Clarity

I think he was mad. In point of fact he was definately mad.
After Harry had left the bar I forced myself to join in on conversation, drinking, and dancing. I did hook up with a few girls, and get a little dirty with them on the dance floor but I wasn't feeling it. Maybe that was because Carson had pushed me to hook up though?
That was another thing. Since Carson had seen me talking to Harry he had been all on my case, and by that I mean he wouldn't spare me a breathing moment. He did try to make it unobvious though, but I think Shailene noticed and might've even made a comment when she pulled him aside during our break from dancing.
By the time I had left the bar that night I was half drunk and soaked in sweat.
We didn't leave until a little after midnight, and Shailene did her usual habit of dropping off Carson first, because his house was closer, then dropping me off but hanging around for a moment to make sure I was okay and got in alright.
Usually when she dropped off Carson she barely stopped the car. Once time she got so mad at him she made him tuck and roll. I could never really understand why her patience was amazing with everyone but him, and it was even more comical that he was one of her best friends. Must be that Oliver and Lily thing they had going.
Did that mean I was Hannah Montana? I mean I wasn't planning on dressing like a popstar and singing the 'Best Of Both Worlds' anytime soon but I did seem to have a secret life almost.
Was mine and Harry's friendship really like that? A secret life? Or just a secret part of my life? Trivia question there.
Now Saturday afternoon I was sitting on my couch with a cup of tea, watching Tom and Jerry with Scruff while trying to decide if I should go over Harry's or not since the Football game was long over.
The Football game this morning had gone exceptionally well, we had won with a grand score of seven to four and there were no injuries what so ever.
After the game to celebrate our first win, me and Carson took the team out to Dairy Queen for ice cream and then both stopped at the bar shortly afterwards to congradulate each other of good coaching while nursing our drinks. I guess you could say me and Carson were beyond excited at the new developement in our teams performance when up against competition.
After our drinks were finished we both recluently parted and now an hour later I was sitting on my couch as recently stated.
Now back to why I thought Harry was mad.
Friday morning when I had woken up I had a slight hang over and was exhausted but still forced myself out of bed and to practice which had gone well, which is probably the reason the game had gone well today.
Once practice had finished I went immediately home and slept as long as possible before I had to go to school. That whole day I had been expecting Harry to greet me in class then hold back afterwards so we could talk but neither happened. When I walked in he had done everything in his power to avoid eye contact from that moment and until end of the class. Then afterwards paid no attention to me what so ever. So I had recluently went home and spent the rest of my day reading and eating a large pizza I had ordered in.
"Do you think I said something wrong at the bar?" I ask Scruff and Scruff snaps at my fingers, using his ''sweet'' way to tell me he wanted to play. "Yeah me to." I huffed sitting back and taking a sip of my now cool tea.
I was procastinating on the consideration or physical action of going over. I wanted to, I wanted to casually drop by and ask what was going on but then again I wanted to wait for him to come to me.
Should I? Was the right move to make? Or was it a bad call?
"Get out of my head." I then hissed smacking myself over the head as I got up walked over to the microwave in the kitchen and violently put my tea in before slamming the door shut and punching in the seconds.
I was starting to get sick of this. One moment we hated each other and the next we were lost best friends. It was confusing, and even when we were on good terms it didn't feel right. It felt like I was missing something. Something importent.
"Maybe we should just avoid each other." I mumble even though my body reacted badly at my words. "Or may-" I start, talking to Scruff now who was eating the left overs in his bowl from his morning kibble, but I get interupted by a knock on the door.
"Lovely." I groan, not really interested in seeing Carson or Shailene or that annoying neighbor who keeps asking if Scruff wants a play date with Princess her terrier who had a mean bite.
"Look I'm no-" I begin, opening the door big and wide but my whole body goes on pause and eyes widden as I realize who it is. "Harry?" I choke out in disbelief, my hand tightening on the door knob as I faught the urdge to slam it.
"Hi." He said softly, slipping his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels, giving me that innocent expression.
"What are you doing here?" I ask as Scruff comes bounding over and squirms past me, jumping up on Harry excitedly. "Oh hey boy!" He greets gripping Scruff's face and rubbing it as my dog licked his chin then jumped down onto all fours and Harry recomposed himself for Scruff had nearly knocked him over.
"I came to talk to you, it's kinda..ermm..importent.." He says, the words seeming forced. Almost as if he was nervous. "Um.." I start not really sure what to do at the moment because I was still getting over the surprise of him being here and my stomach was swirling with butterflies from what I believed to be nerves.
More like hoped to be.
"Yeah sure. I'm not busy, come in. Sorry for the mess." I tumble out, stepping aside to let him come in and I closed the door behind him as a grin fell onto his face and he looked around amused.
"Awww! This apartment is so cute! It seems like the price is right." He says using a pun at the end that I couldn't but laugh softly at, parking my rump on the couch.
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask sitting back and staring up at him, and he bites his lip as he stands in front of me and looks down seeming a bit shy, but soon he cleared his throat.
"For starters I'd like to appoligize for being sorta rude to you in class yesterday. You see I was kinda upset and my thought process was out of order." He appoligizes and I nod, "All is forgiven." I promise, realived it had been nothing serious. Or at least I hoped it wasn't. "Good!" He says in a breath of relief as his tense body seems to settle a bit.
"Now for the..ermm..more importent stuff." His hand then flew to the back of his neck and he rubbed it while looking down and Scruff laid down at his feet and looked up at him with those milky brown eyes. "I'm listening." I assure, curiousity and a bit of nerves settling with in me themselves. "Well you see..um..I..we.." A sigh then passed his lips as his body went slightly limp and he sat down next to Scruff before stroking his head and keeping his focus on him.
"We..?" I ask gesturing for him to go on, the curiousity increasing. Thank goodness I'm not a cat. "Listen Louis before I say all this just hear me out with no interuptions and please listen." His pleaing tone suddenly rang out a moment later and I nodded keeping my lips pinched together as I moved to a crossed legged position with a pounding heart.
He then took a deep breath,
"This friend thing isn't working for me. Yes I know, we've been getting alon pretty well for the past week or to but I can't handle it." My lips parted as I sat up straighter, and my stomach curled into a knot but he held up a hand for silence. "I can't handle it because I want to be more then friends."
His tone with in that moment became softer and more colorful with emotion,
"Last night at the bar when Carson swept you away in the middle of our conversation that became my breaking point. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't handle holding back my feelings for you, I'm not that type of person, and now I'm just gonna say it loud and clear. I like you Louis, I like you alot. I've liked you from the first time I laid eyes on you. I could never understand why though, but now I do. Even though we hadn't spent every waking moment together I can't help but admire not only your features but how caring and sensitive you. How humorous you are, how generous you are. I could literally go on and on for days about all the things about you that I'm fond of but I don't want to waist anymore unessicary time." He rambles, our eyes connected now, mine widdened with shock that he'd finally come clean with the way he felt and his soft with obvious affection for me.
Me.
Of all people!
"And now all I want to know is if you like me back? You keep giving me mixed signals Louis, I can't tell. I never could." He finishes and my heart beat increases ten times more then it's normal rate.
I was beyond shocked right now yet a little part of me was screaming ''I knew it!" while my brain quickly fumbled for the right words to say. I wanted to say I liked him back but I didn't want to contridict myself later. I wanted to reject him but I didn't want to contridict myself later.
"Harry I..I don't know.." I soon find myself saying after a long pause of silence. He then looked up from stroking Scruff, his eyes coated over with a darker shade of green as he exhaled deeply and stood up aprutly.
"You know what I'm done." He informs, fixing his jacket and I instantly shoot up to my feet, feeling a little part of me snap.
"Well what do you expect me to do? Get down on one knee and propose while confessing my undying love like we're in some movie?!" I snap and he narrows his eyes at me, "I just want a straight answer Louis, is that to much to ask?" He snaps right back, his voice starting to get low.
"I'm sorry Harry but I don't know! I really honest to goodness don't know! I'm confused this is all new to me!" I shout and I see him swallow a lump in his throat as he bites the inside of his cheek,
"Then give me a chance! Let me have just one chance! I know I'm not your dream girl, heck I'm not even a girl but I can still treat you well!" He yells, stomping his foot like an angery child and I couldn't help but feel a little fearful of his tone. I had seen him mad before but this felt different. "But what happens if I decide it's not working and want to break up and you get heartbroken because you fall in love with me?" I ask hoping to drill some logic into his head. He then rushed forward at the blink of an eye and grabbed my upper arms,
"But I'm already in love with you! Can't you see? I love you. I've never fallen so fast before! With in a month you've made more crazy about you then my ex girlfriend did the whole two years we were together!" He shouts and suddenly the room became deadly quiet.
So quiet you could hear a pin drop.
I don't think he meant for that to come out.
I could literally feel my heart racing at his words and butterflies dancing in my stomach as my finger tips tremble.
He loved me? He loved me?! There was no way! Love didn't happen that fast. Or did it?
"I-I need to g-go.." He then stammered, his eyes their normal color again and voice tight as he pulled his hands away from my arms and then brushed his finger tips over my face.
"Harry.." I start, even though I was unsure of what to say and he pulls his hand away. "Don't. Just don't." He warns, his voice so quiet and cracked as he pulled his hand away and slid it in his pocket while walking over to the front door and shutting it softly behind him.
For the next few moments after he left I just stood there, savoring the lingering touch of his fingers on my skin as I breathed in and out deeply in slow patterns. This was unbelievable. It was so shocking I couldn't muster the right emotion or word.
"Freaking hell!" I then shouted, grabbing my couch pillow off the couch before walking over to the wall and beating it with the head rest in frustration as every emotion poured out.
I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to stay. I didn't want him to touch me yet I did.
"He's an arse, he's concieted, he's kind, he's a jerk, he's rude, he's funny, he's a pain, he's a comfort, he's a good kisser, he's creative, he's handsome, he's charming, I hate him, but want him,"
I then let out a scream as I ripped the undone seam of the pillow before throwing it and leaning against the wall as I slide down and pulled my knee's to my chest as tears, yes tears, of frustration slid down my cheeks.
"He's perfect." I whispered and Scruff whined as he crawled over to me and rested his head on my knee's before I wrapped my arm around him and nuzzled my face into his fur the same way Harry had while shuffling through my pocket for my phone with my free hand.
This was it, I had to tell someone now. I needed advice.
"Hello?" Carson infered, picking up on the first ring.
"Hey Carson, can you go to the park tomorrow? We need to talk about something importent."

Notes