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Twelve

“So I spoke to the venue and they are refusing to remove that hideous brown curtain by the washroom doors, so your father will go in early and tack the black curtains from Stephanie’s wedding in front of them. I loathe to use black instead of white, but I suppose it will have to do.”

“Mm-hmm…” Olivia hummed, scrolling through the Pinterest app on her phone. She still wasn’t quite sure how to use the app, but managed to take screenshots of the ideas she liked – which were few and far between.

“And the caterers are providing proper china, but they insist on charging extra. They said there’s no charge to use paper plates, can you believe it? They must think you’re getting married in a barn!”

Olivia sighed. “They very idea!” she replied with mock disbelief. She refrained from telling her mother the ranch on the other side of town hosted weddings for half the price of the golf club and the barn made quite a lovely backdrop for photos. Denise would be aghast and it would only perpetuate the wedding talk Olivia was so desperate to finish. For someone who suggested Olivia not marry Ben just a few months prior, Denise was fast becoming a mother-of-the-bridezilla.

Denise matched Olivia’s sigh. “Olivia, you know I just want your special day to be perfect. Paper plates are not perfect. Besides, this is a traditional affair, what with Ben being an RCMP officer. I cannot imagine him and his honour guards sitting in a barn, eating off newspapers while dressed in their Red Serge. It’s just horrifying!”

Olivia rubbed her fingers against her forehead. “I agreed with you,” she reminded Denise. “I mean, first paper plates, then what? We’re all jamming with spoons and washboards and making out with our cousins while cows chew on their cud right behind us? Ugh, I just can’t!”

Denise furrowed her brow. “I know when you’re being sarcastic, dear,” she reminded Olivia. She picked up Olivia’s notebook and thumbed through it. “I suppose we could stop – Oh!” Denise exclaimed, surprised as Olivia snatched the notebook from her hands.

“It’s private,” Olivia told her mother, breaking eye contact as she tucked the book beside her. She didn’t need Denise to read the countless unsent letters Olivia had written to Harry. No one could ever read those.

“It says ‘Mr and Mrs’ on the cover,” Denise pointed out. “Is it not a wedding planner?”

“I said, it’s private,” Olivia repeated. “It’s, uhm… like, vows and speeches and shit… Stuff that I don’t want you to hear until then. So don’t snoop,” Olivia added, shifting her position, so she was sitting on top of the clandestine notebook.

Denise smiled. “That’s sweet,” she said. “I’m sure the speeches will be lovely. You’ve really been putting your relationship with Ben first, and I’m proud of you. I was wrong in saying you shouldn’t marry Ben. The two of you will be very happy together.”

Olivia winced at Denise’s words. She didn’t need to hear how proud Denise was – though it was satisfying to hear her say she was wrong. Denise was far from wrong, but Olivia wouldn’t be telling her that. She would keep pretending she was making the right choice and keep talking about centrepieces and dress hemlines.

“Thanks, Mom…” Olivia mumbled. “Uhm, hey, what time was Dad’s tee time today? He should be finishing up soon, eh?” Olivia was desperate for Denise to leave. She couldn’t handle another minute of wedding planning.

Denise glanced at the wall clock. “Oh, dear, you’re probably right,” she answered, standing up. “We’re having dinner with Jack and Sharon tonight… Do you want to join us?”

Olivia shook her head. Any time her parents visited the coast, they insisted on having dinner with her father’s former colleague. Jack was the single most boring person Olivia had ever met, and his wife Sharon was an obnoxious drunk. Olivia would rather sit through seven consecutive viewings of every Adam Sandler movie ever made than sit through a meal with the two of them.

“No thanks,” she said, keeping her opinion to herself. “I think I’ll have a nice bath with that stuff you brought me and wait for Ben to come home.” As usual. Despite Olivia’s parents insisting in paying for the wedding – Denise was nothing if not traditional – Ben was too proud to allow them to pay for everything and had been working extra shifts to pay for the wedding. Olivia admired his determination, but it would be easier to get excited about their wedding if she saw her fiancé more than three hours a week.

No. It still wouldn’t be easier.

“Okay, dear,” Denise answered, stepping to the front door. “I’ll be sure to tell them you say hello, and I’ll come by again tomorrow. We need to finish discussing the flower arrangements!”

Olivia refrained from rolling her eyes. “As long as we have purple tulips, I’ll be happy,” she mocked dryly. Denise abhorred tulips.

Denise closed her eyes. “Your sisters were never this difficult,” she said with a sigh. With a shake of her head, she leaned in and gave Olivia a light hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Olivia replied, closing the door behind Denise. She breathed out a sigh of relief as she heard her mother’s car start. It was nice to be getting along with Denise, but Olivia knew it was fleeting. Optimistically, she could say they would be back to their old ways as soon as the wedding was over, but it would surprise Olivia if they got along tomorrow.

After gathering her book and a glass of wine, Olivia ventured into the washroom and started to run the bath. She dumped a generous amount of the lavender and vanilla scented gel under the faucet and watched a mountain of bubbles form. After climbing in and settling into the water, her mind suddenly took her to a tub in London, years prior, with Harry.

Olivia sighed. Why did he always claw his way back into her mind? She could go days, maybe even weeks (no, never weeks) without thinking about him, but he always found his way back into her mind. She thought of the letters she’d never sent and what would have happened if she had.

Olivia leaned her head back and groaned. She made her decision, and she had to accept it. Forcing the thought of Harry and the bubble bath in London out of her mind, Olivia picked up her book and reminded herself to focus on the words, not on Harry. Words. Not Harry. Words.

For once, her mind listened to her and Olivia was so focused on her novel, she nearly dropped the book into the tub when her phone rang. Startled, Olivia reached for the phone and peered at the number on the screen. It wasn’t in her contacts and she almost didn’t answer the call, but something inside of her urged her on.

“Hello?”

Harry took a sip from his glass, nearly spitting it out as Olivia answered the call. He didn’t expect her to pick up. He expected her to ignore him and then he would wallow in his pitiful loneliness. Now that she’d answered, he didn’t know what to say, except hello.

“Uhm… hi…”

Olivia sat up straight as the familiar voice greeted her. The book fell into the tub and water splashed over the edge, but Olivia didn’t notice. All she could think of was the voice on the other end of the line. It took a moment to find her words, but she finally breathed a quiet “hi” into the phone.

Harry grinned, relieved she hadn’t hung up the moment she heard his voice. Of course, he still didn’t know what to say to her. “Ahh… how are you?” He rolled his eyes at his cordial inquiry. This was the love of his life, not a cashier at Footlocker. “I mean, I… well, how… are you?” Harry stammered out. He hated himself.

Olivia rested her head in her hand. She knew Harry shouldn’t be calling her, but she didn’t want him to hang up either. “I’m… good…” she replied, her voice still slow with confusion. “Uhm… how have you been?”

Harry shrugged. He didn’t want to tell Olivia that Hailey had dumped him. It was mortifying, especially when Olivia was still with Ben. He only wanted her to know he was alone if she was alone as well. “Uhm… yeah, same…” he said instead. “Tour’s good. Uhm… in Phoenix last night. Good show…”

“Good…” Olivia answered. She was quiet, trying to make sense of his call. She’d wondered for months if he would ever try to contact her, and she wondered what she would do if he did. Even with running through the scenario in her mind, she didn’t know how to react. She hoped Harry was okay. “Uhm… why did you call me though?”

Harry shrugged again, even though Olivia couldn’t see him. He wished he could see her face. “Wanted to hear your voice,” he admitted sheepishly. He sighed. “I know… I shouldn’t have called. But… that’s why…”

Olivia echoed Harry’s sigh. “Are you drunk?” she questioned. She hated to think that was the only reason Harry would be calling her.

Harry looked down at the glass he was holding. “No,” he lied. He held the phone away from his face as he took another drink.

Olivia knew he was lying. “Harry, I… you shouldn’t have called…” she told him softly. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “But… I guess… I am glad that you did…” she confessed.

In the foyer below, the front door opened and closed. Ben wasn’t silent in his arrival home, but it went unnoticed by a distracted Olivia. If she’d been reading her book like she should have been, and not on the phone with her ex-boyfriend, she also would have heard Ben ascend the stairs and enter the master bedroom. But her focus was elsewhere.

“You are?” Harry asked, unable to hide his delight. “Thought you’d be pissed,” he admitted. “Or that you wouldn’t answer or something. I’m glad you did, though and… that you’re not mad at me…”

“I should be,” Olivia told him. “You know, I’m… trying to plan this stupid wedding and trying like hell to get you off my mind. Not that I’m close to that at all,” she added, her voice quiet, as though she was talking to herself. “You might get me back to square one all over again,” she admitted, letting out a humourless chuckle.

“I’m sorry,” Harry told her. He sighed. Of course she was planning her wedding. There was no question Olivia would be the most beautiful bride. He wished she would be walking down the aisle to him, not Ben. “I’m not… I get it, you know? You’re marrying him. I know. I’m just… fucking selfish, I guess…”

Olivia was quiet. “No… it’s okay…” she assured Harry. “I… kind of wondered if you’d try and call me, you know? And I, uhh… guess I kind of hoped you would.” She snickered to herself. “Guess I’m fucking selfish too…” She covered her face with her free hand, silently telling herself to stop the words she was saying, but knowing full well she wouldn’t listen to herself.

Harry chewed on his lip. What now? They both loved each other. They both wanted to talk to each other. But she was getting married, and he was drunk in Phoenix. Nothing had changed and nothing would change. He was a glutton for punishment and he hated it.

“We always were two peas in a pod…” Harry tried to joke. “Selfish, masochistic peas…”

Olivia laughed. “Something like that…” she agreed. A few silent moments passed through the phone lines before Olivia voiced the question she hated asking. “So, uhm… well, how’s Hailey? Is she on tour with you?” Or did she run away and join a cult in Utah?

Harry cleared his throat. He didn’t want to answer the question honestly, but he suspected Olivia would know if he lied. “Uhm… well, guess you’d have to stalk her Twitter to know that…” he confessed. He stood up, refilling his drink. “She, uhh… well, we decided to… what’s that thing Gwyneth Paltrow said? Something like… conscious uncoupling?”

Olivia couldn’t help but grin at Harry’s admission. “You… you broke up with her?” she asked, fighting to keep the elation from her voice. It didn’t matter if Harry was single now or not. She wasn’t.

Harry took a long swallow of his drink. “Well… yes. Except strike that and reverse it…” It was incredibly uncomfortable to admit to his engaged ex-girlfriend that he’d been dumped.

She dumped you?” Olivia asked, the surprise evident in her voice. “I’m… sorry to hear that…” she added politely. She wasn’t sorry to hear they weren’t together anymore, but she hoped Harry was okay. “Are you doing okay with it?”

Harry laughed. “Well… kind of a blow to the ego being dumped, but… I didn’t want to be with her anyway…” he confessed. “There’s this other girl… Hailey couldn’t even hold a candle to her…” he added, knowing he was toeing the line of appropriateness but not caring.

Olivia smiled at his words. His confession was far from appropriate, but Olivia found herself not caring. “I… I’m sorry, but I miss you,” she told Harry quietly. Her inner voice nagged at her to be quiet, but she ignored it. “I miss you like crazy. I shouldn’t say that and I’m sorry, but… I hated how we left things in New York. I didn’t want to leave with us angry and upset with one another. I just… want things to be how they were before…”

Harry wasn’t sure what before Olivia was talking about. Before when they dated? Before when they didn’t? He didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to hear her say she wished things could be back to how they were before they saw each other in New York – back when they didn’t have each other on their minds more often than not. “I know, sweetheart…” he said instead, calling her the pet name without thinking. “I hated how we left things too. But I never… I mean, I didn’t think you hated me or anything like that after…” he said with a single chuckle.

“You know I could never,” Olivia reminded him, feeling the butterflies in her stomach as Harry called her sweetheart. “But I’m glad you know for sure now,” she added, letting out a light laugh. “I don’t have a voodoo doll or anything like that.”

Harry smirked. “I guess that pain in my head must be from some other ex-girlfriend’s voodoo doll then,” he teased. It always sounded weird to refer to Olivia as his ex-girlfriend.

Olivia smiled. “I…” she began before stopping short. She cocked her head and listened carefully, hearing the rustle of dishes in the kitchen. A guilty knot formed in her stomach as she realised Ben was home. “Uhm… Harry, I have to go…” she told him, frowning as she realised she wouldn’t be able to talk to Harry again.

“Oh…” Harry answered dully. He wanted to talk to her all night like they used to. “I understand though…” he said with a sigh.

Olivia wanted to cry. Harry sounded so dejected. She almost told him he could call her again, but she knew he couldn’t. “I’m really happy that you called me, though, and that we cleared the air. But… I fucking hate having to say this, but… you know you can’t call me again, right?” Olivia swallowed hard, the words breaking her heart.

Olivia’s words crushed Harry, but he’d expected them. He would be lying if he hadn’t been hoping for a different outcome from his phone call, but Olivia was right. He couldn’t call her again. It wasn’t healthy for either of them to continue to harbour feelings for each other. “I know…” he admitted. “Fucking sucks, but… I know…”

“Yeah…” Olivia answered, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat. “Can you just do me a favour though?” she asked him. He would.

“Anything,” Harry answered honestly.

Olivia sighed. “Can you please just… take care of yourself? Please? And… let yourself be happy? You know you deserve the world. I wish I could…” Olivia trailed off, shaking her head. He didn’t need to hear how she wished she could be the one to make him happy.

Harry knew what she was about to say. “I wish you could too,” he told her softly. “You have to promise me that you’ll take care of yourself too, okay? You… deserve so much more than you even know. Don’t settle for anything less than everything, okay? Promise me.”

Olivia couldn’t promise that to Harry. She would break the promise the moment she married Ben. She was already breaking it. But she would have to keep her truth to herself. “Okay…” she agreed. “I promise. I… I’ll miss you, Harry…” she confessed quietly.

“I’ll miss you too, Liv… Bye…” he sighed out.

“Bye…” Olivia whispered, keeping the phone against her ear until she heard Harry end the call. She dropped the phone onto the bathroom floor and slid under the water. She wanted to cry. Why did it just feel like another break-up?

After a few minutes of trying to compose herself, Olivia climbed out of the tub and threw on her robe. She splashed cold water on her face and took a deep breath. She couldn’t look heartbroken while facing Ben.

She descended the stairs and found Ben in the kitchen, standing over the stove and cooking a package of instant noodles. He didn’t turn around when she entered, so she reached out and lightly touched his arm.

“Hey, babe…” she greeted. The word sounded foreign after speaking with Harry. “How was your shift?”

Olivia didn’t notice Ben’s back stiffen at her touch. “Oh… hey…” he replied, sounding distracted. “It was fine.” He brushed past Olivia, reaching for a bowl from the cupboard.

“Good…” Olivia answered, tightening the tie around her waist. It was an odd action to do while standing in front of her fiancé, but she suddenly felt exposed. “Uhm… you didn’t have to cook that stuff. My mom brought over a casserole I was going to heat up…”

“S’okay,” Ben told her, stirring his dinner. “Tomorrow or something.”

Olivia nodded. “Sure,” she agreed, her brow furrowed. Ben seemed standoffish. It wasn’t unusual for him after coming off a shift – more often than not he witnessed events and situations that stuck with him for days after. Something must have happened at work, but she knew not to ask him about it.

Ben flicked the burned off and shoved the pot to the side. “Uhh… you know, I think I’m going to go to Mike’s,” he said. “Yeah, uhm… yeah,” he decided, stepping past Olivia and slipping on his shoes.

Olivia watched Ben, a confused expression on her face. “What?” she questioned. “But… you just got home, and… you made dinner!”

Ben waved his hand dismissively. “That stuff tastes like shit anyway,” he shrugged. “I’ll see you in awhile,” he told her, not waiting for an answer before he stepped out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Olivia jumped at the sudden slam of the door before huffing out a sigh. She knew Ben sometimes needed his time to wind down but now, once again, Olivia was left alone with only her gut-wrenching thoughts about Harry to keep her company.

Notes

Comments

@En_1960
Aww thank you so much! I'm glad you loved them!

harambejtrump harambejtrump
6/10/19

These two stories are the best fan fic I have read. Thoroughly enjoyed. Laughed, cried everything throughout. Thank you x

En_1960 En_1960
6/7/19

I love that the big thing wasn’t that big, but to them it was the worst. I told you that though...I can see why he was worried and why she is so hurt by it... that he might have thought that of her and that everyone kept it from her. It sucks but I’m glad it wasn’t some big dramatic thing

Kammy. Kammy.
2/25/19

My babies

Kammy. Kammy.
2/25/19

@morrison_hotel
Thank you my love ♥️♥️♥️

harambejtrump harambejtrump
2/25/19