All Again

CHASE

I parked my car in front of my condo The Metropolis in downtown Los Angeles gathering my last minute things. A quick scan of my car took my attention until the valet attendant approached me. Though they were paid well, I didn't trust any of them and I wanted to make sure I grabbed everything visible.
As I was approached, I made quick small talk and grabbed my bag.
With a small tip, I climbed out and handed the gentleman my keys.
"I might be going back out." I assured once I was out of the compact sports vehicle, "Keep it close to the front."
"As you wish." he mumbled sliding behind the wheel.
The attendant was a young kid and couldn't be anymore than eighteen and I wanted to be able to peer out of my window and see my car in the shiny distance. I had saw enough TV to know that my car could easily be taken for a joy ride, and returned in the morning before I even noticed.
He drove off as I headed upstairs.
Taking a private elevator, I headed to my home of the last year.
My two-story penthouse, a gift from my affluent parents.
Today had been a shitty day; long and nerve-wracking.
Meeting after meeting, crisis after crisis and the slight female interruption around lunchtime.
I shook it off, glad it was semi over.
Once in the comforts of my home I had a few emails to send, but then I could relax, and press resume tomorrow.
Yet, as I stuck my key in my door, I heard the noise coming from the other end.
Rolling my eyes, it hit me why.
I had forgotten she was coming over.
Opening my door, the scent of food and rose candles hit my nose.
Lindsay was here.
Walking into my living room, I saw her there, perched in the kitchen, downing a glass of wine.
Giving me a wide smile, I hid my eye roll and inwardly cursed.
This was the one night stand that just wouldn't end- but that had partially been my fault.
"Hey hun!" she said cheerily smiling at me from behind the counter.
"Hey." I mumbled, tossing my stuff in the corner.
"You're getting here late." she noted. "Your food's been done about an hour ya know?"
I glanced at the clock behind her trying to note the time. It was pushing 9:30pm.
I had done well tonight since normally I wouldn't be home until after 11pm.
"Well, long day." I said simply.
She slinked over to me then, all sleek straight auburn hair, and long legs.
She was a brand manager for Sephora, the mega beauty provider, and we had been fucking for a couple of months.
She was pretty and she was kind, but this was far from love.
She was a good distraction-some nights.
Tonight....probably not.
"Really? Tell me about it. What happened?" she asked wrapping her arms around me in concern. I could smell the remnants of her Michael Kors perfume, and see the swell of her breasts through her thin shirt but I just wasn't there yet. I shifted away from her.
"I actually need a shower," I said pulling out of her embrace, and loosening my tie.
"Why don't you eat first?" she suggested, pouting her glossed lips. "I can heat it up quick."
"No that's okay." I said glancing at her done up face.
"Well do you want me to join you?" she asked with a small grin; her green eyes held small seduction.
I had never seen her without makeup, and though she was gorgeous and extremely sexy, my dick just wasn't stirring. My mind was elsewhere.
I didn't answer pulling my phone out of my pocket. I shook it, allowing it to answer for me, and headed to my second story to make a call and get out of these clothes.
In the short time between my office and house, I had already missed a couple calls.
I scrolled them, seeing the usuals', and then one that stood out- Jeffery Azoff.
I smiled as it dawned on me why he had called. Definitely wouldn't be calling him back.
I tossed my phone on the bed, rushed through my shower, made a few calls and then joined Lindsay back downstairs. By now, she was curled on my couch, flipping channels.
She was comfortable with her feet propped up and her wine back in her hand.
Too comfortable.
Hmmm...maybe it was time to get my key back.
When I had originally given it to her, I was picturing coming home to her spiraled on my bed in the newest lingerie, yet now, five months in, I was starting to see different pictures. This was slowly turning into a relationship, and here was a big hint- I didn't want one.
Serious relationships were not for me.I didn't need the hassle.
"What did you cook?" I asked making my way to the kitchen.
My plate was wrapped in the microwave and the smells highlighted something with meat.
"Glazed Chicken with Vegetables." she said cheerily. She jumped up, coming over to me ready I'm sure to serve me my plate.
However, much to her dismay, I quickly placed it in the fridge.
She instantly frowned.
"You're not hungry?" she asked facing me. "I tried calling your office to let you know, but you didn't answer."
"It's just too late." I lied. By now it was well after ten, but I was use to eating late most nights.
Truthfully, I didn't care for her cooking.
Rachel Ray she was not.
She shrugged it off.
"Well take it for lunch."
She moved in the kitchen, standing right in front of me.
"I've got to tell you about today, remember Sarah...that girl I told you about last week?"
I nodded, but tuned her out, reaching for a beer.
She began to get into some story about this Sarah and I headed back to the living room.
Plopping on the couch, her story continued and she sat beside me and draped her leg over me.
My hand casually found a shin, and picked up the remote.
"Well you know how these girls are in Los Angeles babe..." I said gently changing the channel from some reality show. I was half listening-half tuning her out.
"Yeah, this business sometimes just gets on my nerves. And you know-"
I kept scrolling.
Her mouth was still going, and the TV was still flipping, but my mind was still somewhere else.
I was in a trance, thinking about my work day.
My eyes remained on the TV, even when one of her manicured hands reached over and rubbed my neck with affection.
Giving a small smile, I felt her move beside me, getting closer.
I continued to flip the channels.
There typically wasn't much on at this hour, but I didn't feel like having a conversation with Lindsay and I wasn't ready to sleep. And tonight, for whatever reason, I didn't want sex. The TV wasn't even a welcome distraction.
As her feet curled around me and she nuzzled against me, lying on my chest, I finally gave up and tossed her the remote.
Moving away from her slightly, I reached for the phone in my pocket. I began to browse it, finally returning emails, while Lindsay found us a show. Her stories were still going.
Eventually she did and the British accent of James Corden came through the rays of the TV.
And then another one.
The audience laughed at the guest's dry joke and beside me I heard Lindsay purr in delight. Whoever had just told it, had her complete attention.
I looked up, glancing at her first and then at the TV.
And what do you know, tonight's guest was none other than Harry Styles.
I couldn't help it, I chuckled.
The cosmic system was messing with me today.
First his ex had walked in my office today, and then his manager had called me less than an hour ago and now, he was on my screen.
What a joke.
I watched for a few moments as he and James Corden traded jokes about an experience a couple years earlier. Seemed from their brief banter that they had known each other for a while.
Either way, I wasn't too interested. I put my attention back in my phone, tapping quickly.
The only thing to break me from my emails, was the quick sips of my beer and the eventual sight of Reese Witherspoon. After a commercial break, she and Harry were sat together, being interviewed for separate promotions but trading jokes and laughs. Reese Witherspoon was gorgeous too, but I was bored, and the last thing I wanted to watch or listen too was the three of them.
I quickly tapped Lindsay's leg, asking her to move off of me. She did and I stood.
My eyes moved away from the screen, yet Lindsay's attention stayed on him-Harry.
"Am I sensing a crush?" I teased as I moved away from her, and back to the kitchen. It was time for a beer refill.
She didn't turn to me.
"On who?" she asked.
"Sir Harry Styles."
"I don't know," she said slowly. "He's attractive I guess."
I smirked and pulled my Miller Lite beer out of the fridge.
"The kid is sixteen." I reminded her. "Didn't know you were into jailbait?"
This time she looked at me with a smile.
"I hardly think he's that young. I'd say he's a little shy of twenty. Legal enough." She giggled.
I smiled back at her joke and took a seat back beside her.
"I think you're hotter though." She said giving me a sexy wink.
"Gee thanks." I said taking my first sip of the cold liquid.
I settled back against the couch. The show was now on another commercial, prepping for Harry's performance, though Harry was still swimming about in my mind—or more-so, the run-in from this afternoon.
"I met his girlfriend today." I offered suddenly. The thoughts in my mind suddenly spilling out.
Lindsay looked at me in interest.
"I didn't know he had a girlfriend." She said.
I turned to her with an interested glance.
"I didn't know, you would know he had a girlfriend."
She smiled again. "I don't know why not. It is my job to keep up with the news too, and his models are right up my alley."
"Well this one wasn't a model. Far from it."
"Do tell." she said sitting up and giving me her attention.
"Well I can't tell you too much, but it was some chick he dated a couple years ago."
"Brittany?" she questioned suddenly and turned to me. "I saw her on a couple magazines."
I didn't think her name was Brittany, but she seemed to be on the money.
"Yeah...her." I said casually. "She was annoying as hell. I didn't want to get too involved."
She smiled.
"Well how did it end up on your desk then?"
"She was a walk in. She's tight with the Azoff's and I guess they figured they could just recommend her and send her my way....She had no appointment and she didn't come prepared," I said in annoyance.
"I don't know what the girl thought," I said turning to Lindsay. "But it was like she figured she could just come, spew her story, and then I would help her. It was ridiculous."
"Well what was her story?"
I didn't answer. I still reserved confidentiality and had my limits. Besides, I had never been a big gossiper.
"All I can say is that it involved him." I said.
Lindsay turned away from me, glancing back at the screen.
Sir Harry was back.
I watched him for a few more minutes, still thinking of the plain jane from earlier.
The rude plain jane.
God, life must have really got her down.
I thought of her ponytail and fleece jacket....The nude, bored face and the attitude.
As I glanced at Harry in his tailored, expensive suit- still looking like a young rich stud, I couldn't imagine how he had even gotten caught up with her.
Surely he had his picks of hundreds, even thousands of more attractive women than her.
She must have looked better when they met or else, I couldn't understand it. Outside of her eyes, there didn't seem to be much there. Plus that attitude...jeez...how did he put up with her?
I continued watching the TV.
Where had they met?
How had their paths even crossed?
They were from two obviously different worlds.
And wasn't he secretly gay anyway, dating his old band member or something?
Hmm.
Something didn't add up.
I quickly unlocked my phone again. Curiosity piqued again.
I opened my Safari app, and typed in 'Harry Styles Girlfriend'.
Beside me, Lindsay swooned at boy wonder's new song.
I rolled my eyes. His music still wasn't all that great.
I scrolled through the articles, with the most recent one getting attention first. It appeared to be from a month ago.
New Couple Alert! Julie St. Clair and Harry Styles Spotted Dining at WeHo's Troubadour.
He was fucking Julie St. Clair?
Now, that pairing actually made sense.
I clicked into it.

He is still one of the world's most eligible bachelor's and she is the new princess of the modeling world- when Harry Styles and Julie St. Clair were spotted on a dinner date this week, it's fair to say it caused quite a stir!
The pair were spotted by some fans dining at West Hollywood's Troubadour. The pair arrived together with friends, and appeared 'close' throughout the dinner. This is the first time the pair was spotted, yet our sources tell us, they appeared to be longtime friends.
Earlier in the evening, Harry was photographed taking in a Twenty One Pilots Concert and

I clicked off the article. Why was I even reading this?
I didn't even care.
Back to the damn point. I didn't want to know about him, I was curious about her.
What was her name again?
Brittany?
No...no...it was something else.
What name had Vanessa said?
Brenda? Becky? Brooke?
I thought back to the stories over the years.
What was their portmanteau again? What name had the papers always used?
Oh yeah...Hecca...which meant....Becca!
I scrolled past that article and saw a few more on Harry and Julie St. Clair. I saw the Kendall Jenner's and Taylor Swifts, but not much on this Becca girl.
That was strange.
I could remember scrolling past many articles years earlier.
Hecca was a regular news piece.
Yet, searching now, it was almost like Harry had purposely paid someone to erase them.
Or maybe he had...
I tried a different approach.
This time, I typed in the same thing I had typed in my office when she sat before me: Becca Johnson, Harry Styles ex.
Finally!
Like magic, small articles appeared. I saw the most current ones.

It's Over! Harry Styles and Longtime Girlfriend Break Up
Harry Styles & Becca Johnson: Real Reason Why She Dumped Him
Harry Styles and Becca Johnson Split! Details Inside!
Hecca is Dunzo! Couple Splits After Three Years.

I scrolled past them all. It wasn't what I was looking for. I was looking for the beginning. I moved to page two and then I began to see them.
Sun Exclusive! Meet Harry Styles Secret Girlfriend of Two Years!
The date read October 11, 2016; which meant it was one of the first- if not, the one that broke the story. I almost opened it, until I found something else more interesting.
Who is Becca Johnson? Everything we know so far about Harry Styles' rumored new girl!
I clicked on the link in interest and instantly saw a much younger, much hotter, 'Becca Johnson'.
I mean, damn, who was this?
I quickly browsed through the facts:
She was a graduate of Colgate University, with honors.
She was a California native.
She had a younger sister and her parents were successful entrepreneurs.
She had also worked for a popular publishing house in New York for a short time.
There was some other nonsense about her and Harry and something about matching tattoos, but I didn't care about all that.
I moved on to the next article and then the next, until I ended up on Becca's Facebook social media profile. Yet, there was nothing.
Unless you were a 'friend', or an 'accepted request', her account was locked down tighter than Fort Knox.
I wondered why.
"What are you looking at?"
Lindsay's curious voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up at her.
For the past few minutes, I had been browsing and reading, and it appeared that she had been watching and studying me.
"Just work stuff." I said turning back to my phone.
"Are you ready for bed?" she asked a minute later. She had removed her leg off of me, and the TV in front of us was now showing credits.
I was glad Harry was off my TV. I was filled enough with his presence in my phone.
"Nah." I said. "Go on up." I suggested, nodding to my bedroom.
She stretched and nodded okay.
"I'll clean up the kitchen first."
I didn't respond leaving her to whatever she wanted to do, and looked back at my scrolling.
I was getting slowly more and more intrigued, though I didn't understand why.
Though maybe because the Becca Johnson I had met today was an enigma.
She was protected.
Despite her very public relationship and life in the public eye a couple years earlier, she seemed to have successfully blended in the shadows these last couple of months.
I didn't even know if she would be recognized by a non Harry stan anymore.
I wondered if that was Harry's doing or her choice.
Had he intervened? Had she asked him too?
Hmmm...
This puzzle was incomplete and still not adding up and I was curious to find the missing pieces.
Long after Lindsay had finished and gave me a kiss on my cheek and headed to bed, I still sat there, reading old articles and eventually finding the old archival stuff.
A part of me was kicking myself, for not getting more information this afternoon.
The Becca of then, was what had my attention.
Her public Instagram that hadn't been updated in two years showed a smiley, happy young girl. A girl who traveled, had friends, went to parties and was clearly in love with Harry Styles, and fuck was she beautiful back then. Curled hair, heavy lidded eyes and playful wide smiles had her pictures getting thousands of likes. Her follower count was impressive too. She was sitting at a notable 1.7 million- even now.
That girl, whoever she had been, could have even given Lindsay a run for her money.
I stared at one picture of she and Harry with friends.
There was only about four direct pictures of him on her entire page, but it was obvious even to a blind person that they had been happy. Even in a group photo I studied backstage at one of Harry's concerts with Jeff and Harry's other entourage, Harry had been leaned into her, holding her waist, smiling like he had won the goddamn lottery; and who knows, maybe he had. Maybe she had been a prize back then.
I searched and scrolled, and searched and scrolled...until it was well past 1am. By then, I think I knew way too much about the Hecca relationship...
For instance,
The Rolling Stone magazine declaration of love from Harry that had everybody losing their damn minds in 2017....

I ask about Becca Johnson, the woman rumored to be at the center of it all. A young college student Harry met while touring with One Direction. A British tabloid exposed that relationship to the world, and though its been months, Harry has never addressed it publicly.
Now today, he seems finally ready.
He shifts in his seat, getting comfortable. His hands drum the steering wheel as he doesn't face me.
"We're close," he says simply. "And I guess you could say she's my best friend, but she's also incredibly intimidating too. One of those people who can be anything she wants. She's just ridiculously smart and talented. So, I like to sit back and watch her. I like to soak her in. She's lovely."
I want to ask more about her, but he's protective as the conversation takes a more personal tone. Despite the world finding out about her less than a year ago, he still hasn't come to grips with discussing their intimate details.
He explains in cryptic words he doesn't know why its different, or why it worked, but he's adamant about what he knows for sure-
"I'll tell you one thing," he says wrapping up the already short conversation on Becca. "She keeps me on my toes and it's caused me to get my shit together. She's someone I don't want to lose."
And there is nothing more. As he-

The Birthday declaration at one of his first solo gigs at the Troubadour about a month later...

"Before we begin this next song, I have to---there's an amazing girl in the audience tonight, who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow, and kicking it off tonight with her friends... I want to dedicate this next song to her. Happy Birthday... I love you for very much. This is Sweet Creature."

The first time they stepped out at his movie premiere; a special after party in London thrown by Warner Brothers...

...By his side all night was his long time girlfriend Becca. Though the world is mum on the details of how they came together, it's clear its serious.
"Harry stayed by her side all night. He doted on her. It's clear he' s more than smitten." a source at the party said.
And he seems to be. The couple have a matching tattoo of a heart- she carries one side, he carries the other- and are rumored to share a home together. For now, there's no planned walks down the aisle as Harry debunked those rumors while on BBC Radio 1's morning show last week saying "It's not something we've discussed", yet much to the dismay of some of his more devoted fans, this probably isn't ending anytime soon. Harry is clearly in love with Becca Johnson.

And finally,
The last post about him on Becca's Instagram in February 2018.... The occupying picture, their backs to the camera and her head resting on his shoulder in a black and white frame...the picture taken when his hair was rockstar long in One Direction.

"Happy Birthday to my best friend. I can't believe it's been three years already. It seems like just yesterday when we were speaking on the phone for the first time- on this very day. Wow. Wishing you the best- Always. Have fun, like you always do."

That post made me pause. It was so generalized that it didn't seem like it was coming from the love of his life. I was well aware from the 3,400 comments posted below it that they hadn't even spent that day together- he was in London, she in California- but still, it was clear something was wrong.
They were never seen together again, and she posted one more thing, the final post on the old exciting Becca instagram; song lyrics about two weeks later,

Ain't no way to understand, stupid words of pride.
And there ain't no talking to this man, he's been trying to tell me so
It took a while to understand, the beauty of just letting go.
It would take an acrobat and I already tried all that
I'm gonna let him fly.

Less than two months later, she must have. It was over- publicly and privately. Cue the break up articles I started with.
My browsing had suddenly came full circle and I knew one thing; now I would probably call her back.
I had always liked a good mystery and the fall of this relationship would be a good one.
I was positive I probably couldn't help her, but who knew what could happen.
So before going to sleep, I sent a quick text to Jeff, asking for her number.
The next morning, I woke up to it posted with a brief disclaimer. Bypassing all of that, I saved it to my phone and resided to text her on my lunch break, and when two o' clock rolled around, that's just what I did.
She texted back with resistance, but that was the beginning.
That's how my version of this sordid tale began...
~
As Becca, my girlfriend, sits across from me now, that first day is heavy on my mind.
I should have left her right where the hell she was.
I should have gone with my first mind.
I should have left her Harry issues right where it was- out of my life.
But now, I'm sucked in deep.
I'm foolishly in love.
She has already started her version of where we are now, and it is taking everything in me to not reach across the couch and choke the shit out of her.
She was with him tonight.
Harry.
Fucking Harry Styles.
Talking to him.
Kissing him.
Fucking him.
Probably.
I don't know.
I can't seem to get past the main concept that she was with him. I don't even care if they sat down for five minutes over a coffee at Starbucks, she still saw him.
But see, the thing is, she didn't stop and see him for five minutes at Starbucks. He's been in this house, and she's been in his.
For the last two days, while I worked my ass off at the office, and Harry's girlfriend posed somewhere on some stupid beach, they have been smiling in each other's face, reminiscing on the good times.
Closure.
It's the word she keeps saying.
They needed the closure.
They needed to talk.
They needed to end whatever it was between them.
Needed.
As if the world is ending tomorrow, and they needed some final fucking farewell.
It's bullshit.
This whole thing is.
I stand.
I pace.
I try to stop myself from saying what I really want to say.
I try to stop myself from realizing what I already know.
This Harry bullshit is far from over.
Jeez, why didn't I read the disclaimer from Jeff many months ago?
He tried to tell me to stay on track.
'Don't get too close,' he had tried to warn. 'She isn't the one to get involved with.'
Damn why didn't I listen?
"Chase?" she calls. "I didn't plan any of this," she says.
I can barely hear her.
She's told me all about his time in this house yesterday and how he didn't stay long.
She keeps stressing it which makes me thinks she's lying.
"He only stayed twenty minutes. And I gave him some of his old things back"
"So why did you see him today?' I question.
She grows quiet as she does when I mention the last few hours. She keeps avoiding that topic.
That's what is worrying me.
Something happened that she isn't saying.
Something has changed because we're having this conversation.
We're finally talking about him again.
"So what happened today?" I ask, getting back to the main point.
She has been with him ALL DAY and I want to know why.
What have they been doing all this time? Closure talks don't take that long.
I note the way her eyes shift away from mine, and she bites her lip- remembering.
Her face begins to curve into a smile as she remembers him and their time together. I see the hint of a crease... a dimple... the fucking happiness spreading over her face, until she catches my stare.
What the fuck?
Then it is gone-quickly.
What the fuck is that?
Something has definitely happened...
"What did you do?" I ask. By now i'm sure he's touched her.
He had too.
Her eyes meet mine and she sighs again. She runs her hands through her hair and sits back as if this whole thing is tiring to her.
"Chase," she just says. "I'm sorry..."
I'm sorry too.
And immediately, for some reason, I think of his girl Julie.

Notes