Clarity

-Harry's P.O.V-

When I had left Louis' house that day I felt heartbroken. Like I had been torn to shreds. I could barely breath, and my body was shaking. I couldn't believe I had confessed to him, confessed that I loved him. It was to soon, it was a horrible time to do so. His face when I had told him, it was an expression I had never seen him portray before.
He looked not only surprised, but maybe, angry? He had to be angry, or at least creeped out. I mean, I'm positive he knew that I liked him.
I just think that maybe he didn't know the extent of my admiration for him.
I don't think Louis even understood why, why I liked him so.
I couldn't help it.
He was a beautiful, yes beautiful, boy with a good heart. Yes he was a pain, yes he could be annoying, but I saw something special about him I had never seen before. Just one glance at him made me so happy, to the point I was squealing like a school girl. Each moment we spent together, the longer we spent together, the more I begin to like him.
Him and Scruff. Weren't they such a pair.
When I had gotten home that day the first thing I did was collasped on my couch, and cry. I must've cried a good hour, believing the one person I truely wanted secretly hated me. I was a bloody fool to think he'd fall in my arms, and confess his love as well.
Good things like that, well, they just didn't happen. Not to me at least.
There had been times where I was convinced he liked me, but then he'd do something out of line, and I would believe he hated me again. The truth was, I never hated Louis.
Even when he use to back talk me in class, and disrupt his peers with that loud mouth of his. I, in all honesty, found him quite amusing. In a way, even though that behavior was bad for someone of his age, it was kinda cute.
Also those times where he'd get frustrated at me in class, those were just adorable. You couldn't take him seriously when he was mad, but one thing I never wanted was for him to cry. Boys like him should never cry, they should have everything their hearts desired.
After I had finished my long cry on Saturday, I knocked myself out with some sleeping pills and slept the rest of the day, and most of the night.
Usually when I was upset I'd smoke, but since I had seen Louis those eyes had killed the desire to. Now he may not know, but I had actually stopped for him. When I first met him, and then realized I officially liked him, I stopped instantly. Never knew those lollipops would be a turn on to him though. I guess you could call that pure luck?
Now though, right now I was slowly changing into more comfortable clothes, before going out to pay someone a little visit.
This whole morning I had been recluent to get out bed and wanted to just drug myself up with the sleeping pills, but I knew that wasn't the way to go. Honestly it was a nice Sunday actually. The weather was just right, and I could see a multitude of joggers through my window.
The same window I watched Louis leave out of, the day I had told him about my dad, and all.
That day had been really painful to. His face when I told him, showed something the others didn't when I had beared my tale. His face show not only sympathy, but guilt. Guilt and a protective stanima. It was a look that made my heart flutter.
Everytime I saw him I had to restrain myself from touching him. I wanted to so badly, it was a miracle I didn't. Those lips were so soft and pink, his skin skin was like satin to the touch, and a creamy color. His body fit perfectly inbetween my fingers, it just felt so right.
Yet I felt now as if there was no hope for there to be anything between us.
His walls were up to high, and he seemed uncomfortable around me at times. Or did I just make him shy? I mean when we were outside of the classroom he always looked a little more timid.
"Bye Maddie, I'm going to visit her. I'll see you later." I call out, grabbing my keys off the end table in the hall, where I had thrown them yesterday in a messy fashion. "Bye Harry, be careful on the roads." She warned, poking her head out of the kitchen and I nodded, giving her a small wave as I walked out the front door.
Maddie was a complete sweetheart. She had worked for me for awhile now, and not only was she my maid, but beloved friend. Sorta like a second mother in a way. I always went to her when I was upset, her or one of my friends. But mostly her. She had good advice when you were discomposed.
The whole time I was driving, I remained perfectly quiet, blasting my Black Veil Brides music along the way. It was a bit loud, and some people were giving me dirty looks as I drove by but I didn't really care at the moment.
I was just in one of those moods, where my thoughts revolved only around one subject, and I became distant from everything else. It wasn't the best kind of mood to be in, but at least it was emotion of some kind.
There had actually been a point in my life where I felt like I couldn't feel things anymore. Where my emotions had just turned off. If only Louis knew everything.
Then again I was afraid for him to know anything more then what I had told him a few days ago. There was so much about me, not even my dearest friends knew. I might've seemed like a great person on the outside, but on the inside I was an empty black hole looking for something to suck in.
Louis was so innocent. So young, even though he was only a couple of years younger. I didn't want to accidently suck him into my world, even though most of it didn't exist anymore.
I had stopped doing alot of bad things, but I was screwed up. In way maybe it was just best I didn't engage in a relationship of any kind with him. I was scared of taking that innocence and accidently turning it into something I shouldn't. I couldn't do that to Louis.
Soon though my troublesome, probably over-thought, impressions had to cut short, when I pulled into the grave yard.
I had been here so many times, it almost felt like a second home. I could nearly describe the place from memory I was here so much. Sometimes I'd take my phone with me, and sit here for hours, showing pictures to her tomb stone.
Yes I was visiting someone deceased. I was visiting Maya.
When I had first moved to Doncaster two years ago, I refused to leave her behind in the Cheschire grave yard, so I paid to have her moved here, and I was planning to continue to move her with me where I ever I went, because it wasn't exactly easy to get back to Cheschire everyday.
"Hey sissy, brought you somethiing." I say softly, pulling the wishing flower out of my pocket, and putting it next to the tomb stone, before sititng down. "I remember you use to gather big bunches of these and always blow them in my face. It annoyed me then but I wouldn't mind so much now." I say, my tone becoming tight and longing, as the soft breeze ruffled my hair.
Then I sat there in silence for a long moment, just tracing her name on the tomb stone.
Even now, almost six years later, the pain was still fresh and strong. At home no one could mention her name with out me having a panick attack, and deadly graphic flashbacks.
We had almost made it that day, we had almost escaped, but we didn't. I don't even think we made it out of that nightmare of a home. My carefully schemed plan had failed drastically. I still to this day, didn't believe I'd ever recover from the unbearable trauma, and pain of what happened.
Right now my chest was starting to tighten, and stomach twist. It wasn't a nice feeling.
"So there's this boy named, L-Louis." I choke out, leaning heavily against the grave stone, as a tear drop rolling down my cheek, and off my chin.
Then I proceeded to tell Maya the whole story of Louis. From the first time I laid eyes on him, to the time we kissed in my backyard. Often I paused inbetween words to recollect my memories so I could tell them correctly. By the time I had spilled the whole story, I was shaking, and silent tears were rolling down my face.
"And so, yeah. That's who Louis is." I finish, moving to a crossed legged position and resting my chin in my hands, staring relentlessly at the tomb stone.
Almost willing her to respond, even though I knew she wouldn't.
Maya hadn't responded to me in six years, so what made me think she would now? I don't know.
All I did know is that I felt hallowed out on the inside. Every time something emotionally painful happened to me, I became nearly lifeless. Now, right now, the only bit of life in me was my heart beating as I thought of Louis.
I think out of all his features I adored his blue eyes more then anything. They were a sea of crystal blue, the pupil as black as night. Some might beg to differ on my point of veiw, but I saw him in a way others didn't. I saw him through the eyes of love.
"Stop thinking of him!" I then shout at myself, running my hands down my face as I bit my lip hard, hard enough to draw blood.
He was emotionally damaging me, with all the ups and downs. I didn't know what to do. I confessed my feelings to him, and it basically back fired. Maybe-
My thought process was then aruptly interupted by the blaring of my cell phone and I sighed deeply as I answered.
"Hello?" At first the line was silent, but then someone sniffled. "H-Harry?" His soft, sweet tone choked out, and my heart beat begin to speed up. I had to say it now, it was now or never.
"Louis, look before you say anything just hear me out. I'm sorry for yelling at you last night, and I'm sorry for rushing you into things. I just, my feelings were to much at that point. I couldn't control the words that came out. Look Louis if you hate me I understand, if you want to end the friendship I understand, but please please if there's just a little bit of you that wil give me a chance I-"
My ramble was then cut short when a throat was cleared, "Um..Mr. Styles..this is Carson..Louis gave me the phone.." His brute of a friend informed and I felt my eyes widdened, "Oh..ermm..sorry?" I force out, rubbing the back of my neck as I sat up on my knee's.
"Why did you guys call? Louis sounded upset? Is he okay?" I ask, worry coating my tone, as I use to tomb stone to help me up. "He's, sorta okay. We're at the hospital and he's been begging for you."
My heart then suddenly stops. Did I hear those words right? Was Louis really begging for me? Wait.
"Why are you guys at the hospital?! Did something happen to Louis?!" I ask frantically, already begin to walk over to my car as I waved Maya goodbye.
I don't think I could handle it if Louis was hurt. That was the last thing I needed.
"We're at the animal hospital. It's not Louis, it's Scruff." My heartbeat only increased more, rather then slowed down, as I ripped open my car door and scrambled in.
"What happened?" I start the car, the engine making a loud vroom. "I'll tell you when you get here. We're at Clinton Animal Hospital." He informs, and I nod. Typing the name into my GPS.
"I'm on my way." I then hung up, and peeled out of the parking lot of the grave yard and onto the road.
I hope this was all gonna turn out okay.
I wonder what might've happened?

-Louis' P.O.V-

"He's on his way." Carson assured, hanging up the phone and giving it back to me. "O-Okay." I force out, slipping it into my pocket.
After I had thrown up my breakfest in the bathroom, and rinsed out my mouth until I couldn't taste it anymore, I had broke down and started to cry. Now usually I wasn't one for crying, but between the recent events with Harry, the coyote, and Scruff getting hurt, I couldn't take it.
I was sick to my stomach, my whole body shaking, and vision blurred. I was never one for emotional stress. I didn't normally take it well. After to much I'd have a small break down. Or a large one, depending on the situation.
When I had finally emerged from the bathroom, I must've looked like a mess. Everyone was staring at me, as Carson wrapped me up into a tight hug, and I hid my flushed face on his shoulder.
After him rocking back and forth and rubbing my back, his larger body wrapped around my smaller one, the doctor had come out and informed us they were going to need the exact story of what happened, and that Scruff was going into surgery, for the location of the bite wasn't a good one.
The moment she had informed us of that, I had another break down of tears. My body started to shake again, and my breathing deepened. "Harry..Harry, I want Harry!" I had begged, much to my surprise. I couldn't understand for the life of me why I wanted him, but Carson wasn't cutting it, and just the thought of Harry being here comforted me.
"Do you have his number?" Carson asked in response, knowing not to protest, and I shook my head, as I called the information service, and gave his name, and address.
When they had put me through, I could barely breath. I was scared to ask him to come, but I needed comfort, and my body was longing for his warm arms, not Carson's.
"Hello?" His voice greeted, moments after three rings were made. I opened my mouth to respond, but my throat closed up.
"H-Harry?" I choked out, and then quickly held out the phone to Carson, which he took, and I curled up into a ball in the chair as Carson walked off to the side. Even though the call had only lasted maybe ten minutes top, I felt like it was being dragged out to long, yet relief filled me when Carson hung up and handed his phone back to me.
"Do you need anything?" He asks, a few minutes after we both sat in silence. "No." I croaked, my voice catching, and I slouched down in my chair.
I needed Harry. I needed Harry so bad right now. I needed to hear his voice, feel his arms around me, and I just overall needed him. I was starting to get a weird feeling in my stomach as I thought about this. My thoughts of confusion slowly begining to piece together, and make sense? I was begining to see the clarity of the situation, the darkness was begining to fade.
"Louis?" A loud, deep voice then called out, and I instantly sat up, and looked to the side. Much relieved to see Harry in the doorway of the entrance.
"Harry?" I said softly, scrambling up, and then running over to him on shakey, I wrapped my arms around his waist tightly, and dug my face into his chest.
"You came." I whispered, seriously expecting him not to. "Of course," He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
"I don't mind getting a speeding ticket when it comes to you." He said, so sweetly, and a tiny smile came on my face, as I inhaled his sweet smell.
"Aren't you a charm." I tease, his hands moving up and down my back for he was rubbing it.
"Sometimes." He then swallowed the visible lump in his throat,
"What happened?"
"There was a coyote."

Notes