Envy (Niall Horan) [BOOK 1]

ELIS POV
It's been two days, since I finally realized how ignorant and blind I've been. I love Niall. It's that simple. I love all of him. I love his blue eyes that read me better than any person can, his laugh that can add light to a dark night, the way he hugs me like if I'm the only person in the room, and just everything... It's just crazy to think, that I love someone this much and I've never realized it. I mean sure, I liked Harry, but I was never really sure if I loved him.
But Niall... I just know.
The thing is that I don't know if he feels the same way. I feel like he only thinks of me as a sister. Uh I really hope he doesn't though. Also, I can't help but be awkward around him now. It frustrates me how I ruin things when I begin to be happy. I guess it's like the world trying to tell me to back down. I can't help it though... I've never wanted something more than to be wrapped in his arms.
Since I don't need my wheel chair anymore, I'm now luggage carrying person. Or LCP as Niall calls it. We're about to get off the tour busses and unload, so we can stay at a hotel in Florida.
"You ready for your first day of your new job?" Lou asks.
I nod my head and wait for the tour bus to stop completely.
Lou doesn't know about my feelings. No one knows actually.. The only person that knows is Sofy. I'm actually quite surprised my awkwardness hasn't given it away. Or maybe because people just don't care. I shrug at my own thoughts and hear the breaks.
We're here. I don't even know how I got this job to be honest. I mean I'm not exactly "Strong." Or "in shape." As people say, so I really hope the boys packed light. I'm not the only LCP, thank god, but I'm the only female one and the other ones look quite intimidating. They all look like they workout...a lot. Maybe they won't make fun of me.
Maybe.
Two hours later
That was probably one of the easiest things I had to do. There are five LCP's, one of them being me, and we're each assigned to a person. Niall made sure I was his. Three things we're wrong with that. One: He carried his own bags. He didn't let me carry even one. Two: The other LCP's looked like they hated my guts because of that. Three: I had to walk next to Niall, and it was hard for me to walk due to my nervousness caused by being next to him.
Now I'm in my room and I'm face first in my bed screaming into a pillow. What is wrong with me? Ugh!
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I take it out.
From: Niall the Hor Man
Swimming pool with me and the lads in five minutes, come?
I laugh first at his new contact name, but then almost immediately feel nervous. Should I go? I mean what if I make a fool of myself? I bite my lip and look at my phone. I type in the word 'sure' and I press send. I hope this goes well.
At the pool
My stomach is turning and twisting inside. I see Liam, Louis, Zayn, Josh, and a few other people that I recognize, but no Niall. What if he regretted asking me to come? I hear someone coming out of the pool and I turn my head to see how it's Harry. He's walking up to me.
"Hi." He says.
"Hi." I reply.
"I don't want you to be awkward around me an-"
"It's okay Harry. After a few days of thinking, I realized something." I interrupt him.
"What?" He asks.
"You were right." I reply.
He looks down at me and gives me a soft smile.
"Can we be friends then?"
"Of course." I retort.
He smiles and notices how I'm looking around.
"Don't worry Eli, he's just in the bathroom, he'll be out in a bit."
I sigh in relief.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Now are you going to come in or what?" He states.
"Ya, just get in, I have to put on some sun block first."
He nods and jumps back in the pool with the rest of the boys, splashing me a little.
I head to one of the mini beach chairs surrounding the pool and I begin to take out the bottle of sunscreen out of my bag until I hear a splash behind me. I turn around to see Niall, now in the pool. I feel my breathing getting heavier and I take a deep breath. I turn back around to face my bag and I pretend as if I noticed nothing.
I feel a cold wet tap on my shoulder and I can't help but scream.
"Sorry Eli, I didn't mean to scare you."
I feel my heart race at the sound of his voice.
"Oh it's um o-okay." I reply.
Oh my gosh don't stutter. Why are you stuttering?
I turn around and see a topless, wet Niall standing in front of me. I can't help but swallow hard. He looks really good. I feel myself blush, as my eyes lower to his abs. Oh my gosh he has abs.
"You okay El?" he asks confused.
I nod and blush even more. I then turn back around to the bottle and I open the top.
"Do you need help putting that on?" he asks from behind.
"I'm fine." I reply.
"Nah, give it to me, I don't mind. Anyway it's always hard for me to put it on my back so I can help you with that part."
I gulp and I take another deep breath.
"Okay." I shyly say.
I then take off my flowy shirt and my shorts, revealing my baby blue bikini. I feel really insecure right now. A lot of me is exposed right now.
With my back still turned to Niall, I hand him the bottle of sunscreen. He hasn't grabbed it yet.
"Um Ni?"
"Oh um sorry I was- um ya." He comments.
He grabs the bottle and begins to spread the cream on my back. I feel myself shiver at his touch.
Oh my gosh Eli calm down. He's just putting sunscreen on your back.
When he's done I turn around to face him. His cheeks are really red and he's just staring at me.
"I think your face is getting a little sunburned Ni. Do you need sunblock too?"
He clears his throat and looks around before meeting my eyes again.
"No I'm fine. You want to go in?" he asks.
"Ya let me just finish putting on my s-"
I'm carried and dropped into the pool.
"Niall I'm gonna get you for that!" I state while laughing.
Niall then jumps in himself and swims up to me.
"I told you, I would get you back." He states while grinning.
I roll my eyes and splash water in his face.
He then smiles evily and splashes in my face.
I then go under water and I try to swim away from him, but he catches up to me and carries me up.
"Put me down." I yell while laughing uncontrollably.
"No." He says while trying to hold back his own laughter.
"Yes."
"No."
"Niall."
"Eli."
We then look into each other's eyes, with me still in his arms and I feel my lips part a little at
the beauty that are his eyes. There's a strand of his hair in the middle of his face and I move it away with my thumb. His eyes close shut at my touch and his own lips part a little. He opens his eyes slowly and stares into mine once more.
Suddenly, someone fake coughs and Niall and I both look to the side to see how everyone's eyes are on us. Niall suddenly drops me.
"You win." He says.
Two weeks later
After the pool two weeks ago, Lou asked me a load of questions, so I told her. She squealed like a little girl. She says that it's completely obvious that Niall feels the same way, but I just don't think he does. I mean he's Niall, and I'm Eli. He's light and I'm a vast of nothing ness. He deserves so much better, but the thing is that I'm being selfish. I want him. I want an "us". I have to face reality sooner or later and realize that just because I want something, doesn't mean it's going to happen. It's just that, I want that something so much. Dreams do come true, but they just don't come true for me. The pathetic thing is, that I'm fooling myself by thinking that there's a possibility that this time it will.
I sigh at the thought. It won't though...
Today Niall says he has a surprise for me. I'm really excited. I'm not awkward anymore around him. I guess I'm used to the butterflies now, so they don't affect my breathing and talking as much.
BUZZ BUZZ
I take out my phone and see how I got a text.
From: Niall the Hor Man
Almost there
Ugh I hate how he teases me. I'm so anxious. He's been reminding me about the surprise the whole week. He says that it's a big change and I'm nervous. Changes can be either really good or really bad. I just hope this one is really good. I'm about to text him back, until I hear a knock at my room door.
I quickly get up to open it.
When I open the door, my eyes widen and I'm literally frozen to the spot.
"Ni, is that you?" I ask.
He chuckles.
"Ya of course it's me. Do you like the new me?" he asks.
I observe him more.
His hair isn't down anymore. It's up, in that quiff hairstyle Lou told me about one day. His smile reveals his now brace less teeth, and he's dressed different. He usually dresses in t shirts and snapbacks, but now he's wearing a leather jacket with a white plain shirt under, dark skinnies, and black high tops.
I mean he looks nice, but just not himself.
"Eli, what are you thinking?" He asks a little worried now.
"I um I like it." I reply.
He looks down on the floor a little saddened.
"You're lying. You don't like it."
I sigh.
"Ni, you look nice, don't get me wrong; but I just don't think there needed to be a 'new' Niall. There was nothing wrong with the old one." I state.
He looks back up at me and gives me a soft smile. He leans in to kiss the top of my head.
"Don't worry Eli, even though I'm 'new' on the outside, I'm the same on the inside. I just
want to make the fans happy and if that means changing my appearance a little, then it's worth it."
My heart breaks at his words. He did this to make the fans like him. The thing is that they
do. They love him. When I had to tweet as them before, all the fans would tweet Niall all the time, saying that they love him.
"They already love you." I whisper.
He takes a deep breath.
"I got to go Eli." He responds.
"Why don't we hang out for a few minutes?"
"Sorry El, I have an interview I have to do with the lads now. Maybe later, okay?"
I sadly nod my head and wave him good bye.
Two and a half weeks later
"I really hope this doesn't get us kicked out of the hotel." I say while laughing a little.
Niall chuckles.
"El, we're not gonna get kicked out. I asked the hotel and they said it was alright with them as long as we don't mess anything up."
Ever since Niall became 'new' Niall, he's been getting more and more popular. It's now even harder for us to hang out outside of the hotel. So we decided that every hotel we go to, we're going to meet every night in there cleaning closets like how we used to in my hotel. I asked him why we couldn't just hang out in either my room or his, but he said that fans are starting to surround the hotel at night, and it would be hard to hear and talk to each other. I just went with it and now this is the second time we're doing this.
"Ni, this room is really small." I say.
"Ya, you're right, the one in the last hotel was pretty big. This one is just sad."
We're sitting down on the floor and the room is so small that our knees are touching. I blushed earlier at the touch, but it faded away. Thank god.
"How did you even get the key? They just gave it to you?" I asked.
"I convinced them." He responded.
I raise one eyebrow.
"Convince? What did you convince them with?"
"Well, it just so happens that the manager has a ten year old daughter who like a certain boy band."
"What, her daughter likes The Wanted?" I say trying to hold in my laughter.
He stares at me and throws a towel at my face.
"Ow!" I say.
"I'm glad!" He replies while laughing.
"We all know that she obviously likes One Direction. So what did you bribe her with?
Autographs?" I ask.
"Tickets to our sold out concert."
"Tickets to a sold out concert for a key to a small, cleaning closet room that smells like pee.
Sounds like a great deal."
Niall begins to laugh loudly.
I love his laugh. It's so genuine and adorable. His laugh is more contagious than a cold.
I begin to laugh as well.
BUZZ BUZZ
Niall stops laughing and takes out his phone.
"Hello?" He says into his phone.
"What? Now? But... Fine. Ya okay bye." He hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket.
"Eli, I got to go. Louis just called me saying that tomorrow, we have a radio interview at six
in the morning so I have to sleep now."
I play with my fingers.
"Um okay. I understand. Have a goodnight sleep." I sadly say.
He sighs and points my chin up to him.
"Eli I'm sorry. Tomorrow, I swear okay?"
I nod my head and we say goodnight to each other, before we both leave to our rooms.
One Week Later
It's been getting harder and harder to talk to Niall. Him and the boys are starting to get more interviews and more popular. We've only gotten to talk five minutes at most. He doesn't even have time to text me. Even though I have Lou and Sofy, I feel lonely. It's eleven o' clock at night and I'm here in the cleaning supply closet in a hotel in Washington. I've been waiting here for Niall for an hour. I don't know if I should leave or stay.
BUZZ BUZZ
I take out my phone.
From: Niall the Hor Man
Sorry, I can't make it today
I sigh and put my phone back in my pocket. I get up and walk out.
..................................................................................................................
I'm back in my room and I jump on my bed. I'm alone. Lou is gone and I'm just here lying in my bed. I want to call Sofy, but I know she won't have time to talk to me. Lately, whenever I call her she just always says "Sorry, but I have to call you later." and then hangs up. She never calls later. I stare at my phone screen and think about who I could call. The thing is, that no one is available so I'm just staring at a phone screen for no reason.
I drop my phone next to me and I begin talking to the only person who will listen.
"I miss you mom."
Three Weeks Later
The only person I've been able to talk to is my mom. I just wish she could talk back.
I'm in the cleaning closet now waiting once again. I know Niall isn't going to come, but I still come here anyway. I don't know why, I guess I'm hoping that he might actually show up. I don't even know what state where in to be honest. I lost track. I'm just gonna take a guess and say we're in New Mexico. I sigh and look at the ceiling.
"Hey mom. It's me again. I really just want someone to talk to. I wish you we're here. I wish you we're here every day... I haven't been doing so good momma. I'm not those attention seeking kind of people. I'm not. But right now, to hear a voice other than mine, would be amazing. I love you mom, but I'm tired. I'll talk to you tomorrow I guess. Thanks for listening."
I wipe the tears that fell from my eyes and I walk out.
I miss 'Old' Niall.
Two Weeks Later
Niall and I haven't talked in weeks. The sad thing is that I'm always a few feet away from him every day. He has new friends he hangs out with. They look fancy like him. I guess he likes them, I always see him laugh with them. I found out why he stopped coming completely to the cleaning closet. He goes to parties. You know what that means? Yup. He..forgot about me.
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I mean I shouldn't expect things any more. I'm not worth enough to have high expectations. The thing that really ticks me off though, is that I still have them. I still go to the cleaning closet of each hotel every night. I started to pay the maids in the hotel money, to give me the key.
I go in there to talk to my mom, cry, and just wait.
I fell asleep in the closet one night at a hotel in Nebraska, I think it was. No one noticed or cared. The only one that did care was the maid that found me. She thought I suffocated from the fumes of the cleaning supplies. I didn't.
Lou has been going along with the boys to parties as well, so she forgot about me too. Sofy still doesn't have any time to talk to me, so I'm just here alone every day.
The most horrible thing though, is that I still love him. All I can think about is him. When I think he looks at me, I still feel my heart flutter. But he doesn't look at me. He doesn't hug me anymore. He doesn't call my name when he sees me. He doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. Now I'm just the girl that carries his luggage.
Today is his birthday. I even got him something... a new guitar pick. It has a picture of a sunflower on it. I want to give it to him, but he probably doesn't even remember my name.
I take out my phone from my pocket and I check the time. It's ten at night. Time to talk to my mom again. I grab the key from next to me and I put it in my pocket. I grab the wrapped guitar pick and I hold it in my hand. Maybe he'll show up and I can give it to him. Who are you fooling Eli? I shrug and take it anyway.
I walk out my room and I walk down the hall. I begin to hear noises coming from the end of it getting louder and louder as I walk closer. It's Niall and two of his new fancy friends talking in the middle of the hall. They are now only a few feet away from me. I look down at the gift in my hand and at Niall. I walk up to the group and I tap Niall on the back.
He stops talking when he turns around and sees me.
"This is for you. Happy birthday Ni." I whisper while handing him the present.
He grabs it and stares at it for a while before looking back at me. Both of his friends are silent as well, staring at me.
His blue eyes are trying to read me and I can't take it anymore.
"I'm sorry." I whisper as I run.
I run and run and run. I run to the only place, I know where I'll be safe. The cleaning supply closet.
My hand shakes as I unlock the door. I run inside and fall to the floor crying.
"He probably doesn't even remember my name." I say to myself.
"Eli."
I turn around to see Niall at the door staring at me.
I wipe away my tears and I stand up.
He begins to walk closer to me and I walk back.
I feel afraid.
"Eli." He repeats.
I stare at his hand that's holding my present.
I shut my eyes closed and I cry even more.
"You know my name." I whisper.
I open my eyes to see how he's in shock.
"Of course I know your name. Why would you think I-"
"It's been weeks." I interrupt.
"Weeks?" He asks.
"Niall, I've been coming to the cleaning closet of each hotel, every day, waiting for you. This
is the first time I've heard you say my name in weeks."
His mouth opens. I can tell he's trying to find words to say.
"Don't worry Niall. I get it. You're the 'new' Niall now. You can't be seen with me. I understand."
"Don't say that. I told you, I'm still me." He replies.
"No you're not Niall. You lied to me. I'm not important to you anymore. Your new friends, the parties, the clothes. Those things are what's important."
"Is that who you think I am Eli? HUH!" He says beginning to raise his voice.
His fists begin to clench at his sides and he walks closer to me looking mad. I walk backwards frightened. My back is now against a wall and his face is only a few inches from mine.
"I am not like that! You're wrong! I'm not a shallow jerk."
He drops the present on the floor and grabs my shoulders, shaking me as he screams.
"You are wrong! I'm not like that and I'll never be! You're the one that's lying Eli. Not me."
I begin to cry and I can't look at him. He begins to scream more and I just shut out his words. If I pay attention to them, I know that they will kill me even more than they are right now.
"How come, everyone I love forgets about me?" I whisper to myself.
He stopped screaming. I open my eyes and see how he's crying and looking at me wide eyed.
"Love?" he asks.
I realize what I just confessed and I try to run out. I just ruined everything. Why couldn't you just let him scream at you? Now he's never going to want to be with you again.
I feel my wrist being grabbed and I turn around.
He holds both of my wrists and stares down at me. More tears begin to run down my face.
He wipes my tears with his thumb softly and stares at my lips. What's happening?
"Can I kiss you?" he whispers.
I sniffle and nod my head slowly.
Tears begin to fall from his eyes as well and he smashes his lips against mine. His hands are on the sides of my face and mine are tugging on his hair.
The kiss is filled with so much need and passion. His lips are warm and soft. I feel his tears as well as mine running down our faces. Butterflies are exploding as well as fire works with each touch, each thought. All my feelings are going into this kiss and I feel as if his are as well. He pulls me in tighter and the kiss begins to slow down. We're savoring each other as if we will never be able to see each other again.
He pulls away slowly and we begin to breathe heavily. He pulls me into a hug, and holds me tight in his embrace. I hug him back and I cry into his shirt.
"I've missed your hugs so much." I whisper.
He lets go of me and wipes away my tears.
"I'm so sorry Eli, about everything. So many things have been happening that I've been losing myself. I love you Eli. I love you so much." He says while crying.
I then pull him in and I kiss him again. He loves me too.
His lips are something I want to savor for eternity.
When I pull back, I feel my hand trembling from the electricity that just flowed through my body.
"Did you feel it too?" I ask.
He grabs my hand and I feel how his is shaking as well.
He grabs both of my hands and squeezes them. He puts his forehead against mine and rubs his nose against it softly. I do the same and we both close our eyes, enjoying the moment.
"Be mine Eli. All I need, all I've ever wanted is for you to be mine." He whispers.
"Of course." I reply.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you too."

Notes