Envy (Niall Horan) [BOOK 1]

Niall's POV
I keep on running and running down the halls of the hotel. I don't know where I'm going, but all I know is that I have to get out of here. I just want to be alone...
My feet lead me to the back of the hotel, where the tour busses are. I run to one of them and grab the key that Paul hid under it. I bite my lip in frustration as the doors are very slowly opening. I just want to grab my guitar and play non-stop.
When the doors finally open I run inside, close the door, and run to one of my guitars that I left on one of the mini couches. I sit and begin to tune my guitar. I try playing it, but it's still out of tune. I can't concentrate correctly. I just grab my guitar and throw it on the floor.
I rub my face with my cold hands and begin to cry. Why did she have to love him? Why...
Two Weeks Later
Today is the day my dream finally comes true. We're in New York right now, and tonight we're going to play in Madison Square Garden. Just thinking about it is giving me chills. The lads and I are really excited. I'm going to make sure that today is the best performance of my life. I'm going to let loose today and only focus on the microphone in front of me.
I gave up on my plan a few weeks ago. Whenever Eli wanted to talk to me, I of course would talk to her. It's just that now, it's hard for me to. I'm trying to let go of my feelings for her, but they just won't go away. Whenever her and Harry are in the same room as me, I just walk out. I can't handle the torture. I usually let out all my frustrations and emotions in my performances now. Many of the songs are very relatable to my situation.... I just hope they don't get in the way of my performance today.
At the concert
The concert is going great so far! The stadium is fully crowded and I just feel energized! We just finished singing Gotta Be You. The crowd is cheering so loud that my ear piece is beginning to vibrate a little in my ear. I don't even care though. I feel so happy! The fans are so amazing and right now I just want to thank each and every one of them individually for supporting us and for helping me live my dream.
We're in the part of the concert now, where we interact a little with the fans.
"You guys are all just brilliant tonight." Liam says through his microphone.
The crowd cheers.
"Truly magnificent." Louis states.
"Many of you, I see brought signs. They all look beautiful, don't they Li?" Zayn adds which causes the crowd to scream even louder.
Liam nods his head in agreement.
"I actually want to read some of them if you guys don't mind." Liam says.
More screaming.
"I take that as a yes." Liam replies while chuckling.
Liam walks to the edge of the stage and searches for different signs.
"Look Harry, I think this girl fancies you." Liam says while pointing to a sign in the crowd.
Harry walks up to Liam and looks at the sign Liam's pointing at. He laughs loudly.
The sign says "Harry, you have a nice bum!"
I can't help but laugh myself.
I then decide to look for signs myself. I love the signs our fans make. They express their creativity and a lot of them are really amazing!
I see one that says One Direction in a sick graffiti looking type font. Wow cool. I shoot them a thumbs up and I hear them scream.
I spot more signs that are truly amazing. They really take their time on them don't they? Wow. It means a lot to me.
I begin to hear my name being screamed at by a group of girls in the front row. I turn my attention to them and I see how they're pointing at their sign, wanting me to read it.
I choke on my own spit while reading it. My mood automatically drops and the girls' laughing makes it worse. My smile fades and I begin to tangle my fingers in my hair, trying not to cry. I turn my back to the audience and I take a deep breath to try to calm myself down. I look to the side of the stage to see Eli staring at me. Oh no. Now I definitely can't cry. Not in front of her.
I feel water begin to fill my eyes and I quickly wipe them, which Zayn notices. Zayn walks up to me and puts his mouth next to my ear.
"What's wrong mate?" He asks.
I take a deep breath and sigh.
"The sign the girls are holding." I mumble.
"What si-" He stops talking when he sees it.
He gives the girls a face of disgust and turns back to me.
"I'm going to go tell security to escort them out." He states.
"No. They paid for these tickets Zayn. They don't deserve to leave. I bet they're all lovely." I reply.
Zayn looks at me confused and was about to rant until I beat him to it.
"Zayn it's okay. I can take it. It's just one sign. Not a big deal. Just leave it alone."
Zayn scowls at the girls once more.
"Fine." He replies angrily.
The thing is that even though it is only just one sign. It still pains me to see that they hate me. Fans... I just wonder why? What did I do? How do I improve? I want to make our fans happy. They deserve to be..
I sigh and continue performing the rest of the concert with a forced smile.
..............................................................................................................................................
"Good night Madison Square Garden! We love you!" Harry states as we all wave to the crowd and walk off stage.
The words and laughter from those girls lingered in my mind the rest of the concert.
All I want to do now is be alone.
Back at the hotel
"Tonight was amazing." Liam comments.
We're all in the lobby of the hotel right now. Management, the band, the crew, everyone.
"I know! The fans we're so loud and cheerful. It felt electrifying." Harry adds.
The fans... Those girls...
I fake a smile and nod.
"I don't know about you guys, but I think I'm gonna hit the sack." Louis says while yawning.
"What time is it?" Harry asks.
Louis takes out his phone and shows it to him. It's 1:27 in the morning.
"Ya it's late I think I'm gonna go to bed too." Zayn comments in a tired tone.
Harry then glares at Eli who is a few feet away, chatting with Lou and Josh and then turns back to us.
"Ya I think I'm going to head back to the room with you." Harry says to Zayn.
Zayn raises an eyebrow at Harry.
"You never sleep this early after a concert." Zayn says.
Harry then whispers something into Zayn's ear.
Zayn makes an 'O' with his mouth while looking at Eli.
"Well let's go then." He states.
Louis, Harry, and Zayn wave to me and Liam and walk away.
"What do you think Harry's hiding?" Liam asks.
I shrug. To be honest I don't really care right now. All I can think about is the sign...
I look down at my feet and I try to distract myself.
"You okay?" Liam asks concerned.
I glance over at Eli who is already staring at me oddly enough.
"It's one of those times." I simply retort looking back at Liam.
Liam nods and waves good bye.
I then just turn around and run.
Eli's POV
"Eli are you okay?" Lou asks.
"What do you mean?" I retort.
"Well you seem kind of down tonight." Josh adds.
They're right.. I am..
"Do you need to talk to Niall?" Lou asks.
"Why would you say that?"
"Well sweetie you kind of have been eyeing him since we got here. He has been staring at you as well. By the looks of it, I think you guys need to talk soon... as in now."
"Why?" I ask.
"He kind of ran off." She states while pointing behind me.
My eyes widen in shock.
"I'm sorry I-I have to go."
Lou and Josh both wave at me and I quickly turn around to search for Niall.
I spot Liam who is standing all alone, typing something in his phone. I practically run to him.
He's a little startled at first.
"Uh hey Eli." He says.
"Where's Niall?" I ask Liam.
"He likes being left alone when he feels like this." He retorts.
"Liam I really don't care right now. Tell me where he is."
"Eli I'm telling you. We always try to make him feel better but he always ends up kicking us out, he just do-"
"TELL ME LIAM." I yell.
Liam sighs.
"He's in the tour bus in the back of the hotel." He finally reveals.
"Thanks." I quickly say before running towards the back.
I've never seen Niall look that saddened and depressed before, especially after a concert. That's why I've been so sad tonight.
I have to know he's okay.
I feel my broken heart racing rapidly as I'm running through the halls, almost out of breath. When I saw his smile drop instantly while he was performing, I felt my heart stop beating. When his eyes began to tear up, my heart began to hurt... And the fact that he kept on performing anyways, shattered it. Something awful must've happened.
Especially since he just ran off the stage and disappeared right after the concert.
I'm in the parking lot at the back of the hotel and I'm frantically searching for the tour busses. When I see them, I quickly run passed each one, checking the windows to see if I can find Niall behind any of them. I feel myself stop in my tracks, when I see Niall pacing back and forth in one of them. I run to the tour bus entrance and I start knocking loudly.
"Niall let me in!" I scream through the glass.
Nothing.
I'm unsure if he could hear me, but is deciding to ignore me or if he just can't hear me. I begin to knock again and again while yelling his name.
"NIALL!"
Nothing.
He's just seated in one of the mini couches inside holding his face with his hands. I groan and try to think of a way to catch his attention. Then it hit me.
"OWWWWW!! IT HURTS!!" I yell while pretending to fall to the floor in pain.
Niall quickly gets up and opens the tour bus door.
"Eli are you okay!?!" He asks with a very concerned face.
I quickly get up and push him back inside, while locking the door.
"What the hell Eli!" He screams.
I walk closer to him and I rub his cheeks softly with my two thumbs. He seems a little shocked by my action.
"You've been crying." I whisper.
He puts my hands down on my sides and turns away from me. I hear him sniffle and he turns back to face me, but this time he's smiling.
"I haven't been crying! What are you talking about? I think you're going crazy." He says while chuckling.
I walk closer to him again.
"Eli I'm fine. This Irish lad just needs a nap."
I know he's trying to hide through humor. My face is centimeters away from his and I just
begin to stare into his eyes. I try to read him through his baby blues. His smile fades and he begins to breathe heavily, obviously nervous. He tries to look away, but I grab his chin and I make him look down at me. His eyes begin to water while looking into mine. For a while we're just staring into each other's eyes. It's as if they're talking for us. He then closes his eyes shut and clenches his fists on his sides. He walks to a corner of the tour bus and sits down. His face is still red from his crying but now he looks angry.
"Eli, just leave. Please." He whispers.
I walk up to him and I sit down next to him.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong." I reply. He turns his head to the side, avoiding eye contact with me.
"Niall look at me! Niall look a-"
"CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE?" He yells.
He's never screamed at me like that before. I feel tears begin to form in my eyes and I get up. I walk towards the door, trying to hold my tears back until I stop myself. I spin around and walk back to Niall who is still looking to the side.
"YOU KNOW WHAT! I WON'T LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE BECAUSE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS IS KILLING ME INSIDE NI."
Water droplets begin to drip from my eyes. Niall shuts his eyes tight, obviously trying to control his own emotions. I continue.
"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME DO YOU? SEEING YOU LIKE THIS... IT REMINDS.. IT REMINDS ME OF ME. I NEVER WANT YOU TO BE UNHAPPY AS I WAS NI. NEVER. MY LIFE WAS SHIT. SHIT! BUT THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND I ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED HAPPINESS AGAIN!"
I walk up to him and I bend down to his ear.
"You are my light. Please don't die down, because if you do... My world will just remain dark forever." I whisper.
I see how a tear streams down his cheek and I turn his head towards me. His eyes open and he sees how I'm crying as well. His eyes go wide and his mouth is a little open.
"I'm so sorry El." He whispers while more tears begin to fall from his eyes.
I wipe them away with my thumb and I wrap my arms around him tight. He desperately wraps his around my body and buries his head into my chest. His tears are wetting my black hoodie while I hold him even tighter.
"Niall please tell me what happened back there. Please." I whisper in his ear.
He gets out of my embrace and taps the spot next to him, signaling me to sit down. I do as he says and await his response. When he was about to speak, my phone buzz's in my pocket. I ignore it at first, but then it won't stop buzzing. I sigh and take it out. Six texts from Harry. I see Niall glance at my phone screen and he sighs.
"Of course." I hear him mutter under his breath.
"Just go to your boyfriend, Eli. He obviously needs you." He says saddened.
I turn off my phone and slide it in my back pocket.
"He's going to have to wait." I comment.
Niall turns his head to me and stares at my empty phone less hand.
"Will you look at that." He whispers. I sigh.
"Niall, you were saying, before we were interrupted."
He stared at his fiddling fingers on his lap and began to play with them.
"Today was the day. The day where my dream of performing at the legendary Madison Square Garden came true. I've always wanted to perform there ever since I was a little kid. I mean who wouldn't right?"
He moves his head up and turns his head to face me. He swallows hard. I'm guessing he's trying not to cry. He stares into my eyes for a while, trying to find the words to say.
" Liam was pointing out fan signs in the crowd and reading them aloud... There were some great ones too. One said One Direction in cool, big, colored letters and there was also one that had all our faces drawn. Then my eyes met one... I thought it was a joke at first, but then I realized how the girls holding it we're completely serious. They were holding it, almost proudly.."
He shut his eyes closed and took a deep breath.
"What did the sign say?" I hear myself ask.
"It said 'Niall Horan is the talentless ugly Irish one'..." He starts to cry beside me.
"Eli, I'm not good enough. I'm n-"
He stops and looks down at our now inter twined hands. He just stares at them wide eyed and sniffles. His blue eyes then meet mine once again. There staring at me with such intensity.
"Niall. You are good enough. You're more than enough actually." He bites his bottom lip slightly and waits for me to continue.
"I feel honored actually.... Honored to even know you. I don't know how else to put it... You're perfect." I whisper. He squeezes my hand and moves his face closer to mine.
"Why? How?" He whispers.
"I don't know to be honest... you just are...it's natural." I reply.
He puts his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. He begins to rub his nose against mine and squeezes my hand again. I rub my nose against his as well and I squeeze his sweaty hand back. He slowly opens his eyes and stares at mine.
"You're the one that's perfect." He whispers.
I feel his hot breath brush against my lips and it causes me to shiver, which he notices.
"Are you cold?" He asks a little concerned.
"I uh-" I reply.
What is wrong with me?
"You are aren't you? Here."
He stated while letting go of my hand to take off his cardigan. I kind of wanted to hold his hand again... He takes off his cardigan and puts it on me.
"No Niall, it's fine. I already have a hoodie." I comment.
"I'm not going to let you freeze. Here. Put this over your hoodie."
I slip on the cardigan that is over sized.
"Thanks." I reply shyly.
He sits back down next to me.
"No. Thank you." He whispers.
My eyes begin to roam down to our hands that aren't intertwined anymore. I stare at them for a while. I then look up at Niall who is staring at me. He knows that I was staring at our hands and he gave me a soft smile. I then look down back at our hands to see how there connected again. His hand is still a little sweaty, but I don't care, especially since mine is beginning to sweat as well. I look up and I begin to stare into his deep blue eyes. They're so close to mine. His eyes aren't just one shade of blue. No. They're not ordinary looking. His eyes look like an oil painting filled with different shades and types of blues. It's pretty mesmerizing.
"Your eyes are really blue." I blurt out.
He chuckles a little and observes my eyes as well.
"Yours are really brown." He states which causes me to chuckle.
I stare at him again and he at me. Both of our smiles fade and a mixture of intensity and seriousness fills the air. I lay my head on his shoulder and I feel him kiss the top of it. Niall is warmer than the jackets I'm wearing. The room is silent. It's a peaceful beautiful silence. We take in each other's presence and just close our eyes. Niall lays his head on mine softly and I can't help but smile. I'm the most comfortable I've probably ever been right now. Harry is pretty comfy too but- wait Harry, my boyfriend. He's probably worried sick about me! I quickly get up, letting go of me and Niall's hands. Niall automatically opens his eyes and stands up.
"W-where are you going?" He asks innocently.
"Niall, I haven't answered any of Harry's calls! He must be worried, I have to-"
"Stay." He whispers.
"What?" I ask.
Niall walks up to me and grabs both of my hands, which causes me to blush.
"Stay. Please. I-I need you here...right now... With me."
I look up at his begging eyes and I squish our hands, reassuring him that I'm not going anywhere. He gives me a soft smile, which I return. I don't know what came over me, but I instantly gave him a hug. I don't know if I did it for him or because I miss being in his warm arms. He's a little surprised at first, but then I feel his arms wrap around me. I bury my head into his chest. I feel like a child compared to him. He's so tall.
"You mean everything." He whispers unexpectedly.
I feel his lips touch the top of my head.
"Everything."
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Notes