I Should've Kissed You
Chapter Twenty-Six ღ
It’s been only one hour and I have 8 missed calls, I think he gave up. Louis and Liam were also calling me so were the girls, I didn’t want to talk, to anyone but Harry, but I had to let him go. Diamond comes in crying.
“I’m guessing you called him” I say clearing my tears, I had to be strong for her.
She just nodded “it’s not fair” she said cuddling up to me.
“Baby girl I told you, I asked you if you were ready for this” I say with a sigh.
“You’re telling me you didn’t cry your heart out just a few seconds ago?” she said with a sigh.
“I did” I sigh I give in I was going to open up to her. “look, mom and George don’t have the right to do this!” I say.
“Hope, one thing they are right, sis you get so many hate” she said with a frown.
“So does Dani and Eleanor and Perrie, we can handle it” that was such a lie, one night I called Danielle and she was crying because of hate, she might seem string but…
“Natalie was right though, and I fucking hate her for that because she was right! If only they weren’t in the fucking bad, if..if” she started sobbing her eyes off, I had to be strong for her… oh so I thought..
“Oh Di, come here” she cuddled close with me, and I couldn’t resist and a tear escaped my eyes.
“I knew you felt it too” she whispered between sobs.
“I love him, how wouldn’t I feel it?” I say crying too. I sneak into the kitchen steal some food and drinks and walk back into my room locking the door behind me.
“Why though? Its supposed to be our choices!” Diamond protested.
“I wish” I say. “Di”
“yes Hope?” she asked.
“Hold me tight” I say breaking down and crying on her shoulder.
“You don’t have to act tough around me, I know how you feel and if I were you I would have already left and met Harry and I don’t know what I would do…” Diamond said.
“What hurts me the more is that I didn’t kiss him for the last time, I wasn’t near him for a last time… I was so happy for new years and then this shit… you know I just love Niall so much and now… it’s all gone, at first it was just because he was my crush since forever, but at my party? Gosh I was in another world! When he touched me when we danced I thought my body was going to explode!” Diamond said.
“I know…” I say honestly “Harry was such a keeper, I love him with all my heart and I just need him, we went all the way” I admit “and it was magical, it was something I never felt before, might sound really cheesy but he completes me” I say, I think she was shocked I said I went all the way with Harry. “if only they weren’t famous…” I sigh “but then them being famous is a part of them I love” I sigh again.
Diamond and I settle down and watch some TV though she was always on her phone, I go to twitter and read what’s around and decide to tweet.
@hopie_smith: why do you love when you know you’re going to fall?
Indirect, so what? I ignored all the responses and went back to the TV, but then I received a text
From: Boo (Louis)
Just see this, he needs you he’s a mess I’ve never seen him this drunk… just give him a call? Im worried about you.
I needed to read the 8 voice mail’s and 4 texts from Harry. I gained the guts and went into the bathroom and locked myself in. I had to do this, I had to hear him out, though I didn’t want too… at all. I open my phone.
You have 8 new messages, message number one “Hope, what was that? Whats wrong talk to me, I’m worried, was it something that I said?” message ended.
Message number two “Hope, I’m worried sick, hope I love you what was this?”
Message three “I didn’t betray you or cheat on you, I LOVE YOU with a ll my fucking heart! What is wrong, JUST ANSWER ME!”
Message four “hope, I’m laying on my bed trying to sleep but I cant, I can’t, tears are falling down my face, what the fuck is happening?”
Message five “…i still love you”
Message six “call me PLEASE!”
Message seven “I’m done, I tried you just don’t see to care, I love you so much, but I gave up, don’t bother to call”
Message eight “hope, this is Louis harry is locked in the bathroom and wont open it, I’m worried what happened?”
I was crying my heart out. I leave myself a message at his voice mail.
“hey, its Hope, I’m sorry it had to be that way, but I had to I wasn’t handling it right the hate and everything, was too much, I still love you and you’re not the blame, I just can’t do this anymore, don’t bother calling or coming to he house…Harry its over it has to be..i love you” and I turned off the phone. I was gutted I didn’t know what to do, and when I’m like this I always do the wrong things.
I open a drawer that I haven’t opened since the beginning of the year, I take off a box and inside those boxes there were blades, I know its stupid, cutting for a boy, though it wasn’t for a boy, the hate was getting to me, I just faked a smile. It was too much, but Harry made me get through it, now? Now I don’t have anyone else. I let the blade slide through my skin and watch the blood leave my body slowly. What was I doing? Self-harming? Again? Dam Hope, you don’t know what you’re doing. I kept on cutting anyways, I didn’t know what I was doing, everything got to me the hate my parents…everything.
I lie on the floor I cut too deep I felt the blood rush out of my body. Fuck. Hope. What have you done?
I dialed the first number I can.
“Lily, fuck, I cut too deep h—” too late everything went black I could hear faded lily on the phone
“Hope? HOPE? HOPE!!!??”
“I’m guessing you called him” I say clearing my tears, I had to be strong for her.
She just nodded “it’s not fair” she said cuddling up to me.
“Baby girl I told you, I asked you if you were ready for this” I say with a sigh.
“You’re telling me you didn’t cry your heart out just a few seconds ago?” she said with a sigh.
“I did” I sigh I give in I was going to open up to her. “look, mom and George don’t have the right to do this!” I say.
“Hope, one thing they are right, sis you get so many hate” she said with a frown.
“So does Dani and Eleanor and Perrie, we can handle it” that was such a lie, one night I called Danielle and she was crying because of hate, she might seem string but…
“Natalie was right though, and I fucking hate her for that because she was right! If only they weren’t in the fucking bad, if..if” she started sobbing her eyes off, I had to be strong for her… oh so I thought..
“Oh Di, come here” she cuddled close with me, and I couldn’t resist and a tear escaped my eyes.
“I knew you felt it too” she whispered between sobs.
“I love him, how wouldn’t I feel it?” I say crying too. I sneak into the kitchen steal some food and drinks and walk back into my room locking the door behind me.
“Why though? Its supposed to be our choices!” Diamond protested.
“I wish” I say. “Di”
“yes Hope?” she asked.
“Hold me tight” I say breaking down and crying on her shoulder.
“You don’t have to act tough around me, I know how you feel and if I were you I would have already left and met Harry and I don’t know what I would do…” Diamond said.
“What hurts me the more is that I didn’t kiss him for the last time, I wasn’t near him for a last time… I was so happy for new years and then this shit… you know I just love Niall so much and now… it’s all gone, at first it was just because he was my crush since forever, but at my party? Gosh I was in another world! When he touched me when we danced I thought my body was going to explode!” Diamond said.
“I know…” I say honestly “Harry was such a keeper, I love him with all my heart and I just need him, we went all the way” I admit “and it was magical, it was something I never felt before, might sound really cheesy but he completes me” I say, I think she was shocked I said I went all the way with Harry. “if only they weren’t famous…” I sigh “but then them being famous is a part of them I love” I sigh again.
Diamond and I settle down and watch some TV though she was always on her phone, I go to twitter and read what’s around and decide to tweet.
@hopie_smith: why do you love when you know you’re going to fall?
Indirect, so what? I ignored all the responses and went back to the TV, but then I received a text
From: Boo (Louis)
Just see this, he needs you he’s a mess I’ve never seen him this drunk… just give him a call? Im worried about you.
I needed to read the 8 voice mail’s and 4 texts from Harry. I gained the guts and went into the bathroom and locked myself in. I had to do this, I had to hear him out, though I didn’t want too… at all. I open my phone.
You have 8 new messages, message number one “Hope, what was that? Whats wrong talk to me, I’m worried, was it something that I said?” message ended.
Message number two “Hope, I’m worried sick, hope I love you what was this?”
Message three “I didn’t betray you or cheat on you, I LOVE YOU with a ll my fucking heart! What is wrong, JUST ANSWER ME!”
Message four “hope, I’m laying on my bed trying to sleep but I cant, I can’t, tears are falling down my face, what the fuck is happening?”
Message five “…i still love you”
Message six “call me PLEASE!”
Message seven “I’m done, I tried you just don’t see to care, I love you so much, but I gave up, don’t bother to call”
Message eight “hope, this is Louis harry is locked in the bathroom and wont open it, I’m worried what happened?”
I was crying my heart out. I leave myself a message at his voice mail.
“hey, its Hope, I’m sorry it had to be that way, but I had to I wasn’t handling it right the hate and everything, was too much, I still love you and you’re not the blame, I just can’t do this anymore, don’t bother calling or coming to he house…Harry its over it has to be..i love you” and I turned off the phone. I was gutted I didn’t know what to do, and when I’m like this I always do the wrong things.
I open a drawer that I haven’t opened since the beginning of the year, I take off a box and inside those boxes there were blades, I know its stupid, cutting for a boy, though it wasn’t for a boy, the hate was getting to me, I just faked a smile. It was too much, but Harry made me get through it, now? Now I don’t have anyone else. I let the blade slide through my skin and watch the blood leave my body slowly. What was I doing? Self-harming? Again? Dam Hope, you don’t know what you’re doing. I kept on cutting anyways, I didn’t know what I was doing, everything got to me the hate my parents…everything.
I lie on the floor I cut too deep I felt the blood rush out of my body. Fuck. Hope. What have you done?
I dialed the first number I can.
“Lily, fuck, I cut too deep h—” too late everything went black I could hear faded lily on the phone
“Hope? HOPE? HOPE!!!??”
Notes
here you go <3 another chapter! Hope you like it eventhough its sad :( i hate self-harming and i just wanted to say PLEASE DONT DO IT! it hurts so much and then the scars stay forever.love you all!
Strawberrylove
xoxo
(you can follow me on twitter @carlota_jcat_1d i follow back!) xoxo
7/11/13