Alcoholics Anonymous
Chapter Five
Day 3
Earlier this morning I woke up next to Kiwi. She presented me with a sad smile as she sat up in our sons bed, observing his room. Then, without a word, she left the room and I could hear her starting breakfast. We ate in silence that morning. The only words exchanged occurred as I was about to leave. She asked me to tell her how my meeting tonight went, and I promised her I would.
I pulled into the parking lot, and shut off the car. I enhaled nervously, and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I couldn't tell you if the sweat was due to my nerves or the withdraw. I looked at the clock and saw I was fifteen minutes early. I didn't get out of my car; I was waiting. I couldn't exactly tell you what I was waiting for. Was I waiting for the clock to strike eight o'clock, telling me it was time to enter the church? Was I waiting for the New York, summer sun to finish melting over the horizon so that my embarrassment may be hidden in the dark? What was it that kept me inside of my car? Nothing was keeping me here but my own fears...
I exited my vehicle and was greeted by the summer air. Pains shot throughout my body, and my achy muscles told me to sit back down. I started to limp towards the church. Outside a group of people stood in a group laughing. They all held cigarettes in their hands, and were the most unlikely group I'd ever seen. A man looked up at me and offered me a kind smile.
He wore a black leather jacket with a Harley Davidson sign on the back. The mans stringy, grey hair reached to the middle to of his back and was held together in a loose ponytail. He looked to be in his late fifties, and had a long gray beard. He had welcoming and warm deep brown eyes that reminded me of Liam's eyes. This brought me some much needed comfort, in this foreign place.
"Are you all right there son?" He asked me kindly. His tone seemed weary and worried all at once. I nodded my head and scratched my arm nervously. Something about these people, while they did seem kind, still made me feel as though I was being judged for the monstrous mistakes I had made. I am unsure of why I felt this way, nothing about their appearance had granted me any reason to feel this way. But as of late this seemed to be the way I approached felt when I approached any stranger. Their watchful eyes could see past my facade, and knew whatx I had done. Their noses could still smell the dirty liquor on me, knowing what it would cost caused me to do, regardless of the fact that it had been 3 days since I had touched the bottle.
" I'm just... I'm not sure if I'm in the right place." I started to explain to the man. He presented me with the sympathetic smile and gestured for me to come closer to him. The three other men also smiled at me, and gave me reason to believe that I was welcome in their small group. I'm sure though, if they had known what I had done, they wouldn't be so welcoming.
"And what place might you be looking for son." He asked me. I looked down to the ground now feeling nervous once again. I was scared to tell them, I'm looking for a meeting... I'm looking for an AA meeting because I am an alcoholic and I need help.
" The um... you know the meeting." I whispered to him. He laughed slightly and patted my shoulder. The other men snickered as well. I didn't find this very funny. There isnothing about my situation that is the least bit comical. I couldn't understand why they were you reacting this way, and to be honest it made me want to leave. I glanced over at my car and they all stopped laughing.
" Don't run off yet kid. Sorry if we're making you nervous, yes the meetings inside. First door on your right. Get yourself some coffee or something, make yourself comfortable.You're going to be fine." He reassured me as if he had done this a thousand times. I gave him a small nod and looked to the door, and then looked back down to my feet. This was it, it was time to go in. I didn't know what type of people I'd be faced with. I had always imagined men with large bellies who reeked of cheap liquor, and women who were in little to no clothes and had saggy skin.
I walked to the door, took a deep breath, and pushed it open. I walked inside and was met with a long concrete hallway. At the end of the hallway was a set of doors that were propped open, and I could hear people chatting inside the room. I walked towards the decent sized room, and to my own dismay I saw normal people from every walk of life. I saw middle aged men in suits talking about work, and drinking cups of coffee. I saw people my age being consulted by their elders. Rich, poor, young, and old, they all seemed smug in the old, broken down church.
Along the wall next to me was a table with donuts and a coffee maker, and in the middle of the room there was some chairs sat out in a circle. I stood in the room not really knowing what to do with myself. I saw the people from outside, enter the room. They greeted people happily, and offered them hugs. The kind man from outside put his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't be so stiff kid. Ain't nobody here gonna bite ya." He to me, and chuckled. I clenched my swollen hands, and then wiped the sweat from my brow. Everytime someone looked at me I just knew they had seen the papers, and had known about what I had done. They all hate me I'm sure of it, and I shouldn't be here. I looked at the man with dad eyes.
"I um... I have to go... I shouldn't have... Shouldn't have come." I told the man. He sighed, and nodded to me.
"Well alrighty then son, but at least let me get you some water or something. Ya look like death." He insisted. I shook my head, and slowly backed away. I accidentally bumped into a woman. I caught her before she could fall to the ground. She didn't looked to be a bit older than me, maybe in her mid thirties. She had long, faded, brown hair. She wore thick eyeliner and mascara, which I normally found quite unattractive, but she pulled it off. The women's jeans were ripped and tattered, and were matched with a simple, white v-neck. She was beautiful.
"Don't mind him Rosemary, we just got ourselves a nervous newcomer is all." The man told her. Rosemary offered me a sympathetic smile, and tilted her head.
"I was just leaving." I mumbled to her, and walked to the door.
"Shouldn't you go after him or something Randall?" I heard the women ask the man, Randall.
"Let em be Rose. He'll come back when he's ready." I heard Randall tell her before I pushed open the door that led me out of the church basement. I sucked in th fresh air, and practically collapsed on the curb. My head fell into my hands as I thought about that dreadful night...
*Flashback* "Miiiddnight memmmmories... Ohwe oh oh oh!" I sang loudly as I danced around the bar. Darren had his arms folded, and was shaking his head at me.
"Alright now enough of dat. Time ye get on home." Darren told me, and put out his hand. I burst into laughter. He wants my phone! I fell to the floor laughing and hitting my knee.
"Come now man, get ahold of ye self. Actin like a child in me bar." He huffed and pulled me off of the floor.
"Do ya want muh phone Darren?" I asked him, snickering to myself.
"Yes Harry I want ye-" I cut him off.
"Do ya want muh phone!?" I sang to him, and his face turned red.
" Bloody hell Harry, gimme the Damn thing!" He yelled at me. I held my hands up in surrender and gave him a few nods.
"Well alright now Darren no need ta yell. I just um... All ya had ta do Darren was ask meh, that's all. I swear..." I trailed off and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I extended my hand. He reached for it, and right as he was about to take it, I pulled my hand back.
"Oops gotta be quicker than that." I said and met his glare.
"Alright your right." I said and extended my hand again. He reached for it, and I pulled back again.
"Almost had it that time Darren..." I began, but was interrupted by his booming voice.
"GOD DAMNIT HARRY!" Darren yelled at me. I dropped my phone to the ground, and put my hands up in surrender again. I backed away as he picked it up from the floor. As usual he went through my contacts trying to find someone in this city who would take pity on me. When he wasn't paying attention a snuck in another shot... Or two....
Finally he found me a ride, and we waited at the door. I got tired of standing so I laid down on the floor. The bell to the bar finally rang, and I looked up to see who came to my rescue.
"Zayn?" I questioned.
*End of Flashback*
"I see you never left." Randall said, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at my watch and sure enough an hour had gone by. He sat down next to me and sighed.
"I'm Randall. What's your name kid?" He asked me.
"My name is Harry." I told him.
"Well Harry, there's a much smaller meeting tomorrow over by that old bar run by that bitter old Irish man... Oh... Soothsayer, yeah that one. What do you say kid? Okay?" He asked me.
"Okay."
Earlier this morning I woke up next to Kiwi. She presented me with a sad smile as she sat up in our sons bed, observing his room. Then, without a word, she left the room and I could hear her starting breakfast. We ate in silence that morning. The only words exchanged occurred as I was about to leave. She asked me to tell her how my meeting tonight went, and I promised her I would.
I pulled into the parking lot, and shut off the car. I enhaled nervously, and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. I couldn't tell you if the sweat was due to my nerves or the withdraw. I looked at the clock and saw I was fifteen minutes early. I didn't get out of my car; I was waiting. I couldn't exactly tell you what I was waiting for. Was I waiting for the clock to strike eight o'clock, telling me it was time to enter the church? Was I waiting for the New York, summer sun to finish melting over the horizon so that my embarrassment may be hidden in the dark? What was it that kept me inside of my car? Nothing was keeping me here but my own fears...
I exited my vehicle and was greeted by the summer air. Pains shot throughout my body, and my achy muscles told me to sit back down. I started to limp towards the church. Outside a group of people stood in a group laughing. They all held cigarettes in their hands, and were the most unlikely group I'd ever seen. A man looked up at me and offered me a kind smile.
He wore a black leather jacket with a Harley Davidson sign on the back. The mans stringy, grey hair reached to the middle to of his back and was held together in a loose ponytail. He looked to be in his late fifties, and had a long gray beard. He had welcoming and warm deep brown eyes that reminded me of Liam's eyes. This brought me some much needed comfort, in this foreign place.
"Are you all right there son?" He asked me kindly. His tone seemed weary and worried all at once. I nodded my head and scratched my arm nervously. Something about these people, while they did seem kind, still made me feel as though I was being judged for the monstrous mistakes I had made. I am unsure of why I felt this way, nothing about their appearance had granted me any reason to feel this way. But as of late this seemed to be the way I approached felt when I approached any stranger. Their watchful eyes could see past my facade, and knew whatx I had done. Their noses could still smell the dirty liquor on me, knowing what it would cost caused me to do, regardless of the fact that it had been 3 days since I had touched the bottle.
" I'm just... I'm not sure if I'm in the right place." I started to explain to the man. He presented me with the sympathetic smile and gestured for me to come closer to him. The three other men also smiled at me, and gave me reason to believe that I was welcome in their small group. I'm sure though, if they had known what I had done, they wouldn't be so welcoming.
"And what place might you be looking for son." He asked me. I looked down to the ground now feeling nervous once again. I was scared to tell them, I'm looking for a meeting... I'm looking for an AA meeting because I am an alcoholic and I need help.
" The um... you know the meeting." I whispered to him. He laughed slightly and patted my shoulder. The other men snickered as well. I didn't find this very funny. There isnothing about my situation that is the least bit comical. I couldn't understand why they were you reacting this way, and to be honest it made me want to leave. I glanced over at my car and they all stopped laughing.
" Don't run off yet kid. Sorry if we're making you nervous, yes the meetings inside. First door on your right. Get yourself some coffee or something, make yourself comfortable.You're going to be fine." He reassured me as if he had done this a thousand times. I gave him a small nod and looked to the door, and then looked back down to my feet. This was it, it was time to go in. I didn't know what type of people I'd be faced with. I had always imagined men with large bellies who reeked of cheap liquor, and women who were in little to no clothes and had saggy skin.
I walked to the door, took a deep breath, and pushed it open. I walked inside and was met with a long concrete hallway. At the end of the hallway was a set of doors that were propped open, and I could hear people chatting inside the room. I walked towards the decent sized room, and to my own dismay I saw normal people from every walk of life. I saw middle aged men in suits talking about work, and drinking cups of coffee. I saw people my age being consulted by their elders. Rich, poor, young, and old, they all seemed smug in the old, broken down church.
Along the wall next to me was a table with donuts and a coffee maker, and in the middle of the room there was some chairs sat out in a circle. I stood in the room not really knowing what to do with myself. I saw the people from outside, enter the room. They greeted people happily, and offered them hugs. The kind man from outside put his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't be so stiff kid. Ain't nobody here gonna bite ya." He to me, and chuckled. I clenched my swollen hands, and then wiped the sweat from my brow. Everytime someone looked at me I just knew they had seen the papers, and had known about what I had done. They all hate me I'm sure of it, and I shouldn't be here. I looked at the man with dad eyes.
"I um... I have to go... I shouldn't have... Shouldn't have come." I told the man. He sighed, and nodded to me.
"Well alrighty then son, but at least let me get you some water or something. Ya look like death." He insisted. I shook my head, and slowly backed away. I accidentally bumped into a woman. I caught her before she could fall to the ground. She didn't looked to be a bit older than me, maybe in her mid thirties. She had long, faded, brown hair. She wore thick eyeliner and mascara, which I normally found quite unattractive, but she pulled it off. The women's jeans were ripped and tattered, and were matched with a simple, white v-neck. She was beautiful.
"Don't mind him Rosemary, we just got ourselves a nervous newcomer is all." The man told her. Rosemary offered me a sympathetic smile, and tilted her head.
"I was just leaving." I mumbled to her, and walked to the door.
"Shouldn't you go after him or something Randall?" I heard the women ask the man, Randall.
"Let em be Rose. He'll come back when he's ready." I heard Randall tell her before I pushed open the door that led me out of the church basement. I sucked in th fresh air, and practically collapsed on the curb. My head fell into my hands as I thought about that dreadful night...
*Flashback* "Miiiddnight memmmmories... Ohwe oh oh oh!" I sang loudly as I danced around the bar. Darren had his arms folded, and was shaking his head at me.
"Alright now enough of dat. Time ye get on home." Darren told me, and put out his hand. I burst into laughter. He wants my phone! I fell to the floor laughing and hitting my knee.
"Come now man, get ahold of ye self. Actin like a child in me bar." He huffed and pulled me off of the floor.
"Do ya want muh phone Darren?" I asked him, snickering to myself.
"Yes Harry I want ye-" I cut him off.
"Do ya want muh phone!?" I sang to him, and his face turned red.
" Bloody hell Harry, gimme the Damn thing!" He yelled at me. I held my hands up in surrender and gave him a few nods.
"Well alright now Darren no need ta yell. I just um... All ya had ta do Darren was ask meh, that's all. I swear..." I trailed off and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I extended my hand. He reached for it, and right as he was about to take it, I pulled my hand back.
"Oops gotta be quicker than that." I said and met his glare.
"Alright your right." I said and extended my hand again. He reached for it, and I pulled back again.
"Almost had it that time Darren..." I began, but was interrupted by his booming voice.
"GOD DAMNIT HARRY!" Darren yelled at me. I dropped my phone to the ground, and put my hands up in surrender again. I backed away as he picked it up from the floor. As usual he went through my contacts trying to find someone in this city who would take pity on me. When he wasn't paying attention a snuck in another shot... Or two....
Finally he found me a ride, and we waited at the door. I got tired of standing so I laid down on the floor. The bell to the bar finally rang, and I looked up to see who came to my rescue.
"Zayn?" I questioned.
*End of Flashback*
"I see you never left." Randall said, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at my watch and sure enough an hour had gone by. He sat down next to me and sighed.
"I'm Randall. What's your name kid?" He asked me.
"My name is Harry." I told him.
"Well Harry, there's a much smaller meeting tomorrow over by that old bar run by that bitter old Irish man... Oh... Soothsayer, yeah that one. What do you say kid? Okay?" He asked me.
"Okay."
Notes
So um... Let me know if you guys have any interest in this story at all...
All The Love,
~JR
Please continue this book, its soo freakin good! I'm practically in love with all your stories <3
10/6/18