"Neberland."

Rae startles, didn't know Ronan was actually paying attention to the screen. He's been dozing off by her side since they started the movie. Rae's been engrossed in the film because Peter Pan is one of her favourite movies and loves any version of the story. It reminds her of that night many months ago when Louis showed up at her door at two in the morning. Rae pulls her eyes away from the screen to look down at Ronan. He's looking right up at her, his big blue eyes staring directly into hers.

"Can I fly to Neberland too?" He asks softly, his voice having lost it's normal volume two days ago.

Rae swallows thickly. "You wanna be a lost boy and have adventures with Peter, yeah?"

"And fight pirates." Ronan smiles weakly. He takes a deep breath then, trying to get air in his lungs properly.

"Fight silly ol' Captin Hook." She pokes gently at his nose.

He nods once, then looks back at the TV. "Neberland looks pretty."

"Neverland is pretty, Bud. Tons of fun."

Ronan wiggles slightly, so Rae pulls him in closer, snuggling him on her lap. He gently taps her hands, and it's been four years of that small gesture to know what he wants. So she begins to sing The Second Star to the Right softly. She carefully strokes along his arms wrapped around her stomach and on her chest. By the time Peter catches Wendy from walking the plank, Ronan is asleep.

She starts up the same song again, whispering the words into the beanie on her brother's head. He feels warm still, his fever still hasn't gone down, yet he shivers every now and then. Rae pulls the blankets up high to cover Ronan's shoulders and holds him as close as she can before she falls asleep herself. It's a restless sleep, filled here and there by the same new nightmare. She's woken five hours later by her mother just getting off her morning shift.
MaryAnn taking over until her next shift. Ronan's still sleeping when Rae carefully transfers him over to her mum. She's sent home to properly rest, but takes a shift at the diner when she gets a call from a new coworker. Despite Jasper's heavy disapproval at her arrival, he allows her to stay due to shorthanded staff.

"Aren't you suppose to be off?" Liz questions, food tray in hand and spinning around Rae to avoid contact.

"Lucy needed her shift covered." Rae answers, holding the kitchen door open for Liz.

"Her shift doesn't end 'til four in the morning."

Rae shrugs and that's the end of the conversation.

***

Raelyn groans in relief when she finally plops down on her bed after an eight hour shift, face buried in the duvet. She doesn't move for several moments before she realizes smothering herself in her sheets isn't a good idea. She smacks her hand around for her pillow and properly places her head on it once she's found it. She soaks in the silence of her room, opposite that of the nosy diner. She can literally feel her energy draining from her body, despite the three cups of coffee she had before.

Rae doesn't want to move, but knows she has to. Otherwise she risks falling asleep in her uniform that smells like fired grease and chips and she's pretty sure there's a mustard stain from when the bugger of the six year old threw his corn dog at her. Came in with his traveling family; who orders corn dogs that late...why does Jasper even serve corn dogs? Not to mention the tan stain from when her co-worker slipped on a chip, and spilled half the coke in his hand on her. Letting out a frustrated growl that sounds more like a pathetic whine, Rae pushes herself back up, leaving the comfort of her bed.

After a nice, long hot shower, Rae finds herself beneath three layers of blankets. She drifts off to the chords of City and Colour lulling around her. She wakes up, to due to an extremely dry throat, super thirsty for water. Before she can even throw her duvet off and get up, her phone beeps from the bedside table. Smacking her hand around on the surface, her fingers graze her phone pulling it closer to see the screen. There are eight missed calls, twelve texts and three voicemails; all from her mother.

Rae sits up so fast she's certain sure she just pulled something in her back. Fear surges through her body like a tsunami, and the attempts at trying to desperately reach her only means one thing. She's up and out of bed in seconds, clad in ripped blue leggings and an over sized jumper. She finds her shoes, grabs them and her keys in one hand and is out the door in a minute, barefoot on the cold pavement.

***

The drive to the hospice may have involved several curse words and just making lights, but Rae arrives faster than she ever had. The only thing that really slows her down is the damn lift. After waiting for the lift to stop at two floors, she dashes out right as the doors open, running straight to the east wing. Jackie buzzes her in with a sympathetic smile and Rae knows that isn't good. A sharp spasm shoots through her chest when she comes to a stop in front of her brothers room. The door closed. Rae tried taking a deep breath, panting from running. She like time slows down when she turns the knob and opens the door to the visual of her brother that knocks all breath from her.

Ronan's laying down, grey beanie still on his bald head, and the plastic dinosaur, Rex, clutched in his small hand. His usual bright blue eyes look much more dim as if he's hovering the line between here and the place that was supposedly perfect, set high above the grey clouds. Ronan blinks. The movement of his eyelids slow and languid, fighting to reopen. He's got his same smile on however, Rae notices. Still the same one that dimples his pale hollowed cheeks.

"Ra...Ra." Ronan speaks and Raelyn tries not to focus on how weak her name sounds coming off his lips.

Rae stood frozen at the door since she opened it, but she can never deny her brother of anything, so she smiles back. She forces herself to take a step forward, then another, and another, until she's right next to his bed. She didn't even notice Dr. Ramsey there until he places a gentle hand in her shoulder.

"Not much longer, I'm afraid." He informs her softly, grave in tone. He's been telling her that for two weeks. "He's been a real trooper, he has. Still fighting."

Rae catches the tiny change in the doctors tone. He sounds sad, like he's trying to keep his own emotions at bay; Rae does not envy his job. It just means Ronan is still hanging on with everything he has. Ramsey squeezes her shoulder once, then leaves the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Rae knows this is it. The day her and her mum have been dreading. Have been hoping, praying, that it would never come. Trying desperately to believe in something, in miracles, in hope. It all comes crashing down, on her chest, spasing and clenching, gripping so tight she's surprised she can breath right now.

"Hi, Bud." Rae greets tenderly, sitting on his bed. She takes his small hand in hers. The color of their skin contrasting against each other sends another spasm throughout her body. She presses a soft kiss to his nose.

"I don't like it, RaRa." Ronan confesses, meekly trying to squeeze her hand. "It's hurted me."

Rae feels her blood run cold. "I know, Ro. How can I make it better?" She swipes her thumb under his eye, wiping away a tear.

"Hug?" Ronan opens his arms, holding them up for a few moments before they fall back to his sides.

"Always, Ro."

Instead of hugging him, Rae climbs into his bed, gingerly pulling him into her lap. She lays against the pillows, Ronan's back resting against her stomach, his head against her chest. She's not sure if he can feel her frantic heartbeat, so she takes a deep breath to calm herself. She wraps her arms around him, trying and wishing to protect him, to shield him from the hands that are metaphorically waiting to take him away.

"Will Nailer and Z-Zyan and...Harry," Roan had to pause to take a breath, "and Liam and Louis...sing to me...again?"

Rae swallows down the panic raising in her chest. "They aren't here today, sweetie."

Ronan pulls an arm from under his sisters, placing his hand on top of her forearm, patting it gently. "Will you...sing to me? The one where," another breath with a weaker voice "Louis sounds pretty. You think he's pretty. You..love him."

Despite the heartbreaking situation, Rae chuckles, if nothing but humorless. "I do love him, don't I? I love you too."

She slides his beanie off, placing the hand she used back on Ronan. She sings Little Things, singing quietly by his ear, rocking them slowly side to side.

"I want mummy." Ronan says, after Rae finished the last chorus. His voice barely above a whisper now.

"She's coming. She'll be here. She loves you, you know. Very much so. I love you, Ronan."

"To the moon and back." He answers, fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Exactly. To the moon and back. Pass the stars and comets and spaceships and Neverland."

"Peter Pan lives there." Ronan states. His body getting heavier against Rae's, heart beat slowing down. Rae can feel it.

So she launches into the story of Peter Pan even though they just watched the movie the day before. Rae is just getting passed the part where Peter and the Darling children fly to the second star to the right, when MaryAnn steps into the room. Relief floods through Raelyn, if only for the sole purpose of not having to do this alone. Her mum looks quite frazzled. Hair askew, uniform lopsided, and matching eyes turned frantic and rimmed red. She smiles at her children, making her way to the chair and pulling it beside the bed.

"My baby." She coos softly, stroking Ronan's forehead. "My sweet, beautiful baby."

As Ronan turns his gaze on his mother, smiling and patting his other hand on hers, Rae is busy fighting a battle. She can't take the way her mother looks, recognizing the tightness in her smile and eyes. The way her fingers tremble slightly over Ronan's skin. Rae's chest is throbbing horribly, begging to release everything that make up her panic attacks. Spams continuously shoot through her chest, pricing through muscles, veins, arteries and its own heart.

But she can't succumb to it here. She has to be stronger than ever. She can not let herself think about this moment. The moments that passed, counting every limited breath of her brother. Counting between every heartbeat, hearing the beeps on the monitor sounding further and further apart.

"I love you, baby boy." Rae's mothers voice brings her back. "You're my sunshine. My beautiful boy. So proud of you, love. So brave."

"Love mummy. Love you." Ronan breathes out, his eyes slipping shut. They remain closed.

"Love RaRa."

"You're my favorite person, Ronan. I love you to the moon and back." Raelyn whispers against the top of his head.

"Moon." He sighs quietly, his patting becoming slower.

Rae hears her mum sniff, silent tears pouring from her eyes. MaryAnn continues to coo at her fading son, the words "sunshine" and "baby" and "beautiful" on repeat. Suddenly the song pops into Rae's head, knowing that it would lull Ronan to an eternal sleep one last time. She braces herself against the war that is soon to erupt in her chest. She keeps one arm around her brother, and places the other on her mothers quaking shoulders, having her mums free hand gripping tightly to her own. MaryAnn leans over to embrace her children.

"You are my sunshine...my only sunshine." Rae begins singing softly, brokenly, feeling Ronan's breathing slowing down.

"You make me happy when skies are grey. You never noticed, how much I love you. So please don't-" Rae's breath hitches painfully- "take my sunshine away."

Her mother lets out a loud sob, the sound cracking through Rae's barrier. Rae continues with a shaky voice, laced with emotion that can't escape through her eyes.

The other night dear, while I was sleeping. I dreamt I held you in my arms. But when I awoke dear, you- you were not-not with me. So I hung my head and cried."

Her mum is full on sobbing now, hand clutching onto Ronan's, who's patting has slowed to once every few seconds.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You never noticed, how much I love you. So please-please d-don't take my-"

Rae's feels Ronan's patting stop all together, as his heart gives one last weak beat- "my sunshine...away."

The deadline echoing throughout the small room is the worse sound Raelyn has ever heard.

***********************************************************************************************

Notes

I'm incredibly sorry.