Envy (Niall Horan) [BOOK 1]

ELIS POV
"Eli." He repeats while staring at me.
I feel myself stare at him for a while and I quickly clear my throat.
"Here are your menus." I state while handing each of them a menu.
When I hand Niall his, he holds my wrist and stares at me with his mouth open. It looks like he's trying to find the right words to say.
I feel goose bumps spread throughout my body almost instantly and I quickly pull away my hand.
His touch is still lingering around my wrist. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. I turn my attention to Zayn who is looking at me wide eyed as well.
"What would you all l-like t-to drink?" I ask. I hate it when I stutter, but I can't control it right now. My whole body is shaking from nervousness as the whole group is staring at me in silence.
Zayn glances at Harry, as if he's waiting for Harry to answer.
Still silence.
I turn my head to the side, feeling very uncomfortable.
"When you are ready to order just c-call me over." I say, still avoiding eye contact with them.
"Eli look at me." I hear Niall state.
I shut my eyes closed and I take another deep breath. I look up at him and see how there is so much pain in his. My stomach feels numb inside. I feel so confused.
"My name is Elizabeth sir."
He looks shocked at my words and his eyes begin to look glossy.
I turn my head and I walk away from their table as quickly as I possibly can. I quicken my pace as I hear my name being called from behind me.
"Eli wait!" I hear Niall say from behind me.
I can't talk to him... Just staring at him made me feel weak in the knees. Why does he have this effect on me?
As my name keeps on being repeated, my breathing is becoming more rapid and uneasy.
I stop in my tracks when I see the person that can get me out of this situation.
"Luke!" I say almost too relieved.
His lips form into a smile as he sees me. I walk closer to him and I hear Niall stop behind me.
"Hey El. What's up?" he asks.
"What was it that you wanted to tell me earlier?" I ask, raising my voice so Niall can hear.
Luke looks a little confused at my raised voice, but lets it go.
His cheeks turn a little pink and I see his eyes look past me. He probably noticed Niall.
"Um why don't I take you to dinner tonight, and I'll tell you there. It's more private." He responds.
I feel bad how I'm using Luke to make Niall mad, but I don't know what else to do.
"Okay." I agree.
He smiles and I see his eyes twinkle with happiness. I then do something I know will tick Niall off.
I stand on my tippy toes and I kiss Luke softly on his cheek.
When I pull away, I see how Luke is completely red. He clears his throat and puts his hand through his red shaggy hair.
"Oh so um great. Meet me at that café across the street at eleven thirty?" he asks.
I nod my head and he walks away.
When I turn around, I see how Niall disappeared. I then hear the entrance door of the restaurant shut closed loudly. Everyone in the restaurant heard it as well, and many people seem startled.
I now regret what I just did. I should've just told Niall to leave me alone. Why did I have to make a scene and bring Luke into this?
I rub my face up and down with my hand and I try to take a deep breath.
"What's wrong?" I hear someone say from behind me.
I turn around to face Leslie.
I feel myself begin to sniffle as my eyes begin to water.
Leslie puts her hand on my back and begins to rub it comfortingly.
"What happened El?" she asks concerned.
"Niall was here and I-I-" I barely choke out.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes me a little so I can look at her.
"I think you're done for the night. I'll take your table and I'll tell Sofy what happened okay? Just go home and relax." She says seriously.
"It's only like seven thirty though, and the food critic and-"
"Shh. Eli it's fine. We'll take care of it okay? Go home." She whispers.
I think about her words before I nod slowly.
"Thank you." I reply.
She nods her head and gives me a quick hug before I head home.
At Eli's Apartment
Right when I open the door, I take off my shoes, I run straight to my bed, and I begin to cry into my pillow.
Why did they have to go to Sofy's restaurant? Out of all the restaurants in this town... I just don't understand. I was just getting over him. I even forgot about his beautiful blue eyes, his adorable accent, his lips, him... now every memory just got thrown back into my head.
The image of the pain I saw in his eyes is framed in my mind. Why did he look so broken? What was he going to say to me? Did he leave because of Luke? All these questions are suffocating my brain.
My blanket and pillow are soaked, so I get up and I walk to my bathroom to get tissues. When I walk back to my bed, I begin to stare at my ceiling. The last time I've cried this hard, was when my mother passed away. Does he enjoy making me miserable? Does he want me to be as broken as he is? Even though I know my heart is pumping and beating in my chest, I feel as if I'm dying. Is this how my life is going to be? I cry, recover, cry more, recover again, etc.? I can't deal with that.
I sigh and I sit up. I check the time on my alarm clock and I see how it's eight-thirty. I've been crying for about an hour now... I force myself out of bed, I slip on my shoes, grab my car keys, and I leave my apartment.
I need fresh air.
I get inside my car and I begin to just drive. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't really care. I turn the windows down and I feel the fresh breeze hitting my face. The wind is drying the tears on my face and I try to empty my mind of all thoughts. I focus on the smells and sounds surrounding me. The sounds of honks and sirens begin to echo in my ear. I never thought such loud noises could make me feel this relaxed. As I drive through random streets, the smell of fast food and gasoline enters my nostrils. Maybe this is all I've been needing... fresh air.
I begin to hear loud music playing as I drive by buildings I've never seen before. The closer I get, the more I notice how colorful lights are surrounding these buildings. Where am I? Maybe this was a bad idea. The sky is pitch black and I don't recognize anything. I decide to park, so I can ask for directions to get back to my apartment.
As I walk out, the music booms in my ear. It's a mixture of techno and hip hop. I look up at the building and notice how there's graffiti covering it. I feel kind of scared, but this is the only way I can get back home so I'm going to have to suck it up. I take a deep breath and I walk inside with my head held high.
The music is even louder than before. I can't even hear my own thoughts. There are colorful lights flashing all over. Girls are grinding on guys and the other way around. I feel a little disgusted. All the girls are dressed in very revealing outfits and even though it's dark I can see the amount of make- up they're wearing. I look down at my clothes and I chuckle a little. I am very out of place. I'm still wearing my uniform which consists of a black v-neck and black dress pants.
I begin to look around to see if I can find a possible sober person that can help me. My eyes meet a mini bar in the corner and I begin to walk towards it.
"Why, hello there beautiful. What would you like?" The young bartender asks me. He looks about twenty five, has dark brown hair that is styled as a mohawk, dark brown eyes, many piercings, and many tattoos.
"I don't actually want something, I just came in here because I'm kinda lost." I reply shyly.
His cheeky grin turns into a soft smile and he leans against the table, so he can hear me better.
"Not really a good place to ask for directions." He says while chuckling.
He sees how I don't laugh back and he clears his throat.
"Well just tell me where you need to go and I can go to the back and ask Joey to help you out. He has a GPS on his phone and he can show you how to get out of here." He adds.
I nod my head and I give him the street information to my apartment.
"Okay, I'll be right back." He states before walking away.
While he's looking for this Joey guy, I begin to fiddle with my fingers uncomfortably.
"What's an innocent thing like you doing in a place like this?" A husky voice says in my ear.
I turn my head to the side to see a big, bald man covered in tattoos staring down at me. He smells like he's marinated in alcohol. I can't help but gag.
"Ignoring me is just gonna make me want you more." He says while licking his bottom lip.
I get out of the seat and I begin to walk away from him. Hopefully he'll leave me alone.
I feel hands wrap around my waist and I can't help but scream.
"Oh so you're a screamer huh?" the same man says.
He begins to laugh cynically and he turns me around to face him.
"I like that." He whispers into my ear.
He lowers his lips to my ear lobe and he begins to put it in his mouth. I quickly push him off.
"Get off of me." I scream.
He grabs my waist again and he pulls me closer to him.
"You're feisty aren't you?."
I try to push him off again, but he's too strong.
He lowers his lips to my neck and he begins to suck on a piece of skin.
"You're never going to forget tonight baby." He states as he begins to grind against my body.
I slam my foot on his and he quickly let's go of me, screeching in pain.
I begin to run away from him. I sadly fail and I feel him tug my wrist harshly. He spins me around and slaps my face, making me yell in pain.
"You made one big mistake bitch."
I begin to cry.
"Please let go of me. Please." I plead.
He pulls me closer to him and stuffs his tongue down my throat while rubbing his hands all over my body. I want to throw up.
When he pulls away, I try to scream.
"SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!" I yell.
"Shut the fuck up slut!" he comments as he slaps me again.
I feel my knees go weak at the pain and I fall. He holds on to my body and lifts me up.
"Want me that bad baby? Don't worry we'll get to that part soon."
I feel my face being drenched by my own tears as the thoughts of him touching me invade my mind. Is this how I'm going to die? He's going to rape me and then most likely kill me?
"PLEASE." I scream one more time.
He smashes his lips against mine again and begins to rub my chest. I shut my eyes and I sigh in defeat. What's the point of fighting it? I'm going to end up losing anyway.
I suddenly feel him let go of me and I slowly open my eyes. My mouth literally drops as I see him being pinned to the floor and getting punched repeatedly. Someone actually came to my rescue.
People begin to stop dancing and crowd around them.
I can't see who my hero is, since people are standing in front of me and blocking my view.
"Excuse me." I say as I pass through the crowd.
As I get closer to the disgusting man and the person that saved me, I begin to hear voices.
"I'm going to kill you, you disgusting prick." I hear a familiar voice scream.
My eyes widen in realization and I run closer to them.
"Niall!" I scream.
He stops and looks at me. His angered face softens as his eyes meet mine.
His collar gets pulled and he's pinned to the ground by the disgusting man.
The man begins to punch him repeatedly and I feel my heart stop. I quickly run to the man and I jump on his back. I slam my fists into his back, trying to make him stop. It doesn't seem to hurt him at all. Instead it's getting him angrier.
I continue my attempt any way. Maybe he'll turn his attention to me, instead of Niall.
"STOP IT BITCH!" He yells.
It worked.
He gets off of Niall and turns to me. The man's eyes look darker than they we're before. He looks pissed off.
"I WILL END YOU!" he screams.
I shut my eyes and feel his knuckles slam into my stomach. I fall to the floor instantly. The pain is unbearable... I feel as if I just got runned over. I slowly open my eyes and I see how Niall's face is covered in tears as he punches the man repeatedly.
"YOU DICK!" Niall cries.
The man is no longer moving and I'm worried. I ignore the pain and I get up. I run up to Niall.
"NIALL HE"S NOT MOVING! PLEASE STOP!" I shout.
"He needs to learn his lesson Eli!" He responds while punching him again.
The man's face is covered in blood, as well as Niall's knuckles.
"PLEASE NIALL! PLEASE!" I beg.
He ignores me and continues.
I go behind Niall and I desperately wrap my arms around him.
"Please. Let's just go. Please." I whisper.
He shivers at my touch and stops.
Niall slides my arms off and gets up from the floor.
"Fine." He says.
He looks down at the man's body one last time before grabbing my wrist and walking me out of the club. His face is unreadable.
When we get outside he let's go of me and stares at me.
"Why are you here?" he asks.
"I got lost and I needed directions." I reply.
"What we're you thinking? Why, out of all places, would you come here?" He begins to raise his voice.
I take one step back, a little frightened.
He notices and his features soften.
" Eli I'm-" He stops and puts his hand through his hair.
"Just go home okay." He states as he walks away.
I run passed him, and I stop right in front of him.
"Where are you going?" I ask.
He sighs.
"I'm going to call a taxi." He retorts.
"I brought my car. You're coming with me."
His eyes widen a little at my command.
"Wha-"
"You're hurt and since you have a fancy phone, you can help direct me out of here." I state.
I can tell he's thinking about what to do.
"Okay. But, you're not driving." He responds.
"What? No. It's my car and you're knuckles are all messed up." I explain.
"Fine then I guess I'm taking a taxi."
He begins to walk away from me.
"Fine!" I agree.
He spins around with a smirk, and puts his hand out.
I hand him my keys in defeat and he chuckles a little.
"When did you get your license?" I ask curiously.
"Who says I got a license."
My eyes widen and I try to take the keys away from him.
He laughs.
"I'm kidding. I got it a few months ago. After you left." His smile disappears and he begins to walk to the parking lot.
"Oh." I simply reply.
I lead him to my car and he gives me a soft smile.
"What?" I ask.
"This car is so you."
"Thanks? I think."
He shrugs and unlocks the car door.
When we're both inside he hands me his phone.
"There's a GPS app. Just press it and enter your address."
I nod.
This is going to be an awkward drive.
Eli's Apartment
The car ride was very silent. The only sound that was heard was the GPS saying the directions.
While he was driving, I couldn't help but observe his tattoos. It's so odd seeing them in person. I'm actually quite curious about their meaning. He has two new ones on his right arm. One of them is a quote that says "A flowerless stem..." and the other one is a simple arrow pointing upward. It's kind of obvious that it represents One Direction.
I glanced at his knuckles that we're gripped around the steering wheel. They're very bloody. I don't know whether the blood is his or the man's. I feel myself shutter at the thought. He looked so angry and torn as he punched the man with so much force.
His left cheek is starting to get a little purple, I'm guessing from the punches he took. I looked in the car mirror and saw how my cheek is bright red, from the slaps I got and my face is puffy from my crying.
We both look like complete messes.
Right now we're outside my apartment door. I made Niall come down with me. I'm not going to let him wait outside until a cab comes, injured. I have a first aid kit in my bathroom.
When I unlock the door, Niall enters right after me.
"Nice place." He states from behind me.
"Thanks." I retort.
The room becomes very quiet, and it's very awkward.
"How long have you lived here?" he asks.
I set my keys on the kitchen table.
"A few months."
Silence.
"Come over here." I say while motioning him to follow me into the bathroom.
He follows me and I take out the kit from the medicine cabinet as soon as I walk in the bathroom.
"Sit down."
I point to the toilet and he sits down.
I take out a wrap, a towel, and a healing cream. I wet the towel with hot water under the sink and I walk to Niall.
I grab his hand and I dab the damp towel on his knuckles. I feel his eyes staring at me as I clean his cuts up and as I rub cream on them. After, I take the wrap and I carefully wrap them around his knuckles.
I throw the dirty towel in the laundry basket and I grab another. I wet that one as well and I turn back around to face Niall.
I softly wipe the dry blood off his face. His lips part a little as our eyes meet. Now that I'm closer to him, I observe his face more intently. He has dark circles beneath his eyes and he looks paler than the last time I saw him. Does he sleep?
I shake my thoughts as I notice how I've been staring at him for a long time.
"Um, you're all good now." I say while turning around and throwing the towel in the laundry bin.
"How's your stomach feeling?" he asks from behind me.
"It still hurts, but it's tolerable." I admit.
"Oh. Well that's good I guess." He responds.
"Yup."
This is really awkward.
As we begin to leave the bathroom I hear how his footsteps stop behind me. I stop myself and I turn around. He's just staring at my bed. Then I realize how my bed is still covered with tissues.
"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't um know that someone was going to come over." I say while blushing.
I quickly run to my bed and I grab all the tissues. As I bundle them up in a big ball, he's still gazing at my bed. He's thinking about something.
"D-do you want something to um drink or anything?" I ask shyly as I throw away the tissues.
He ignores my question.
"Have you been crying?" he asks un-expectedly.
I walk up to him and I begin to fiddle with my fingers nervously. He can't know that I was crying over him.
"Um after work I came here, and I was um watching a very sad movie."
Nice save.
He looks around the room for a second before meeting my eyes again.
He raises one eyebrow.
"You don't have a television."
I mentally face palm and I begin to turn red.
"I-I um." I don't know what to say.
He walks closer to me.
"Why we're you crying?" he asks curiously.
I close my eyes and I look to the side, not being able to look at him.
"Tell me." He begs as he points my chin up to him.
I take a deep breath and I bite my lip.
"You... I-I just, tonight when I saw you at the restaurant... I couldn't take it." I explain.
"I still love you." He whispers.
I feel myself shake at his words.
"W-what?"
"I've never stopped loving you." He adds.
I stare deeper into his eyes and I see how he's sincere. I want him back so bad... I'm about to give in, until the memories of the break up and the articles spill into my mind. I quickly push him away from me softly.
He's lying to me. I mean he broke up with me!
"You broke up with me. You said good-bye." I say as anger begins to form within me.
"Let me explain." He begins to say.
"No. I think you've said enough." I spit out.
I begin to walk away from him, until I stop myself. I'm not going to back down and hold all my feelings back. I need to tell him how much he's hurt me. I want to make him feel my pain. I spin back around and I stomp myself back to him.
"You're a sick person, you know that right? You think that just because I'm here and I cried over you, that you can use my vulnerability against me and get me to gush all over you. Well your plan failed. I know the truth. I know that you don't love me. I have tortured myself by reading articles about you and how you've been sleeping with women ever night. You know how hard it was for me to have to see that? Pictures, videos, and all that other crap was shoved down my throat. I know you've moved on, but why can't you let me? I've been trying so hard to, and I thought that I actually succeeded, until you showed up once again. It sucks feeling like this Niall. And the thing is that fate and life hates me. I mean every time I tried to move on, fate had to remind me of you somehow. I'm tired of being broken. I just want to be fixed." I yell at him with all the dignity I have left.
I try to catch my breath as I wait for his response.
I see how his fists are clenched at his sides and tears are beginning to roll down his cheek.
"Damn Eli. Have you ever thought that maybe 'fate' keeps on bringing us together because we belong together? Eli I love you. I fucking love you so much. People say that fate defines love, but we proved them wrong. You and me... We are greater than fate. We define love."
I feel my stomach twist at his words. The amount of emotion in his voice is overwhelming me.
He continues.
"Eli, those girls meant nothing to me. I never even slept with any of them. I'm not gonna lie, I brought them with me because I wanted to; but not for the reasons you think. I wanted to try to get over you, but I couldn't. I haven't slept with any of them. Not one. Yes, I brought women home with me, but I could never do anything. They weren't you. Eli I love you." He stated while shaking me.
He waits for my response, but I don't know what to say. Is he telling the truth? I don't know if I can trust him. Not after everything.
He let's go of me and he begins to get angry.
"You don't love me anymore do you? That Luke guy is the one you love now. I saw the way he was looking at you. Well you know, whatever. Go with him! You two deserve each other."
I feel my anger begin to rise higher and higher. Is he being for real?
"Did you not hear what I said? I tortured myself for months over you. Do you want me to tell you how much I love you? How shattered I was without you? Fine I'll tell you! I'll tell you how I loved you so much that it was unhealthy, but you made it seem as if it we're okay. If that even makes sense. "
His face is unreadable.
I continue anyway.
"And Luke is just a friend, but maybe I do belong with him. I bet he wouldn't hurt me like you have."
His lips part and he stares down at me as I breathe heavily due to my long speech. I feel myself calm down as he continues to stare at me. He rubs my red cheek softly with the back of his hand. My eyes shut closed at his touch and I feel my heart begin to race.
When he puts his hand down, I open my eyes slowly to see how his face is leaning closer to mine.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
He stares into my eyes one more time, before he walks away and leaves my apartment completely.
I fall to the floor and I begin to sob into my hands for the thousandth time.
Forty minutes later
I'm getting ready now. It's 11:03 and I have to meet Luke at 11:30 at the café. I really don't want to go, but I just can't leave him there alone. As I'm putting on my shoes, I hear a knock on my door. I really hope it's not who I think it is.
"Niall just leave me al-" I say as I open my door.
"Why do you always think I'm Niall?" he says with a little smirk.
"Harry, what are you doing here? And how do you know where I live?" I ask.
His smile fades and I notice how he's holding a huge stack of folded papers.
"Sofy told me and I need to talk to you... about Niall." He responds.
"What about him?" I ask.
"Eli you don't know the full story." He simply says.
"Wh-"
He hands me the stack of paper and I look at him confused.
"There letters that Niall has written to you. He didn't know where you lived, so he could never send them... You don't understand what he's been going through Eli."
"What? I don't unde-"
"I have to go before the paps find me here and before Niall finds out I stole them from his luggage... I hope you read them."
I look down at the letters and back at him. I simply nod my head in response and he soon leaves.
I walk to the kitchen table and I just stare at the stack in my hand. Should I read them? I glance over at the time and see how it's now 11:13.
I bite my lip as I drop them on the table, and I walk out of my apartment.

Notes