Ronan: To the Moon and Back

Raelyn is rushing, stuffing her camera as carefully as she can into her ripped bag, and almost locking her keys in Charlie. She promised Ronan and some other children that she'd read to them during play time, but due to an absurd amount of traffic she is running late. A little frazzled, Rae speed walks into the the lobby, bypassing someone to her far right on the way in without much thought. It isn't until she's at the front check-in counter does that thought hit her. Realising who she passed, she doubles back through the automatic doors.

Still in the same spot, leaning against the wall and looking like a model that just walked out of a Gucci ad, is Zayn. The late afternoon sun is hitting him just right, casting shadows to stretch from his side. There's a lit fag dangling between his elegant fingers, flicking away some ashes. Those black boots with those dark jeans and that black sleeved, white shirt with the batman man logo, looks good on him. Naturally, Rae can't help herself.

Her fingers itch for her camera, falling victim to them and taking it out of her bag. Once she locks the lens, she silently raises the camera to her eye, popping off the lens cap and twisting to zoom in just a bit. She snaps three shots in a row, and waits for Zayn to bring the cigarette to his lips. He does after three more seconds, and Rae fires away with the shutter. She quickly switches her settings, and then take consecutive shots as he blows out smoke between his lips. Rae lowers her camera and slings the strap around her neck, finally making her way over to him.

"Zayn?"

He turns his attention on her, expression tense with tight eyes. She suddenly doesn't feel very brave coming over to him, feels a little intimidated in fact. Though she realizes that she sometimes does the same thing, according to Kari, who's seen it several times over the years. She can come off as a little off putting as well. Rae swallows down her own bit of timidness to break through Zayn's.

"What are you doing out here alone?" She voices her curiosity.

"Smoke brake." Zayn answers with a shrug, flicking more ashes to the ground. "Needed it."

Oh, she gets it now; the undertone of emotion hidden in his voice. That look in his eyes that are a beautiful shade of amber, the look of helplessness that every person has when they step foot into the Hospice. Rae nods understandably, and leans against the wall besides him.

He eyes her suspiciously for a moment, before asking "What are you doing?"

"Standing with you so you aren't alone." Rae simply tells him. "Or, I could just pretend to be taking pictures of that daisy growing in the pathway. I sort of know how you're feeling right now, and as much as I am always alone, I hate it. So, it's your choice. I'm stood next to you for company, or here for that daisy."

From the corner of her eyes, Rae sees Zayn looks over to said daisy, growing towards the sun between the cracks of the concrete. Like the flower is attempting to break free and defy all odds of its little self just to bloom. She hopes his thoughts are similar to hers; wonders how lonely it must be to grow all on its own, and hopefully will think that maybe a little bit of friendly company isn't so bad. Zayn studies her once more before silently returning his nearly burnt out fag to his mouth. It's quiet as he finishes, inhaling and blowing out smoke in long streams. He puts it out by the sole of his shoe, then stuffs it into the ash tray above the rubbish bin.

"Thank you." He says quietly, pushing himself off the wall.

"Yeah, no problem." Rae smiles at him. "It's chemotherapy day for half the kids."

Zayn sighs sadly, heavily. "Tough."

"I won't tell anyone if-"

"S'fine. They know I need it sometimes."

"Sometimes I wish I did too." Rae confesses.

Zayn's eyebrows rise up. "So what's your escape then?"

"Good ol' red wine. Or whiskey, depending on how bad the night is." She smiles brightly. "Oh, um...I took some pictures of you just now. Like the light was perfect and I couldn't help meself, I hope you don't mind. I don't and won't post them anywhere without your permission so-"

Zayn cuts her off with a laugh. "It's quite alright with me, Rae. As long as I get to see them."

"Oh yes! Defiantly!" Rae nods excitedly.

"Shall we then?" Zayn motions towards the door.

"Oh, shit! I'm late!" Raelyn's spins quickly, rushing into the lobby once again, a laughing Zayn trailing behind her.
***

Louis loves going around to different Children's Hospitals and singing to them, spending time with them, putting smiles on their faces. Though he doesn't lie to himself and pretend that each time it doesn't weigh on his heart. Today, today is one of those times where it becomes too much and maybe twice a week is too much time spent at a Hospice for terminally sick children. Hummingbird Hospice to be exact.

Little children who are hooked up to machines that wheeze and whirl and click and beep. Little children who have clear tubes twisting up their arms, necks and noses. With bags that hold medicine, donated blood, and oxygen tanks. Little children who cry out in pain for their mummies and daddies, begging them to make it stop hurting. Confused little children who reach out to Louis and grasp tightly at his fingers because no one else comes to visit them. A little green eyed girl with dark mountains curls, shivering in her bed. Two little twins who hold each other hands and cuddle together to try and ease the pain in their chests. A little blue eyed boy, with a head always clad in a beanie, staring up at him desperately, wondering why it has to hurt so much and why his mummy doesn't come to see him as much as his sister with the matching blue eyes does. That same little boy who doesn't have the exact treatment due to insufficient funds.

So Louis sits alone, by that window he first found Raelyn having her panic attack. He sits on the chair with his legs pulled up to his chest, head cradled between his knees. He's taking in shaky breaths, trying to contain his emotions and the tears stinging his eyes. It's just not fair for all these children to be stuck on a bed in a small room, limited to so much. Some pull through, some don't and Louis needs to stop thinking before the floodgates open. He swipes away the few tears that escape his eyes and tries calming himself. His chest tightens, his stomach twists and he feels gutted. Spent and tired from putting up a facade. How can anyone, any one person, handle the pain and heartbreak that's held in the Hospice. He can't even do it for a few weeks.

He's not sure how long he's been sitting there, but the sun is beginning to set through the window when someone finally finds him. He continues to flick away the tears that slowly escape and breathes through his mouth so he doesn't sniffle. He can be strong, tough, brave. He can do this. Until he hears her voice.

"Louis?" It's a soft voice, a beautiful gentle one, laced with utter concern. Like the sound of wind chimes dancing in a storm.

Louis looks up once he thinks he's gotten control over himself. He isn't strong, not like her. He isn't brave, he isn't tough. Raelyn is. She's standing right in front of him, big eyes littered with of different shades of blue and a speck or two of gold.

"Oh, Louis." Rae leans forward, wrapping her arms around his scrunched up form.

Who cares if he's a twenty-one year old man crying in the arms of a girl, whose four year old brother lays in a bed trying to fight off cancer. It should be the other way around. He feels her hand run soothingly up and down his back.

"How-" Louis gasps for air softly, but only after Rae pulls back to look at him. "-are you so strong?"

Rae blinks, then does something he's sure she hasn't ever shown to anyone else; least not so early in a friendship. This is where her walls begin come down a little. Where she begins to peek out from that mask of hers. Rae shakes her head and carefully pulls down the front of her cross-stitched jumper. Pulls it down just far enough for him to see.

"I'm anything but strong, Louis." She confesses quietly.

Louis has only ever seen the very top of what she's showing him now; just a hint of it beneath shirts. Though what he saw the other day was just the tip of the iceberg. This, this is worse. The skin on Raelyn's chest below her collarbones, is red and angry, as if she placed a heating pad on the spot for much too long. There are several long jagged scratches, scraping up some skin, but shallow enough to not actually brake it; yet. It explains that strange constant rubbing she does.

"I honestly try to be strong for my mum, for Ronan. But sometimes it's too much for me and I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I'm not as strong as you make me out to be, Lou." She closes her eyes, as if revealing more of her secret is too much. "I don't cry, but in place of that, my chest kind of like...constricts? I get spasms, the worse something is, the more extreme they get. It hurts. Sometimes it feels like I have to rip out the pain because it doesn't go away. How strong can I be if I want to rip out my own heart?"

Louis swallows thickly, because that is a heavy question. One he can not answer. Instead, he slowly reaches his hand out and gently places it on her heated, jagged skin, below her collarbones. Rae startles slightly, but her eyes remain close. He feels her heartbeat beneath his palm, beating a little faster than a normal heartbeat should. He's a little fascinated with how his hand covers up the majority of the scratches, and wonders if the way Rae's breathing picks up beat quicker is due to his hand alone, or slight anxiety of showing this part of her to someone.

Intimate, Louis abruptly thinks. This moment is between them is so intimate because he's sure Rae has never shown her dark secret to anyone. There's a weighed tension between them, tangible in the air and he realizes how fragile this is, how vulnerable Rae is allowing herself to be. Louis isn't going to take it for granted. When he looks up, he's met with stormy blue eyes, wide, with a touch of apprehension that confirms this part of Rae, in fact, is not shared.

"Promise me, Raelyn." Louis begins quietly, bringing his left hand up to her cheek. He wants her to see how sincere he is. "That whenever this happens," he presses lightly on her chest, "whenever you feel like that, that you call me. Whatever time, whatever day, whenever you need it. Okay? I'll help you the best I can."

There's this look in Raelyn's eyes that Louis can't quite put his finger on, maybe admiration. Or maybe she truly believes he is a bit of a creeper this time. However she is so focused on him, listening intently and nodding. He clears his throat because whoa, it's at that level already. He shouldn't be touching her cheek, no matter how much he wants to get his sincerity across. Slowly, he slips his hand off her face, fingers grazing down to her jaw until they hit the air between them., and drops his other hand from her chest.

"I mean, it's what friends do." He clarifies.

A smile breaks across Rae's lips. "Yeah, okay. I promise." She releases her shirt, having held onto the collar this whole time, grabbing both of Louis' hands, squeezing lightly. "Are you alright though? This was suppose to be about you, and not my silly habit."

Louis smiles brightly. "S'not silly. I'll be alright though."

Rae considers his answers then says, "Okay, but that promise goes both ways, yeah? If what happened here happens again."

Louis promises, then abruptly hops out of the chair, daring Rae that she can't beat him to the cafe for a cup of tea. The look on her face at his sudden antics is amusing. Once she gets over the shock, she stands slowly, then dashes away from Louis. They get caught by one of the security guards, scolding them for running the in hallways. However, Louis doesn't miss the way the guard fist bumps Rae and winks, and Louis swears the scolding was all for show.

***

Notes

Thank you for reading! :)
-A
(I unfortunately know how it feels to be inside a hospital like that for months, and I won't sugarcoat any of that experience in this story.)