s e v e n t y f o u r - repeatedly.
//we all can't be happy all the time//
With a heavy breath, I push the door open gently. To my utter surprise, my eyes immediately meet Julianne's - and she actually seems pretty pleased to see me. She's not entirely sitting up on the bed, but her back supported by multiple pillows. She rests her head down, waiting for me to make a move towards her. I do exactly that after closing the door. The soft smile on her face grows as our distance decreases. Just as I reach the side of the bed, she reaches her hand out to grab mine and I gladly slot my fingers with her small ones. I place myself on the edge of the mattress, careful not to bump her body just in case she was still in pain.
This is something I didn't except at all. I thought she would hate me, wish to never see me again, or even want to leave forever. It's quite the opposite though - her grip on my hand is turning deadly and her eyes haven't left mine, not even for a split second. I inhale deeply, gaining strength to speak to the girl I adore so much. The same girl I hurt so badly. Just as I figured, though, I failed at speaking to her. My lips part, but no words exit through my mouth - they remain in my clouded mind.
Without a word, I fall off the bed and my knees hit the ground, my eyes lift to find hers filled with concern, and heavy with worry. She goes to lean up, but I quickly press my hand against her chest, forcing her down. She doesn't need to move so fast, it could hurt her more than she already is or do more damage to her body - more than I've already caused.
With a deep breath, I pick up her hand and bring her knuckles to my lips, which begin to ghost over her skin. "I.. I am so.. so sorry.." My words come out in a stammered mess, everything from my heart to my voice is broken. Julianne's other hand lifts from the mattress and it finds it way to where mine sits on her stomach. She curls her fingers around my wrist, holding as much as she can with her tiny hand.
"Is-is L-Liam.. al-alright?" Julianne's question strikes me hard, straight in the heart. How could she be worried about him, of all people? She requested to see me, and I'm here now. She ought to realize that I just apologized to her, and she didn't even respond to it. Instead of getting upset like I want to, I swallow the anger and tightly clench my jaw, silently composing myself. "He's.. He's f-fine." I struggle to say it, but could anyone blame me? Here I am, ready to pour my heart out to this girl, and all she cares about it is Liam. The one who can't be trusted near women. The one who is disrespectful and filled with hatred. If she only knew, then she'd understand why I intervened in the first place.
"I'm sorry for.. for.. for what I called.. you." Julianne says with a scratchy tone, I figured her throat would be dry. "The whole.. uh.. cold.. heartless.. monster thing." She adds after a short pause. I nod gently to her, accepting her apology. She had every right to call me that, to blame me for everything - because in all reality, it is all my fault. I overreacted towards her, I shouldn't have ever laid my hands on her that way. I hope to never do it again.
"I.. I thought you would.. hate me." I breathe out as I drop my forehead close to her arm on the mattress, while being sure not to hit her. There's no telling what I done to her wrist, I'd hate to cause more pain by leaning on it. My heart is aching like crazy, the memory of what I said, how I grabbed her, and how I hurt her all flooding back to my mind as I close my eyes. I flinch gently as I feel fingertips rubbing into my scalp, combing through my hair. Julianne's soothing actions have my heart beating at a steady pace, instead of wildly like it was moments before. "Harry." She whispers softly to me, my full focus is placed on her, nothing else.
Julianne takes a deep breath and as she exhales, her words come as well. "I could never.. ever hate you." Her hand falls to the nape of my neck where she gives me a squeeze before returning to my messy hair. "I.. I know.. you don't.. tr-trust Liam.. for.. whatever.. reason. But Harry, I.. I promise you.. I swear to God.. nothing happened. Nothing will.. ever.. happen between him and I." Julianne's reassurance causes me to tense just slightly - I wish she wouldn't say that. She doesn't know what could happen, none of us know.
"If.. if you knew.. then you'd.. understand why.. why I was upset with him." I decide to break my silence and just talk to the girl - I mean damn, she deserves an explanation, even if it's a complicated one. "Then tell me." She whispers in return, her fingers tugging at my roots just slightly out of frustration. I take a heavy breath, trying to calm my inner wolf. I raise my head off the bed and my eyes find hers staring at me already, a soft, barely there smile spread over her pink lips. "It'll frighten you." I warn her before I even begin with the story. It still scares Perrie today, and it happened thirty years ago. "I'm sure I can handle it." She laughs ever so gently, and I can't resist to chuckle back at her. She's adorable, what else can I say?
"A few decades ago.. Louis had a girlfriend. Her name was Eleanor." Julianne lets her hand remain in my hair, twisting and sliding through the curled, unruly strands. I don't protest it, I actually adore it. "One night.. we were all out celebrating Zayn's birthday. We were bar hopping in Nashville. I wasn't wasted, but Liam definitely was." The story is rather long, but it's important for her to know what actually happened. I've been hiding it from her for months now, it's time to open up about it.
"Well, eventually Liam was shit-faced wasted and by that point Eleanor was tired and ready to go home. The rest of us weren't as drunk, Liam got a pretty early start." I take a pause to breathe for a few moments, appreciating the feelings Julianne's fingers are giving to me. "So Eleanor took him back home. Nashville wasn't that far so she volunteered. We, uh, lived in another house before this one. She helped him upstairs and into the bed.. but um.." I stop again, this is the hardest part of the story.
It's the most difficult to only think about, but to say out loud. And the reason is because we aren't really sure what exactly happened - we just know how it ended. Julianne's eyes widen during the small break I took. I get in a few more breaths before carrying on. "We all assume.. that Liam.. either thought she was Sophia.. or.. was too drunk to even know what he was doing.. But before she could leave the room.. he got up and he grabbed her." Julianne lets out a small gasp at my words, shortly interrupting me.
"All we really know for sure.. is that he slammed her into the wall.. Then he.. he ripped her clothes off her body.. while choking her in the process. He.." I swallow harshly, I honestly can't tolerate saying this out loud. I keep strong for Julianne, she has to know this in order to understand why I get so angry about certain things. I look away from her eyes, I can't allow myself to say these next few sentences while looking at her. I stare at my hand on her stomach, and focus on her fingers in my hair.
"After he, uh.. undressed himself.. he threw her on the bed.. grabbed her by her throat again.. and he raped her." I swallow the lump forming in my throat, I hate even thinking about this, let alone saying it. "Repeatedly." Julianne lets out another gasp as she comprehends what I'm saying. "We aren't certain on how many times he.. he done it. But um.." I look back at Julianne, just to see her face is struck with shock. That's easy to understand, this is something no one wants to ever listen to.
"He threw her around.. slammed her into the floor, into the wall.. He.." Julianne nervously bites her lip as I find myself growing silent. This is tough for me, for any of us really. We all really loved her, we thought she'd stick around much longer than that. We knew it wasn't a forever deal, because Louis didn't imprint on her. "In the process of raping her.. the pressure from his hold on her neck caused it to break. We hope that she died instantly, but we aren't sure what was broken first. He crushed her pelvis, and broke nearly all her ribs. He dislocated her right shoulder, and.." My heart is demanding for me to stop speaking upon the event and just let Julianne figure it out for herself, but my mind is telling me to stay strong and just carry on with it. The story is almost over, so I spare the details about the damage that was done to her.
"She died while she was getting raped. She was human.. so it took a heavy toll on her body. People like us can't have sex with.. with humans because we could.. seriously hurt them." I explain this to her, hoping that that will stick into her mind for a while. "I mean, what he did would've probably killed Sophia if it had been her, because he was extremely rough. But our bodies can handle much stronger forces than a human's."
"That's why.. you don't.. want me.. around him.." Julianne assumes, but I believe she's saying it to herself instead of to me. I nod gently though, either way she needs to know that is why. "I don't trust him at all, not around you at least." Julianne lets out a shaky breath as my words fill the air between us. I can both see and sense the fright taking over her body. Her eyes widen even more than they already were, and her lips slightly part in shock.
"He.. He w-wouldn't.. d-do that.. to-to me.. though.. right?" Julianne questions me with heavily furrowed brows. Unfortunately, I have to tell her the honest truth. It hurts me too, to know that this could possibly happen to any of the girls at any given time - I won't allow it to ever occur again, though, that's a guarantee. "I can't promise he won't try.. but I can promise you he will never succeed." I assure her but I immediately tell that she's not fully convinced by my promise. I squeeze her hand tightly, making sure she's aware that I'm here with her.
"Do you remember what I told you that night we went for a walk? - when I said.. he'll be dead and rotting in hell before he does that to you..?" I ask her in a gentle tone, not meaning to scare her any more than she is at this point. She nods softly to me, fear spreading all over her pretty face. "I swear to God I will never, ever allow him to hurt you. He will have to go through me before he could even touch you, and I know he will never be able to defeat me. You have absolutely.." I lift her small hand up to my mouth and a place a kiss over each knuckle, planting affection across her smooth, pale skin. ".. nothing to worry about, Julianne. I will always.." I give the top of her hand a few more kisses before lowering it and finishing my words, "I will always be here to protect you."
Her lips curve into a slight smile, but what really caught my attention was the redness arising to her cheeks. The touch of my lips against her hand must have made her tingle inside. I smirk gently in return to her as I stand from my spot on the floor, her hand falling from where it had been resting on my nape. Her eyes follow my movements almost instantly, so curious and worried - wondering where I am heading to next.
"You know those times.. he.. he tried to hurt me?" Julianne's voice speaks suddenly, making my hand clutch hers just a tad tighter from slight fright. "Unfortunately, yes. Why?" I lower my brows as I gaze down at the angel resting on my bed, her eyes still heavy from the sleep and her hair a beautiful wreck across the pillow. The sound of her voice brings me from my trance, "You were worried he would do that to me, weren't you?" She partially assumes, I can tell she's not too certain about it though. I sigh out lightly, I know this is now a subject that will always be floating around in her pretty mind. She never seems to forget anything, and simply always has questions awaiting an answer from me.
"I feared it so much when you first arrived." I sit down on the bed, her head shifting so she could better stare at me. "I fear it now." I gulp gently at the thought of that ever happening to this beautiful girl. That's my worst nightmare, by far. "I will always fear it." Julianne's hand slips from my grip and she shocking sits it on my thigh. Usually she's all up for holding hands, or touching my chest - all depending on how we are positioned. She's hardly ever touched me below my waist. I push aside the thought and focus on her as those plump lips part to free her words.
"How.. how did you ha-handle it.. after what he did to her?" She asks me, those beautiful blue orbs staring directly into my gaze. I take a deep breath once more, I should have known this wouldn't be a five minute conversation - nothing will Julianne will ever be just a five minute talk. "Well.. after Zayn.. and I.. fought him.. and broke a few of his bones.. I decided to kick him out. I wanted to kill him.. we all did. Even Sophia." I tell her, my mind tracking back to the events that unfolded that same night we came home to find a lifeless Eleanor and a blood covered, no grief holding Liam. "Just so he would be punished for it."
"Why didn't you?" She seems confused and I don't blame her, I would be to if someone told me the story and then ended it without a death sentence. Julianne's fingertips dig into my thigh, I can feel the coldness through my pants. I attempt to ignore it, but it's quite hard to do so. "As Alpha.. I made rules for myself to follow long before that occurred. I decided that if it came down to taking the life of one of my pack members.. I wouldn't do it.. unless he or she threatened the utter safety of my own mate. You obviously weren't alive then.. so I had no other choice than to just.. kick him out." I shrug mostly to myself, following that was a eye roll. Countless times, I have found myself wondering why I ever decided upon that rule - wondering why did I just put an end to him?
"Plus.. he had a mate. He had imprinted on her. If I, or anyone else, were to kill him.. it would leave her in horrible, unbearable pain. And I love Sophia, she's family.. no matter what he did.. I could never allow myself to see her that way. So I threw him out of the house.. and the pack." Julianne is listening closely to the story, being sure to not miss one little piece of information she can store into her brain. "I told him to leave for at least thirty years. We all needed time to recover, and cope with what happened. He returned to the pack in January."
Julianne's heart began to throb in her chest, making me worry about her instantly. "What's the matter?" I lean in closer, not giving her any time to react to what I told her. She starts to take deep breaths, trying to calm herself down some. I stare into her eyes, even though they aren't looking back at me. She lifts her hand from my leg and places it over her heart, trying to guide herself back to a normal beating pattern. "He-he.. He.. came back.. just.. mo-months.. be-before I.. I got here." She tells me this fact I already know. "That's why I have been so tense around him. I can't trust him just yet. I might not ever be able to again." I relax myself as I hear her heart start to pump on a regular pattern. She releases the tension she was holding in her muscles and drops her hand from her chest. "Like I said, baby, don't worry about him. Nothing will happen."
I can no longer prevent my sight from focusing in on the horrid bruises literally her arms, and the red marks around her neck. To be reminded that I am the cause of those things horrifies me. Perhaps I need to keep her safe from myself before I worry about Liam..
"Will.. y-you lay.. with me?" Julianne's gentle voice floats in the room like a feather, so fragile and light. I nod lightly to her, willing to do whatever she needed me to do. At this point, I'm done with the fighting, even if it's just the mental argument I'm having with myself over this situation - I'm finished. I've quit the game, I struck out. Julianne is more important to me than this feud with Liam will ever be. Sure, Liam done something terrible in the past, but right now Julianne needs me - and I have nothing but a heavy desire to be there for her.
She scoots over on the mattress, but not too close to the other edge. With a deep exhale, I pull the covers back and kick off my shoes. Before I can lower myself on the bed, Julianne said something. "C-can you.. t-take.. off.. your.. sh-shirt?" She asks shyly, a red hot blush flushing over her cheeks. I smile lightly to her, "Anything you want." In a swift movement, my shirt is removed from my body and is now thrown on the ground, leaving me in just the pair of sweat pants I've been wearing all day. Julianne gives me a quick grin, but it goes away once I put myself on the bed beside her.
"So.. I heard I.. um.. beat you up." Julianne giggles as she carefully rolls over onto her side. She wastes no time and lets her head fall against my arm, one hand on my chest and the other stuck between us. She throws a leg over me, letting it fall between mine, while the other rests on the mattress. Her head is turned, allowing me to feel those beautiful lips against my shoulder as she speaks.
"Hm.. can't you tell? 've got scratches on m' face and bruises on m'arms." I chuckle back to her, smiling as I press my lips to her head. She just snickers at me, her hand trailing down to my rest over my navel. "You aren't hurt, are you?" She asks in a whisper, despite it being so soft I can still hear the worry in her tone. "Course not, love. Just a few cuts and bruises, s'all." I firmly place my hand on her waist, securing a grip on her curled up body.
"C-can I.. go to sleep, Harry?" She asks with a heavy yawn, snuggling her body as close to mine as we can get at the moment. I reach down and grab the hem of the blankets and throw them over us as best as I can with just one hand. "Mmhm, go 'head, darlin'. I'll be here when you awake. No rush." I give her head another soft kiss since I can't reach her lips. She smiles against my skin and slides her arm around me, her hand grabbing onto my waist.
I smile softly as I intake her scent, and I absorb the feeling of having her in my arms - happy, peaceful, and content.
The front door swings open, nearly giving me a damn heart attack, and immediately happy yells fill the living room. "Ni! I'm hooome!" Sara's loud, cheerful voice catches my attention as she files through the door behind Gemma and Ruth. As soon as those precious eyes land on my presence, she rushes over to me, dropping the bags she held on the couch beside me. I catch her by her waist as she jumps onto my lap, arms flying around my neck as if she hadn't seen me in years - it's just been a couple hours.
"I missed you, sugar pie." I mumble against her ear as I squeeze her tight, I adore her hugs. She's so sweet and kind, the best little girl out there, I'm sure of it. "How was your shopping spree?" I ask as she leans back, hands on my shoulders and eyes wide with delight and utter happiness. "I got lots of new pretty clothes. And a some pretty boots. And a pretty notebook and pretty colored pens so I can draw you lots of pictures! And I got candy, and other stuff, too, Ni! Do you wanna see it all?" I am taken back at her display of joy and the fact that she literally just screamed all that to me directly in my face.
"All that pretty stuff for a beautiful girl, eh?" I give her a smile before pecking her forehead. She just giggles back to me before plopping down on the cushion beside me. I watch her as she goes through the first shopping back, looking for something specific I believe. Just as she was about to get my full, undivided attention as she normally does, something caught my eye.
I look over to see Gemma staring through the glass of the front door, arms crossed her chest and her body slightly shrugged over. I bite the inside of my cheek, she must have heard our thoughts regarding Louis and the imprint he made on Ruth. I feel quite sorry for her, she was doing good for once and everything just went crashing down out of nowhere. Before I had time to even think of something to say to her, Sara begins to show me what all she's gotten today.
"This Ni, is a dress. And so is this. Do you like them? I like this one more, but this one is still pretty!" She says with a grin as she tosses them to the side, giving me no time to actually observe them. I just smile and nod, listening to this little girl is something I love to do - even if she talks entirely too fast. I glance up in time to see Gemma walking out of the room - and her eye catches mine.
She looks depressed, her eyes are heavy and her lips are frowned - she's miserable. Just as before, though, Sara throws up something else she got and distracts me from Gemma's appearance. "I like that, love." I say with a slight nod as she throws it over her shoulder and grabs the next item from the bag.
As I sit and admire Sara's glowing smile, her precious happiness, and her even more gorgeous personality, I begin to wonder how I became so lucky? How did I get to be the one to look after such a smart, beautiful little girl? She's my entire world, I'm extremely lucky - that's a fact. Quite the opposite of Gemma at the moment, though.
I guess we all can't be happy all the time..
Okay! As usual, sorry for errors I will go back to fix them later when I re-read, bc no matter how many times I proof read before posting.. there are always errors! anywayss.. Updates coming soon, major plot points coming as well! Sequel isn't too far away either!!!!
please drop some feedback in the comments for me! xx
**this is mostly just an info chapter - of course you got the whole Liam backstory thing, so I hope that explains why everyone doesn't trust him.** major chapters SOON. promise! xx