Finding "Her" (Sequel to Forever Alone/Niall Horan Fanfic)

I never cried so much in my life. Seeing her dead body in the casket lifeless and broken was too much. I couldn't speak at her funeral because all I did was cry. She had left me. She is gone. I have no one left to love. She told me that I would find someone again. Someone to love. Someone to cherish but I only wanted her.

I wish she never got that tumor. I wish Steve would just die. I wish that everything would go back to the way things were. Judith in my arms telling me that she loved me. Not telling me she was dying. She didn't deserve to die. She didn't deserve it. She had more of a life to live yet they took her away from me.

Took her out of my life. Took her away from me. She's gone now and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to spend my free time. Don't know when I will ever be the same again. My heart hurts. My life feels like it is over. Why must she be gone? Why did she have to die?

After Judith's funeral and burial, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and just sleep. Death is so heartbreaking and I hate when people I love die. I mean they aren't suffering anymore but a part of me is missing. A big gaping hole in my heart where she used to be. Then again in her letter she told me that she was in her permanent home, my heart. But not having her physically here irks me. Causes me to think bad about myself.

I have been hard on myself these past few weeks. After I read Judith's letter I wanted to see if she was at the hospital. When I got there she was still alive yet she couldn't talk. Well she could but it was raspy and quiet. When I walked through the doors she just smiled. Rachel and Bridgette were there but they left once they saw me. I sat down next to her and took her weak frail hand in mine.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It’s alright sweetheart," I told her.

"I told you not to come," she answered.

"I knew that you needed me. I needed to see you one last time. I'm gonna be here with you until the end. I love you Judith and there's nothing that can stop me from being here. And you probably said that just so I would come," I answered.

"You're right. I did do that for a reason," she laughed and she coughed at the same time.

"Rest please," I replied.

"Only if you cuddle with me in bed?" she asked

"For you...anything," I answered.

I laid down next to her and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. I listened to her machines beep as she drifted off to sleep. Even underneath the horrible hospital lights she looked beautiful. She was always beautiful to me. I was only man that saw how beautiful she was.

Judith died days later after that. I was there when she died. She was in so much pain from this tumor that it had consumed her completely. I knew she was gone when her hand that held on tightly with mine became limp and immobile. I kissed her hand and her forehead and I told her that I loved her. Her finally words to me really made me burst and cry after she was gone. She was just so precious and beautiful. Why did they have to take her away? I still replay her last words in my head.

She tilted her head towards me and smiled and said, "I love you Niall. Forever and always."

She then closed her eyes and the machines started making all these noises. My ears were full of screaming doctors and crazy sounding machines. I was forced to stand in the hallway. I watched through the window looking into her room but they pulled the curtain around her bed so all I heard was the doctors and nurses trying to fix her. She couldn't be saved. She couldn't be brought back. She was dead. She was gone.

After she died I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know where to go. Louis visited me and he told me that everything was going to be okay. Rachel and Bridgette were with Liam and Harry trying to grasp this new reality. I was in the dark just trying to find ways to fill the pain. But the pain never seemed to go away.

A few days after her death I received a letter. It was from Judith. But she had died a few days before. Was my mind playing tricks on me? What was this? I opened the letter and I saw the same handwriting as before. The writing was rather the same and it was from her. I scanned the letter and it seemed to be legit.

In the letter she starts talking about how if I received this letter now that it means that she is gone. She somehow knew that she was going to die unless she had Bridgette or Rachel take it to the post office. She also told me that she loved me and all that good stuff. The ending of this letter was quite different. She kept mentioning a her. Was this her someone I am supposed to find. She never gave me her name just the word her. The ending was quite shocking. She always had a way with surprises and shit. I reread that last line over and over again. It said:

Niall, you must find her. Find her for me.

I never cried so much in my life. Seeing her dead body in the casket lifeless and broken was too much. I couldn't speak at her funeral because all I did was cry. She had left me. She is gone. I have no one left to love. She told me that I would find someone again. Someone to love. Someone to cherish but I only wanted her.

I wish she never got that tumor. I wish Steve would just die. I wish that everything would go back to the way things were. Judith in my arms telling me that she loved me. Not telling me she was dying. She didn't deserve to die. She didn't deserve it. She had more of a life to live yet they took her away from me.

Took her out of my life. Took her away from me. She's gone now and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to spend my free time. Don't know when I will ever be the same again. My heart hurts. My life feels like it is over. Why must she be gone? Why did she have to die?

After Judith's funeral and burial, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and just sleep. Death is so heartbreaking and I hate when people I love die. I mean they aren't suffering anymore but a part of me is missing. A big gaping hole in my heart where she used to be. Then again in her letter she told me that she was in her permanent home, my heart. But not having her physically here irks me. Causes me to think bad about myself.

I have been hard on myself these past few weeks. After I read Judith's letter I wanted to see if she was at the hospital. When I got there she was still alive yet she couldn't talk. Well she could but it was raspy and quiet. When I walked through the doors she just smiled. Rachel and Bridgette were there but they left once they saw me. I sat down next to her and took her weak frail hand in mine.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It’s alright sweetheart," I told her.

"I told you not to come," she answered.

"I knew that you needed me. I needed to see you one last time. I'm gonna be here with you until the end. I love you Judith and there's nothing that can stop me from being here. And you probably said that just so I would come," I answered.

"You're right. I did do that for a reason," she laughed and she coughed at the same time.

"Rest please," I replied.

"Only if you cuddle with me in bed?" she asked

"For you...anything," I answered.

I laid down next to her and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. I listened to her machines beep as she drifted off to sleep. Even underneath the horrible hospital lights she looked beautiful. She was always beautiful to me. I was only man that saw how beautiful she was.

Judith died days later after that. I was there when she died. She was in so much pain from this tumor that it had consumed her completely. I knew she was gone when her hand that held on tightly with mine became limp and immobile. I kissed her hand and her forehead and I told her that I loved her. Her finally words to me really made me burst and cry after she was gone. She was just so precious and beautiful. Why did they have to take her away? I still replay her last words in my head.

She tilted her head towards me and smiled and said, "I love you Niall. Forever and always."

She then closed her eyes and the machines started making all these noises. My ears were full of screaming doctors and crazy sounding machines. I was forced to stand in the hallway. I watched through the window looking into her room but they pulled the curtain around her bed so all I heard was the doctors and nurses trying to fix her. She couldn't be saved. She couldn't be brought back. She was dead. She was gone.

After she died I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know where to go. Louis visited me and he told me that everything was going to be okay. Rachel and Bridgette were with Liam and Harry trying to grasp this new reality. I was in the dark just trying to find ways to fill the pain. But the pain never seemed to go away.

A few days after her death I received a letter. It was from Judith. But she had died a few days before. Was my mind playing tricks on me? What was this? I opened the letter and I saw the same handwriting as before. The writing was rather the same and it was from her. I scanned the letter and it seemed to be legit.

In the letter she starts talking about how if I received this letter now that it means that she is gone. She somehow knew that she was going to die unless she had Bridgette or Rachel take it to the post office. She also told me that she loved me and all that good stuff. The ending of this letter was quite different. She kept mentioning a her. Was this her someone I am supposed to find. She never gave me her name just the word her. The ending was quite shocking. She always had a way with surprises and shit. I reread that last line over and over again. It said:

Niall, you must find her. Find her for me.

Notes