Envy (Niall Horan) [BOOK 1]

ELIS POV
"What? Why the hell would Niall do that?!" I ask confused.
Harry sighs and moves to the side.
"Come in. I'll explain everything." He says.
I walk in, still confused.
As I walk in, my eyes widen at the sight of the trashed room. There are pillows and shattered glass everywhere.
"Is Niall okay? Why is there glass everywhere and-"
"Eli calm down. He's fine, I swear." Harry says with his hands on my shoulders.
I shake his hands off me, I walk to the edge of one of the beds, and I sit down.
"Tell me everything that happened." I command.
Harry tangles his fingers in his hair and stands in front of me.
Louis closes the door and just stands next to it, watching us.
"I'm guessing you read the letters." He says.
I nod my head and wait for him to continue.
He looks down at his hands and begins to play with one of his bracelets nervously.
"You know why he broke up with you right?"
"Well, in the letters he mentioned how he did it to prevent me from getting hurt. He never explained fully, so I'm not one hundred percent sure." I respond honestly.
He bites his bottom lip and looks at Louis, who looks confused himself. I'm starting to get a little nervous.
"You know... don't you?" I whisper.
He looks back at me and slowly nods his head. I stare at him with one raised eye brow and he takes a deep breath.
" It all started a few weeks before he broke up with you." He began.
"You guys had just started dating when this all happened... The boys and I just finished sound check and rehearsal. I was chatting with Paul for a while about his new son that is going to come into this world in a few weeks. He seemed so excited when he spoke about it. We we're talking for a pretty long time, until he was called by a man in a suit. He told me he would be right back, so I waited where I was for a few minutes until I got bored and I walked away. I walked to the snack table and I spotted Niall texting you with a huge smile on his face. When he saw me, he put his phone down and we just started to chat about you and him... You should've seen the way he looked when he spoke about you. I've never seen anyone more in love in my life. It actually made me a little nauseous."
I felt myself blush and chuckle a little at the thought of Niall gushing about me. Harry smiled a little at my reaction, but then became serious again as he continued.
"We we're talking until, Paul came back... His eyes looked like they we're filled with guilt. He told me he had to talk to Niall privately about something. I did what he said and I walked back to the food table. I kept glancing at them and noticing how more and more stressed Niall looked as Paul continued to speak. I got curious, so I walked closer to them so I could eaves drop..."
"What were they talking about?" I ask.
"You."
I feel my heart stop a little.
"W-what about me?"
"Paul kept on telling Niall how when Niall wasn't around, the fans would hurt you physically and mentally... At first, Niall kept on defending you, saying that you would've told him... Paul told him that he would see you getting hurt on the streets and that you didn't want to tell Niall about it, because you didn't want to sadden him."
"And Niall believed him?"
Harry shakes his head.
"He didn't at first, but as the days progressed, he noticed how people on twitter would always talk horribly about you. Paul even began to bring him letters that he said he found you reading and crying over."
"Letters? I never received letters." I defend.
"Paul told Niall you did, and that they we're from fans...Niall read each letter and felt instantly guilty."
"Why? What did the letters say?"
Harry sighs.
"They we're death threats... to you." He responds.
I feel a mixture of sadness and anger boiling inside me.
"Why would Paul do that? I never even got letters!" I yell.
Harry puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to calm me down.
"Calm down. Paul had a reason. He's not the bad guy here." He whispers.
I take a deep breath to calm myself down.
"What happened next?"
"Niall began to observe your actions more. He wanted to make sure that the fans would stop... He noticed how you we're always smiling and actually let it go. He thought that they did stop... But then one day, you came to rehearsal scratched and with a missing necklace... He thought that a fan hurt you and even jumped you... You didn't say anything and from then on he knew what he had to do to make you safe."
"Break up with me." I say as I catch on.
Harry nods.
"That's why he avoided me the whole week before he broke up with me wasn't it?" I add.
He nods his head again.
"He couldn't be around you... he had to be alone and gain the courage to do it."
"Why did he stay with you at night?" I ask.
"I was the only one that was on his side. I would convince him and agree with him on the idea of breaking up with you...I guess I'm a good convincer..."
"You mentioned before, that Paul wasn't the bad guy here... How wasn't he? This seems as if this was all his fault...He lied to Niall...to everyone...to break us up." I say as I try to swallow the lump in my throat.
I thought Paul liked me. I thought we we're friends. I don't understand.
Harry lifts my chin up to stare at him. He notices my now watery eyes and he shuts his eyes closed, almost as if what he's about to say is going to make him regret even speaking.
"This was not Paul's idea. The man in the suit that talked to him was apart of management. Modest to be exact. They explained to him how we we're getting less popular because of you and Niall. You being together, pissed off a few fans I guess, and they stopped buying and listening to anything that had to do with One Direction. They told Paul that he had to break you two up somehow. He didn't want to go through with the plan. Paul cares about all of us, and would never want to hurt Niall like that. He had no choice though Eli. His wife was going to give birth soon and they need money to take care of his son. If he didn't go through with the plan, they told him that they would fire him and make sure he would never get another job again. Modest knows many people Eli, and when they tell someone they would ruin them, they could and they would." He says.
"How do you know all of this?" I hear myself ask.
"Paul told me."
"When did he tell you?"
His eyes instantly fill with regret and pain.
"When did he tell you Harry?" I repeat my question.
He takes a deep breath and stares into my eyes.
"The day after he talked to Niall the first time." He whispers.
I feel my eyes begin to water. I suddenly hear the room door slam shut and I notice how Louis left the room. I guess he didn't know about any of this, and is as mad as I am at Harry.
"You knew, and you still convinced Niall to break up with me! Y-you didn't tell him the truth!" I yell as tears roll down my eyes.
"Eli please let me ex-"
I shut him up by slapping him across the face. I get up and I walk towards the door.
"Eli please let me explain! It's not what you think!" he states from behind me.
I turn around and I see him walk up to me.
"I thought you we're my friend. I thought you we're Niall's best friend. I was obviously wrong. You're a sick, disgusting person." I comment as I wipe away my tears. I shouldn't cry over this jerk.
"Let me explain please! I didn't do this to hurt you or Niall. Please listen!" He begs.
I stare into his eyes and see how they're sincere. He looks like he's serious.
"You have one minute." I reply.
"I care about both of you! If I told Niall, then he would've most likely told Simon. Simon then would've yelled at Modest, and Modest would've ruined Paul's life. You don't understand Eli. If you heard the way he spoke about his child and how happy and excited he was about it, you would do the same. Paul is like a second father to me. I couldn't just do that to him and the people at Modest are cynical. Even if Simon fired them, they would still find a way to make Paul's life a living hell. What else, could I have done?"
I feel my mood soften a little. I guess he's right... I don't know what I would've done if I was put in his situation.
I sigh.
"I'm sorry I slapped you."
He let's go a breath of relief and gives me a soft smile.
"It's okay."
"Now why did Niall punch you tonight?" I ask the still un answered question.
"When he came back from the club he-"
"You knew he was at the club?" I ask interrupting him.
I still don't know why Niall was at the club in the first place. I'm curious..
"Ya he texted us that he needed to forget about...well... what happened in the restaurant, so he found out about the club and decided to go there to get a drink. Since he's only twenty, and the legal drinking age in America is twenty one, bars wouldn't serve him anything... so he went to a club. Clubs don't really care about the law, just about how much money you have."
"How did you guys go to bars in other states then?"
"It was hard. It was rare for a bar to let us drink. We would bribe some bartenders, and they would give in, but we usually just went to clubs."
"Oh. Well um sorry. Continue." I say a little embarrassed.
He shrugs and continues.
"Well I noticed at the restaurant how you two stared at each other, and I could see how hurt he looked when you kissed that guy on the cheek."
I feel myself blush.
"You saw that?" I ask.
"We kinda all did..."
I mentally face palm.
"Continue." I say, still embarrassed.
"I knew you needed to see the letters. I knew that you guys had to be back together. If you just saw how he was, over the past few months Eli...I-I.... I tried to make him move on. At one point I actually thought he did. He gave away all your clothes and everything. Well at least I thought... He doesn't know that I know, that he kept one of your shirts secretly. I let it slide, but I don't know... You need to get back together with him Eli. I don't think he'll get over this...you... That's why I got this black eye. After I gave you the letters, I told him what I told you about Paul and the plan... He didn't let me explain why I never told him. He was so angry... He kept on screaming at me, saying how I ruined his life. And when he found out about what I did with his letters, he threw a vase on the floor and went on a rampage and then-"
"He punched you." I finish for him.
Harry nods his head.
Everything makes sense to me now. I feel like such a bitch. I kissed Luke on his cheek right in front of him and I didn't let him explain anything... I just... I need to find him.
"Do you know where he went?" I ask hopeful.
"Sorry, I don't. "
Well so much for hope.
I begin to pace back and forth. Where can he possible be? I mean he could be at a club, a bar, a restaurant, a park ,a-"
I stop pacing and I stare at Harry in realization.
"What is it?" he asks confused.
"I think I know where he is." I reply.
"Wh-"
"I'm sorry Harry, but I have to go!" I say while running out of the room.
I stop in my tracks and I quickly run back to Harry's room.
"Do you happen to have a piece of paper and pen?" I ask.
He goes to the night stand drawer, takes out a paper and a pen, and hands it to me.
"Good Luck."
I thank him and I run out of the room.
I run and run and run. As I run down the stairs, memories of Niall flood into my mind.
When I first saw him standing in front of me in the lobby, when I heard his voice for the first time, the way he hugs me, the way he makes me laugh and comforts me when I'm sad, his eyes, the first time we kissed, when he told me how much he loved me, when we used to stay up all night talking in the cleaning supply closet, his words that made my heart melt...
'You're the one that's perfect.'
'Stay. Please. I-I need you here...right now... with me.'
'You mean everything.'
'Can I kiss you?'
'...I love you Eli. I love you so much.'
'I hope so... I really enjoy kissing you.'
'I love you so much, that even being this close to you is causing me to have trouble breathing.'
'I feel as if I need you with me all the time or I will die.'
'I've fallen hard. And I don't think I'll ever be able to stand back up.'
'I've never met a person as captivating as you...'
'I've never stopped loving you.'
'People say that fate defines love, but we proved them wrong. You and me... We are greater than fate. We define love.'
'They weren't you. Eli I love you.'
His letters... I don't even know where to begin... I feel my adrenaline pump more and more as I reach the back of the hotel. My whole body begins to shake as I get closer and closer to the room. The room where everything began...the room where my life changed...the cleaning supply storage closet.
I look at hook to see how the key is missing. He's in there... I feel it. I look down at the mat and I move it aside, revealing the hidden key under it. I grab it and I slowly unlock the door. My breathing begins to be uneven and fast. My hand shakes as I twist the knob.
"I'm sorry, I'll leave I was just here be- Eli?"
I close the door from behind me, not taking my eyes off of Niall, who is sitting down in a corner.
I begin to walk closer to him, and I feel my stomach begin to twist and turn as his eyes meet mine. I fight the urge to run and fall into his arms. That would be weird.
"Leave Eli." He states while looking down.
"No." I respond.
He quickly lifts his head up and his blue eyes meet mine again.
"If you came here to 'pity' me, then I'll just leave." He says hurt.
"Why would I pity you?" I ask confused.
He gets up from the ground and stomps up to me.
"Don't act stupid. I know you read the fucking letters. What? Did you come, so you can say how sorry you are? That you feel bad for me? Well I don't want to hear it Eli." He raises his voice, while looking down at me.
I ignore his rant and I lift up my right hand to the collar of his shirt. I grab the string inside it and I pull it out, revealing the sunflower guitar pick.
I stare at it and I rub my thumb softly over the image before kissing it softly. I release it and I walk closer to Niall, our bodies only centimeters away from each other. I pull up his sleeves and I trace over each tattoo with my index finger. I feel him shiver at my touch.
I look up at him and I see how his cheeks are slightly pink as he stares down at me in awe. I pull down his sleeves and I look up at him, observing his face. It's wet. I place my thumb softly on his cheek and I wipe the water away.
"You've been crying." I whisper.
He shuts his eyes closed and his lips part a little. He then grabs my hand and takes it off his face slowly.
"Why are you here Eli?" He asks, with his eyes still closed as he steps back from me.
I take out the paper I got from Harry's room out of my back pocket, and I unfold it.
His eyes open at the sound of the crumpling paper, and he stares at it in confusion.
"What is that?"
"It's a letter, I wrote to you... You've written me so many. It's my turn." I respond.
"Eli I-"
"Shh. It's my turn." I interrupt him.
He stays still and stares at me as I begin to look at the paper and speak.
"I don't think I ever told you, but I used to have night mares before I met you. Every night I would dream about nothing. Ya, you heard me right. Each time I closed my eyes, all I saw was black. Not a black figure, not a black landscape, or a dark area.... Just black. It was like wearing a blindfold at night... That was scary for me. Those we're the worst nightmares I ever have encountered in my life. You see, dreams are supposed to reflect what you're feeling, what your sub conscious thinks about. All I saw was black, which meant that I felt nothing. I was depressed Niall. I was so depressed, that I was numb and empty inside. Nothing mattered to me and I mattered to no one. But one night, I decided to take a stroll around the hotel. My feet led me to the lobby for some reason. I'll never forget that night... I was standing there and I saw a boy staring at me. He was too far away for me to see his facial features, but I could tell he was around my age. His presence lit up the room, I could tell. After that, I had to know who that boy was. I used to think I wanted to know because he seemed so wealthy and I was curious about how he could even afford such a luxurious room. But I was wrong... As I got to know him, I started to have dreams again... dreams of sunsets and white clouds. They we're beautiful, I didn't want to even wake up. Our bond grew and strengthened until the point where nothing could break us. As the months and years passed, I realized something. I was so curious about him at first, because right when he looked at me, I felt something. I smiled... I hadn't smiled genuinely for a long time until he came into my life. I remember he once told me how he was falling for me, but what he didn't know was that I was already knocked to the ground for him a long time ago. I cried like I've never cried before when I was with him. Many times my tears were because of him, but other times they were caused by pieces of my past poking me from the inside. He thought that he broke me...that he was the reason for my torn up soul, when in actuality he was the one that held the glue. That boy was my hero. He was my sunflower and still is. You're the boy Niall. You don't know how much you mean to me. You are my gravity...you keep me from floating away to the dark. Whenever you we're gone, little by little, pieces of me would float away into space. When we broke up, I tried to get over you. I never could and I was always confused. Why couldn't you just get out of my mind? I always knew the answer, but I never wanted to admit it to myself. You can't let go of something, if it's already apart of you. You're apart of me Niall. Like Wentworth told Anne,' You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope...I have loved none but you.' And I don't think I ever will."
When I finished speaking, I realized how the paper now has marks from my tears. I'm still staring at the paper, afraid to look up at him. I hear footsteps walking closer to me and my stomach begins to twist and turn. I still don't take my gaze off the paper as I notice hands grabbing it from my grasp. I slowly look up and I see Niall reading the paper himself. Nothing I said was written on the paper. All I was able to write on the paper was 'I'm desperately in love with you.' I feel myself redden as he drops the paper on the floor.
He walks closer to me, looking angered. Oh no, he hates me.
"Niall I'm sor-"
"No you're not. You ruin me you know! I try to move on, so you can actually be happy for once, but then you ruin everything by doing things like this. "
I feel my lips part as tears begin to stream down his beautiful face.
"Damn Eli." He says before he grabs my face and smashes his lips against mine.
The kiss is so forced and needy, but we both don't care. I've missed his lips. The taste, the warmth, the electricity... Tears begin to run down both our faces and they add a salty flavor. I feel his hands wrap around my waist, bringing me closer to him. My hands find the back of his head, and begin to tug at his hair. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing and goose bumps are spreading throughout my body, due to the electricity. My heart is beating faster and faster as the kiss becomes more heated. I wrap my legs around his torso and he quickly grabs a hold of them. I wrap my arms around his neck, clinging on to him. He pushes me against a wall and I feel the butterflies in my stomach exploding. If he wasn't holding on to me, my legs probably would've probably gone weak and I would've fallen.
He lets go of my legs slowly as we both pull away to breathe. My whole body is shaking from the amount of intensity and passion. He grabs my hand, and I feel how his is shaking as well. He plants a soft kiss on the top of mine before tangling our fingers together.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you." I respond.
He places his forehead against mine and closes his eyes as he breathes heavily.
"Say the words." He says.
"What words?" I ask.
"The one's on the paper...my favorite words." He replies
I feel his hot breath against my face and I close my eyes as my heart flutters.
"Open your eyes princess. I haven't seen them for so long."
His words send shivers down my spine.
With his forehead still on mine, I slowly open my eyes and I stare into his.
"Now say it."
"I'm desperately in love with you." I whisper.
His gaze goes from my eyes to my lips.
"Again." He says.
"I'm desperately, miserably, un conditionally in love with you."
He licks his lips and leans his head to my ear.
"I'm done for." He whispers.
With my back still against the wall, he places his lips on my again. This time the kiss is slower, and we savor each other. The feeling of his warm lips against my cold ones, ignites a fire in my stomach. My legs begin to shake and I'm about to fall to the floor until Niall holds me up, his arms around my waist. He chuckles a little at my reaction and our lips continue to move in sync with each other. When we pull away, he gives me a soft kiss on my cheek.
"Never leave me again." I say. He nods.
He then places his nose on mine and gives me an eskimo kiss, which I return.
"You're the only one for me." he whispers
I give him a quick soft peck on his lips and I wrap my arms around him.
He holds me tight in his embrace. I nuzzle my head into his chest and he kisses the top of my head.
I feel myself yawn and he pulls away.
"Are you tired?" he asks while stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.
I smile at him lazily and he chuckles.
"No, I'm just a little sleepy." I reply.
He puts his hand down from my face, and intertwines it with my hand.
"Why don't I take you back home? You need some rest."
I let go of his hand and I sit down on the floor.
"Can't we just stay here for a little while longer? Please." I say, while looking up at him.
He stares at me for a few seconds before sitting down next to me.
I rest my head on his shoulder and I close my eyes.
I can't help but smile as he lays his head on mine as well and holds my hand tight.
"Love won Ni." I whisper while yawning.
He chuckles a little.
"I knew it would." He responds.
I then drift off to sleep and dream about watching the sunset and clouds with Niall right next to me.
I'm not alone anymore mom. I finally found my sunflower, and I'm never letting him go.

Notes