Clarity

By the time I had finished telling Harry the retched tale of what had occured in the woods, I was a little bit calmer.
During my story he had moved to one of the comfortable seats in the waiting room, and he pulled me into his lap. At first I had felt a little awkward, but once I relaxed I felt safe, safe and calmer. As my words tumbled out, he rubbed my back, and would occasionally ruffle my hair, while Carson sat off to the side filling out paper work for me.
I would've done it myself, but my fingers were shaking something awful, and I couldn't process small print right now.
"And that's how it happened." I close, resting my head on his chest, watching Carson give the papers to the lady, and then walk back over to us. "I'm so sorry Louis, that shouldn't have happened. I really hope the surgary goes well." He says softly, tightening his grip on me, as I curled my arms in against my chest.
"That makes two of us." Carson chimes in, staring at us with dull blue eyes, and we went into silence, Harry rubbing my back still, and my eyes drifting over Carson who looked beat.
His blonde hair was in a tonseled mess, his clothes were distraut, and jeans ripped up. A streak of dirt was across his cheek, and a cut on his hand from how hard he was gripping the branch, as he took the life of the coyote. I had never seen Carson do anything scary, then the attack he brought upon the coyote. I didn't even think Carson was capable of inflicting that kind of pain on a creature, but in a demented way I suppose it was nessicary. If Carson hadn't hit him, he probably would've hurt one of us badly, or finish off Scruff, who was still in surgery at the moment.
"Carson do you want to go home? You look tired. I can stay with Louis?" Harry then suggested, a kind offer but my mate brushed him off.
"I rather stay here. They might need more paper work filled out again." and with that we all become quiet once more.
At this point the waiting room had lessen the occupation of people, and their pets. The few people who were still present all remained quiet, fussing over their cats, dogs, and birds. Occasionally a loud sound from a grumpy animal would ring out, or someone would get called to the front desk, but otherwise it was silent.
Perhaps that was best though? Maybe that was why I felt a little more at ease? Or was it the present of Harry? Maybe both.
Yet even with me being composed on the outside, I was a mess of nerves on the inside. My stomach hurt from all the knots of antisipation, my heart was twisting from fear, and body trembling slightly from everything.
I was terrified to loose Scruff. That dog meant everything to me, he was my baby. I had raised him from a trouble maker puppy, to a somewhat behaved adult. He had been at my side since I was fifteen, never left it. I took him everywhere I went, and if I had to leave him behind I'd dog proof everything, from the floor to the air.
He was the most loyal, most good hearted animal I ever owned. He was a comfort to many, and a delight for others. I could see it in Carson and Harry's faces, they were just as nervous as I was. I think though out of the two of them, Carson was the worst. He had been there the day my mom gave me Scruff, and fell in love with him just as much. He had been there from the begining, and it pained me to think this might be the end.
I felt like a wuss right now. I felt like, because I was a guy, that it was wrong to cry, and get upset. But what else was I suppose to do? I mean, boys should be aloud to cry to. To get upset. To be hugged tightly when in a time of need, or support. To have emotions. Sometimes people forget that we're human to, and when you love something, and it gets hurt, or you might loose it, you cry. It's natural.
"You okay Louis? Do you need anything?" Harry then fretted, sitting up slightly from his laid back position. "No, I'm fine." I say softly, looking up at him, and he looked down at me with a smile. "Okay, well don't be afraid to tell me if you need anything." He then sat back against the seat with a sigh.
It was an hour since he had come, and almost two hours since we had. I could tell all three of us were tired, but none wanted to go.
Outside it was drizzling on, and off. The sun kept drifting in, and out.
The waiting room at this moment was quite warm, not to the point where you were sweating, and heaving though. No it was a soothing warmth, at some point I could actually feel my body drifting back, and forth, between a world of sleep, and a world of awareness.
"Louis Tomlinson."
A female's voice then called out, and I shot up, sitting up in Harry's lap, as we all looked over at her.
This was it. This was the moment of truth.
"That's me." I call out, my tone stronger then expected, as I stood up. "Can you please come with me?" She asks, gesturing for me to follow her.
"Go on, we'll be out here." Harry coaxed, and I nodded. "Give him a big kiss for me." Carson quickly adds, giving me a thumbs up, and I nodded.
"Right this way sir." She said, grabbing my arm, and leading me behind the doors.
-Harry's P.O.V-
"Do you think he'll be okay?" I ask the second Louis, and the nurse lady disappear behind the door.
"He'll be fine. I'm sure she's taking him to see Scruff." He assures, but I could tell by the sound of his voice, he wasn't so sure himself.
I never honestly liked Carson much. He was arrogant, self-centered, and high on himself. He was always disrespectful in class, and you could tell, unlike Louis, he had no purity, or innocence.
Yet after today, I wasn't sure if he was all that bad. Now that I actually got a personal experiance with him, he seemed nice, and misjudged. He obviously cared deeply for Louis, and Scruff included.
"I'm sorry for giving you dirty looks." I find myself suddenly appoligizing.
I was starting to feel kinda bad, and also now that I got a look at them together, he didn't seem to really have a thing for Louis. I must've interpeted their good friendship, as him wanting to date him.
"It's alright, I guess I deserved it." He said with a shrug, and leaned foreward, clasping his hands, and resting them beneath his chin.
"Yeah you kinda did." I chuckle, and he cracks a small smile, before sighing deeply.
"So you really like him?" He asked, glancing at me, and I bit my lip trying to contain my smile. "Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that." I mumble, rubbing the back of my neck, and he shrugs.
"Louis told me everything. There's really not much to tell, but do you really like him? I mean you aren't trying to get in his pants right?" He pushes, obviously concern for Louis' safety.
Though, I was a little insulted by the 'getting in his pants' statement, because I wasn't that kind of guy, anymore.
"Yeah, I do. I really do. Louis is an amazing person, he just draws you in. Those eyes are a real charm." I say dreamily, a small blush on my face, as I grinned widely, showing off my dimples.
"Great." He mutters. What was that suppose to mean? Was that a good 'great', or a bad 'great'? "You aren't going to tell are you?" I interrogate nicely, quite fearful of his answer.
"If it was someone else, most definately. But because it's Louis, probably not unless I have to." He informs, shrugging once more, as he sighed deeply, and sat back while I nodded.
We both then were quiet. There didn't seem to be any tension, nor were there any angry words. Yet I could tell he wasn't fond of the idea of me liking Louis. It probably just bothered him, because he was a student, and I his teacher.
"Well then suppose we shall-"
I start, about to give an offer of friendship for I wanted everyone linked to Louis to like me, but I was interupted.
I was interupted by Louis storming out of the back with a small white bag in hand, and instantly I jumped up. "Louis?" I tried, reaching for his arm, but he bluntly ignored me, and stormed out of the hospital.
"Shoot, that can't be good." Carson states, clamboring up as the nurse walks back out, her facial expression fallen.
"What happened?" I asked, and she sighed.
"The dog didn't make it."
-Louis' P.O.V-
"Just shut that behind you." She says, gesturing to the door, and I nod with a pounding heart.
My whole body was all out of sorts right now, yet I was holding onto hope. Hope that they bringing into the back to see Scruff. He must've made it. He had to have made it!
As we walked down the hall I could feel my eagerness increase, I couldn't wait to see him. I couldn't wait to take him home, and hold him tightly.
"He's in here." She states, stopped at a door and pushing it open. There he was. On the examination table. His body was rising, and falling extremely slow. To slow. His eyes were shut, and thick bandages around his neck.
"The surgary went well?" I asked, my tone hopeful, as I strolled over to him, and stroked his head.
"No. No, it didn't." She sighed deeply, and brushed some hair off her forehead. "Mr. Tomlinson, it's to late. The dog is going to die. He lost to much blood, and we can't repair that area." She informs, and my throat closes up. I could barely breath.
This wasn't happening. Not Scruff, please not Scruff.
"T-There's nothing you can do? Not a thing?" I choke out, a golf ball sized lump appearing in my throat. "No, I'm so sorry. These kind of things are hard." She says softly, and I take a shakey breath as tears start to fall.
"How long?" I whisper, "About three minutes. We would put him to sleep, but it would take the same time period." I nod, blood being drawn from how hard I was biting my lip.
"C-Can I have a moment?" I beg, still stroking his head as he whimpered.
"Yes, of course. When your ready I'll give you his stuff." She said sympathetically, and stepped out of the room before closing the door.
Once the door had shut I shivered, grabbing a chair, and pulling it up in front of him. "So your going to be playing with angels soon? I guess I better lay down some rules." I breath, kissing his nose, and he weakly licked my chin.
"The rules are, no biting, and enjoy yourself. The r-rest I think you'll break." I tease, gently stroking his head.
This was so painful, I couldn't stop the tears that were dripping off my chin now. My heart was twisting, and body trembling. I had never felt this kind of mental pain before. It was awful.
"We had a good run, and I wish I could list all my favorite memories, but it's to long, and we don't have much time."
I take a deep, shakey breath.
"I love you Scruff. I know sometimes I yell at you, and scold you but I love you, and alot of people are going to miss you. Me, Carson, Shailene, Harry, the team, my sisters, and the next store neighbor with that annoying dog."
I let out a sound between a laugh, and a sob. "Just have fun, and don't forget me." I kissed his nose once more, and rested my forehead against his, both of his breathing deeply. "Goodbye Scruffy." I whispered, my whole body clenching so hard I nearly threw up.
Then he begin to take deeper breaths, his body shaking, my hands stroking him soothingly, and it was over. He was gone.
"I'm so sorry, I really wish we could've done more " The nurse said the instant I walked out, and wiped off my face, then sniffled.
"Y-You did the b-best you c-could, t-thank you." I stammer. I was so close, so close to breaking down. "Your welcome sweetheart." She ten held out a white plastic bag for me to take,
"We cleaned the collar." She informs, and I nod taking the bag, before opening it, and pulling the red collar out.
It surpisingly had no blood on it, but was a little torn where the bite had been. That was it, that was my breaking point.
I then arruptly stuffed it back in the bag, and rudely stormed out of the back room, before rushing out of the front doors of the hospital.
Along the way I had heard Harry call my name, but paid no attention to it.
I wasn't paying attention to anything, only the loss of my dog.
Scruff.

Notes