Just give me a reason
I stepped out. I couldn't hear what she was saying. Or I didn't want to. Or both. Why was she acting like this all of a sudden. If this is because of her mental illness, I am going to kill her. I can't take this anymore. I would do everything for her!
I sat on a poolside chair, with my hands in my hair. After a minute, I heard the door slam. I knew she left. I let her leave.
But I couldn't make myself chase after her. For some reason, my legs wouldn't move. She made such a big fuss about this. About the fact that I BROKE UP with Taylor. And we could be together. It's like she doesn't want that.
I went back inside because it was cold. It smelt like her. I lied on the couch, and turned the TV on, because I didn't know what to do with myself.
After an hour or so, I heard my phone going off.
"Hello" I answered it unwillingly, not even looking at the caller ID
"Have you heard from Jen?" It was Lucy
"No." I answered shortly.
"You ok?" She noticed the anger in my voice.
"I'm…I'm fine Lucy. I haven't seen her." I calmed.
"Ok no, this is not your calm voice. This is your I-am-pretending-to-be-fine-when-I'm-actually-not-because-something-happend-and-I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-but-I-actually-do voice." She said and I chuckled.
"It doesn't matter." I tried to change the subject "Anyway, call Leena. Maybe she knows where Jenna is."
"Ok. I thought she was with you. Nevermind. If you change your mind and want to talk, you have my number." She said.
"Thanks." It was actually really nice of Lucy.
"Ok then. I'm gonna call Leena. Bye" She said.
"Bye" I replied and hung up.
I wonder where Jen is right now. I mean, she's probably home, not looking at her phone. Or dodging Lucy on purpose…
My phone rang again.
"Harry, should I wear a dress for tonight?" It was Gemma.
"We're not going" I said.
"What? Why?!" She asked disappointed.
"We had a fight. Doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it." I said. I knew she was going to ask what happened, and I really didn't want to talk about it.
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." She was surprisingly calm about it. After that I laid on the couch staring at the telly, thinking of Jen.
I had to get my mind off of her. So I called Ed, see if he's in town.
"Yeah, I'm heading to a party, wanna come?" He answered as I asked what's he up to.
I changed quickly, and head out. I really needed something to clear my head.
My phone wouldn't stop ringing. It was Lucy. She was angry and I was in no condition to deal with another fight. After some while it stopped, but then Leena came in.
"Yeah, she's right here" Leena was talking on the phone. I knew it was Lucy, and pretended to sleep, because my back was facing the door. "Oh, she's sleeping. I'll tell her to call you, K?"
She left my room, and closed the door. And a minute later, she walked in.
"I know you're awake" She said. There was no point in pretending not to be, so I turned around. "Why aren't you picking up your phone?" She asked.
"Because of reasons." I said. She laughed, but I didn't
"You two fought?" She asked.
"I don't know. She's mad at me for something. But I fought with Harry." I said, and bowed my head.
"Word of advice-call Lucy. She didn't seem angry on the phone. And I'm sure you and Harry will be A-ok by tomorrow. You guys always are." She said and smiled.
"No. We're on a break right now. " I said proudly
"What?!" She asked very serious.
"Yeah. I really need to clear my head and he needs to chill out for a day." I said.
"Oh my god, Jenna! Are you jeopardizing your relationship on purpose?! What's wrong with you!?" She hit me on the back of my head.
"Ow!" I ouched, rubbing the area. "No need for violence."
"Ok, well I bet Harry thinks that you guys are over. And he will want to get his mind off of you, and he will go to some lame party, and he will hook up with some girl, and then you will consider that as cheating, and he will not because you were on a break and, have you not seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?! It took Ross and Rachel like 7 years to get back together!" She talked really fast.
"Ok, calm down. First of all, stop comparing my life to Friends, it's a tv show. Second of all, he won't do that. He loves me." I said. But it made sense what Leena said.
"Stop being in denial! Call him and tell him you guys need to talk or whatever. Get things straight! Fix your relationship before it goes down Viagra Falls!" She said, acting like a genius.
"What…." I laughed about the VIagra Falls part.
"I don't know" She joined me laughing.
"Fine, but I have to call Lucy first." I said.
"Ugh, you're just postponing it. It's fine, it's cool, until it's not!" With that she made a dramatic exit and entered her room.
I took my phone and called Lucy.
"Finally!" She answered.
"Sorry, I was sleeping." I lied.
"It's fine, Leena told me." She believed me.
"So what did you wanna talk about? I recon you have something to talk about, or you wouldn't call me 10 000 times." I laughed.
"Yeah. But I can't do this over the phone, I'm coming over." She said, and as she hung up, the doorbell rang.
I flew down and opened the door.
"We're you here the whole time?" I laughed.
"Well, no, I just got here. But I was prepared to wake you up"
We walked upstairs.
"So what's up."
"Ok, first of all, is Harry ok? He sounded weird on the phone" She asked.
"Why did you call him?" I was avoiding the question.
"I thought you were with him. Why what happened?" She asked concerned.
"Nothing, we had a fight. Never mind that, what's going on with you?" I asked.
"Oh, well firstly, sorry for telling you that I am angry at you earlier, I was but I'm passed it." She explained.
"Because of something about Niall?" I asked
"Yeah. He said that you told him that I liked him, and then I exploded like how could you rat me out like that, and that's when I went to the bathroom and called you, but then Niall told me that you didn't actually tell him 'yes' but my reaction confirmed it so it's actually my fault. Anyway, he brought up what I said that night. And I ended up telling him that I like him…a lot. Since before him and Leena and I never said anything because I knew that he liked Leena, and it was obvious. And then Naomi came in the picture and there was no point in talking about it, and that I never should've said anything. But he was like, really cool about it, and when he dropped me off we sort of kissed, and now I don't know what that means…" She talked really fast.
"Seriously!? What did he say about you liking him?! He talked to me about it, but I tried to say less as possible." I shrieked.
"Well, he said like, that it's really sweet of me for thinking about the others and not being selfish. And he…I think he apologized for being with Leena and Naomi, and maybe if I told him sooner things would've been different. And we had a laugh after that, and then in his car, he was like really weird." She explained.
"What do you mean weird?" I was confused.
"Well, we were laughing, and when we stopped, all of a sudden he said something like maybe things could still be different, and I said that I highly doubt it, and he just smiled like he knew something I didn't, you know? And the awkward silence came and I was like 'K, well see you later' and turned away to get out, and he caught my forearm and pulled me back and kissed me. It only lasted for few seconds and then my mom HAD to ruin the situation by knocking on his window!" She got excited and blushed.
"What do you mean she knocked on his window?" I laughed.
"Well, we were like kissing and I pulled away because I didn't know what to do, and our faces were like really close and he was just looking at me, smiling and then someone knocked and I got startled and shrieked and when I turned around to see what knocked, I saw my mom." She said acting annoyed. I started laughing. It must have been really funny her mom appearing out of nowhere.
"What did Niall do?" I asked curious.
"He got out. He introduced himself to my mom. It was so embarrassing. She was trying to pull of that 'I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom' thing and she started talking to him about cars, since when does my mom know anything about cars!? And anyway, they had a chat and I was like 'Mom!' you know, telling her to leave. Luckily, she understood my look, and left. And then I apologized to Niall about my mom being a freak, and he just laughed and then I told him that I was gonna go inside and he kissed my cheek and we said goodbye and that was it." She was really excited again.
"Oh my god, Lucy!" I hugged her. I knew she was really happy.
"I know, right?!" She started slightly bouncing on the bed.
"Well, I really hope this works out" I sincerely said.
"Yeah me too. So anyway, what did you and Harry fought about?" She asked. Agh, I really didn't want to talk about it.
"He was being an ass. And we are now on a break. And Leena says that he now things that we are not even together and will do something stupid like sleep with some other girl, but come on, we are on a break, I mean that's not breaking up right?" I was really hoping Lucy would agree with me.
"OH MY GOD JEN, ARE YOU THAT…UGH! Seriously?! You have to call him and talk to him. You know he can have any girl he wants, don't let him get away!" She advised me.
"Oh, ok. Fine" I said getting my phone.
After some hesitation, I dialed his number. It was ringing. And ringing, and ringing, and ringing…no answer.
"I guess I will just talk to him in the morning" I put my phone down
"What?! By then the damage will be done! Call Liam, or Lou or anyone, ask where he is!" Lucy was freaking out.
"Stop exaggerating, I'll call Zayn" I said and dialed Zayn's number
"Hey, love" He answered after a few rings
"Hey, whatcha doin'?" I asked.
"Bored out of my mind. You?"
"Nothing, I was wondering, do you know where Harry is? He's not answering his phone." I said.
"He might be with Ed. I heard he just got into town. Why?" He asked me.
"Ok, so if a girl tells a guy that they need a break, which actually means like a two day break just to chill out and clear the heads, will the guy think that they are actually broken up and will try to get with the first girl he sees?" I asked. He was a guy, he should know best.
"Yes…Did you…Oh god. Jen!" He sounded a bit disappointed.
"I need to talk to him before he does something stupid" I said.
"Ok, I'll help you look for him" He said.
"You don't have to do that" It was really nice of him.
"I'm bored anyway. Can I pick you up in…like, 10 minutes?" He laughed.
"Ok, honk when you are in front"
"Will do" He said and hung up.
"I have to go home…" Lucy said.
"No, why? Come on, help me find Harry" I said
"Oh, I would love an adventure, but I have to have family night tonight. My parents are going away for a week tomorrow night…" She explained.
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.
"Deff." She said and left.
I got up and put on the most comfortable black jeans I have and a grey blouse. And in a few minutes, I heard the honk outside. I went down and put on my Vans.
"Mom, I'm going out. I'll be back at curfew" I said.
"Ok, honey" She said and I went out the door. It was a bit chilly outside, but I didn't want to waist time to go back inside and get a jacket.
Up front was Zayn's car.
"Hey" I said getting in.
"Hi, I don't know if Harry's with Ed, but Ed is at some party, so we'll go there ok?" He said.
"Ok" I confirmed and put on my seatbelt.
He drove off.
"So why did you destroy your relationship?" He asked.
"He was being an ass." I answered shortly.
"He broke up with Taylor." He told me like I didn't already knew that.
I didn't say anything, just kept looking out the window. Silence filled the inside of the car. The radio wasn't on, so it was really really quiet.
"You ok?" He asked me, taking my hand in his as comfort.
"I will be if we find Harry." I said. He smiled and squeezed my hand, giving me some kind of confidence that we'll actually find him here.
"Here it is" He said stopping a few meters from a club. There was a really big line outside and many people waiting to get inside.
"How am I suppose to get in?" I asked.
"I'll come with, I'll talk to the guard outside." He said.
"No, no it's fine. There has to be like a back door or something." I said, wanting to do this alone.
"I don't know…I'll come with, come on." He said and got out of the car, walking to my side to open my door.
The chilly wind blew my hair. My skin absorbed the cold air, and I shivered.
"Here" He said taking off his jacket and putting it on my shoulders. I didn't protest and put my arms through the sleeves.
Zayn locked his car and we went to the club. He talked to the guard telling his a friend of Ed. Obviously, the guard recognized him and let us through.
Inside was really crowded. There were so many people.
"Okay, let's split up, if I find Harry, I'll call you. Keep your phone close." He said in my ear because the music was really loud. I nodded and walked in an opposite direction.
I was looking for Harry, and going through the crowd. I saw Ed from far, and walked faster to him. He was sitting and drinking. There was like security guarding his table.
"Sorry miss, you can't go here." One of them said to me.
"But, wait, I know him!" I shouted so he can hear me.
"That's what they all say" he replied.
Ed didn't see me and stood up. Before I could see where he went, he got lost in the crowd. Great. I continued my search. I heard a few comments like 'how on earth did that girl get in here?!'. I guess I wasn't really dressed like I was going to a club.
I didn't really take notice in them, and just continued to look for Harry. I was really hoping he was here.
It was very stuffy and I just wanted to escape the loud music. I saw a door, and assumed that it was the bathroom.
I opened it and I was right, it was the bathroom. I heard someone throwing up in one of the stalls, which was really disgusting. I washed my hands just to cool them off a little and someone entered the bathroom.
It was a blond girl, pulling some guy by his shirt to follow her inside. I did not want to witness this, so I turned around to leave. But I saw the guy.
"Shit." He said when he saw me. The girl was surprised at his reaction and looked at me confused.
"Seriously?!" I said. It was Harry. I mean, I wanted to find him but not like this. Not with some random girl, ready to fuck in a bathroom!
"Wait, Jen, wait." He said, blocking the door.
"Who is this, Harry?" The girl asked annoyed.
"His ex-girlfriend according to Harry." I said even more annoyed by her tone.
"Well, you can leave now, EX-girlfriend." She emphasized the EX part.
"No, shut up…" Harry said to her, but couldn't actually remember her name.
"Chloe!" She said.
"Right, sorry. Shut up Chloe! Jen, wait please." He said walking towards me.
"Oh my god, are you serious?! Bitch, i will burn you!" I got so angry at that Chloe chick. Who does she think she is.
"Bring it on!" She said walking toward me, with her hand ready to give me a slap. My reflexes kicked in, and caught it in mid air, gripping her forearm.
"That your best?!" My temper was really short right now.
I could see Harry getting angry, his eyes changed the perfect shade of green, into something more dark. He got in-between me and her, pushing her to the wall by her shoulder.
"Don't you dare lay a finger on her." He said, angrily. She was scared, I could see that. Harry was losing it.
"Harry stop it!" I pulled him by his shoulder. He stepped away from Chloe. "Leave!" I shouted at her, and she left.
"What?!" He shouted at me annoyed that I got on her side, like I did earlier with Taylor.
"Oh my god, just no" I said and exited the bathroom.
"Jen wait, come on" I heard him, and then the loudness of the music was all I could hear. I tried to get lost in the crowd but he wouldn't give up.
"Oh hey Jen, did you find Harry?" I bumped into Zayn, who was talking to Ed.
"Here, have a drink!" He was drunk and laughing.
"Let's get out of here please" I said, with tears in my eyes.
"What, what happened?" Zayn asked concerned.
"Just…please!" I said.
"Ok, ok come on. Ed, I'll see you tomorrow right?" He turned back to say goodbye to Ed.
"You know it bro!" He said and we walked on.
We got out of the back door, because there were too many people at the front. We were able to find the back door and it was opened from the inside so we got out.
"What happened?" Zayn asked, trying to keep up with my walking pace.
"Just, drive me home please." I said with tears in my eyes.
He didn't reply to that, just walked on.
"Whore!" I heard someone front the back shout at me. I turned around and saw Chloe. I was not in the mood for this.
"Be right back" I said to Zayn, and walked to Chloe. She crossed her arms full of confidence.
I don't know how, I pushed her shoulders with my hands, which made her back crash in the wall. She tried to hit me, but I caught her hand yet again, but this time I punched her. Not slap, punch. Her head turned and she lost her balance a little. She touched her sore cheek and I left without a word.
"Why did you do that for?!" Zayn panicked a little, but I didn't stop next to him, just continued to walk towards his car.
"She asked for it." I said
Not many people saw that, so there was no big fuss about it.
"Jen!!" I heard the familiar voice.
"Oh my god, can we please just get out of here!" I said entering his car.
"Wait, it's Harry!" He said trying to stop me.
"I know, please just…let's leave"
But we didn't manage to leave, because Harry ran to the car. I was sitting in the passenger seat, wanting to just disappear. I heard their conversation outside.
"She punched a girl. What did you do?" Zayn said to him.
"Who?" Harry asked.
Zayn then pointed at Chloe who was watching them from far. Harry silently laughed and my eyes met his. He walked to my door and opened it.
"Can we talk?" He asked, his raspy voice was very calm and smooth.
"No" I said, not even looking at him
He kneeled down, so he's my hight, and looked at me. I just glanced, but I caught his eyes. His perfect green eyes that were back to the original shade.
"Please baby, come on." He said and made my stomach to a flip inside me.
"Harry…" I said and got a bit lost in his eyes. I realized that I stopped talking and cleared my throat "I think it's best that we just…don't be together"
"No, no baby, come on. Nothing happened with….that girl" He couldn't remember her name again.
"Harry you were gonna get with some girl whose name you don't even know, in a stinky bathroom, in a stupid club with someone throwing up in the next stall." I said calmly.
"No, I wasn't. I didn't, come on you can't do this." He tried to convince me.
"Then why is your shirt halfway unbuttoned? It's fine I get it. Obviously you don't know the correct use of the term 'break' so this time it's real so you don't have to explain anything to me…we're done, it's fine" i said with my head bowed, looking at my nervous hands. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I pushed back the tears as much as I could.
"Baby, look at me." He reached with his right hand for the place where my head meets my neck and lifted it, forcing me to look at him.
"Please, can we not do this. It's fine." I bowed my head again.
"No babe, I'm not gonna lose you. I promise you nothing happened, and nothing was going to happen. She tried to kiss me but I pushed her away and she pulled me in the bathroom, please don't, just don't." He was explaining.
But i didn't reply. In fact, I didn't say anything, just stared at my hands, picking my nails.
"Can you just…come over, we'll talk. Please. Come on, my car is parked not far from here…" He said, taking my hand in his. I had no control over my legs, and they just followed him.
"You'll take her home?" Zayn asked Harry.
"Yeah, thanks mate. I owe you." Harry replied to him and we walked away. Zayn drove by us, but I didn't lift my head. I was just following Harry, and he was leading me to his car while holding my hand really tightly. Like he was afraid that I would run.