s i x t y e i g h t - ruin.
//I fear you will never come back to me, but if you do, will you still love me//
Ten minutes quickly faded into thirty. Then half an hour changed to an hour. Now, an hour has transformed into two. When the cycle end? God only knows, I suppose. Often, in times like these, when I have clue where he is or when he'll return, I usually convince myself he's never coming back. It's a terrible thing to do, but I can't stop it. It just gets burned into my mind and heart that he's not walking back through the front door. Yet, every time he leaves, he comes straight back.
"Julianne?" Sara's voice interrupts my thoughts. Instantly, I rub the top of my hand across my cheek, ridding my skin of the salty tear streams. I push a strand of my hair past my ear as I look up from my spot on the floor to see her standing there in front of me, a soft smile written on her lips.
"Ye-yeah?" I ask nervously, my bottom lip hasn't quit shaking since I began crying, nearly an hour and a half ago. "Lunch is ready.. if you wanna eat.. s'just us girls, though." Sara tells me with a light sigh. Before I could respond to her, she fills in our distance and sets her hand on my forehead. She stares at me for a moment before saying, "You've got a fever." I am amazed at this little girl, she always leaves me wondering.
"Stay here. I will be right back." She instructs me, pointing her index finger sternly. I nod a few times just as she spins around and skips out of the room. Sara is so much like Harry yet at the same time, she's nothing like him at all. They share the same love for keeping others happy, making sure everyone is alright. They are both emotional, but in different ways. Harry gets angry and mad at the world when something happens, while Sara breaks down into tears and sobs for hours.
I myself was not aware that I currently hold a fever. I just assumed the room was getting hot from my strangled breaths and cries. Harry's room remains cold most of the time, except for now. I push aside the thoughts regarding myself and yet again settle my mind into that rut - the 'Harry is going to die and I will be alone for the rest of my mortal life' hole that I sometimes find myself buried in.
"This should help!" Sara's words distract me and I look up from my feet. In her hand is a damp wash cloth, and trailing behind her is Ruth - who I haven't spoken to in a few days. I guess you could say I am a little hesitant about her presence. Unfortunately, she sort of brought upon all of the recent tension between Harry and I. I am not blaming her for the arguments, those were all results of me and him.
My eyes watch closely as Sara folds the cloth into a rectangle and places it over my forehead, keeping it there with her hand. Ruth walks closer that she is standing by Sara's side. The girls are the same height, something I just now noticed. They both usually keep themselves and spend the whole day together either outside or up in the room they now share. I hardly see either of them. "Are you sad, Julianne?" Sara questions curiously, her words are gentle though.
I swallow the lump in my throat, there is no need to lie to the girl. She asked a question and she deserves the answer to it. My eyes meet hers and automatically I can tell she's focused and listening, ready to absorb what I tell her. "Yes." She nods back to me, releasing a gentle sigh, "I figured." She's so mature for her age, I was never like this. But I guess it's because I didn't have anyone to care about. The only person I loved was gone. Can't blame myself for not trying.
"How come?" She asks, still pressing the cloth onto my warm forehead. A gulp slides down my throat as I prepare to answer her. "When Harry leaves.. I get worried." I admit this to her, even though it's quite obvious and known around here. "I understand. Ni's gone, too. I always get scared when they leave." She gives me an agreeing smile. It's odd to imagine the near future, when she's older - her and Niall will be different, relationship wise. Several times I have found myself wishing that me and Harry had that - I would do anything to go back and have him there for me. I bet my body wouldn't be scarred.
"I don't want him to come back hurt, like that one time." I tell her, quickly feeling the stress bubble down in my stomach. Talking helps a lot. "Am I stupid for being so whiny?" My eyebrows fall into a furrow as I look between the two girls, both sets of eyes are glued upon my face. Sara shakes her head from left to right, no verbal reply coming from her though.
"Of course not." My eyes grow wide as I hear a foreign voice speak aloud in the room. It takes me nearly a minute to comprehend the fact those words left the mouth of the little girl in front of me - the blonde one. "You must'a saw a ghost?" Sara giggles at me just as I realize my jaw went limp and my mouth has been hanging open.
"I.. I didn't know.. you.. started.. speaking." I stammer out to the girl, the same one that wouldn't dare open her mouth when she was with Harry and I. "She talks to me all the time." Sara shrugs it off like it was nothing, but to me it's a major event. She's talking!
"Just shy." Ruth's lips turn into a smile as her fingers brush a few strands of my hair away from my face. I can't stop the shocked smile spreading over my lips. She actually spoke to me! "You're the only one she hasn't talked to." Sara informs me with a smirk so similar to Harry's - God, it must be a family thing.
"No, no. That's isn't true." Ruth shakes her head lightly before saying, "I don't talk to Liam.. he.. I just don't.. trust him." She whispers softly to me and Sara, her words make me feel like I finally am not the only one! "I understand you completely." I tell her with a gentle smile.
Perrie appears in the door, a kind grin on her face. "Sara, Gemma needs you for a minute, dear." She says before continuing down the hall, towards the stairs. Sara and I exchange a look before she skips towards the door. Once she is gone, I remove the cloth from my forehead and sit it beside me on the ground. Ruth remains in the room with me, even though I figured she would go with Sara.
"I never.. got to say.. that I'm sorry." I quickly gather enough courage to say those words to her. She cocks a brow at me, slightly confused. "Sorry? About what?" Clearly, she is unaware of the very recent events. Perhaps she didn't really consider those nights to be her fault or a result of her appearance. They certainly weren't, I was just being stupid and immature.
"When you arrived.. things got turned upside down. I.. I was angry at myself and at Harry. But.. I made it seem like I was mad at you." I explain this to her. She shakes her head lightly, laughing gently at my words. "Julianne, I didn't think you were mad at me. If anything, I was mad at myself for intruding." Ruth takes a seat on the floor in front of me, crossing her legs.
"I knew I would end up with you guys.. but I wish I hadn't interrupted your trip with Harry." She adds, a slight sad expression comes to her face. I do not get a chance to reply to her - Sara barges back into the room. "Um.. Harry needs you." She says, directly looking at me. Without a thought, I jump up and head towards the door. I grip the frame in order to stop myself. I look over my shoulder, just to see the girls with wide eyes - shocked by my sudden movements I'm sure. "Where is he?" I ask, this would be nice to know.
"Living room." Sara says. With that, I head towards him. My heart is jumping with pure happiness as I travel down the hallway, it seems so long now that I have something to go to. I reach the kitchen, where Sophia sits with Gemma at the table - both of them are sipping on what looks like tea. She throws me a light wave as I make my way to the living room's entrance. Behind me I can hear them mention how eager I am at the moment.
"No.. I doubt it." Niall's words are the first thing I hear when I enter the living room. No one notices that I arrive, well no one but Harry. His pink lips shape into a smile and he lifts his hand, gesturing me to come to him. I gladly do as he insists and my body joins him on the sofa. Instead of plopping down on my behind, I sit on my legs so I can I slide my arm around his neck. He chuckles at my display of affection, his arm snakes around my back, that large hand gripping my side.
"I missed you." I whisper into his ear, my lips placing a few kisses on his lobe. My other arm goes around him, both of my hands rest on his shoulder. "Mm, I missed you." He mutters back, turning his head so that our lips meet for just a moment. "Harry. C'mon, listen now." Zayn instructs just as Harry's lips press into mine. Clearly, he doesn't care what they say because he doesn't stop.
While one hand stays clinging to the nape of his neck, my other slides down his chest, feeling his hot skin through the thin material of his tee. He's slightly sticky, a sign that he's been sweating but I don't mind it at all. I think it's attractive.
Our mouths separate, only to have him return for a quick peck. A feathery giggle escapes my mouth and hits his lips. "I love you." He breathes out. His eyes open and immediately I am met with those green orbs, bright and sparkling. "Attention, please." Niall snaps his fingers in Harry's direction. His head turns unfortunately and he begins to listen to them.
"Like I was saying." Niall rolls his eyes at us but I take it as a joke. "If we don't get back on our schedule we are gonna get weak." I assume whatever they are discussing has something to do with them hunting. Which is a topic I don't really care to speak about. Harry is all I want right now - his touch, his voice, his presence. I crave nothing else, ever.
"I mean.. I'm fine how I am." Harry tells them, his voice sending amazing chills through my body. I lean back to his ear just as Liam speaks. "I guess I could use some more energy." None of them seem to serious about this, aside from Niall and Zayn. Maybe they are the only two that are growing weak. Hm. I would say something, but it's not my place. Harry's pack, not mine..
"I love you, too." I whisper into his ear, in return I get a deep chuckle and the feeling of his hand sliding to the side of my thigh. He grasps what he can, his head shifts so that we can be closer. "I thought we said no girls present during our discussions?" Niall is evidently annoyed by my presence but I do not let it bother me at all. I didn't interrupt, I was invited.
"M'the Alpha." Harry said the word with a smirk rolling to his lips. It made me slightly blush and hide my face in the crook of his neck. It's amazing to think he's in control, what he says goes and what rules he breaks don't matter. Niall sighs irritatingly before continuing talking to the others about whatever it is they were speaking upon.
"You're warm." I mutter to Harry, his broiling skin has welcomed me and I am glad to be at home, finally. He gives me another little chuckle, gosh he drives me insane when he makes those sounds erupt from his throat. "And you're gorgeous." He whispers back, his lips shaping into a full on smirk now. My hand relaxes over his navel while my eyes stare at the side of his head, admiring the pieces of hair that come together to form his unruly, messy curls.
Harry's looking straight at the other guys that sit on the couch opposite of us, but his full attention is trained on me. My reason for knowing that is the fact his hand keeps groping my behind, which I don't really mind at all, and every time I take a breath his eye flickers to the its corner and he gets a glimpse of me, checking in on me I'm sure.
"Listen." Harry's voice makes my ears perk up and listen in on the conversation. I have missed a good bit of it, but I'm sure I can keep up and connect the dots together. "I agree that we should increase the number of days we go hunt. However, I disagree with what you're trying to convince." Harry shrugs the shoulder I'm not resting on and lightly shakes his head at Niall, who is obviously upset over something and is demanding some sort of change, in which I doubt Harry will grant.
"What exactly do you think I'm tryin' t' convince?" Niall asks with raised brows and a sigh heavily entering the room. "You're insisting we go at night." Harry begins with a drug out exhale, a sign that he's ready to end this little meeting, "Which is a shitty idea because for one, we can not leave the girls unprotected for that long and especially at night. And two, I my sleep and I'd rather not be out all night." Harry concludes his words with a huff and a slight slouch, but my body's position isn't bothered.
"Yeah, I'm with Harry on this one, mate. I gotta sleep." Louis gives Niall a pat on his shoulder, but anyone could tell that Niall isn't pleased with it or comforted about the motion. "I don't understand this. Every time I have something to suggest everyone and their mother is fuckin' against it." Niall throws his hands in the air, a bit too theatrical, if you were to ask me..
"No need to get all huffy, Niall. If you want to go out more then go. I don't have you on a leash." Harry tells him with a laugh ending his words. Niall looks taken back by his words and is quick to reply, need I mention it's a tad harsh? "You don't give a fuck what any of us do anymore. You just want to stay stuck up Julianne's ass all night."
"Don't bring her into this. Harry basically gave you the freedom you wanted." Liam gave Niall a stern look but it has no effect on the guy. "Before she got here everything was in order. We done things right. Now.. now we're all just fucked up. Everything's ruined." Niall's words sort of hurt me, but not enough to make me want to cry or slit my wrists - I believe only the horrible things from one person in particular could make me do that.
"Fuckin' shut up, Niall." Harry snaps, his fingers digging deep into my skin. I bite the inside of my cheek to lock my whines in, I don't want to make myself the center of attention right now, Harry seems pretty focused on Niall's down right childish behavior. "She didn't ruin a god damn thing!" I flinch as his voice heavily increases, anger coated words flying out of his mouth.
"Stop." I mumble close to his ear, my attempt to calm him down and prevent something horrible from occurring, and most important to stop the chance of any hurtful words coming out. Anger can make us say some pretty low down, horrid things to the people we love. Trust me, I know more than anyone.
Harry takes my comment into consideration, or at least I believe so, and he gestures for me to get off him so he can stand from the couch. I do as he asks and before I knew what really happened, I was yanked off the sofa and was headed towards the hallway while Harry drug me behind him.
The location I highly assumed we were headed to wasn't where we ended up when Harry turns abruptly and shoves me against the kitchen wall, hot breathes hitting against my face as he leans closer to me. His hands keep me in place, a tight grip on my waist and on my hip. Others would be terrified in this situation, but not me. No, I am actually collected, quite calm if anything else.
Harry's forehead falls onto mine, his lips just a inch or so away from my mouth. I do make any movements, not to part my lips to breathe in and out. His eyes have sealed shut and his eyebrows are tightly woven in a deep furrow. Those pink lips I adore so much are parted just slightly, enough so that his quick huffs can be released.
"You.. didn't ruin.. a damn thing." Harry's gravely voice wraps around each of my lungs, encouraging me to steadily breathe, nothing is wrong and he isn't going to hurt me - there is no need to begin to worry or panic. "My life.. was.. shit.. Now you.. you make it.. worth livin'." Harry's clearly hurt by what Niall had to say.
Of course he wasn't going to admit that to anyone, maybe just to me. I can tell when he's upset, when he's on the verge of breaking down. This is one of those times. There comes a couple of times when other people's harsh words hit home, and those that came from Niall's mouth clearly knocked Harry down pretty hard.
"Don't be upset, Harry." My words are soft and low, I'm sure he has forgotten that Sophia and Gemma are sitting behind him at that table - I haven't forgotten at all. "M'sorry... just.. annoyed." Harry groans out, his lips closing the distance we held. I smile against his mouth as he pecks mine a few times, nothing serious growing from the kisses though. He returns the small grin as we pull away from each other, glares melting together.
"I know what will calm you down." I bravely state as my lips shape into a smirk, something I usually am not the one to do. Harry lifts a brow at me, seemingly shocked by my words and the tone of voice I used. "Hmm.. do you now?" He rubs his nose against mine, a gesture that gets my heart pumping and my nerves jumping. He knows all the right things to do, even the simplest ones, to drive me insane.
"I do." I nod without disturbing the skin contact our noses are engaged in - I'd hate to break such an adorable, flirtatious thing. "What would that be, hmm?" His voice is soft like a feather as he speaks, the words meant for only my ears. Of course, I doubt that I was the only one who heard them - I mean gosh, I am standing in a house full of supernatural beings.
"I will be glad to show you.. but I need about fifteen minutes." I shrug casually, as if the idea of mine is nothing extravagant. It's really not, though, that's the thing - rather, it's on the relaxing side of things. Highly, I believe he will like it in the end. Harry's eyes widen just a tad at my words, "Take as long as you need, baby." A smirk tugs on his plump lips, "Where would you like me to wait?"
"Right here, if you don't mind." He chuckles delicately, barely audible at that. "As you wish, dear." He leans to my forehead, lips falling onto my skin. The reverberation occurs as the laugh he was holding in his throat explodes, but his lips remain sealed on me. I grab a fist full of his shirt, which also gets his attention. His eyes meet mine and at first he seems concerned, lowered brows and a faint frown. But when I stand on the tip of my toes and push my lips against the corner of his mouth, the scar coming into contact with my mouth as well, his frown disappears and is replaced with a grin.
Swiftly, just so I don't get further caught up into the romantic moment with Harry, I scurry down the hallway - not able to prevent the small giggles from leaving me as I think of how exactly I am going to put this together.
I fall against the wall for support as I watch her get further and further away from me, heading up the stairs and into my bedroom I'm sure. My entire back hits the wall as I turn away from her direction, letting her be for the fifteen minutes she requested. It's going to be extremely hard to ignore her for that long, but I have to do as I promised. Immediately, once I have forced the mental block up, I feel eyes lingering all over my body - none of which belong to my girl.
My head lowers some, my gaze leaving the ceiling and instead lands on the table where Sophia sits with flustered cheeks and expanded pupils. Gemma is forcing back laughs while Perrie is leaned onto the island, a proud look plastered on her pale face.
"Well, well, well.. Is this actually happening?" Zayn enters the kitchen with a smirk stuck to his mouth and I can only imagine what the hell they're all thinking - I could literally know if I wanted to, but I have blocked everyone out in order to completely disregard Julianne.
"What?" I ask, slightly confused as to why everyone else is coming into the kitchen as well, eyes glued to me like I just ripped my own heart out - a mixture of shock and happiness. What the actual fuck?
"Is she gonna fuck ya?" Niall is very blunt when it comes to saying certain things, and this appears to me no exception - whatever the hell this is. "What? No. God, no." I shake my head at them, a nervous laugh rolling on out as well. I can highly assure everyone, including myself, that those sort of things are not going through her head - if they are, she isn't planning on acting upon it! She has just recently started to kiss me first.
"Then how exactly is she going to make you feel better?" Zayn asks with a cock of his head, looking at me as if I were an idiot. "I don't know. But it's not that." They all exchange looks, leaving me out of the glances, until finally they all continue to stare at me once again. "And what makes you so sure she isn't going to?" Liam questions, they are all entirely too curious about this topic - it makes me wonder what they talk about when I'm not around..
"You're the one that said she was really concerned about when you two were gonna do it while you were at the cabin." Louis adds in, shrugging carelessly at me. "I said she was just.. wondering. She.. she isn't going to do anything of the sort. Alright?" Lightly, I toss my hand in the air, trying to convince them all that they are full of nonsense. This isn't going to happen, not anytime soon at least.
"But what if it does." Perrie says with a higher pitched voice than her normal tone. Before I could reply to her, she continued her statement. "You never know.. she might be up there changing into some pretty lace.. or.. better yet.. nothing at all." Her right eye drops in a wink, but I brush off her words and roll my eyes at her. "Oh c'mon, Harry, you can't stand here and say you haven't ever thought about it." Niall's words make me want to literally scream at all of them.
"What I think about is none of your business. What Julianne does is none of your business. And most importantly, what goes on between me and my girlfriend is none of your fuckin' business!" Once again, my temper snaps and I am left in a room with partially frightened people. Without another damn word from myself or any of them, I slip down the hallway and towards my room - this surprise is good, I just know it.
Yet I'm sure it isn't sex good.
-regular updates from now on!
-Sequel is getting closer and closer! I will most likely go past seventy though! Still a good bit of stuff I HAVE to cover!!! But don't worry it's coming. I love seeing the title guesses!!!!! keep them coming as well as feedback on this! I hope you like it! xx -B
-Also I want you guys to put Ruth's presence into some consideration - she has a bigger role than you think, it just hasn't shown yet!!!!!
-and what do you think about Harry's sudden, last minute thought about the whole sex thing?
(I apologize for the repeat of vocabulary - I have been caught up in a bunch of things recently and I didn't have time to go back and make it more.. well.. advanced? Idk.)