Alcoholics Anonymous
Chapter Three
"Harry Styles may have gotten out of jail time, but Mr. And Mrs. Catalysts have come out and said they will be proceeding with a civil suit against the pop star. Meanwhile, Styles fans have either jumped to defend him, or pledged to stop supporting their idol. Does the Ex One Direction member deserve all the hate, or has he suffered enough?"
I always hated these damned gossip shows. I shook my head, and poured another glass of whiskey. I saw mum change the channel, and let out a loud huff.
"It was an accident, and you will be doing your community service, just as the judge issued. I don't understand why these people can't just accept that." Mum stated, a large frown draped across her lips. I chuckled at her comment, and sipped my bitter alcohol. My mom ripped the glass from between my hands, and dropped it in the sink. I glared at her, and rolled my eyes.
"This isn't helping Harry Edward. Its eleven in the morning son, why don't you go get dressed. Do something with yourself." Mum shot at me, shaking her index finger in my face. I slapped her hand away, and she gasped. I picked up the whiskey bottle, and went to get another glass from the kitchen.
"I'm tired of you inferring in my personal business mum. You're calling my old band mates telling them I need help. You have to stop all of this mum. I like to drink, even if it's eleven in the morning." I snapped back at her. I got a fresh, diamond, glass from the cabinet, and filled it with more dark brown liquor. Mum stared at me in awe.
"I'm just trying to help baby, I just want to help. Please Harry you're my son, let me help you." Mum begged me. God why does she keep insisting something is wrong. Yeah I'm a little fucked up in the head right now, Jude is gone and I've made the ultimate mistake, but I don't have a problem. I downed my glass trying to make these emotions that were starting to come about disappear. My head started to spin, which was exactly the feeling I wanted.
"I don't need your help mum I need Jude, and I need everything to go back to normal! You can't give that to me so just stop! You can't help me, Liam can't help me, nobody can help me!" I yelled at her. I felt tears running down my cheeks as I poured another glass. Mums facial features softened, and she came over to me. She took the glass from my hands again, this time with less force, and placed it on the counter. I felt her hands go to my cheeks, as I refused to meet her eye.
"Honey I miss him too. I can't imagine how'd I'd feel if I lost you or your sister, but I do know one thing." She told me giving me a soft smile. I finally looked up at her. Her eyes were sad and tired, and looked a lot like mine did in Jude's final days.
"What's that mum?" I asked her, and sniffled a bit. She hummed, and wiped away my tears.
"I know that Judias loved you very much, and I know that he loved to watch his daddy sing and smile. I also know that if he saw you now it would break his heart, because he loved his daddy so much, and hated to see him upset." Mum told me, and I nodded. I felt the sobs rise in my chest, and a lump form in my throat, but instead of picking up the bottle, I cried into my mums shoulder.
Mums right.... Jude would hate the person I've become...
Day One
That night I made a decision. I took all the bottles of alcohol in my house, and poured them out. Each drip down the drain pained me, but I poured it out anyway. I found part of me fighting this, and telling me things like, "That bottle cost a fortune Harry don't let it go to waste," or it would tell me, "Oh that's only a bottle of champagne Harry, and a good year as well, there's no need to rid of that."
I ignored the voice, and got rid of the liquor.
Mum helped me, and kept reminding me how proud of me she was. She also kept telling me she knew Jude would be proud as well. I felt myself smiling at her comments, and even starting to pat myself on my own back.
It wasn't until darkness began challenging the sky, and mum left, that the trouble started. I sat staring at the trashcan full of empty bottles. I really wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I took the bag out to the dumpster. Afterwards I sat back down on the kitchen Island.
There was this odd eager feeling in me, and I didn't know what for. I felt nervous, and my skin felt warm. No not warm, that is a misnomer, my skin was scolding hot.
I got up from the chair, and pulled my shirt off. I threw it aside, and began to pace. Fuck why was I so hot. My burning skin began to feel as though it had tiny ants crawling all over them, so I scratched at my arm hoping they'd go away.
Bump...
Bump Bump Bump...
Bump Bump Bump..
My heart was beating loud in my ears, so loud that I almost couldn't hear my own thoughts, but the one thought I could hear was not one I wanted to.
"Rum, rum always soothes you when you feel panicked Harry. Go to the store, and get a bottle." I heard the devilish side of me whisper.
"Fuck off!" I snapped back. I heard an evil laugh echoed in my head.
"Have it your way then." Evil Harry said, and sure enough the rest of the night was hell. One second my body was on fire, and the next it was freezing cold. My throat felt dry and swollen, but no matter how much water I drank it never seemed to stop. I was restless, and when I tried to sleep I was haunted with dreams.
I found myself at seven in the morning, curled up in a corner in Jude's room. I heard feet come down the hall, but I didn't look to see who it was.
"Harry?" I heard a man say. I looked up, and Liam stood there.
"Your mum told me you decided to stop drinking." I said blankly, surprise at my appearance still etched on his face. I whimpered at his comment, and tucked my head back behind my legs. Liam came over to me, and put his hand on my back.
"Good God man you're on fire." I heard him say. I looked up as I heard more footsteps, and saw Louis who stood in the doorway.
"It hurts Liam, it hurts so much. I don't think I can do this." I cried, and I heard him let out a sigh.
"You can do it Harry, you just can't do it alone." He told me, and took a trifold from his back pocket. He handed it to me, and I read the title.
Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Near You.
I always hated these damned gossip shows. I shook my head, and poured another glass of whiskey. I saw mum change the channel, and let out a loud huff.
"It was an accident, and you will be doing your community service, just as the judge issued. I don't understand why these people can't just accept that." Mum stated, a large frown draped across her lips. I chuckled at her comment, and sipped my bitter alcohol. My mom ripped the glass from between my hands, and dropped it in the sink. I glared at her, and rolled my eyes.
"This isn't helping Harry Edward. Its eleven in the morning son, why don't you go get dressed. Do something with yourself." Mum shot at me, shaking her index finger in my face. I slapped her hand away, and she gasped. I picked up the whiskey bottle, and went to get another glass from the kitchen.
"I'm tired of you inferring in my personal business mum. You're calling my old band mates telling them I need help. You have to stop all of this mum. I like to drink, even if it's eleven in the morning." I snapped back at her. I got a fresh, diamond, glass from the cabinet, and filled it with more dark brown liquor. Mum stared at me in awe.
"I'm just trying to help baby, I just want to help. Please Harry you're my son, let me help you." Mum begged me. God why does she keep insisting something is wrong. Yeah I'm a little fucked up in the head right now, Jude is gone and I've made the ultimate mistake, but I don't have a problem. I downed my glass trying to make these emotions that were starting to come about disappear. My head started to spin, which was exactly the feeling I wanted.
"I don't need your help mum I need Jude, and I need everything to go back to normal! You can't give that to me so just stop! You can't help me, Liam can't help me, nobody can help me!" I yelled at her. I felt tears running down my cheeks as I poured another glass. Mums facial features softened, and she came over to me. She took the glass from my hands again, this time with less force, and placed it on the counter. I felt her hands go to my cheeks, as I refused to meet her eye.
"Honey I miss him too. I can't imagine how'd I'd feel if I lost you or your sister, but I do know one thing." She told me giving me a soft smile. I finally looked up at her. Her eyes were sad and tired, and looked a lot like mine did in Jude's final days.
"What's that mum?" I asked her, and sniffled a bit. She hummed, and wiped away my tears.
"I know that Judias loved you very much, and I know that he loved to watch his daddy sing and smile. I also know that if he saw you now it would break his heart, because he loved his daddy so much, and hated to see him upset." Mum told me, and I nodded. I felt the sobs rise in my chest, and a lump form in my throat, but instead of picking up the bottle, I cried into my mums shoulder.
Mums right.... Jude would hate the person I've become...
Day One
That night I made a decision. I took all the bottles of alcohol in my house, and poured them out. Each drip down the drain pained me, but I poured it out anyway. I found part of me fighting this, and telling me things like, "That bottle cost a fortune Harry don't let it go to waste," or it would tell me, "Oh that's only a bottle of champagne Harry, and a good year as well, there's no need to rid of that."
I ignored the voice, and got rid of the liquor.
Mum helped me, and kept reminding me how proud of me she was. She also kept telling me she knew Jude would be proud as well. I felt myself smiling at her comments, and even starting to pat myself on my own back.
It wasn't until darkness began challenging the sky, and mum left, that the trouble started. I sat staring at the trashcan full of empty bottles. I really wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I took the bag out to the dumpster. Afterwards I sat back down on the kitchen Island.
There was this odd eager feeling in me, and I didn't know what for. I felt nervous, and my skin felt warm. No not warm, that is a misnomer, my skin was scolding hot.
I got up from the chair, and pulled my shirt off. I threw it aside, and began to pace. Fuck why was I so hot. My burning skin began to feel as though it had tiny ants crawling all over them, so I scratched at my arm hoping they'd go away.
Bump...
Bump Bump Bump...
Bump Bump Bump..
My heart was beating loud in my ears, so loud that I almost couldn't hear my own thoughts, but the one thought I could hear was not one I wanted to.
"Rum, rum always soothes you when you feel panicked Harry. Go to the store, and get a bottle." I heard the devilish side of me whisper.
"Fuck off!" I snapped back. I heard an evil laugh echoed in my head.
"Have it your way then." Evil Harry said, and sure enough the rest of the night was hell. One second my body was on fire, and the next it was freezing cold. My throat felt dry and swollen, but no matter how much water I drank it never seemed to stop. I was restless, and when I tried to sleep I was haunted with dreams.
I found myself at seven in the morning, curled up in a corner in Jude's room. I heard feet come down the hall, but I didn't look to see who it was.
"Harry?" I heard a man say. I looked up, and Liam stood there.
"Your mum told me you decided to stop drinking." I said blankly, surprise at my appearance still etched on his face. I whimpered at his comment, and tucked my head back behind my legs. Liam came over to me, and put his hand on my back.
"Good God man you're on fire." I heard him say. I looked up as I heard more footsteps, and saw Louis who stood in the doorway.
"It hurts Liam, it hurts so much. I don't think I can do this." I cried, and I heard him let out a sigh.
"You can do it Harry, you just can't do it alone." He told me, and took a trifold from his back pocket. He handed it to me, and I read the title.
Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Near You.
Notes
Hope you enjoyed today's chapter, let me know what you think!
All The Love,
~JR
Please continue this book, its soo freakin good! I'm practically in love with all your stories <3
10/6/18