I Should've Kissed You
Chapter Thirty-Six ღ
I sit there motionless. Anxious and scared of what was coming out of his mouth.
"Look. I've been a prick, I know that, but so have you" he pause waiting for me to fight back though I stay silent. "But I was so worried a few days ago, all I felt like doing was hold you tight when you were in pain, but I kept picturing the night you called me and anger overtook me, I've tried to understand why but I have no idea, and this time I wanna hear you out.." He says looking at the floor.
"Harry, you think I broke up with you because you were just another toy for me to play with, don't you?" I asked.
"I-yes" he hesitated.
"Wow, ok then, I know it took a while for you to trust me... And I know how easily your trust can be lost, though I never thought it would get to this point. Truth is I loved you when I broke it off, in fact I still do love you, but our relationship was making me do terrible things to myself" I said. He looked at me confused. "Wait a second" I said as I rush to the kitchen and got my computer. “Search my name” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“Search my name on twitter” I repeated. He did as I said and searched Hope Smith. His face looked scary he was so worried and shocked, and just.
“They think I’m bad for you, they think I’m the reason you left the concert they think I lied to the Fans and that you are okay and that I just wanted you for myself, they think all I do hurts you in some way, they even think I’m blackmailing you to date me, I’m a monster to them, a huge monster, and sometimes I think I’m a monster myself” I finish with tears running down my face.
“Hope, I didn’t know, and just.” He stopped I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, Harry was crying. “I put you through this, this is all my fault” he said.
I went up to him and cleared his tears “back then I thought I was strong enough, truth is I was when you were by my side, my breakdowns where when you were on tour because you were not there to hold me tight and say that everything was okay and that all they said wasn’t true. I started believing what the fans were tweeting me” I said.
He held me tight and said “I’m here now, everything is going to be okay, and all of that that I just read, its not true, you are nothing like they describe you” he said. The embrace lasted for a short amount of time since he coughed.
“You’re sick, I’ll just sit here” I said as I go to the little couch.
“W-was that why you broke it off?” he stuttered.
“At first no, well it all came when my mom met you, she searched me up too, and noticed how much hate I was getting and she told me it was too much for me, I denied it even though I knew it was true, well and then George got involved, hes just a jackass and I freaking hate him, but my mother, she was being a mom, she was protecting me. That day when they all left you, Niall came to see me at the hospital, I’m gunna sound like a total freak but I cut again, and I just thought it was the answer, the doctor said it was just a bit from suicide and that I was lucky, then I realized that the only way I can go through this was by being beside you, that was the only way I could survive right now” I said.
He looked me in the eye. “I love you Hope, remember that” he said. Was this going where I think it is? “but I caused you all this pain and I cant let you go through this, eventually I’ll go on tour again and you’ll have to suffer again and I cant be thinking that while I’m living my dream you are harming yourself!” He said.
“Harry, you know why my mom called me Hope? Because I was all her and my father had, they had been through rough paths and I supposedly brought them together the hope she had in me is the hope I have. The reason I haven’t left you or stopped talking to you is because of that hope that we’ll be back and happy again” I say.
“I hoped that too, but this may be too much for you, you cant handle this” he sighed.
“It’s the fever talking” I said.
“Hope, it’s not” he said.
“Why did you let me fall for you? Why?! I knew it was wrong from the first time I saw you at the shop, and you just let me in.” I said.
“So this is my fault?” he said.
“Maybe I is, maybe it’s mine for believing in something that could have never worked, maybe it’s my fault for having too much hope” I said going towards the door “the boys will be here in a second, they’ll take care of you” I said closing the door.
Tears were falling down my face. Maybe I was acting like a prick too, maybe I wasn’t. I didn’t know anymore. I reached for my phone, 1 unread message.
From: Di <3
Crashing at Aprils good luck with Harry, hope he gets better.
Love you, Di xxx
I don’t even reply I just put my phone on the side table and crawl into my bed. Niall had an extra key so I wasn’t worried. I took the blanket from the end of the bed and cuddled it. Harry and I were officially over, and this hurts even more than the first time.
Why did I fall for a popstar? Why did I fall for Harry styles?
I heard the door closing and my door opening.
“Hope, you look—” I cut him off.
“Horrible, I know” I said looking at myself.
I put my hair in a messy bun. I took the shirt in front of him I didn’t even care, I put my pj’s on and head to the bathroom. He follows me in.
“What happened, I can see the tear stains” he asked.
“Louis, he-he said that we were done, for good, for my own good” I cryed.
“Hey, come here” he said as he pulled me to his chest. “Let’s get you cleaned up” he said getting the make up remover near the sink. He carefully rubbed the smudged make up from my face though my tears kept falling. Through all the mess I noticed his face, it looked like he had been crying.
“Louis, stop” I said. He put his arms down.
“Did I hurt you?!” he asked immediately.
“No, why were you crying?” I ask.
“Don’t play dumb” I said.
“Me and Eleanor had a fight and she just and we’re just…I don’t know where our relationship is at right now” he said.
This time I hugged him tight. But this time when we were breaking contact he leaned forward.
Notes:( dont worry! tehyw ill be back eventually i think? omg louiiiiiiiiiis. dont worry i wont make anything happen... or maybe you should worry? hehe JKJK i'll post next chapter probably today too :D l
ove you lovleys