Day Two

I found myself at a familiar mahogany door the next day. It was six in the morning, so the sun had yet to creep across the New York sky. As always, her porch was lit dimly with a purple light bulb that Jude had picked out. He had quite enjoyed colored lights, and she designed her home completely around Jude. I had noticed that the white calla lilies, that she and Jude had planted that previous summer, had died off. It was just another remaindered of what once was, and what will never be.

My fist rose slowly to the door, and knocked loudly on it maybe seven times before the door swung open. There she stood in all her glory. A silky white bathrobe was draped over her body. Her hair was messy from sleep, and her eyes were bloodshot from what I could only assume was from tears. She did not appear to be surprised to see me. I gave her a weak smile, and a small wave.

“Harry, you shouldn’t be here.” She said with a sigh. I could tell that it pained her tremendously to say those words. I shook my head at her, and took a step towards her. She took a step back further into her house. I stretched out my hand, and lightly touched her cheek, and I felt her lean into me.

“It’s just so early, yet you don’t smell of cheap liquor.” She mumbled, and placed a kiss on my palm. I took that as an invitation, and stepped inside the house, closing the door behind me.

“I know I don’t Katherine… I’m uhh… I’m going to one of those AA meeting later today, Liam thought it would be good for me. I’ve been sober for maybe twenty-four hours, and I just don’t know how to feel. I had to see you Kiwi. I need you to talk to me.” I told her, my words quick on my voice accurately presenting my nerves. She hummed at me, and gave me a smile.

“That’s good Harry I’m proud of you… Jude would be too.” She told me, and I felt my breath hitch in my throat. We had yet to really talk about Jude since the funeral. Every time I looked into her eyes I could see him, and I just couldn’t bare it. So, for months I would show up at her porch late at night, but the minute she answered the door and I saw those eyes I ran away. I couldn’t handle it, especially not in my drunken state. I presume she felt the same way about me, because since the funeral she has avoided me like the plague.

“I want to do him proud Kiwi, I do. Lately I just feel like I’ve already fucked up so-“ I was cut off by her voice.

“You’ve made mistakes Harry, but so have I. Jude would understand.” She told me quickly, and I nodded to her a couple of times. I felt the tears brimming my eyes, and I swiped them away. Her hand now came up to my cheeks, and wiped away the tears I couldn’t manage to hide. She stepped closer looking into my own eyes. She saw Jude in me, just like I saw him in her.

“I can’t go on trying to push this away Katherine. I need to talk about him, I need you to talk about him. I want us to reminisce on his birthdays, and on our walks in the park. I feel like we’re letting him go all over again by ignoring it. I don’t care if it hurts, I just must talk about him.” I told her feeling my walls collapse. The alcohol had built up these walls, and hidden these feelings deep inside of me. But the alcohol is all out of me now, and the only thing that was left was my grief.

“I know Harry, it’s time we talk. I’ve missed you if I’m being honest with you as well as myself.” She mumbled letting out a small sniffle. Her head was now hanging low, avoiding my tearful gaze. I pulled her to me and hugged her. My arms wrapped around her small body, and the minute they did I felt her break as well. She sobbed into my shoulder, and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I just want my baby back Harry, I want it all back! I want us to tuck him in at night, and I want to listen to you sing him to sleep! I want to finish teaching him how to read, and I want to teach him how to ride a bike, and drive a car and I…” She trailed off into terrible sobs. I kissed the top of her head, and held onto her tighter.

“I know honey I do too, but we don’t get that. Jude loved you so much though Kiwi, he really did.” I told her, and she cried harder. That morning Kiwi went back to bed, and I joined her. She walked straight to Jude’s room, and I noticed that the cover had been slept in. We both crawled on to his full sized bed, and held on to each other. I watched as she closed her eyes, eyes that I had fell in love with not once, but twice. Once on the beach, and the second in a hospital room…

Notes

Yeah I know I suck...

Yeah I know this chapter sucks....

but...

I got a laptop so I should be able to update more frequently...

WHICH DOESNT SUCK!!!

All the love,

~JR