Louis PoV
"Please!" Bella screamed and cried as I pulled her to the door. I turned around and when I saw he face I immediately let go. I had meant to frighten her a little but not this. I didn't mean to do this. As I let go of her she fell to the floor and burried her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Bella I'm so sorry." I knelt down next to her but when I put my hand on her shoulder she quickly scrambled away. "Bella I didn't mean to scare you like this." I promised truthfully. She shook her head as more tears fell down her face. "Bella please." I slowly moved next to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny body, hugging her close to me as she kept crying.

"Please don't tell Harry. Please." She begged hysterically.

"Shhh, just calm down. You're okay. It's okay, just calm down." I gently soothed. It wasn't okay though. Nothing was okay. I waited until she stopped sobbing to speak again.

"Bella, are you going to tell me what's going on?" I asked, one final time. She didn't answer. "Bella, you have an eating disorder." I spoke softly and quietly. She shook her head quickly.

"No, no, no I don't" Endless tears fell from her eyes.

"You need help." As I spoke those words realisation crossed her face.

"Oh my god." Her hand snapped up to her mouth "Oh my god." She chocked on her words, panic becoming clear in her features. I moved a little and placed my hands gently on either side of her face, forcing her to look at me.

"Everything's going to be okay. Alright? Everything will be okay, we'll get you help and everything will be fine." I promised her.

"I-I- I'm so sorry Louis I'm so sorry." She covered her face with her hands as her body shook with cries. I lifted her onto my lap and hugged her close to me.

"Don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry. You're going to be okay. We'll tell Harry and everything will be fine." She froze and started to shake her head again.

"No I can't Harry he'll leave me Louis I can't lose him I love him so much he's going to realise how much better her can do and he's going to leave me how can I tell him?" She gushed, her eyes darting around the room, panicked.

"He's not going to leave you. He loves you so much Bella he won't leave you, I promise."

~~~~

Bella PoV
I sat on Harry's bed, waiting for him to come home. I still couldn't wrap my head around all this. I had spent a good hour sobbing and telling Louis everything, including how I was going to try and convince Zayn to drop it. I have an eating disorder. I hated to admit those words to myself. I had gotten past all that shit and I was finally happy. I couldn't pinpoint when it all re-started. All I knew is that the twitter comment had been the final straw. Louis was in his room. It had taken me ages to convince him I would be fine alone in Harry's room. I was just sitting on his bed in some shorts and one of Harry's hoodies, to cover up the scars on my wrist.

Those cuts were pretty bad compared to what I had been doing recently. I heard a door open and close and my heart beat sped up dramatically. How am I meant to tell Harry this? I only just admitted it to myself, how can I admit it to him? Admitting it to Harry makes it real. He's going to leave me. I know he will. Footsteps up the stairs made me get up off the bed and stand nervously at the foot of it, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. The second Harry came in the room he closed the door loudly behind him and strode over to me.

"Why don't you ever tell me anything?" He snaps and I blink. Louis didn't tell him did he? He promised he wouldn't. Harry whips out his phone and shoves it in my face, showing me two texts.

From Louis: Make sure you talk to Bella when u get home.

From Zayn: you talked to Bella yet? If not u should.

I gulped and looked up at his angry face.

"Harry-"

"No." He cuts me off. "I don't want to hear some excuse. I'm not letting you bullshit me again. Why do I always find out everything last. Why is it that you don't tell me anything. Why don't I know you?" I looked down at my hands.

"You don't find out everything last Harry-"

"Bullshit." I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment.

"Don't say you don't know me, please. You do know me." Before I could say anything more Harry started speaking again.

"No I don't. I don't know you Bella. If I knew you then you would have told me about what ever is going on and I wouldn't have texts from two of my friends telling me to talk to you. Why is it they know you better then I do." I held back a massive sigh.

"Harry they don't know me better then you do. You know me best."

"No I don't." He cut me off...again, really starting to aggravate me.

"What do you want me to say Harry? Because I don't know what to say to you, you know me. I don't know how I'm meant to explain it to you, so just tell me what you want to hear right now." I tried to keep my voice calm as tears welled in my eyes.



Harry's PoV
I want her to say she loves me. I want her to say it so I'll believe it. I want her to tell me she trusts me. I want her to tell me what's been going on. I want her to tell me why Zayn and Louis know something and I don't. I want to know she loves me.

"Tell me why I don't know you as well as I should. Tell me why you say you love me yet I seem to be the last to find out everything. Tell me that." I kept my voice emotionless.

"Harry I really don't want to have this fight again. Please why can't you believe me?" She asked, her voice desperate.

"Why had I never heard about Riley before we went to Melbourne?" I know it was pretty dumb and low for me to bring Riley into this, but it's been eating away at me and I need her answer. She gaped at me, her eyes starting to go slightly red.

"Are you fucking serious? Harry I don't even talk to him often, I havnt talked to him since we were away at the beach and before we went to Melbourne I hadn't talked to him for ages. He knows a lot of things about me Harry. I've know him my whole life, I've grown up with him so yes he knows me. God I've already told you this Harry, just because he knows me doesn't mean you don't. Jesus what's your obsession with him anyway." She snapped the last bit.

"Well I think I have a right to be curious. I think I have a right to know why some guy you apparently haven't spoken to in ages knows every thing about you when me, your boyfriend who you say you love, seems to know nothing about you. I think I have a right to know that." My tone was harsh and it took all I had not to pick her up and wrap my arms around her when a tear slipped down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before answering me. ((A/NListening to music and guess what song comes on right at this second? Counting stars...))

"He doesn't know me better." I started to cut her off but she shook her head. "No don't you fucking cut me off this time Harry. This time you get to listen." I shut up and bit my lip. "You know if you want to tell yourself that he knows me better then fine, believe that if you want. But your wrong. He can usually tell what I'm thinking from looking at me for one second. He knows whether I'm about to laugh or cry. He does know me. I'm not denying that he knows me, but you know me too. You know me in a way I love so much more." I watched painfully and more tears escaped her eyes. "You know how much I love it when you hold my hand because they fit together perfectly. You know I hate the little crinkles by my eyes when I grin. You know I don't like the dimples at the bottom of my spine. You know that I'll have conversations with you that make no sense because I'm just thinking out load but you listen anyway. You know I cringe every time I hear my voice on tape. You know all these little things about me that aren't even secrets but no one else knows. You know me Harry and I love that you know all the little things. I love that Harry so why can't you see it?" Her cheeks were now stained with tears and she was tugging at her hair, an anxiety trait she has.

"I love you Harry, why can't you see that?" She shook her head and looked to the floor, wiping away her tears only for them to be immediately replaced by more. "I love you Harry. You don't know me how Riley knows me. You know me in a totally different way and I love that." A wave of guilt hit me and I realised how horrible I was being to her. Riley had know her for her whole life, I can't expect to know her like he does, but he doesn't know her like I do, and he never will.

"I'm so sorry." The words left my mouth were almost silent, but as Bella looked up at me with hopeful eyes I knew she had heard me. I ran my hand over my face and sighed, before going to my dresser draws and finding the piece of paper her mum written on. I held my hand out and she eyed the paper nervously.

"What it is?" Bella asked, curiosity in her voice.

"Just....read it." She took the paper and I watched as her eyes scanned the page, her face becoming hard and her eyes becoming dull. After a minute she spoke, but her eyes stayed glued to the paper.

"Where did you get this Harry." The lack of emotion in her voice terrified me.

"At the airport right before we got on the plane to go to the beach, she dropped it when she passed us." I admitted quietly. She slowly looked up from the paper and opened her mouth, then closed it and shook her head.

"You've had this....since when we left Melbourne?" Her voice shook with hidden rage and I wished she would yell at me instead of staying quiet.

"Yes." I breathed. "I'm sorry, I was going to show it to you but....."

"But what?" She looked me in the eyes and her usual bright and brown eyes were completely dull.

"I wanted to protect you. I know you've been through so much with your family and especially after seeing your dad I didn't want to show you this." The shock was clear on her features.

"That...that wasn't your decision. I had a right to see this-this...you should have shown me Harry." I couldn't tell what she was feeling from her voice, eyes or structure and I hated that.

"I know, I'm sorry." As much as it killed me I kept eye contact with her.

"Damn right you are." She snapped. "How could you not show me this?" The outrage slowly filled her voice and to be honest I was relieved she was showing emotion. "It's not your decision to say I don't get to read this. You seriously have the nerve to tell me that I'm keeping things from you?! You hypocrite!" She yelled at me and I suddenly became defensive.

"Hey that's different!" I yelled back, equally as loud. "I hid this to try and protect you!"

"Who says I need protecting?" She shot back.

"Your kidding right?" I gaped.

"No, please enlighten me on the things I need protecting from." The way she crossed her arms and spoke condescendingly just snapped something in me.

"If you say so." I spat. "How about your father, his friend, your mother, your sisters, Ky raping you, Ky coming back and putting you in hospital, Ky again coming back yet again. Would you like me to go on?" Even as I spoke the words I knew how much of a dick I was being.

"I seemed to handle all that fine, I'm still here aren't I? I managed to handle all of that. I know what I can and can't handle, you don't get to decide what you protect me from." She spat. Instead of apologising I spoke back equally as harsh.

"Every thing that happens takes something from you. And it's happened over time so I didn't notice until now. Everything takes something from you and you're not you anymore." I could visibly see my words doing something to her. Her eyes didn't dull, they darkened, and I knew I had pushed her too far.

"I'm not me anymore? Now which me would that be, because I seem to change a lot. So who am I right now? The me who you met the day after I got raped? The one after Ky came back again? The girl on the roof arguing with you about stars? The one who was in a secret relationship with you? The one who stayed in an abusive relationship getting beaten for two months? The 14 year old me who got herself legally removed from her family? Or would it be the almost 16 year old me who was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa and depression? Or the 17 year old me who was diagnosed with anorexia and anxiety? Or the girl Zayn found last night in the bathroom passed out after I had thrown up my dinner? Or the me who a few hours ago was unconscious in the shower after puking my lunch and slitting my wrists. Or am I still the girl who has been skipping meals, puking what I eat and cutting myself where you won't see. Who am I Harry? I sure as hell don't know so if you wanna tell me who I am then please, do it."











What?







Bulimia? Anorexia? Depression? Anxiety? Cutting? No. Bella wouldn't do that to herself. She wouldn't...... Oh my god. Oh god how have I been so blind? She disappears after every time I see her eat, the scars on her shoulders...... How have I not realised? I stood frozen, staring at Bella. My Bella. My beautiful amazing Bella who has been hurting her self and I didn't even realise.



I think that was the moment everything made sense, the moment I saw everything clearly. The way she had been acting off, the suspicious scars. Her unusual paranoia, the secrets and fake smiles I failed to see through, the gaps in her past I always wondered about, all the puzzle pieces connected. I hadn't realised how skinny she had been getting, but in that moment I saw it. I saw the life from her eyes was no longer there. The sparkle she got when she saw me, the way her whole body reacted when she laughed, were things I hadn't seen in ages. Arguing about stars, blushing and smiling when I told her she was beautiful, smiling at me for just no reason at all. She didn't do that anymore. I think that was the moment everything made sense. That was the moment I vowed to myself I would do anything and everything to help her get better, to help her see that she was everything to me, and I loved her.




She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth, realising what she had just told me.

"I-I..." She stuttered, looking like a deer in headlights. Then she turned and ran. It took me a few seconds before I realised what was going on and ran after her.

"Bella!" I rushed down the stairs but was stopped but Louis at the bottom.

"What did she tell you?" He asked cautiously. He knew? Of course he knew! And Zayn. The both found Bella unconscious within the past 24 hours. Unconscious......she passed out. Twice?!

"Everything, now get the fuck out of my way." I growled. His eyes widened and he moved out of my way. I ran out the apartment and down the stairs, to the front of the building. I could just see Bella running through a crowd of fans and paparazzi who we're easily letting her pass. I ran to follow the same path but press and fans immediately filled the gap in which they they Bella go through.

"What did you do?" A girl, wearing a top reading Keep Calm & Be a Bellanora, shouted at me. Within seconds I was being screamed at by paparazzi and Bella's, and even my fans. Why the fuck are pap yelling at me? Right, everyone loves Bella, why wouldn't they?

"Get out of my way." I yelled, desperate.

What did you do?
You bastard!
You broke Bella!
Why was she crying?
Go fuck yourself Styles!
The fuck did you do?
Is she okay?

I whipped around to the pap who asked if she was okay and snapped at him.

"Did she look fucking okay to you? Get out of my way and let me go to her!" Silence fell upon the crowd and they slowly formed a pathway for me to go to. I ran to the end and looked around frantically as it started to drizzle a little. What the fuck it's past halfway into Spring and it's been sunny all day? Australian weather....

"She went that way." A young girl, maybe 12 whispered to me. I nodded my head in thanks and ran off into that direction. Where did she go? Where would my Bella go?

Then I realised. The park.

I started sprinting even faster, rain randomly starting to bucket down, soaking me and my clothes, until I reached the park. I saw Bella, standing my a tree all by herself, rain pelting down on her, her small body shaking with sobs. My shoulders slumped as tears of my own mixed with the rain. Slowly I started to walk over to Bella. My Bella. My beautiful broken Bella.





Bellas PoV
Oh god oh god what have I done? Why did I tell Harry that? Why did I tell Zayn. Why did I tell Louis? Because you have a problem. No I don't. Yes you do. No. I. Don't. You do and you've known it for a while, let them help you. I battled with my self, crying into my hands, soaked with rain, Harry's hoodie, Uggs and little shorts being all the clothing I had on. He's going to leave me. Won't he? Does he love me enough to stay? I don't know. I don't know anything more.

"Bella?" I jumped and let out a little squeal of shock as a large hand was placed on my shoulder. I clutched my chest, my heart racing from fright.

"I-I...you scared me." I muttered, pushing my wet hair off my face.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled. "I-Bella I just-" His voice broke and he wiped tears from his face, shaking head sadly as more tears fell.



I think that's when I accepted I had a problem. I had admitted it to Zayn the night before, but I didn't believe it. I realised I had a problem when I was with Louis earlier that day, but I didn't really accept it. In that moment, watching Harry cry in front of me, out of breath from running and rain soaked through his clothes, I accepted it. I accepted I had a problem. I decided I wanted help. I wanted to get better. If not for myself, then for the beautiful boy standing in front of me, crying for me. I didn't believe that I was beautiful, I didn't believe that I was skinny, I didn't believe that I deserved Harry, but I believed that maybe I could feel those things if I got better. I think that was the moment I accepted I had a problem. That was the moment I decided I was going to fight like hell to get better.



"I'm sorry." My voice was barely a whisper, but those two words held more meaning then I could express in any other. I was sorry.

"I've told you Bella please don't apolo-"

"No." I cut him off, softly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for keeping things from you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you doubt the fact that I love you. I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry." I made eye contact with him, so he knew my words were genuine. He stepped forwards and rested his hands on my hips.

"I don't want you to apologise to me." When I started to cut him off again he shook his head and I shut my mouth. "I don't want you to be sorry to me, because this isn't your fault. You're sick Bella, and I'm sorry that I didn't realise. Don't tell me it wasn't my fault and don't blame your self either. You're sick. I don't want you to be sorry for having an eating disorder, or depression, or anxiety. You're still Bella. I love you. I will always love you. We're going to figure this out because I love you and I know you love me too. I love you Bella and I'm not going anywhere so don't be sorry, just promise me that you're not going anywhere either." My heart melted at his words. I love him. I love him so damn much and I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how much he means to me.

"I promise." I whispered. His face became less stressed and he nodded.

"Okay." He answered quietly. We stood there like that for a while, then his eyes momentarily darted to my wrist. I gulped and looked down. He'll see eventually. I lifted my arm and started to move the sleeve but Harry stopped me.

"You don't have to show me Bella. Not if you don't want to." I sighed and shook my head, he has a right to see, and I can tell he wants to. I pulled the sleeve of his wet hoodie up, exposing my wrist, although there were only three cuts in this particular location, they were deep, long and red.




Harry's PoV
I gasped as I stared at the cuts. I didn't even bother trying to stop the tears that fell. I can't wrap my head around the fact that Bella did this to herself and the fact that I didn't even suspect it. I closed my eyes and looked down.

"Why?" I whispered, not trusting my voice to go any louder. She didn't answer, she just dropped her wrist and looked down, biting her lip. I took a deal breath, gently taking hold of her wrist, lifting it up towards me. She watched me, curious and nervous. I softly pressed my lips to the cuts, three times, one for each cut on her wrist. I soft whimper of sadness left Bella's mouth and I looked to her, her face full of despair. The girl standing in front of me was broken, it had taken me so long to realise.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. The blinked lots, in a failed attempt to stop herself from crying. I knew how she hated to cry.

"I was scared." She admitted. "I was so scared you would realise how much better you could do and leave me. Almost everyone I tell finds a way to use it against me eventually. I didn't want to lose you." She looked down. "I don't want to lose you." She whispered.

"I'm never going to leave you Bella. Never. I promise you I would never use this against you. I promise." I stepped forwards and wrapped my arms around her. Her small arms hugged my torso tightly as she cried into my chest.

"You are so beautiful Bella. So beautiful. I love you so much. You are perfect. You are amazing. You are my everything. I love you. Don't you ever forget that. Okay? Don't you ever forget how much I love you." I hugged her close to me, terrified to let her slip away.

"I love you Harry." She whispered.

"To every star and back baby." I promised. I kept my arms securely around Bella, and while the rain pelted down on us we started to sway a little, then I started to hum. Leaning close to her ear, I started to sing softly, quietly and very slowly.

Don't ever say you're lonely
Just lay your problems on me
And I'll be waiting there for you
The stars can be so blinding
When you get tired of fighting
You know the one you can look to

We started dancing slowly while I kept singing to her.

When the vision you have gets blurry
You don't have to worry,
I'll be your eyes
It's the least I can do,
'Cause when I fell, you pulled me through

I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to cry anymore. I love Bella. Thanks all that matters. We can get though anything and I'm going to help her through this.

So you'll know that
I'll carry you, I'll carry you, I'll carry you
So you'll know that
I'll carry you, I'll carry you, I'll carry you

I leaned back the slightest bit and nudged her face lightly with my nose. When she looked at me her eyes, which I realise have been so dull lately, held so much emotion; happiness, sadness, adoration, brokenness, hope, fear, love. I looked into her eyes and sung to her.

I know it's been a long night, but now I'm here it's alright
I'll do my walking in your shoes
We'll take each step together, 'til you come back to centre
You know that I know the real you

She bit her lip as more tears fell down her cheeks, but this time I knew the tears were not tears of pure sadness.

And when the vision you have gets blurry
You don't have to worry,
I'll be your eyes
That's the least I can do,
'Cause when I fell, you pulled me through
So you'll know that
I'll carry you, I'll carry you, I'll carry you
So you'll know that
I'll carry you, I'll carry you, I'll carry you

The next part I looked straight into her eyes, meaning each and every word.

Like you've been running for hours and can't catch your breath
The demons are screaming so loud in your head
You're tired, you're broken, you're cut and you're bruised
When life feels too heavy – just hold on, I'll carry you
I'll carry you
So you'll know that I'll carry you

Bella looked down and stiffened as she tried to stop crying. I moved my hand to her cheek and lifted her face, using my thumb to wipe away the tears under her eyes, which really didn't do much since the rain immediately wet her cheeks again.

"Promise me that you'll try to get better. Promise me, right now, that you'll let me help you. Promise me you'll tell me everything and promise me that you'll let me love you." I begged. She sniffled and nodded.

"I promise."

~~~~~

By the time we left the park it was pitch black and any signs of the rain were completely gone. The only light sources were the moon, stars and street lights. We walked silently and comfortably towards our building. There were no fans or paparazzi outside the building, which I thought was weird. I looked down at Bella who was walking close to me, her hand in mine, but she seemed to not notice it. As we neared the building I noticed some light on the pavement. We got closer and I saw what it was. Hundreds of candles, all different sizes and colours, were all lined up, in the same formation as all the people had been a few hours earlier, leaving a path from the front of the building to where we were standing. Sticky notes were stuck onto each candle. Bella leant down and started to read some. They were all really sweet things.

Hope you and Harry can work things out xx ~Taleisha
We love you Bella, hope your okay ~Liana
Stay strong beautiful girl ~Brianna

There were hundreds of candles and sticky notes. Slowly, Bella made her way through the path, taking every single sticky note with her and blowing out each candle gently. When she got to the end she turned to me, a happy glint in her eyes.

"Let's go get some sleep, yeah?" I asked. She nodded and we walked back up to the apartment. When we got inside I grabbed some towels and we went to my room. Handing her a towel and one of my tshirts, along with a pair of my boxers, I quickly changed before turning back around to see Bella still changing. My breath hitched when I saw her body. It was undeniably too thin. I don't understand how I didn't notice. She's so thin. How didn't I see it? Bella turned around but looked away once she saw me staring. Mentally slapping myself in the face, I took hold of Bella's hand and led her over to the bed, pulling the sheets back and crawling in with her. I pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms around her, letting her fall asleep in my arms.

After I was sure that she was asleep I crept out of bed, going downstairs. To my surprise I found Louis and Zayn sitting on opposite couches, not speaking. As I entered the room they both looked up at me.

"Is she alright?" Zayn asked, concerned. I let out an annoyed, exhausted and hopeless sound.

"Is she alright? No she's not alright. She's sick." I spat at him. He looked down guiltily.

"I mean in terms of after running out before crying. Did you talk, is she okay?" Zayn clarified. I sunk down onto one of the couches, sighing.

"We talked, a lot. God how did I not realise what was going on." I shook my head.

"So where do we go from here?" Louis asked.

"I don't know. We have to tell Niall and Liam. Shit someone needs to tell Eliza and them. Maybe we tell Simon first. He should know what to do." I suggested. The others both nodded in agreement.

"Okay, tell him tomorrow though, we'll figure it out then. Get some sleep Harry." Louis spoke
sympathetically. I nodded tiredly and went back upstairs, quietly getting back into bed. Bella shifted slightly.

"Harry? Where were you."

"I just went to get a drink." She bit her lip and nodded.

"I thought you left me." She spoke so quietly and it broke my heart.

"Never. I'm not going anywhere Bella. I love you." I wrapped my arms back around her and eventually drifted to sleep.

Notes

Song: Carry You by Union J (but I imagined it much slower)



so here it is, the chapter where Harry finally found out. Please comment and let me know what you think, and what you think will/should happen now. please vote please please please.

thanks, love you all xoxo

ps. Ya know the summary thing that every story has on the page with the characters and chapters? If anyone can this of a good one for this story (I don't really like mine atm) then please message me and lemme know. Thanks