she shook her head. "No. I was heading there, but when I saw you grab that kid and ask him about Carson I decided to follow you." She admitted, clearing her throat, and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
At that I couldn't help but shake my head. I had to admit I felt just as bad for her as I did for Louis. From what I had heard she had basically grown up with him and Carson so this situation was probably no easier on her then my love.
"Come here." I said softly, grabbing her wrist, to which she didn't protest, and I began to lead her down the hall in the direction of my classroom. As we walked neither of us said anything. It was probably because we both didn't know what to say.
Considering Shailene had confessed to me she saw what happen with Carson had to mean something right? I mean, she did approach me by her own free will which eased my nerves about talking to her.
Perhaps she'd be reasonable unlike Mr. Dale who I had wished I struck hard enough to put in a hospital.
"Sit." I simply said, when we walked into the room, and I pointed to one of the empty desks in the front row. She still said nothing, just nodded as she walked over, then sat down, dumping her bag on the side.
I then grab the desk out from behind my chair and sat in front of her, fighting off any brewing tears as I slipped my hands in my pocket.
"Please listen." I said softly, then swallowing the lump in my throat.
"I'm listening." She sighed, leaning foreward on her elbows.
Here it goes.
"I love him so much, more then anything. I want kids with him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Carson tried to hurt Louis awhile back, which he did in a way, and it tore me apart. He was the one who put up the flyers, he must've been following us with a camera. But Louis and I do love one another so much! I can't bear to be with out him."
I then paused my mess of words to roll up my sleeves and licked my fingers so I could rub off the thin layer of concealer and show her my scars a sight she frowned at.
"He made me stop cutting, smoking, doing drugs, and lots of horrible stuff. Louis made a deal with my sister that made me upset, because I thought he cheated on me but he didn't. I'm afraid I've lost him now, because I rather die then be with out my pure, golden angel."
By that point tears I couldn't fight back were slipping down my cheeks, and I wiped at them quickly with the back of my hands.
"We ran into each other at the bar that one night, and stuff happened. Then we wanted to cut one another's throats out, then we got together, and I told him I loved him."
A dry laugh left my lips at that as I ran my hands down my face.
"I do, I really do. Now Carson, Carson likes Louis, but Louis is mine and I'd never use him. He's my angel, my baby, my life, and I'd die of heartbreak if he ever left me."
I then sighed miserably, burying my face in my hands as I felt my chest begin to ache like someone had ripped out a piece of me.
I was so scared of loosing Louis.
So scared this might be the end of our great love.
Shailene then sighed as I finish, and I heard the legs of the desk scrape over the floor as she got up then knelt down next to me, resting two small hands on my thighs. "I..um.." She tried to say, then shook her head with a second sigh.
"I thought he was straight?" She asked, sitting back on her knee's as I peeled my hands off my face, and looked down at her. She resembled a small child in a way.
"I guess I changed that. He kept telling me he was, but everytime I ate one of my lollipop's he got turned on.He said I screwed up his life, but he's never been so in love." She then smiled slightly, the reaction seeming genuine but it faded in an instant.
"I'm going to be honest with you Mr. Styles, I don't know how to take this. I love Louis and all, he's one of my best friends, but all this in one day is to much to process." She said, shaking her head as she laughed humorously.
I sighed this time, sitting back in the chair as I continued to look down at her.
"It's Harry actually, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fired for this." I admitted, and she raised an eyebrow. "Your Harry? The vampire guy from the party?" She asked, a look of surprise crossing her face, and I nodded.
"Well that explains alot. I found it weird Louis was going to Cheschire for a buisness trip." She said, running her fingers through her hair, and I couldn't help but smile at the memory of the trip.
"I've never fallen so hard." I confessed, looking up at the ceiling.
"I'm the darkened soul, and he's my pure golden angel trying to show me the good side of life, but I'm stupid. I'm terrified. Terrified that with every touch and kiss I'm turning him into something dark and vile."
I then looked back down at her as she looked at me with a curious, innocent expression, similiar to Louis'.
"Me." She looked back at me for a long moment, seeming to study my face, my expression, everything she could, then she shifted to a crossed legged position.
"I never thought of him as an angel quite truthfully, but not that I think about it he was always the nicer lad out of our trio. He is rude, and a jerk someone's but has a dash of sass that is quite amusing." She said, the admiration for Louis clear in her face, as she finally made eye contact with me and I laughed.
"He's such a dork, he makes me smile, and when he's jealous it's the cutest thing. He makes simple little things for me. I love it when he holds me and presses his lips to mine. He's such a horny pervert at times though, but it's all in good fun. I love the way his blue eyes shine, his smile is perfect, and he's so precious when he tries to act taller then me." I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I started to feel my body relax for the first time in twenty-four hours.
At my information Shailene laughed softly, seeming to relax a bit to. "You describe him in a way I've never heard. You make him sound more angellic then he appears to the naked eye." She said, and I grinned at that.
"I only see the good in him, the perfection. There's not a flaw as far my wandering eye can see." I said playing with my fingers, then decided to show her the tattoo's. I mean it wasn't the worse thing in the world to show her.
"I had his name tattooed across my heart, and then across my ribs it says 'the boy with the blue eyes and golden heart.'." I informed, pulling up my shirt to show her, and she simply nodded but I could see the emotion changing in her eyes.
My words were begining to have an effect on her.
I then pulled down my shirt, and slipped off my promise ring before handing it to her.
"Then we have promise rings, on my account." I chuckled, and she sighed deeply as she admired it. "These are all so sweet." She said softly, before handing it back to me with a frown as she looked around.
"Where is Louis anyways?" She inquired, and I shrugged. "I don't know, but don't worry." I said, even though I was still in a fret myself. With that being said she nodded and sat up a little straighter. "I'm going to need to talk to him later." She mumbled, grabbing a strand of her hair and fiddling with it.
"Anything else I need to know?"
"He's moving in. So if you want to see him your going to have to go to my house. Same place we met at the Halloween party a little bit ago."
With that information her eyes widden, as a true look of surprised crossed her face. "You own that house?!" She exclaimed, and I nodded proudly with a twinge of a smirk at her reaction. "Yup! About two years I believe." I informed, sitting up straight as well and she exhaled a long breath.
"I'm really going to need the night to myself after this." She said, then rising to her feet and brushing the dirt she had gathered on her clothes from my floor. I had to admit I felt a little bit disappointed this conversation was now, obviously, coming to an end.
I would be lying if I said I didn't like Shailene, and was pleased she appeared to be a good girl, the perfect type for my Louis' friendship.
"I should go see if Louis is back home, I guess I'll see you later?" I said, rising to my feet as well and picking up my chair so I could place it back behind my desk, and gather my things.
"Yes. Thank you for giving me a better picture Mr. Styles, I have to admit it did help." She said, offering me a friendly smile, and waved prior to leaving the classroom.
Now that, that situation was cleared, I had one left.
Louis.

Notes