Oh fuck. Oh shit. Holy fuck. Oh my fucking god.
"Oh shit Bella." I ran over to her and gently lifted her head, listening for her breath, thank god I heard one. "Oh god Bella what did you do." I quickly used a tissue to wipe away the puke from her skin, flushed the toilet, then carried her over to the couch, not even bothering to wonder why the fuck you need a couch in a toilet. As too many emotions overtook me, I was about to scream out for help, but then a small noise came from her mouth. I quickly looked at her head the was resting in my lap.
"Bella? Bella can you hear me?" She moved her head a little and nodded. "Oh thank god. Okay I'm going to go get Harry. Okay?" Harry is gonna freak out when I tell him. And by freak out I don't mean a little, I mean he is seriously gonna be all fucked up about this. Did he know? Of course he didn't if he knew we would all know because he'd be acting all freaked out. I don't know. Shit. I moved to get up but she immediately grasped by hand and shook her head.
"No. Please." I frowned.
"What? Harry, just Harry." I promised, I'm not going to tell the others. She shook her head again and painfully swallowed.
"Please don't get Harry. Please Zayn please don't get him." She begged, tears forming in her eyes.
"I--" I trailed off, not knowing what to say. "Bella I have to get Harry, you can't expect me not to tell him about..." I again trailed off, not wanting to say 'about the fact that I found you passed out on the bathroom floor after you clearly just made yourself throw up.'
"Just not tonight. Please." She hiccuped and I helped her sit up, slowly so she wouldn't get a head rush.
"Bella....how did I not notice. You're so thin." I muttered to myself, angry that I hadn't realised something was going on. "Louis." I suddenly said and her face paled even more. "He knew something was going on, oh my god it's so unbelievably clear he knew something was going on. Fuck did he know about this?" I raised my voice slightly. She shook her head, here eyes swimming with tears, begging for her to let them fall.
"He didn't know. He told me he knew something was wrong but I told him it was nothing." Her voice was barely audible.
"Oh Bella why are you doing this to yourself. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met and millions of girls would kill to look like you." I tried to keep my voice calm and soft, hoping to get an honest answer out of her and not wanting to scare her, knowing how fragile she must be.
"I wanted to be skinny." A tear finally slipped from her eye. "I thought Harry would love me if I was prettier." She sobbed. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her onto my lap.
"Oh Bella, don't you see how much he loves you? He loves you more then I thought was even possible." I cooed softly in her ear.
"I don't deserve him, he should be with someone else. Someone who isn't ugly and fat and horrible." Each of her words sent a stab through my heart, she actually believed that?
"Oh Bella, Harry's the one who doesn't deserve you. You are beautiful both in personality and looks. You are amazing and he is so incredibly lucky to have you." She lifted her head slightly and the sight of her eyes almost made me get up and break something at how fucked up the universe is that someone so amazing as Bella thinks theses things about herself.
She shook her head as more tears fell.
"Bella, I won't tell Harry tonight if you don't want me to but you need to tell me what's going on." She hesitated for about a minute, before slowly nodding as more tears stained her face.
Then she told me everything. And I mean everything. From things that happened when she was 4 to what's been happening recently. When she finished she was sobbing and my cheeks were soaked with tears.
"Oh Bella I'm so sorry." I kissed both her cheeks and pulled her head to my chest, hugging her close to me. My eyes travelled to where her dressed had completely hitched up and scars were visible high up on her thigh. She saw where I was looking and covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. My gaze stayed on the long red scars.
"I-I have to go back t-to Harry. I've been here f-for too long." She hiccuped and stood up, but after passing out then sitting down for so long the head rush caused her to fall over and hit the floor before I could catch her.
"Shit." I helped her stand back up and she clutched onto my shoulder. "C'mon let's fix you up." I helped her to the seat in front of the mirror and she cringed at the makeup smeared on her face.
"Do you what me to get a girl?" I asked softly, already knowing her answer.
"No, just hand me some paper towel please." Her voice was horse from talking, crying and most likely also the throwing up. I handed her some paper towel and watched, amazed and she completely fixed up her makeup.
"Bella I think we should talk m-"
"No." She cut me off. "Not tonight, please just not tonight." The exhaustion in her voice was clear so I just nodded and stood close by as Bella stood up and she left the bathroom. I walking out shortly after.
"Louis have you seen Bella?"
"What?" He turned around, his eyes blank. I blinked, what's up with Louis tonight?
"Bella." I repeated. "You know where she is?" He simply shook his head and walked off. Seriously what the fuck. Where is Bella, I can't find a clock and Simon fucking confiscated our phones after what happened at the last formal dinner, but I know she has been gone too long for my liking. I scanned the room again, trying to spot her, when eventually I saw her making her way towards me. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders which is stupid I guess, but I don't know, I felt like something had happened.
"Look who decided to make an appearance." I joked as she reached me. A smile tugged at the corned of her lips.
"Yeah guess I couldn't stay away from you." She sighed dramatically. "Either that or the rest of this 'dinner' is just too boring." She shrugged casually, smirking slightly. Before I could respond the music became louder as a slow piano version of Counting Stars came on.
"Dance with me." Without waiting for an answer I took her hand and pulled her along to where couples were dancing, letting my hands connect behind her back, hers falling around my neck. I pulled her close to me and swayed to the music. She seemed a little more tense then usual, like she was stressed of something. Maybe the dress is uncomfortable?
"You alright?" I asked, leaning back. She smiled and nodded, yet her smile faltered, but only for a split second.
"Yeah, I'm amazing." I smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Her lips tasted really fresh, like she had just had a strong mint or something. I again pulled her to me and we danced to the music. One the song was over another started playing, but Zayn showed up.
"Mind if I steal her for a song?" He asked me with his eyebrows raised questionably.
"Sure." I kissed Bella on the cheek before walking away and standing off to the side of the room, watching them dance. He had her hands on her waist...but that's how you dance. Should people who dance be that close? Who am I kidding people who dance should actually be much closer. Bella's eyes stayed on mine for the majority of the song while she talked to Zayn.
I was enjoying dancing with Harry, feeling safe in his arms, that was until Zayn showed up.
"Mind if I steal her for a song." Oh god please say no. I can't handle more talking to him, not tonight. I told him everything. Everything. What was I thinking?! Now he's going to go telling Harry and they'll think I have a problem. I don't have a problem, I just need to lose weight and find a way to look prettier.
"Sure." Harry kissed my hand lightly before walking off to the side of the room. I linked my arms around his neck while his rested on my waist. He didn't stand very close, presumably because Harry was watching.
"What happened to not talking about it again tonight." While I knew my face looked relaxed and happy, my tone was stone cold and angry.
"You can't expect me to just leave it. Bella this isn't a little thing. You have a problem, less then half an hour ago you were unconscious in my arms. Do you know how scared I was. God Bella do you even know how I felt when I saw you laying there on the floor, so pale and lifeless. Jesus Bella you can't expect me to just let it go. I know this must be hard for you but-"
"Stop. Stop talking." I cut him off. While his tone was soft and 'understanding' his words were really pissing me off. "Don't tell me you know how I feel because no you absolutely don't. I don't even know how I feel so there is no way you do. I just need a day to figure out what I'm going to do. I get it this is all big news for you but its bigger for me since I'm the one that needs to decide what to do." I kept my voice level like we were in a business meeting. I was a sobbing mess before and that was embarrassing enough.
"Okay, I don't know how you feel, but I do know that you don't feel good. Bella how are you going to tell Harry?" I didn't respond. "You are going to tell Harry right?" I nodded very unconvincingly. "Bella you have to tell him. If you don't I will." He threatened.
"No don't tell him." I quickly shook my head. "I'll talk to him I just need some time." My voice was desperate. He can't tell Harry. He can't.
"Fine." He sighed. "One days. If he doesn't know in one days then I'm telling him." His tone left no room for question. The song finished and Harry started making his way back over to us so I nodded quickly at Zayn before he left.
When I finally found Bella she was dancing with Harry, do I didn't bother her. I'm talking to her tomorrow, I've decided. If she keeps denying everything then I'll go to Eliza, she'll know what to do.
"Okay boys...and Bella...it's been a long night but thank you for getting through it with out making a scene." Simon shot a quick glare at all us boys, reminding us of last time.
"Well with Bella here the night was bearable. Just." Harry replied. Bella leaned away from him and looked at him skeptically.
"Ya know I think I'm just gonna take that as a compliment and leave it at that." Harry smiled and pulled her back into his arms. People had started to leave the venue a half hour ago but Simon told us we couldn't leave until the 'important' people left. Another half hour later and everyone 'important' was finally starting to leave.
"Can we go home now it's late and I'm tired." Bella whined like a little girl, giving Simon her extra sweet puppy dog face. He fell for her puppy dog faces every time, and this time was no exception.
"Yea yea, go home, get some sleep. All of you." Bella smirked the second he looked away and I held back a laugh. Simon was such a softie when it came to Bella.
"Your gonna be freezing when we leave the car." I pointed out to Bella. Harry immediately shook off his suit coat and wrapped it around Bella's small frame. She visibly relaxed as she warmed up. When we finally arrived back home and got out of the car paparazzi were waiting, like always.
Bella you look lovely tonight.
"Thanks Rob." I still found it hilarious how Bella responds to the pap, and that she actually knows some of them by name.
How was your night?
Any new news for us?
Is Berry still okay?
Are you still sticking to your 'girls night out' story?
I could tell only Bella and I were listening, and for that I was glad.
Bella you look dangerously thin.
Have you been eating enough?
Rumors of an eating disorder are going around, any comment?
As the questions and comments to Bella became more personal and harsh, mainly about her weight, she looked at Harry worriedly, but he still wasn't listening. I sped up my pace and pushed Bella toward the door of the building. Harry needs to know what's going on, but not from press.
~~~~the next day~~~~
"I'll see you later, I love you." I watched awkwardly from the other side of the room as Harry said goodbye to Bella before leaving with the other boys to do some recording, recording I had already done but they still needed to do. The second they walked out the door the tension in the room became incredibly thick.
After a minute of fiddling with her nails Bella walked into her room, closing the door behind her. She really is too thin, and I honestly can't believe it took me so long to actually see it. I mean, I noticed it before, but I didn't really see it. I took out my phone and started schooling through twitter.
@Amy_Loves_Louis: Bella please see someone about your weight, we love you so much babe and you are beautiful please eat something your scaring me :( #pleasehelpBella
@Bellanora101: Bella is the most amazing person ever, like seriously it's not even funny how much I love her. But guys have u been noticing how thin she is. #pleasehelpBella I'm worried.
@Bellas_Babe: Okay I ignored the articles about Bellas weight at first but now even I can't deny her thinness is getting unhealthy. Please get help Bella we love you and we r worried :(
@MarrymeHarry: Harry are you not noticing how thin your girlfriend has gotten? Get her help please #pleasehelpBella
@Berrysmycherry: all those people who called Bella fat and ugly, are you happy now?!? Are you happy now that she is scarily thin? Seriously people she was so damn beautiful, I don't know why you all had to hate on her so much. She isn't bullet proof. No one is, don't pretend your hate meant nothing because obviously it did. Shame on all of her who ever called her ugly or fat or unworthy of Harry
@Bella&Harry4ever: someone please help Bella before it's too late. #pleasehelpBella The boys r on twitter enough, if we all post about Bellas weight maybe they will wake up and see it too, please boys help her we r worried.
@LoveLouis: in the beginning I payed no attention to Bella's rumoured eating disorder but now I look at her and all I can see is how this she's gotten #pleasehelpBella
I shook my head sadly at the comments. '#pleasehelpBella' was trending on twitter. How had we not realised? How had we been so oblivious when it was so obvious.
"Louis I'm gonna have a shower, just letting you know." I jumped slightly at the sound of Bella's voice and nodded at her, waiting until I heard the bathroom door to close to pick up my phone again. I scrolled through more comments from people all over the world begging for us boys to get Bella help, then I stopped at one, recognising the user name from a while back.
I woke up with my back aching from falling asleep leaning up against the couch.
"Fuck." I hissed as I sat up and stretched, hearing the unsettling sound of my spine cracking. I pulled out my phone and when I turned it on it blew up with twitter and news notifications. I read the heading and immediately groaned.
HARRYS LASHES OUT FAN WHO HATES ON BELLA
Just a few hours ago hateful tweets from a One Direction fan were posted, calling beloved Bella Ramos ugly, fat, a waste of space and not worthy of dating Harry. One of Bella's darling 'Bellanoras' defended her, and apparently this fight caught the attention of Harry Styles, the following tweet posted not long ago:
@Harry_Styles: @LoveYouLouis maybe you should fuck off and stop talking untrue shit about my beautiful amazing girlfriend. @Lilian_Loves_Ya thank you for defending Bella :)
It seems Mr. Styles doesn't mind lashing out at a fan if it means defending his girlfriend, but who are we to judge him for it, we've all seen Bella and by our standards there is nothing to hate about her..........
Click here to continue reading
I read over the tweet over and over again, from the girl who only months ago had been using the anonymous aspect of twitter to hate Bella.
@LoveYouLouis: A while back I posted some awful things about Bella Ramos. None of them were true. I used the internet to hate her because I thought that if I knocked her down I might feel better about myself. @AussieBellaRamos and @Harry_Styles I am truly sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean them. Bella you are incredibly beautiful and Harry is so lucky to have you. Please get help, you have become too thin and we are all so worried. Please Bella get help before it is too late :(
I let my head drop into my hands, so frustrated and angry with myself. She's sick, Bella is sick and I've know in the back of my head all this time but I did nothing about it, absolutely nothing. Tears pricked at my eyes yet I refused to let them fall. Why didn't i do anything? I knew what was going on and I just sat back and let it happen. What's wrong with me? I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a thud from the bathroom.
"Bella?!" I called out loudly, waiting for a response. When I didn't get one I sprung out of my seat and was at the bathroom door in a flash, pounding my fist on it.
"Bella? Are you okay? Bella!" Déjà vu swept over me as I remembered finding her passed out on the floor of the bathroom.
"Bella I'm coming in." I turned the nob but it was locked. "Shit." I took a step back, then rammed my body into the door. It loosened a little but didn't open. I did this a few more times, and on the fourth, the door swung open. Steam flooded around me, reminding me all to much of last time, and when I finally saw Bella I thought I was going to pass out.
She was lying in the shower, unconscious and pale, with vomit trailing from her hand and mouth to the drain, blood oozing onto the shower floor from 3 large cuts on her wrist.
"Oh fuck, oh Bella what have you done." I knelt down next to her and checked for a breath. Her chest rose then fell, her breath was light, but it was there. I tried not to look at her naked body but I couldn't help it and I did. A tear slipped down my cheek as my eyes grazed over her almost not there stomach and the small outline of her ribs that was appearing. In about three seconds I rinsed her quickly with the showers head and turned off the water, I grabbed a towel and drapped it over her body, before dragging her out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor. I examined the cuts on her wrist, they were deep, but they didn't need stitches.
"Bella what did you do." I whispered and searched the bathroom, my eyes finally landing on an open draw, one I had never seen open before. I gasped as I saw all the pills and blades in there. Shocked, I slammed the drawer shut. Then I saw a blade, near the shore door, covered in blood. I shook my head and turned my attention to Bella, yanking my shirt off and wrapping it around her wrist to stop the blood. I easily lifted her up, more tears falling from how light she was, and carried her to my room, laying her on my bed, resting her head upon my pillow. I ran to Harry's room and took one of his shirts and some of Bellas leggings that were in his room, before running back to Bella and carefully sliding the clothes over her body.
"Oh god Bella what did you do. What did you do?" I slammed my fist against the wall and cried. This is so fucked up. Should I call Harry? No I'll talk to him when he gets home, he'll freak out if I call him now.
I spent the next half hour coming up with the perfect thing to say when she woke up, but the second her eye lips fluttered open and her gaze landed on me, I forgot everything.
My arms hurts. So does my head. Also my throat. Why is my body aching? What am I lying on? I thought I was in the shower. Whose clothes do I have on? This top is way to big for me. What happened?
I slowly forced my eyes opened and looked at where I was. Louis' room?" I blinked a few times, that's when I saw Louis standing at the end of the bed, a mixture of emotions portrayed on his face. Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck. Zayn finding me last night was bad enough, I might have been able to convince him to drop it if I tried hard enough. But Louis? There is no way Louis will drop it. He'll insist I have a problem, but I don't.
Louis shook his head.
"Oh Bella." I pursed my lips and looked away from him. "Bella why didn't you tell me?" His voice was desperate.
"There's nothing to tell." I whispered defensively. Immediately Louis' face hardened.
"Fuck Bella we're not going to do this again are we? You're not seriously going to try and deny this are you? Bella you have a problem." I bit my lip.
"No I don't." I'm not sure who I was trying to convince, him or myself.
"Oh really? Then what do you call the fact that you've been throwing up everything you eat, which isn't very much at all. And what do you call this." He grabbed my arm and ripped off his shirt from it, exposing the three parallel lines. I stared at the deep red scars. I don't have a problem.
"It's nothing." I chocked out, shaking my head and swallowing back tears.
"It's nothing is it? Well if its nothing then let's go show Harry. Ya know, it's only nothing so it shouldn't be a problem showing him." He harshly grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the bed.
"No Louis stop." He turned away and dragged me from the room and down the stairs, my strength no match for his.
"Oh no, you say it's nothing so let's go show Harry." He growled angrily.
"Louis stop please!!" I sobbed and dug my heals into the ground to try and stop him while tears ran down my face. "Please!" I hit at his hand, trying to make him let go of me while he forcefully dragged my to the door. I screamed and cried, begging for him to stop, but he kept walking.
Ohhh shit.......cliffhanger ^_^
this chapter was gonna be quite a bit longer but I wanted to give you something since I left you on a cliffhanger last time....as well. So yeah sorry for a little short chapter. I promise a lot will happen in the next on....
Please comment I honestly will update faster if you comment. And vote I'm begging you please please vote!! Love you xoxo bye