Clarity

-Harry's P.O.V-

"You've got to bloody be kidding me?" Carson shouted, his voice unessciarly loud. "What happened? I thought you said he was in surgery? What did you, and your techs do wrong!" He added, and she held up a firm hand for silence.
"The dog had already lost to much blood, and not to mention we can't do sugery on that regin. It was to late." She says, and my heart drops down into the pit of my stomach.
This couldn't be happening.
Not to Louis, of all people why Louis? He was such a good kid, what did he do to deserve to loose that dog? And Scruff, he was an angel! Why did he have to die?
I said nothing in defense of Carson, as he fell into a heated argument with the nurse. Obviously upset that the dog was gone.
If we weren't in public, I would be sobbing like a school girl, because in the short time I got to know him, I fell in love with him. But now, now was not the time to become fanatical on our own grief, there would be time for that later. Right now I had to find Louis, I needed to make sure he was okay. I saw his expression when he walked by me, it was unpleasent to look at it. Not in a disgusting way, but in a I felt horrid for him, sorta way.
"I don't care, none of us are paying any charge for your unessicary service!" Carson's voice boomed out, and I exhaled slowly as I grabbed him by his shoulder, both of us roughly the same height, "Carson lets go, we'll worry about the bills and stuff later, we need to find Louis." I say softly, and he tenses under my grip as he shrugs me off.
"Well obviously he went home."
I narrow my eyes at his smart arse answer, but say nothing in return as I shove my hands in my pockets, and begin to walk out.
Then liked planned, only a little bit after I got to my car, he followed me out like a grumpy puppy. "Louis took my car, can you give me a lift?" He asks, and I force a small smile as I nod, gesturing for him to get in on the passenger side.
Once we were both in the car, I immediately pulled out, and onto the road.
"Do you know where he lives?" Carson asks, fiddling with his seat belt as a sense of awkwardness filled the air.
"Yes, of course, but we need to make a quick stop at my place. I have something for Louis."

-Louis' P.O.V-

The moment I had torn out of the hospital, I jumped into Carson's car, which conviently still had the keys in the ignition, and started it before tearing out of the parking lot.
I felt like punching a wall or screaming at the next friendly face.
My hands were still shaking violently, making the process of driving a little difficult, and unshed tears begin to slowly slide down my face. I was feeling a mass energy of emotion right now, so unbearable I nearly swerved off the road twice.
My stomach was twisitng into a knot, my chest felt like a bunch of sharp rocks were wedged in, and I couldn't think straight.
I hadn't known what else to do when I walked out of the room, once Scruff had taken his last breath. I was afraid to face Harry or Carson, share the tale. I couldn't imagine how retched my family were going to take the news of his passing. My sisters were probably going to take it the worse. My parents would be upset to, but none of them even close to the degree of my state.
Everything in this moment felt like a nightmare. It was so hard to believe that less then a few hours ago, he was laying in my back seat eating a burrito, now, now he was laying on the cool surface of an exaimination table, no trace of life left in him, except the dried blood that had impaled the bandage.
I almost didn't want to go home, to see the empty apartment, where from this day foreward I'd be so loney.
By the time these thoughts had circulated, I was pulling up to the front of the apartment. I all I wanted to do now was get out of these devil had it clothes, and cry myself to sleep. Something I hadn't done since my Grand Parents died, a couple of years back.
"Louis?" Debby called out, when I walked inside the building, completely in a huff, my mind trapped under the burden of loss. Even though I had clearly heard her I made no inition to signal I had. I couldn't talk to anyone right now, not now.
"Stupid, stupid key!" I shout, growing frustrated at the fact my door was locked. Well of course it was natural, natural to get frustrated at evereyday life things, but right now I wanted to rip my door down and feed it to the neighbors stupid dog!
Why couldn't that bloody little pest have died? Why Scruff? Why did he have to die?
"Why?!" I shout, shoving over my end table in frustration, and grabbing a magazine before ripping it up. I had to get rid of everything, I had to get it all out of sight.
Grabbing a box from the hall closet, muttering profanities under my breath from anger, and tears still drenching my normally dry cheeks, I stormed into the living room and begin to pack it all away.
Every toy, every chewed up trinket, every brush, dog shampoo, the leash which was still in my pocket, and then I went into the kitchen and tossed in the dog food, spilling it in my rush.
"Stupid! Stupid piece of crap!" I shouted, kicking the kibble, causing it to spread out, as I grabbed Scruff's bowl and flipped it over, dumping out all the water and left over food. I added it to the box as well, then hoisted it up onto the counter, before grabbing a light and turning it on.
Then I saw it. As I was hovering the flame over the box, about to burn everything on the spot, I saw the empty space next to the counter. The same empty space I had discovered in my dream and realized Scruff wasn't there.
"He's not here." I croaked, the flame flickering out on the lighter, and my legs buckled underneath me.
When my body hit the floor, I made no cry of pain for the impact wasn't hard enough to inflict it. I just laid there, curled in a tight a ball, sobbing hysterically.
I was begining to regret my choice to leave Harry and Carson. I wanted someone to hold me right now. But not just anyone, Harry. Yes I still wanted Harry over Carson. Both were a comfort, but there was something more calming about Harry. His presence was desirable in a time of need. Well for me at least.
"I-I'm so s-sorry S-Scruff.." I stammered, breathing in and out deeply through now silent waves of tears.
I wanted to get up, I wanted to show I could handle it, but I couldn't. I couldn't even muster the strength to sit up. Now I thought about it, this wasn't the first time I had felt this degree of mentle agony. When my Grand parents had died, I felt it. Yet I couldn't differ what was worse.
"Louis?"
A carvernous voice called out, and I lifted my head just slightly for it was all to familiar.
"H-Harry?" I choke out, hoping it was really him, and not just Carson. When Carson got emotional his voice often got deep and raspy to.
"It's m- Louis!'' He exclaimed, walking around the side of the counter and dropping down at my side. "H-Hi." I choke out, my voice shakey as I squeezed my eyes shut, to embarassed to look at him. "C'mere." He coax's, and I feel two strong arms wrap around my frame and he, much to my surprise, picked me up, before carrying me out of the kitchen and onto the safety of the couch.
The once he had sat down, he pulled me into his lap, and held me tightly. That was when I dared to open my eyes and quickly glance at him, before bursting into a new wave of sorrow.
I must've cried a good twenty minutes, my face buried into his chest, and arms clinging to his waist tightly, as he shushed me, rocking my body back and forth. His lips not uttering a single word.
Finally once I had stopped shaking, and was a mess of quiet hiccups and sniffles, he sighed deeply.
"I'm really sorry, what happened today shouldn't have happened. Neither of you deserved it, but if it's a comfort. Things happen for a reason, whether they be good or bad. Even the littlest event, terrible or wonderful, can lead to something more influential, and life changing."
He comforts.
Even though I had heard that saying dozens, and dozens of times, it really did have an impact on my pain.
Maybe this all did happen for a reason? Maybe there was some big plan? Maybe me loosing Scruff was going to lead up to something? Yet in that dream, nothing had been revealed. It was probably my imagination over working it's ability.
Harry then cleared his throat, obviously trying to nicely get my attention. "Hmm?" I hummed, and he rubbed my back as he sat slightly up. "If your in the mood for a destraction I have something for you." He informs, his voice still soft, but it seemed a bit more shy.
At first I hesitated. I didn't want to move, nor did I really want a gift right now, but I decided a destraction might be nessicary to sooth my emotions.
"Alright, surprise me." I manage to get out, my voice only cracking slightly in the middle. "Glad you feel so." He chuckles, leaning foreward, still holding me in his lap as he dug out a CD from his pocket. "I hope you'll like it. I wrote it myself." He then leaned slightly foreward, and pulled my laptop out from under the couch.
"How did you k-know I-I hid it there?" I asked, a little amused but a frown still on my face. "When I was over here yesterday, sitting on the floor, I happened to notice it. You tend to forget Louis, I'm very observent." He reminds, moving me off his lap, and replacing me with the laptop, as I curled up on the oppsite side of him, against the arm rest.
"Okay, so don't judge. It's not my best. I wrote it last night." He then swallows thickly as he pops open the CD compartment, and slides the disk in.
At first the room was dead quiet, minus my small sniffles, and then a soft guitar instrumental begin to play.
It was a soothing sound, I actually could feel my body relax as I leaned against the back of the couch, my eyes fluttering shut and I listened intently, postive this was another love song, as Harry's voice begin to sing,
Don't try to make me stay
Or ask if I'm okay
I don't have the answer
Don't make me stay the night
Or ask if I'm alright
I don't have the answer.
He had to be talking about last night, when he had admitted his feelings for me. It added up. I had asked him to stay, but he didn't.
Heartache doesn't last forever
I'll say I'm fine
Midnight ain't no time for laughing
When you say goodbye.
These lyrics were also a reference to last night, and maybe all those times I stayed over his house late then went home?
It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible.
At this part I couldn't help, but sneak a glance at Harry. His eyes were trained on te blank computer screen and he was obviously nervous. His cheeks were tinted with a soft pink, and he kept constantly chewing his lip. This must be his version of how me playing hard to get, not on purpose of course, made him want me more.
I've tried to ask myself
Should I see someone else?
I wish I knew the answer.
But I know, if I go now, if I leave
Then I'm on my own tonight
I'll never know the answer.
This ought to be him questioning himself it I was worth his time. The thought actually made my heart clench. Or was that the pain from Scruff? Yet the last part tipped me off that he wasn't ready to give up on me yet. Something was happening right now. There was a magic happening right now. The lyrics were piecing together the rest of my feelings. My feelings towards the situation with me and him.
Midnight doesn't last forever
Dark turns to light
Heartache flips my world around
I'm falling down, down, down,
That's why.
I was convinced after hearing these, that he was aching over my constent rejection of his affection. It wa smaking him fall, but fall down what? Maybe it was just metaphor.
I find your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible
(Irresistible)
Irresistible
(Irresistible)
Irresistible
(Irresistible)
Irresistible
(Irresistible).
It's in your lips and in your kiss
It's in your touch and your fingertips
And it's in all the things and other things
That make you who you are and your eyes irresistible.
It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes, your eyes, your eyes
Irresistible.
For the remainder of the song, my mind was blank. No more debunks of the lyrics came to mind. My torn apart body from grief, felt as it was being mended. My heart was beating hard, and stomach fluttering. A lump of emotion in my throat. After the last lyric, and strum of the guitar had played, Harry instantly turned off the laptop, closing it quickly. His face still portrayed fear.
It was a cute kind of fear though.
"So..um..yeah.." He mutters chewing the inside of his cheek, while I opened my eyes and studied his face.
His angelic face. His handsome face. How could I have been so stupid, all this time, all these moments, during every word exchanged, I had fallen for him.
My whole body felt uplifting right now as the last piece of my puzzled mind fell into place.
"I love you." I say, my words so soft he barely caught them. "W-What?" He stammers, looking at me with wide eyes. His face uplifting, and for the first time in two hours a wide smile curved onto my face.
"I said," I start, getting up on shakey limbs and pushing my laptop aside, before climbing into his lap.
His warm, protective lap, that came with a warm embrace. I then once I had gotten in, shifted positions and placed each leg on each of his side, so I was basically straddling him.
"I can't believe it took something so tragic,"
I placed my hands against the wall, on each side of his head, and he grabbed my waist. "To make me relalize that," I pressed out foreheads together, both of us starting to breath deeper as my heart swelled with emotion upon emotion.
"I love you. You, Harry Styles."
I breath out, and he smiles widely as his grip tightens on my waist.
"Does this mean I have permission to kiss you?" He asked, tone oh so quiet. "Whenever your ready.'' I whispered, my eyes fluttering shut before he pressed his lips against mine, in a flurry of emotion.
Out of the few kisses we had, this one felt right. It didn't feel wrong, it felt like it was meant to be. When his lips connected with mine, I slid my hands down to his cheeks, his soft cheeks, and cupped them.
I think this was all destined. I think the reason I always lashed out at him our weeks before the bar was because I already felt something for him, but because I had never felt something like that before, I blew it off as hatred. Now as time had gone on, each moment, every touch, everything in general, my feelings had developed.
Over the past month Harry wasn't the only one who had fallen in love. I was in love to. Yes I was scared to be in love with someone that was my gender, I was scared to feel this way. Never had I said 'I love you' to anyone in such a short amount of time. It was like they said in Romeo, and Juliet, they were star crossed lovers. Then again that was childish to think me and Harry could possibly be that way.
"I love you to. I love you." He whispered inbetween the kiss, his hands wandering up and down my back, gripping at my shirt. "I had a feeling you did." I whisper back, the pain from Scruff dying absent right now, almost like he was a drug or my amnesia.
"You cheeky arse." He teased, wrapping his arms around my waist and twisting us to the side, before pushing me down onto the couch and climbing on top of me. I didn't panick this time, I wasn't nervous, instead I wrapped my arms around his neck as our lips reconnected, his tongue slipping inbetween mine shortly after.
As our tongues collided in a sloppy mess for dominence, he slid his hands under my shirt and ran them over my chest and stomach, his already hardened member pressing against my leg, which caused my lower region to get tighter.
"I need to touch you, please." He begged, retracting his tongue and pressing his lips to my neck, searching for my sweet spot. "You already are." I point out, my head tilting back as I tangled my fingers in his hair, and moaned softly.
"No you idiot, I want to make l-love to you." He breathed, getting choke up over the L word.
"Then do it." I responded, the words sounding so natural, as my smaller body pressed against his.
If you had told me a couple of days ago that this would all be happening, I would've slapped you, but now I couldn't stop. I wanted more of him, I wanted him to touch me in improper ways, I wanted his sweat to mix with mine as we both screamed each other names, I had never wanted anyone more then I did in this moment.
"Thank you." And with that he rolled off of me and stood up, before slipping his arms around me and picking me up bridal style. "I'll make you feel good." He promised, peering down at me as he kissed my forehead, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I know you will." I assure, and with in a moment later my back hit the bed, and he pulled away for a moment to pull off his shirt, revealing a perfectly sculpted upper body. It almost didn't look real.
"You don't know how long I've longed for this." He said, grabbing the trimming of my shirt and pulling it over my head before I could protest.
Then he climbed back on top of me, our hot skin pressing together as our lips did.
This felt different then the scattered memories of the night at the bar. At the bar, that night, it had been about lust. I doubt either of us had felt so strongly about each other as we did now.
"Louis, my little angel." He whispered, finally pulling his lips back, and pressing them to my chest as he begin to leave sloppy kisses over my collar bones, neck, chest, and stomach. Leaving the occasional love bite along the way. The whole time I was whimpering, and moaning each time his mouth connected with my skin, and his hands impatiently fumbled with my pants, where my boner was making a dent.
I felt like my whole body was on fire right now, a burn tearing through me but the good kind.
Suddenly he managed to wedge my pants off, then his, both tossed aside, his lips pressing against my jawline, and our bulges pressed together as he begin to grind against me.
The sudden pressure felt amazing, it made my whole body tremble with pleasure, and I groaned from the sensation.
That was how we stayed for a long minute. Both of us grinding harshly together, his lips not leaving a flake of my skin unturn, occasionally finding their way back to mine.
The whole time I ran my fingers through his hair, my body his at the moment. I didn't really know what else to do. I was new at this whole sex, boyxboy thing. All I knew was that it was I desparately craved for.
Finally he cracked before me, "I can't wait anymore." A whine of protest then left my lips as he pulled away and went over to his jeans. I turned my head to the side watching him, he pulled out the familiar bottle of lube, and pulled off his boxers before allowing his member to spring free.
That was the only penis I was comfortable being in the same room with besides my own.
I felt myself grow harder though, as I watched him smear a large amount of lube over himself then he shot me a smirk, tossing it aside as he walked back over to me.
"Get on your stomach." He orders, a bit of dominence in his tone, as his soft eyes became a little darker. "Okay." I mumbled, rolling over on my stomach, feeling a little awkward. His long, skinny fingers then slipped in the waist band of my boxers and they were swift pulled off of me.
"Perfect." He says quietly, his lips pressing a quick kiss to one of my bum cheeks, which made my face flush even more.
Suddenly as he crawled back on the bed, grabbed me hips, and I felt his tip tease my entrance, I begin to chicken.
"Harry..?" I whispered, "Yes baby?" He asked, the word so sweet on his tongue. "I'm scared." I swallowed thickly, a little embarassed. "I wasn't exactly sober last time, and-" He then cut me off by rubbing my back.
"It'll be okay. I promise. I'll be gentle." He promised, kissing my tail bone, my fingers curling over the sheets in a tight, nervous, grip. "I'm going to go in now." He warns, still kissing down my back, soothing me, as the tip was thrust in.
At first the only thing I felt was discomfort from the unfamiliar feeling, not really what you'd call pain, but then once he thrust in a little more, it melted into a flush of pleasure.
"More..please.." I begged inbetween moans, my body starting to crave more. Harry made no sound to indicate a response, he just simply thrust in a little harder, half way in now, as he let little bites on my spine, and I moaned a little louder.
The first phase of a amazing sensation building.
"Harry more!" I found myself begging, and he nodded. "Just tell me when it hurts." He says thrusting in all the way, and I gasped with surprise.
There had been a little sting at first but it faded almost immediately into pleasure.
At the moment we both let out moans in perfect union. The sound turning me on more as he his fingers dug into my hips, and he begin thrusting in out of me at a quicker pace. With it moments I was slamming my hips against his, both of us letting out sounds of pleasure, his deeper then mine, both of us warped in the moment.
"I-I'm close." Harry then warned, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he dug his fingers into my slightly raised hips. "M-Me to." I mutter back, my stomach bubbling, body tensing and pre-cum already dripping out of my throbbing member that was pressed flat against the mattress, creating a second enjoyable sensation.
This bed was going to be a mess in a moment.
Suddenly I felt Harry's large body tense over me, his finger tips pressing into my skin hard enough to leave bruises.
"Louis!" He then shouted, before letting out a shrill scream and he twitched inside of me, a moment before a warm liquid filled me up, and I bit the pillow to muffle my screams.
In that moment it was an amazing feeling, my body pulsing through it as I orgasmed, damping the sheets beneath me, and then Harry collasped on top of me.
"That felt amazing." He whispered, kissing my ear and I laughed. My chest still falling and rising slowly, as I caught my breath. "Yeah.." He then pressed another kiss to the side of my neck, and a thought dawned upon me.
"Hey, how did you get in my apartment?"

Notes