Ronan: To the Moon and Back

"I-" Ronan yawns widely, "wanna colour."

"You can colour after your nap, Bud." Rae promises him, gently plucking the red crayon from his small hands.

"But I'm not tired." He pouts unconvincingly, rubbing his fist over one eye.

Raelyn smiles gently at her brother, who despite his words, purposely falls sideways against his pillows. "Why don't you want to take your nap?" She tucks him under his blanket, pushing in the sides how he likes it. All snug and tight little a mini burrito.

Ronan turns his big eyes on his sisters. "Because you'll leave me. I don't like when you leave."

A mild spasm shoots through Rae's chest as her heart sneaks down to her stomach from his words. Too young and innocent to realize the impact they have on her. She scoots the chair closer to his bed, leaning over to gently rub soothing patterns up and down his back.

"I'll be right here when you wake, alright? I'm not going anywhere."

"Pinky pwmise?" Ronan hold up his little pinkie, eyelids drooping heavily.

"Pinky pwmise." Rae smiles fondly, hooking her bigger pinky around her brothers smaller one. She leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on his pale forehead. She softly stroke the soft bald skin of his head, realizing he gave yet another of his beanies to Olivia, his self proclaimed wife.

"Gotta getcha a new beanie, little Bud." She tells him. "Want me to sing for you?"

Ronan nods and Rae begins to sing You Are My Sunshie. His little smile soon fades into dreamland, his finger grip slacking on his sisters. Raelyn lounges back, pulling her knees to her chest, adjusting to a more comfortable position. Or as comfortable as one can get in a slightly cushioned chair covered by blue plastic, with wooden armrest. Both siblings had a long day; Ronan's chemotherapy at the lovely hour of 6am. Time seemed to pass by slow, like thick molasses poured out of its bottle. It's now past half the day, but the seven long hours sat in a lazy boy chair while giving treatment was tolling on the young boy. Raelyn had faithfully sat by his side for those hours, only getting up to grab some coffee or use the toilet...and maybe play messenger passing little whispered secrets from Ronan to Olivia.

She knows she shouldn't be exhausted. That she wasn't the one who had to sit still for hours on end, whereas her brother does the same thing every two weeks. She did, however, work the double shifts the night before, with little sleep only to get up at 5am. Rae exhales deeply, a long drawn out breath, feeling her muscles relaxing and eyelids falling shut as if mini weights were attached to them. She can't help but let the thick fog of sleep come over her, covering her in dark, misty grey as her own dreams take her away.
***

Louis doesn't have to be there, they were at Hummingbird just two days ago. There was nothing scheduled, and in fact has the day off from anything work related. So instead of spending his free day with the many things he could be doing- catching up on sleep, or playing FIFA with Niall, or hell, visit his girlfriend (he's been a horrid boyfriend lately, but Manchester is too far and too much traffic and too many people on the tube and he honestly doesn't want to be spotted. Besides, Eleanor told him he shouldn't waste his time driving there just to see her for a few hours because she has work and classes.) Louis find himself stepping off the lift into the Children's ward yet again. He feels like the days in a week are just too long and every single kid in the wing is too loving and adorable to stay away for long. It's much too long of a wait to see that one adorable little blue eyed boy and his sister with the camera attached to her face and the multicoloured blue eyes.

The nurses at the reception desk are delightedly surprised at Louis' presence after they buzz him in. They smile politely at him, explaining that some of the children had their chemo sessions and would probably be sleeping. Louis' smile falters for a moment when he thanks them. He makes his way around the long hall, popping his head in the rooms with the open doors and avoiding the ones that are closed. He visits the twin girls, Alexis and Amanda, commenting on how pretty their beaded necklaces are, accepting both pieces of handmade jewelry as the girls so joyously handed to him. Louis then sat with Tony, the boy who was only a year older than Ronan, teaming up with him to play a game of Pokemon on his game boy. Finally, after spending time with Olivia, the little four year old who could have been Harry's sister, with the wide green eyes and dark curly hair that was beginning to grow out again, he comes to his last stop.

The door is shut, Louis frowning in concern. Do they not want to be disturbed? Is Ronan in the middle of a session and is Louis allowed to just interrupt? Deciding against his doubts, he lightly taps on the door. He doesn't just want to leave and wait an extra few days for Monday to come. Not with the way he had last seen Raelyn; with his own little version of a break down.

No answer. Louis chews his lip for a moment, before carefully and quietly opening the door. He peeks inside, a soft smile gracing his lips. Both siblings are sound asleep, with Ronan tucked beneath the sheets, little fist nestled under his chin and resting on his pillow. He has to be the cutest little four year old he's ever met. It's when Louis sees how Rae's sleeping that makes him enter the room, closing the door behind him.

The position she is in can not be comfortable in the slightest. Raelyn's curled up in the chair, feet pressing against the bottom of the arm rest, knees knocked against the opposite rest. One arm shoved between her thighs and stomach, while the other is wrapped loosely around her shins. Her head probably lulled to the side in her slumber, resting awkwardly on her shoulder, neck straining to reach. She is going have a wicked crick in her neck if she doesn't move soon.

There's this moment Louis has, just hesitating for a second before giving in to his urge to help. He quietly walks towards her, gently brushing back the strands of silky brown hair, the tips of his fingers gliding delicately over her skin. She feels a little cold, seeming as the hospital always tended to be that way. Though her skin is soft and smooth, like that of a rose pedal; delicate and beautiful. So, so beautiful, and whoa.

He takes a step back, not realizing he had slipped his hand deeper into her hair, strands filling the spaces between his fingers. He shakes his head, collects himself and set to what he was originally going to do. He gently repositions her head more comfortably then shrugs off his jean jacket, placing it over the majority of Rae's body. She sighs deeply in her sleep, her lips twitching and parting. She mumbles softly and incoherent to Louis, before falling silent once more.

Louis smiles down at her, this being the first time he has ever seen her looking so peaceful. Its rather sad if she can only find that peace in her sleep and find nothing but chaotic stress in real life. He's about to leave them, turning when he catches a flash of blue. Louis turns back to see big, innocent eyes staring at him. It's incredible, the color of the siblings eyes. Both so blue and bright, like the colour of the skies, pretty morning glories, and tropical island waters. Though Ronan lacks the spots of gold and specks of green that his sister's hold, his eyes still cut through Louis, like the sharp edges of stars. Maybe it's because of the innocence there, or the knowledge of how sick he really is. Or just the fact that Louis was just caught tracing the face of the boys older sister, with his fingers stroking through her hair like silky ribbons. So instead of exiting the room, Louis beams brightly at the boy. He opens his mouth to greet him, when Ronan places his finger on his mouth, pointing at Raelyn.

"Shhh! Ra-Ra is sleeping." He whispers in what he probably thinks is quiet a volume.

Louis nods, pressing his own index finger to his lips and follows Ronan's order as he pats his bed. Louis sits down at his feet, leaning forward. "Did you have a nice nap?" He asks cheerfully.

Ronan nods again, big up down movements. "I get sleepy after my chema-chema-" He huffs in frustration- "after my medicine, chema-mareaphy. But Ra-Ra gets sleepy because she says 'there's not enough coffee in this bloody place'."

Louis chuckles and thinks maybe a four year old shouldn't say 'bloody' just yet. "Is that so?"

"Yes. Are you Louis?"

"I am."

"Can I colour now, Louis? Ra said I could after I wakeded up. I'm wakeded up now."

Yeah, cutest most adorable kid ever. Louis glances over at the bedside tray where the colouring book and a box of crayons lay, with several colorful crayons scattered about.

"Well, if you're wakeded up now, I don't see why not." He says quietly, pulling the tray closer to Ronan, who immediately grabs the red crayon and begins where he left off.

For the next 20 minutes or so, Louis sits on that bed, chatting quietly and animatedly with Ronan, colouring the pages the small child shares with him. While Louis is in the middle of telling Ronan a funny story of when his twin sisters had braided his hair and put glitter in it that had Ronan giggling, he hears a small sound; the clearing of a throat.

The sound has Louis looking over his arm, watching Rae stir in her seat. There's a frown set lightly on her brows, a pout on her dark pink lips like she is fighting the pulls of awareness. Her eyes flutter opened, a little dazed and confused, before she seemed to remember where she is. She instantly spots Louis, tilting her head in confusion. The movement makes her to flinch, grimacing in pain, bringing her hand up to massage what Louis suspected is a knot at the base of her neck.

Louis shoots her a look of sympathy, then points to the wide variety of coloured pages. Comprehension dawns on Rae's face, her mouth falling open into a tiny O shape. She seems to like the current situation, and settles deeper in her seat, this time stretching her legs out so her heels of her socked feet rest on Ronan's bed. Louis watches her adjust his jacket, sliding her arms through the sleeves backwards and gives him a grateful smile. It's this move that catches her brothers attention.

"Look Ra-Ra!" Ronan exclaims brightly, holding up two pages. "I coloured The Hulk and Louis coloured Iron Man. I already coloured Iron Man, so Louis could have him today." He leans over the railing of his bed, displaying his picture. "Louis says I'm the bestest colourer. Do I color good?"

The absolute adoration and love in Raelyn's eyes has warmth seeping into Louis' heart. The smile she directs at her brother is close to the brightness of the sun.

"Bestest colourer I've ever seen." She promises him softly. "Could I put that on my wall at home?"

Ronan seems to contemplate the question, looking between his sister and Louis. Genuinely looking as if this question causes him internal struggle. "I wants Louis to have it." He confesses almost guiltily.

Rae laughs. "That's alright then."

"But! You can have-" He shifts through the papers, deciding on one and handing it to his sister. "Spidyman!"

"I do love me some Spiderman. With those cool webs and wall climbing!"

Louis just smiles at the siblings; Rae accepting the page and placing it in her bag, and Ronan beaming as he goes back to colouring. Rae finally locks eyes with Louis for more than just moment, and it's then he see how exhausted she looks. Her face is a bit pale, causing the circles under her eyes to look visibly concerning. When she blinks, it takes her a few seconds to reopen her eyes, smiling almost shyly and lethargically at Louis, like she's ashamed for being sleepy in his presence. She takes a deep breath, then let out a long sigh, running a hand through her hair just like he had done earlier.

Louis returns her smile, hoping he could at least be a bright point to their day. He goes back to his colouring a moment later, deciding that aquamarine would look best for the ocean on his page. He hears a click and shutter. A sound he is all too familiar with, usually associating it with something horrible; like the sound of hundreds of paps in his face. Except this isn't on the streets, or an award show on a red carpet. What he hears now is somehow softer, nonthreatening, and the person behind the camera is far from some sleazy, rude middle-aged man flashing lights in his face.

"Sorry." Rae apologises, noticing the tightness around Louis' eyes. "I should learn to ask before I take photos. Bad habit."

"No, it's quite alright really." Louis assures her. He sets down his crayon, a sudden question popping into his head. "How long have you been here?"

"Um, about-" Rae yawns, covering her mouth with her hand, shakes her head, then glances at the clock on the wall. "Ten hours."

Louis' eyes widen. "Ten hours? Jesus..."

Raelyn just simply shrugs, grimacing again and carefully placing her camera back into her bag. "Not a big deal." She says dismissively.

"Have you eaten anything?"

Rae shakes her head no.

"Right then." Louis claps his hands on his thighs and stands. "Ronan, little man, do you mind if I were to take your lovely sister out for lunch? I promise I'll bring her back."

Ronan cocks his head to the side, looking between him and Raelyn. "On a date? Mummy says when a someone likes someone else they take them to eat food." He pauses, a sad look coming over his cute features. "Are food dates fun?"

Louis hears Rae's breath hitch softly, more than likely focusing on his last question rather than his correct idea of a date. Thinking on his feet, Louis comes up with a quick response. "It can be." Louis answers honestly. "But most of the time the people who give you food take forrr-evver, and there are people queuing up just to try to eat and they wait and wait. Some times, the food isn't that good. Not like here. I'd much rather stay here and eat the food they give you. You get custard cups, yeah?"

"Yeah!" Ronan laughs as Louis pokes his nose. "I like the chocolate ones!"

"Me too! But they don't serve custard cups out to eat."

Ronan nods in understanding, as much as a four tear can. "That's boring. I don't want to go on a date without custard cups."

"Me neither! Those chocolate custard cups are the best, aren't they?"

Ronan beams at Louis, then suddenly crosses his little arms, pouting at his sister. "Will he bring you back, Ra-Ra?"

"He promised you, didn't he?" Raelyn asks lightly, amused by their little idea of a date.

"I never break my promises." Louis tells him seriously, with wide earnest eyes, a hand placed over his heart.

Ronan's eyes narrow as much as a child could manage. He holds out his pinky. "Pinky Pwmise?"

Louis hooks his finger with Ronan's. "Absolutely. Pinky promise." Louis seals the promise an extra time by taking off his beanie and placing it atop Ronan's head.
***

They're sat in relatively small, casual restaurant, with their drinks set on the table and food ordered. Rae sits patiently, rubbing the knot at right side of her neck, as Louis stands a few feet away from the table, graciously taking pictures with a little girl and her older sister who had spotted him the second he walked in. They didn't take notice of the two fans until that moment when they worked up the courage to go up to him. Louis had shot an apprehensive look at Rae, but she just smiled kindly in return and shooed him off with the wave of her hands. He was grateful for that.

He had gotten used to Eleanor trying to put on a happy face, and failing miserably, when fans came up to him. They were never rude, but the pinched look on her face meant she didn't find it cute or amusing anymore. And while Louis never turned down any of his fans, he still wasn't happy about having to hear her complain for the next hour. Most fans approached him before or after their meal.

However, Rae seems to be so laid back by the incident, sipping away at her iced tea and smiling like she had no care in the world. It's nice to look back and not see judgmental eyes and a scrunched mouth. Louis likes it. Raelyn is refreshing to him and he should probably stop comparing her to his actual girlfriend, because he loves Eleanor ...right? Even though she wasn't as accepting of his fans anymore. He could understand that, but even Liam's ex-girlfriend didn't seem to have the same problem as Eleanor does.

The older of the two fans question Rae's presence, inquiring if she was a new artist or a relative. Louis tells the girl that Raelyn is a good friend of his, and they were both just catching up. The older fan, Nicole, seemingly accepts his answer, and waves tentatively at Rae, like she's gauging her reaction. Rae smiles back, waving at the girls and complimenting Nicole's boots and the younger sister, Jasmine's dress. She wishes them both a good day as they left, smiling after them.

"How's your neck?" Louis asks, worry laced in his lace when Rae begins to massage her neck again.

"It'll be fine, just sore." She smiles kindly. "That was really kind of you, by the way." She's stirring her straw around her cup, eyes on her drink.

"The fans? They come up to us all the time. We owe them everything." Louis shrugs nonchalantly, a small smile playing on his lips as well.

Rae nods. "That's sweet. That's not what I meant though." She stops stirring.

"What then?" Louis' eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"With Ronan. You didn't have to tell him that." She looks up at him. "You make it sound like it's horrible to go out, and being where he is, living in a hospital, is better. You made him believe that a date is boring so he wouldn't ever want to go on one."

"They can be quite boring." Louis states simply.

"Oh, trust me I know." Rae catches the interest in his eyes, and she elaborates. "I went on this date a few months ago, set up by my friends boyfriend. It was like playing 20 questions, with forced conversation. Then he just went on about himself and explained to me why people shouldn't order lemons in their drinks and that somehow turned into ratios or whatever and...yeah. The point is though, you didn't have to. You're so nice to him. Some people just brush these children off. They ignore them because they're all sick and can't possibly have fun in a hospital. You made it seem like a custard cup was the best thing in the world."

"But they are! Best dessert ever!" Louis insists excitedly, hoping that Rae could catch his slight sarcasm.

She rolls her eyes in a fond sort of way. "Of course they are." She looks up at the waiter who sets their food down at that moment.

Louis proceeds to ask him if they happen to have chocolate custard cups for dessert, and if the dark chocolate was better than the white chocolate and if it was okay to eat it with a fork. He's given a skeptical look, the waiter debating on whether Louis was joking or just plain crazy. This prompts a small snort of laughter from Rae, who quickly ducks her head and hides her quiet laughter behind her hand. Louis is pleasantly surprise at that sound, giving in to his own laughter as the waiter walks away mumbling about not being paid enough to deal with his job. Louis finds himself wanting to hear the strange snort of laughter again, wondering if Rae had produced the sound because she was trying to hold back her outburst.

"Sorry." She apologizes several moments later. "That was quite embarrassing."

"What? Laughing like a pig?" Louis teases, realizing a little too late that his words could be taken the wrong way.

Rae pauses, mockingly affronted, but can't hold her face as she brakes out into another sheepish smile. She hides her face again, her hand placed right over her nose. She peeks one eye out between her fingers. Louis' stomach gives a unexpected surge.

"I thought it was funny!" Rae defends, bringing down her hand. "I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. It's lovely to know it comes out sounding like a farm animal."

"A cute, adorable farm animal." Louis corrects like a scholar. "Like Wilbur."

"From Charlotte's Web? Isn't he a boy?" Rae chuckles again. "He was cute wasn't he?"

Louis was hoping she would ignore his slip up comment, but of course, she didn't. However, she just keeps smiling at him, eyes lighting up like the twinkle of fairy lights, with one tiny crinkle at the corners. If she's capable of smiling like that, bright and alive, Louis wants to make her continue to do so, especially if it's directed at him, like it is now. He matches her smile, lips spreading widely and eyes narrowed into mirthful slits.

Rae finally drops their gaze as she prods her food with her fork. "Custard cups..." She mutters under her breath, a laugh still in her soft voice.

It was so simple. Just a simple little comment, teasingly spoken that had her laughing like that. Louis' stomach give another strange twist, and his smile falters, unnoticed by the girl sitting across from him. He recognizes that feeling. The feeling of suddenly becoming light, weightless, like floating away on the wings of a thousand butterflies. Butterflies. He has butterflies in his stomach, caused by the laughter of Raelyn. Along with her smile, her eyes, her hidden personality and joking manner and- shit. He shakes his shake to clear his thoughts, quickly taking a bite out of his burger.

After they pay for their meal- Raelyn insisting on paying, and beating Louis to the check book- he returns her to Ronan, just as he promised. He tells Ronan to keep the beanie, "Looks much better on you!"

As he's driving back to his flat he shares with Harry, he knows one thing for certain. Louis is in trouble; and it comes in the form of a blue eyed, brunette who liked taking pictures, has an unusual trait of not crying, with a little brother sick with cancer. He's completely screwed.
***

The next day when Raelyn shows up at the hospice, the front desk nurse, Jackie, tells her that the brown paper bag on the counter top is left to her anonymously. Confused, no one has ever left anything like that for her here, she peeks inside. Rae bites her lip, doing her best to control the smile spreading across her lips. By the time she pulls out the six pack of custard cups, she's smiling so wide, so bright, that Jackie feels the need to inform Rae she has wear sunglasses due to the sun shinning out from Raelyn's mouth.

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Notes