Louis stares disbelievingly at Raelyn, and sees nothing but genuine truth in her eyes. He blinks twice, and shakes his head to rearrange his thoughts. "You can't cry?" He asks, "like...at all?"

Rae shakes her head. "Haven't for three years, actually."

Louis is dumbfounded, and thinks he's developed a staring problem because he can not take his eyes of this girl. Rae is just casually studying the nail of her pinkie finger, then begins to pick off the sliver nail varnish. Louis is still trying to figure out how it's even physically possible not to cry; blocked tear ducts maybe. Rae shifts her legs, crossing one knee over the other and clears her throat.

"Are you going to ask, or just stare until your eyes fall out?"

"Like The Holiday?" Is Louis brilliant question. It's all he can think about.

Rae gives him a confused look until realisation dawns on her face. "Oh. Yeah, I guess so. Like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday."

She suddenly pats his knee, two quick taps then stands up. Louis watches as she stretches, arms reaching above her head, her shirt riding up to expose a sliver of her back. She pivots on the ball of her foot, smiling abruptly at him.

"I'm gonna go get a cookie, if you'd like to join me?" She offers, pointing over her shoulder to the exit doors.

Louis is so, so intriguingly curious about her, wants to know more about her. Why she digs her nails into her chest, what's the thing that made her stop crying all together. How she can go from looking like the saddest person one minute, to the happiest soul in the next. Wants to know how it's possible for her right eye to have a golden speck laced between the blue, and tiny dots of green glittered in her left.

"Sure." Louis answers, stand up himself. "I'll get one for Ronan when he wakes from his nap. If he can have it."

Rae fixes him with a soft, grateful smile. "He can't, but that's really sweet of you."

Louis holds his arm out for her to lead the way, and follows her out, glancing at the closed door to Ronan's room when they pass it.

*****



Three 1/2 years ago :

That first week Ronan, at just the young age of fourteen months, had a fever that took several days to fight off, should have been the first sign. The growing paleness of his soft baby skin, whiter than the shades in Raelyn's black and white photos, was the second sign. The first day Ronan had fallen down was a major sign that something may be terribly wrong.

Sweet, little baby Ronan had attempted to make his way towards his older sister. His bright blue eyes, wide with curiosity, had caught sight of the shiny lens of Raelyn's brand new camera. Rae aimed the camera on her brother, and when the sound of the shutter goes off under her finger, Ronan started to crawl towards her.

"Look, Dad!" Raelyn exclaimes, showing off the picture she just took. "Look at the quality!"

Their father, who sat on the sofa reading the newspaper, lowers the paper to view the photo. He gently takes the camera from his daughter to scroll through the few pictures she had taken already. Rae is watching Ronan as he is crawling towards her, tuning out her father's praise of the pictures, when she notices the slow pace her brother is moving. Ronan attempts to stand up like he's been doing lately, wobbling on shaky legs, when abruptly, he falls down. It isn't the normal toddler fall either. Ronan lets out a loud wailing noise, a cry of pain, before crumbling and collapsing onto his belly. Their father quickly shoves the camera back to Raelyn, before scooping up Ronan gently. He checks for any injuries, noticing a dark bruise rapidly growing beneath his son's eyes that wasn't there before.

The family of four had no knowledge of what was happening to their Ronan. From fevers, to fatigue, to wobbly standing and loud cries of pain. They took him to a specialist three days later, recommended by Ronan's Pediatrician. Blood tests were taken, along with X-Rays and ultrasounds, anything to figure out why Ronan was in so much pain.

Raelyn's concern for her baby brother kept her up at night, sneaking into his room only to find him wide awake, staring back at her. She sings him songs of sunshine and places over rainbows with blue birds singing, and about the second star to the right, straight on til morning. Ronan would fall asleep soundly during those nights. However, his sister would continue to stay up and wonder. In the back of her mind, buried in the depths of the dark negativity, she knew what the problem could possibly be, what it probably is. She just couldn't, and wouldn't, think of that though. Not their Ronan.

It takes two weeks to get the results back, and within those two weeks, life seemed to be normal. Except for the ever looming cloud of the inevitable. Raelyn attempts to have a normal life during the two weeks and finds herself walking out of the small tea and coffee house with her best friend. Pretending that she hasn't been thinking about the test results for the past fourteen days.

"I see that Johnny has heart eyes for you." Kari teases, nudging at Raelyn's elbow. She knew too, about the tests and her friend's family playing the waiting game. She has to say something to get Rae's mind off her brother.

Rae takes a slow sip of the coffee in her hand, both girls walking the streets of Sheffield, the beginning of winter flirting with the weather. "Does he?" Rae responds, shrugging nonchalantly. "You said that about Stephen. Look how well that turned out."

Kari smiles sheepishly. "How was I suppose to know he had a boyfriend?"

Rae chuckles, pulling out her phone for what seemed like the fiftieth time. She had been waiting for news from Ronan's last doctors visit; today was the day of the results.

"Anything?"

"No. Mum said she'd call..." Rae mutters distractedly.

They continued to walk down the street, going in and out of little shops and buying absolutely nothing because all the money they could really afford to spend was for tea and coffee. Plus those film rolls for Rae's camera, but she saves up for those. The girls just step out of another shop, an artsy store with photography nailed to the walls, when Rae's phone finally rings. Raelyn shoots a panicked glance to Kari before accepting the call.

"Mum?" She asks, voice with a slight quiver to it.

There is a moments silence when all she hears is her mothers own intake of breath. "Hello, lovely." Her voice sounds strained. "Are you home?"

"No. I went for coffee with Kari." Rae answers slowly. "What did the doctor say? About the results."

"Oh, maybe you girls could go for a nice lunch. Maybe go see a movie?"

"Mum." Frowning, Raelyn begins to feel anxious. "What did the results say?"

"Maybe you could have Kari spend the night and I'll cook a nice Sunday dinner."

"Mother, please!" Rae calls, now distressed. Her mum only ever delays answers when there's bad news. She feels the fear rise in her heart, and the sharp prickling in her eyes.

Rae hears her mother's breath hitch, almost like a sob. When she finally speaks again, her voice wavers. "Raelyn, love. The tests came back positive. It's...it's called Neuroblastoma."

Rae's walking stopped abruptly. Kari notices, back tracking several steps, her eyes wide and concerned.

"W-what is that...Mum?" Rae whispers.

Another sob. "It's a rare form of ca-can-cancer. Ronan has to be emitted into a children's hospital as soon as possible."

There's a moment when everything in the world stops and all Raelyn can hear is the pounding of her heart in her ears. "I'm coming home. I love you." She states softly, ending the call right after.

Kari steps forward, reaching her hand to Rae's face. She gently swipes at the tears falling down her friends cheeks.

***


"I told you I wouldn't be able to do it, MaryAnn! We don't have the money to put him there!"

"What are we suppose to do David!? Just let our only son die in our house!? I will not let that happen!"

Raelyn sits on the stairs, hidden by the shadows, with her hands gripping her hair, listening to her parents argue for the umpteenth time. The past several weeks after Ronan's test results has been anything but quiet. The words her mother spoke shot straight through her heart. Tears silently falling down her cheeks, falling onto her jeans, soaking into fabric with dark spots. Ronan has cancer; her baby brother has cancer. Her parents are fighting, have been fighting ever since. Her father has been sounding stressed and distant. Both adults yelling at each over something that is so important, about a life that couldn't even speak for himself. The yelling, the screaming, the walking on eggshells, the horrid name calling, the stress. The utter heartbreaking, stomach twisting fear. It was becoming too much for both parents.

Rae decided she had enough of loud voices, so she lets her hands fall from her hair, and stands up quietly, walking to her room. She grabs her camera bag, making sure the actual camera is tucked inside before making her way to Ronan's room. She sees him sitting in his crib, thumb in his mouth, clutching tightly to his little green turtle. His wide, blue eyes follows his sister's movements as she grabs his coat, gently pulling it over him. She picks him up, carefully exiting the room, and walking down the stairs to where his pram stroller is.

Their parents had moved into the kitchen, still throwing raised voices at each other; Raelyn rolls her eyes. Ronan twists his head around, trying to find the source of the alarming noise. He begins to whimper softly, obviously distress by the commotion. Rae gently kisses his temple, soothing him, then straps him in the chair, quickly leaving the house, not caring if the door slams loudly behind her.

"It's a beautiful day for the park, Ro." Rae happily tells her brother. "We can feed the ducks...with the bread I didn't grab, so maybe not then. We'll just take pictures of the ducks instead."

Ronan looks up at her, with big innocent, unknowing eyes. His smile suddenly lit up his face.

"Du!" He shouts, then breaks out in giggles.

Rae smiles, but her heart clenches at the sound.

A loud bang jolts Raelyn out of the picture she is editing on her laptop, from the day she took Ronan to the park one week ago. It was a good outing, up until the ducks being chased by Ronan, who had suddenly plopped onto his bum in painful whimpers. The slam is followed by shouting, and another that sounds suspiciously like sobbing. Rae jumps off the bed, pulling open her door just in time to see her father walk pass with a packed suitcase.

"Please don't go!" MaryAnn begs after her husband. "I need you!"

David ignores her with an angry expression etched on his face, descending the stairs. Rae looks back at her mother's broken expression before she follows after him, tears already forming brokenly in her eyes.

"Dad!" She calls out angrily, catching the front door and running out.

He's in the process of tossing his suitcase in the boot, then slams it closed.

"Daddy please." Rae pleads, stepping closer to him. "We can't do this alone."

Her father shakes his head vehemently, pulling out a packet of papers from his brief case. "Your mother is fucking delusional!" He spats. "Moving to London!? For what!? False test results!?"

"They aren't false, daddy." Rae argues weakly, wiping at the tears now escaping her eyes.

"You too then?" He looks over at his daughter, a snarl on his lips. Rae has never seen him so angry. "Stop fucking crying. You're acting like a child! You're almost seventeen for Christ sake! Grow up!" He then shoves the papers into her hands, making her stumble back a little. "Give these to your mother. I've already signed them." With that, he gets into his car, starting the engine.

"Ronan has cancer! You leaving won't change that!" Rae yells at him, knowing he hears her, even through the closed window. She angrily kicks at his door.

Her father shoots her a nasty look, one that could burn a hole through the glass. She thinks if that happened, then maybe she could punch some sense into him. David puts the car in reverse, shooting out of the driveway. He shifts gears and takes off speeding down the road without so much as a backward glance, the tires leaving skid marks.

Rae stares after him, seething and willing the car to pop all four tires, until the red taillights disappear from sight. She ignores the throbbing of her foot, because kicking cars with no shoes on wasn't the brightest idea. She goes back into the house, approaching her sobbing mother on the sofa, holding an alarmed Ronan in her arms, who's confusingly patting her cheek.

"Mummy?" Rae places her hand gently on her mothers shoulder.

MaryAnn looks up, tears flowing freely down her red face. This is the second worst expression Rae has ever seen on her mother's face, the first being after the news about Ronan. Wordlessly, she takes the papers out of her daughters hand, trading them for Ronan. She sends them upstairs, as she grabs a pen from the writing desk and begins to sign.

Rae clutches her brother to her chest, still crying over what just happened. She rocks him in the rocking chair, kissing Ronan's head softly. It was when he lifted his hand to pat at her wet cheeks, looking up with his own watery eyes, that she makes her decision. No matter how heartbroken she is, it is nothing compared to her mother's. She will be strong for her. She will be her rock to lean on. Rae will suck up her childish emotions, her tears, and force away any heartbreak just for her mother and Ronan. To be strong for them both.

"We don't need him, Ronan. We'll be alright." Rae promises him firmly, hastily wipes the wet from her cheeks. "We'll be just fine."

Tearless words never felt so empty.

***

Notes

Ok...so this isn't a Fun fact at all. Like..zero fun. Neuroblastoma is a rare form of cancer, and is a solid tumor of cancer of the sympathetic nervous system. It can be in the abdomen, spine, chest, bones and neck. Symptoms vary due to the location and in this story Ronan has it in his bones and little in his chest.